warning: this chapter needs to be rewritten. I'll work on it and as soon as I repost it, I'll let you know.
23.
●•Harry•●
I had despair in my eyes and I made sure to let her know that as I had her skin tightly gripped between my fingers. She even tried to shrug off for a sec, but I couldn’t let her go; not just yet. I gotta admit, I liked the texture of her skin contrasting with mine; so cold and soft, almost feeling as if I was touching a feather. I could keep my hand there for maybe too long, but at the same time, I couldn’t. I wasn’t there to hold her; I was there to prevent her from going further. I was there to stop her from walking away.
It shouldn’t be a big deal after all; I wasn’t afraid of taking care of Angel all by myself, not at all. It would be a pleasure being with her, getting to spend time with that little preciousness, just as usual. So, clearly, that wasn’t the reason why I was still holding her. And it wasn’t because I wanted to have her near either – at least, that wasn’t the only reason. I won’t lie and say I didn’t get excited when Angel told me she was going to be there, or minutes earlier when the little girl said they were talking about me –, but it was specially because of her choice of words.
It had to mean something. It had to be the second chance I’ve been praying for during all those years; the sign that I’ve asked God a thousand times, to let me do the right thing, to let me fix my mistake. Maybe I couldn’t go back in time and change what I’d done, but I was at the same situation now, and I could make it different. I was going to make it different. Kirsten wasn’t going to walk away, even she wasn’t bearing to see me, even if she thought that was the best thing for her, I wouldn’t let her go home.
It was a pretty usual situation, wasn’t it? But I’d learnt with time that destiny turns everything usual into a disaster in a short matter of minutes. When the words left her mouth I felt my heart in my throat, her following actions making me choke on air. That couldn’t be a coincidence. It was too much alike to be simply a coincidence. Even the look in her eyes was the same that… - I couldn’t. I couldn’t even bear the thought of her name. I had to push her away. She was buried in the back of my mind and there she would stay – …she gave to me.
I could feel my eyes watering with tears, at the same time watching Kirsten’s confused look glued on me. She had her eyebrows furrowed and I could tell she was asking me what the f–ck was going on right now. And I bet those were her exact words.
I swallowed hard, putting myself together, and after what seemed long minutes, I opened my mouth to speak, her arm still under my grasp. There was something pleasant about touching her, feeling her scent and the fact that she didn’t fight to get rid of my hands. There was this little thing that sparkled inside of me slightly everytime I thought of her – and trust me, I’ve been doing that a lot lately – and the fact that I was now holding her made me feel like I was a teenager again; having the same feelings I had the day I gave my first kiss.
“I-…” I tried to start talking, but the words still didn’t leave my mouth. What should I say? I couldn’t tell her the reason why I was still holding her, I couldn’t let her know why, for a single moment, I got so fragile. “Look, I know you don’t like me, and I’m sorry for showing up in your life, but Angel has nothing to do with that. If you love that little girl, you won’t leave her because of me,” I finally got to say the words, and Kirsten rolled her eyes at me. But there was something under that rebel behavior; maybe I’d seen… Fear? “I’m not taking your place, Kirsten.” At those words, her eyes widened, and I had to hold back the urge of laughing at her. So that’s what she was thinking? That I was taking her place? There was no way I could do that, Angel loved that girl too much to let anyone ever replace her.
After a long while staring deep into my eyes, she seemed to soften, and right before she shrugged off of my hold and walked back into the house, I could swear I saw her smiling slightly at me. It would’ve been impossible to notice that ridiculously little smile if I wasn’t paying so much attention to her features.
Why was I paying so much attention to her features?
I stood in the middle of the street for a few more seconds, trying to recompose from the tingling sensation of my empty hand, no longer pressed again the skin of her arm. That was dangerous; that was more than extremely dangerous. I knew it was wrong, I knew I shouldn’t be feeling that way, but it’s not like I could help it.
Leigh was right. I had a crush on her. Not that I could avoid that fact anymore.
I don’t know why, or how that happened, but I had a crush on Kirsten. Leigh and I had talked a lot that day and she explained a lot of things about feelings that I had no idea they even existed. Feelings are complicated. Girls are way better on that than what we are, not a single doubt of that. She seemed to understand so easily what was going through my mind that it actually scared me. Was I that obvious? But then I realized that no, I wasn’t. Davie and Mark are my best friends and they haven’t noticed anything different since I met Kirsten.
But maybe that was because they knew me for too long, and they were already used to how I constantly changed my behavior. Maybe Leigh, who knows me for no longer than a month and a half, is not used to me yet; therefore, every single small change gets noticed. Besides, she’s damn smart, and not only that, but she’s also quite perceptive. I bet her brain is a hell of a machine, so I shouldn’t be so surprised for the fact that she seems to know me better than I do.
She was definitely someone who I’d count on from now on, ‘cause she had it, she had the capacity to understand me like no one had ever done before; not even my own mother. Leigh got it, in an hour of talking she had not only comprehended me, but she had also made me understand that I was, indeed, starting to have feels for Kirsten.
