Content Warning: Strong language
Ramlah
A couple of weeks ago
"So you are saying you want to do marketing course, right?" Fahd asked as we were filling the college forms. We were both seated by the desk and busy going through the application process.
"Yes, what do you think? It will give me good options for a job later on." I pondered chewing the end of the pen.
"Ya, it should be fine. Ok then let's fill the rest of the form." He gingerly removed the pen away from my mouth. I smiled sheepishly.
Once the form was filled, Fahd murmured thoughtfully, "well this is done. Now you have six months to prepare for college. If you want I can look up a short term course for you in the meantime."
I shook my head vigorously, "No no that's fine. Its March already, September will come soon enough inshaa Allah. I am fine."
He nodded, "Ok good. Let's go out for dinner to celebrate what you say?" he grinned.
"Yes, that's great. I will get ready then" I smiled back.
****
"Fahd can I use your phone, mines battery died and is charging. I need to call Mama to let her know I am coming." I called out to Fahd. He was in the ensuite bathroom shaving.
"Ya, no problem" he shouted back.
I had never used his phone before. As I slid my thumb across the phone's screen, it asked for a password. I walked over to the bathroom, the door was ajar and I could see Fahd applying shaving cream on his cheeks.
"What's the password?" I asked leaning at the door.
Without even giving me a glance he muttered, "1511"
When I typed the password, it hit me then, "it's the date we got married isn't it?"
The tips of his ears reddened and he nonchalantly shrugged, "Ya I sort of remember the date that's all."
I didn't tease him but this fact made me happy. Very happy.
****
"Fahd?" I spoke in the darkness trying to gauge whether he was asleep.
We were in bed about to go to sleep. His arm was around my waist and he was lazily stroking the side of my waist. I knew he was awake. I had to speak to him about a matter that had been troubling me for many days. I knew now was a good time when he was relaxed.
"Hmmm," he responded sleepily.
I placed my hand on his cheek and looked up into his drowsy eyes, "there is something I wanted to talk to you about" I said softly.
His eyes slightly opened, "what is it?" he asked, taking my hand in his, he started fiddling with my fingers.
I inhaled deeply. It's now or never, "Fahd, why don't you pray?"
His fingers froze in my hand and he averted his eyes from mine. After a while, he finally said, "I know I don't have any excuse"
"Why don't we work on that?" I suggested gently, squeezing his hand.
Again he was silent for some minutes, "You know I wasn't like this."
I was intrigued, "really?" placing my head on his shoulder.
"Yes I guess... I got influenced. And once I lost the habit of praying, I never went back to it." he wrapped both his arms around me, "but yes Ramlah you are right I should pray." He tilted his head to mine, "let's work on it."
I beamed, "great every time I go for salah I will remind you then ok?"
He kissed my forehead, "ok now sleep if you want me to wake up for fajr."
Smiling, I fell asleep in his arms.
****
The couple of days went by and Fahd was obediently followed me when I went for ablution to pray he would also perform his salah. But things changed one day when he told me he had to meet a group of friends. That night when he came back he was very distant. I didn't detect any alcohol stink so he hadn't been drinking but he was quiet.
"What's the matter?" I asked as I climbed into the bed. He was already in bed, his arm over his head in deep thought. He had been quiet since he had come back. Otherwise, he would always tell me about his time with his friends. If not all at least he would comment about something.
When Fahd didn't reply for couple of minutes. I touched his shoulder, "Fahd?"
"Huh? What did you say?" he asked as if he never heard me.
"I asked how was your time with your friends." I said patiently.
He was disturbed, he didn't meet my eyes, turning his back to me, he said, "it was fine. Go to sleep Ramlah I am tired."
I was a little shaken from his attitude. In the last few months, he never ignored me even when at times I knew I was being unreasonable. Maybe he is just tired, I tried to calm myself but deep down I knew something had happened. He was troubled.
