20 December 2015
Oh hey... I finally reveal myself huh?
Annyeong readers, I'm Jeon Jungkook. Jeon for short. Only 11 more days left to a brand new year. It's also 11 more days left for me to move on from Kim Taehyung which also means 11 more days left till the finale of this book. Obviously I won't entirely forget about him but one thing's for sure, he's forgiven, sincerely forgiven from the deepest depths of my heart.
My friends said I'm too kind hearted but then again, I know myself best. I'm the type of person who continues to look at your good no matter how bad you are/were to me. I remember one time Taehyung said: You're unbelievable, how can you still love me no matter how bad I am to you?
My reply: Its because I focus on your good that it reflects out your bad. He retaliated by saying: Sigh, I know you focus on people's good but please don't be too naive. You need to learn to love yourself more.
I didn't disagree, he was correct. I need to love myself more therefore 2016 marks my "Take a break and love yourself" year. I'm never the type to say no to others. When they ask me out, I can never answer a straight no.
When people ask me for a favor, no matter how much I abhor it, I'll still say yes or the worse possible answer, a maybe. It's super hard for me to reject someone. Although when it comes to me, I receive countless of rejections till I come to the point I don't wish to speak to anyone about anything anymore besides Jimin, my best friend.
11 days...
Is it even possible?
Yes of course.
I'm sure of it.
Moving on is a healthy thing to do. It sets the other party free, it also set myself free. Moving on is equivalent to letting go of the past, letting go of what brings you down, letting go of the bad memories and move forward to what life offers us next. Moving on means accepting the present for what it is and acknowledging the fact that what's past is past. That what's to come would usually be better than what's over.
Between us, Taehyung was the stronger one. He can put the past at the back of his mind as though it never existed. He can move forward in life like a bullet train. I'm the opposite. Like a turtle, I take drastically slow to heal. The hurt will tend to linger in my heart but slowly but surely, I'll advance forward.
I don't even understand why I'm sending him those texts when I don't receive any reply. Guess I'm just not ready to lose him for good. Sending him those text, knowing that he read it, makes me feel as though I still have a piece of him deep inside and vice versa.
Taehyung... He isn't entirely bad. He is the sweetest guy I've ever known actually compared to the first guy I dated. Unfortunately, what those two had in common was:
1. Cheater
2. Sexual thirsty
Till today, I thank God for not breaking my virginity to them. It is my treasure. I don't care about all those shitty ass comments saying "Boohoo what a loser, you're 19 and still a Virgin" well whatever man, at least I still have my dignity and I know who to lose it to. My virginity would only be broken by my future wife. We are going to have cute babies together and a happy family one day with an adorable little tree house for my kids. So to you guys out there especially girls, diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, your virginity is so keep that locked in your mind.
Be a good girl, arasso?
I am a good boy *cues music*
Eh hem, sorry got a little distracted. Well, whatcha expect from a GD fanboy. Okay focus Jungkook, as I was saying, Taehyung isn't entirely bad. He's quirky, sweet, smart, handsome. He basically has all the trait anyone would want.
He gets grumpy when he falls ill, he would shut down from the world including me but the first thing he does when he's all better, he would cheerfully text me: Hey I'm much better now! Sorry if I didn't talk to you, you know how grumpy I am when I'm sick so I better not talk to anyone, I wouldn't want to end up scolding you for no reason.
Yes it's true. There was once I did try to speak to him when he's sick and he gets all temperamental.
Sick Taehyung = Scary Taehyung
Taehyung, he gets jealous easily. I once did have a crush on someone and I was spazzing about how this dude spelled my name correctly and Taehyung got it wrong. Can you believe he spells my name with two Gs? He spelled it as Junggkook. Not that I mind but I like it when people spell my name right especially your someone special.
As I was spazzing, I didn't realize that little bugger was starting to get jealous until he starts making fun of my crush's name. He would never admit he is jealous but his actions speak likewise. I find it cute yet annoying at the same time.
Personally, Taehyung went through a rough time last year with his family. He had to settle family problems most of the time, we rarely spend time with each other no more. Being the understanding person i was, I didn't ask him to spend more time with me but focus on his family instead. Occasionally I would ask how they are doing. Is he coping well with his grandma's death? Is his dad recovering from spine disease? Is his mum and sister staying healthy? Not forgetting, I'll ask whether he is staying fit as well since he is the only boy. He is the next breadwinner in line.
I felt sad, we don't even see each other anymore after the numerous problems befalling his life but then again, I had to stay patient. I still love him so much despite spending so little time. Fate eventually took its twist, my worst nightmare came true.
We split.
So here I am, telling myself everyday: Jeon, keep looking forward, never backward.
And I feel I'm managing well.
11 more days, I can do this!
1 month to forget a 1 year relationship.
You can do this, golden maknae!
Before I seal this off, let me give you some wise advice. Hopefully it is wise enough, I'm bad at this sometimes.
Love is a twisted word. Love makes you feel thousands of mixed feelings. That one person can be your source of happiness, sadness, anger, laughter and many more. Nobody can explain or truly define the word Love. It is meant to stay unexplainable. It isn't a bad nor a good thing. Words isn't enough to explain what love means rather action speaks louder.
If you ever fall out of love, don't hate the person who hurt you. Instead, pray for the best for them. Don't hurt them because they were once the reason for your smile. The reason why you feel a sense of belonging in this life. The reason why you wake up with a smile seeing his/her text on your phone. The reason you feel even more motivated to do things you once need to force yourself into. Remember, never hate them. Forgive the past. Forgive the person who hurt you. Forgive yourself.
If you ever find yourself hating them, remember why you love them in the beginning. Maybe it was his/her sparkling smile you can never forget. Maybe it was the way he/she flinches each time you tickle their neck. Remind yourself of their good, forget their bad.
If you find yourself missing them, it's alright. Nobody said it's wrong to reminiscence. Just try not to prolong it for too long. Remember your self worth too. The relationship ended for a reason and that being, you deserve nothing but the best and your job is to move on in order for the best to come. You can't expect to lock yourself up in your room, cry all day and hope for a miracle to come. That only happens in drama, my dear. Unfortunately, this is reality so do what's realistic.
Alright Professor Jeon would end this lecture in awhile so bear with me okay?
Mark my words.
2016 will be a beautiful year. Not only for yours truly here but also to you lovely people out there, whatever problems you are facing, try to look at the positive things in life. It is easier said than done. That's why I said try. Try again, never falter. Eventually you'll get there and when you look back, you'll laugh it off realizing how naive you were yet deep down, you'll feel accomplished knowing that you pushed yourself forward. Your efforts didn't go down the drain at all, instead it elevated you.
Never give up
Keep moving forward
Stick with your family and loved ones
Remember to love and pamper yourself
Alright class, thanks for attending my lecture. Class dismiss.
Gosh Jeon what are you thinking? Pfft, me a teacher? Never in a million years. I would rather have my own restaurant. But! I hope you benefitted from my lecture. Stay golden like the golden maknae I am.
Okay wait I shouldn't steal the author's line.
My signature line would be....
I have no idea.
Wait. An idea is coming up.
Lamb kebabs?
Sheesh what's wrong with you today, Jeon.
Ah got it!
My signature line is...
Be different.
When people treat you bad, don't be like those who goes: He treats me bad therefore I should do the same. Rather accustom yourselves to do good if people do good and not to do wrong if they do evil.
Be different💛