****
As the days passed by, he started distancing himself more. He wouldn't talk to me. When I spoke he gave only monosyllable answers.
"I made you a new dessert this time." I said handing him a plate of strawberry cheese cake.
"Good" he took the plate not even bother to glance at it. He was too busy watching the television in our room. He was leaning on the bed headboard and his legs were stretched out in front of him.
I was sitting beside him on the bed eagerly waiting for him to try the new dessert. After few minutes, I said, "This is a first time I tried cheesecake. I took the recipe off the internet," this time he didn't bother to even reply me.
Again I tried, "try it and tell me what you think"
He scowled, "Ramlah I will eat it when I want" he set the plate roughly on the night stand. "Just leave me alone"
Now, I was stunned and worried.
****
The next day, he left without informing me where he was going or when he is coming back. I waited and waited. I called him several times on his phone. At first it would just ring until going to the voice mail and after couple of hours his phone was switched off. I was worried and wasn't able to sleep. I was pacing up and down the room when I heard someone downstairs. I rushed to the stairs.
"Fahd" I called. He was drunk! He wasn't able to balance himself. He was trying his best to climb up the stairs. I was horrified but still went up to him to help.
When he was finally in the room, I asked, "Fahd why did you drink?"
He gave me some incoherent response. I didn't understand it. I shook his shoulders, "Fahd tell me"
He shrugged, "Leave me alone woman" he bellowed.
I frowned, "what do you mean leave you alone."
"Just get away from me," he said and glared at me, "otherwise face the consequences"
"Are you threatening me?" I exclaimed in disbelief.
"Yes I am. You and I both know what I will do then."
I was speechless and stepped back. He went to bed with no concern to what he had just uttered.
****
And thus started his drinking episodes. He was now staying away nearly every night. And he was away more than he was at home.
"Where exactly do you go?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest as I saw him getting ready one evening.
"It's not your concern" he muttered wearing his wrist watch.
"It is my concern. I am your wife." I pointed out.
"Then be an obedient wife and shut up." he argued back.
"I definitely won't. And you better speak to me politely." I reasoned.
He turned around and moved towards the door. I grabbed his arm staring into his eyes, "You are not going out today."
He yanked his arm free from my hold, "Try to stop me and you will regret it." he said through his gritted teeth.
"Don't threaten me Fahd. I will not back away now." I said glaring at him.
I stepped between him and the door. "You are not going." I said firmly gazing into his eyes trying to find the loving husband who cared for me few weeks back but instead I saw a stranger standing in front of me.
"Move Ramlah" he shouted.
I shook my head, "No I will not" leaning by the door, blocking his way.
Clenching his jaw, he grabbed my arms and shoved me aside. I tried to resist but he was stronger than me. I again grasped his arm, "No please Fahd. No, Please." He shrugged his arm free and without a backward glance left.
What was going on? I slowly sat on the edge of the bed. My hands in my hair, I thought over the events of the last few weeks. Something happened in that friend's party. What led him to this?
I started picking up the clothes he had discarded. When I held the shirt he was wearing last night, I smelt a familiar perfume from it. In the last few days, there was a distinct female perfume odour I had sensed in his clothes. And it was strong as if the woman had been close to him. I shut my eyes clutching the shirt, it seemed the woman had been touching him. My heart thudded loudly and my eyes filled with unshed tears. There was another woman. It explained everything. His withdrawn attitude, his lack of interest in me. He had stopped his salah again, he was never home so how could I remind him. We never went for our walks anymore. In fact, with each passing day we were interacting less and less. In the past, when I was hurt he had always tried to make it up to me by at least talking but now it seemed he didn't care if I even existed. Tears slowly trickled down, Ya Allah why now? When things were finally improving why now? Will I ever find happiness?
****
The next day, Fahd was home that night. He was sober. I thought I will try my best to talk to him as nicely and calmly as possible. I sat beside him on the bed.
Gently taking his hand in mine. "What's the matter Fahd?"
I cupped his cheek with my other hand and turned his face to me, "please tell me" my eyes imploring his.
He held my wrist and moved my hand away from his face, "Nothing Ramlah. Don't trouble yourself."
"You are not the same Fahd. The same caring husband. Did I do something? Are you angry with me?"
He shook his head, "No Ramlah, its nothing. Please go to sleep." Trying to pry my fingers from his hand. But I grasped it tightly.
"There is another woman, isn't it?" he stilled in the act of trying to unclasp my hand from his. His head shot up, our gazes clashed. Those dark eyes gave me the answer I was seeking. I released his hand immediately and moved back.
He turned, facing his back to me. I also turned to my side. Ya Allah, how will I go through this test?
****
That night when I woke up for Fajr, I searched his phone for more clues. I know I shouldn't be doing this but I had to find out. There were many texts from a girl named Sara. There were also calls made to her. The texts were disturbing.
Sara: When are you coming sweetie? It's lonely without you?
Fahd: Just a little while longer I will be there. And then I am not leaving you from my arms.
Sara: I miss you babe. Why did you have to leave tonight?
Fahd: you know why Sara my love. But don't worry I will be there tomorrow afternoon. And then I am all yours.
I quickly shut it off. I didn't want to read more. I was feeling queasy after reading all this. I wasn't able to swallow the bile that rose in my throat and rushed to the toilet emptying my stomach. I slumped at the wall breathing heavily. Who was Sara?
****
I wanted to know more about Sara. The text messages indicated that they knew each other very well. It didn't make sense. I needed answers and I knew Mom will never give them. I thought of Fadil but it would be too awkward to ask him. Dad was a quiet person who didn't say much. Sana!!! She might know something. Saad bhai had known Fahd for a long time. That afternoon, I visited Sana.
"So tell me how you been? Last time you told me that alhumdulilah everything was working out well between you and Fahd bhai," Sana asked as soon as we were seated in the living room.
"Alhumdulilah. All was going good but in the last couple of weeks" I took a deep breath "Sana can I ask you something?"
She nodded encouraging me, "yes of course you can."
"Do you know about a girl name Sara in Fahd's life."
Her eyebrows scrunched as if trying to concentrate and then suddenly her eyes grew wide, "yes in fact I do." She said warily.
"Who is she?"
"Someone from his past" she waved her hand as if trying to dismiss it. "But why do you ask?"
"No first tell me about her."
She sighed, shoulders slumped, "all Saad ever told me is that Fahd had fallen in love with this half Irish half Pakistani girl named Sara when he was much younger. After many years, uncle and aunty had agreed and they got engaged. But ... I think she cheated on him and he broke off the engagement. And according to Saad, that led him to drinking."
"Oh" I was speechless. My forebodings had come true. I was competing with his past love. Of course he will chose her. I could see how he ignored me, he had even stopped glancing my way.
"But why do you ask?" Sana voice brought me back from my thoughts.
"She is back" I whispered.
Her eyebrows rose, "What?" abruptly she hugged me tightly, "oh Ramlah"
"I don't know what to do" I muffled desolately into her shoulder as I hugged her back.
"Be strong Ramlah. Be patient. Talk to him. He will realize soon enough his place is with his wife." She said pulling back.
"I ....don't....know" I was very sceptical.
"No Ramlah don't lose hope. You stay your ground and be stubborn. He will have to leave her. You are his wife. He will eventually have to leave her. Past love can go rotten somewhere else. She is not worth it. He will realize it soon. You are faithful to him. You have been so patient with him that girl can never do all that."
I shook my head, "it doesn't matter to him"
She patted my arm lightly, "it will. It will once the initial attraction with this Sara wears off."
I swallowed, I hope Sana is right.
"Come on, I will cheer you up. I have a good news to tell you. In fact, I have been dying to tell you for couple of months but I never got the opportunity."
I feebly smiled, "yes?"
"I am pregnant!!!" she confessed cheerfully.
"That is great news" I exclaimed. This time it was my turn to embrace her.
"So how far are you?"
She blushed, "actually nearly four months"
"What? Mashaa Allah and you are telling me now?"
She chuckled, "I was embarrassed at first as we were married only two months and I never thought I would easily get pregnant that fast. Well what do you expect anyways, we weren't using any birth control so I guess it was bound to happen" she shrugged casually.
Her admission made me uneasy. I had not thought of birth control myself. It's not like I didn't want children. I loved them but knowing Fahd I didn't think he was ready to become a father yet. My heart beat rose furiously when I mentally calculated my periods had been due two weeks ago. It must be the stress. Definitely the stress. It had happened before. But who was I kidding back then I was a single woman. As I continued to listen to Sana chatter happily about her unborn child I was starting to fret over the possibility of being pregnant.
****
That night I waited until the late hours of the night for Fahd. Today I will confront him once and for all, I had resolved. Now that I was sure about Sara, I wanted to know where I stand in all this. I heard him staggering up the stairs. I stood at the top of the staircase, crossing my arms over my chest I waited for him to finally reach the top. I wasn't not going to help him this time.
"Where were you?" I interrogated.
"How many times I tell you. It is none of your business" his barked loudly.
"Fahd stop being unreasonable answer my question where were you?!" I stepped near him. He was reeking in beer but I could tell he wasn't completely drunk.
"Get away woman" he bit out.
"No I know who you were with."
"Fine then don't ask. Quit bugging me," he yelled
"You were with Sara, weren't you?"
His jaw clenched, "Ramlah mind your F***ing business"
"You are my business" I countered back, I stepped closer to him as he tried to advance sluggishly towards our room.
"What did I tell you? What will happen if you don't stop pestering me?" he gripped my arm tightly. He shook me, "Why the F*** do you not understand?"
"I am your wife I have the right to know." I stepped back, his grip grew stronger. There was sure to be a bruise there.
"You f***ing do not own me" he stepped closer to me.
"Neither does Sara. I am your wife and she is nothing. Do you hear me nothing?" I said through clenched teeth.
"You are f***ing wrong. She is everything Ramlah. Get that straight in your head once and for all." he raged and before I could respond he shoved me so hard that I stumbled back few steps until I realized there was no solid ground under my right foot. My other foot slipped and I shrieked as I toppled down the stairs. I tried to hold on to the stairs railing but I fell fast rolling down the steep staircase until with a thud I landed at the bottom of the stairs.
Everything hurt my head, my legs, my back but it was nothing compared the sharp pain that shot up at the lower abdomen and I screamed in pain curling into a foetus position. I heard voices but my eyes were shut in pain. I was whimpering. The pain was increasing fast. I was clutching my stomach trying to ease the deathly cramps.
"What the hell did you do?" Fadil shouted as I heard him skidding down the stairs.
I felt someone touching my shoulder, "Ramlah, Can you hear me? Ramlah? Where does it hurt? Tell me." I heard Fadil speak.
"What are you doing just standing there? Pick her up. We have to take her to the hospital. She is even bleeding." Mom was shouting frantically at someone.
I felt someone carry me in his arms. This wasn't Fahd, it was someone else even in my half unconscious state I could tell the difference. I groaned in pain as it got unbearable burying my face into the person's chest.
The last thing I heard before everything went black was Fadil's urgent whisper, "just hang in there, we will be at the hospital in few minutes. Please Ramlah be strong please."
*Sigh* poor poor Ramlah... even I want the story to see some happiness. Probably that is why I am updating faster to move on this ugly part of her life....but after every hardship is ease. And hardship is painful very very painful. I promise you all only two more chapters and we will see drastic changes in Ramlah's life ;) so what are your thoughts for today's chapter. It was long I had to explain the gradual changes in Fahd.
Please do vote and comment :)
Until next time,
Assalam u alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.