Right now it was nothing but a crush, but I knew it would turn into something more if I didn’t watch out; and I would have to. I couldn’t grow fond of a girl that certainly wasn’t good for me, and besides that, she was also taken. That was terribly wrong. Even if her boyfriend (Tyler, I think) wasn’t the best a girl deserves, he was still her boyfriend, and he’d been for years according to what Angel had said to me. I couldn’t do that to Kirsten, I couldn’t take her boyfriend away just because I was getting into her life; and mostly, I couldn’t do that to myself. Damn, I was getting into her life! At least that’s what I wanted to do.
She hated me after all, and I knew I shouldn’t get into that field. It was way too dangerous and I couldn’t allow myself to get hurt again. And I’m pretty sure Kirsten was going to do that. She showed no interest on me at all, and I doubted she ever would. She was taken.
And maybe that was the point, the reason why I felt attracted to her. Not because she was taken – I’m not that kind of guy –, but because she seemed to be impossible. And maybe because I’d been impossible myself for all those years, I thought we fit somehow. Dammit, I was troubled, wasn’t I?
Being all alone didn’t help much either. I was outside, sitting on the grass while looking at the window of Angel’s room, watching as Kirsten and the little girl truly laughed at something that I quite couldn’t put a finger on. I’d like to be there, laughing with them, but I knew Kirsten didn’t want me around. She was much happier without me. She was better with the girl she loved.
And yet, I couldn’t go away, I couldn’t just leave that house, even knowing that that was probably the right thing to do. But Angel had invited me after all, hadn’t she? At least one of them wanted me there, and I told myself that that was the reason why I hadn’t left, even if I knew it was a lie. I was actually enjoying seeing Kirsten through the window, acting like an old sister. Why was she so adorable with Angel when she seemed to truly hate the rest of the world?
It wasn’t hard to understand why she was all laughs and smiles with the girl – she had that aura around her that cheered anyone up –, but I wasn’t sure about the reason why she was rude to people. It’s not like everyone is going to ruin her life for no reason.
Whatever the answer was, I just put it aside and focused on the two girls again, while Angel walked towards the window and leaned on it while staring at me.
“Hey, Haz! Mind coming here a bit?” She happily asked, that grin playing on her lips while she talked to me, and as I stood up I wondered what was going through that little mind. She was definitely something. I barely knew her and I already felt proud of Angel, so I can’t even imagine how Lana must feel everytime she looks at her daughter.
Once I was in front of Angel, I leaned in and kissed her forehead while she squeezed her eyes shut and made a funny face that caused me to giggle, and I couldn’t help but notice Kirsten’s disgusted reaction.
“I’m here, what do you want?” I asked, totally ignoring the moody girl inside the room.
“Come into my room, I gotta show you something.”
I smiled and nodded, and instead of walking towards the back door that leaded inside, I positioned my hands on the edge of the window and turned around, gathering momentum and jumping inside the room. Angel laughed and mumbled something like “cool” before turning around and walking to a corner where she bent down and motioned for me to follow her.
As I did it, Kirsten sighed and laid on bed, staring the ceiling just to avoid my gaze, that she knew was already glued on her. I tried my best to stop, and I only did that when I kneed next to Angel, watching as her little fingers played on the LP’s that she kept in a kind of small shelf. Oh, well, she was, indeed, obsessed. The last time I came here there was only one missing; now with the LP I’d given her, she had all of Phil Collins’ and I couldn’t help the smile from forming.
“That is impressive,” I noted in a whisper and she smiled proud of herself.
“I know, right? Thanks a lot for giving me that, Haz. Thanks to you I have them all now.”
I nodded, not able to utter a single word. Things like that might sound weird, but that’s exactly what makes me smile for no reason. Not to mention the fact that Angel’s smile was contagious, so it was impossible not to feel happy whenever she is happy.
“Hm, well, I’ll go to the bathroom now. Be back in a minute,” she stated and then her little bouncing body left through the door.
I kept staring at her collection, recognizing a few titles that I could play on the piano. I didn’t know much about the singer itself, to be honest, but his songs were great and some of them held a huge meaning to me. As the thought of his lyrics wandered through my mind, I felt someone’s gaze on me, and I smiled, knowing that this time she was the one staring. I could play her game.
“I’m no showcase for you to stare,” I said, surprising myself for still remembering her exact words from the day I took them both to the cupcake store. I should stop paying attention to her actions.
“I wasn’t-” she tried to deny, cutting herself off when I turned around and looked at her, just then noticing the rosy tone of her cheeks. I didn’t know a girl like her was able to do that. “Hey! That is my catchphrase. And by the way you didn’t use the right tone to say it,” I laughed at her words, knowing she was saying that just to disguise the fact that she was, indeed, staring. I was proud of myself.
“I might need some help with it then,” I said not really thinking on the real meaning of my words, but maybe she would understand that as an invitation to spend time teaching me?
She didn’t answer; instead, she stared back at the ceiling, the rosy color still in her face. Yeah, she did take that as an invitation to spend time with me. This time, though, she didn’t act rude. Was that an improvement? I thought so. Smiling to myself, I watched her for a while, trying to guess why she was so lost in her own thoughts. Not able to handle it anymore, I had to ask.
“What are you thinking about?” the words left my mouth in nothing but a whisper, and I couldn’t help the urge to get closer to her. Still on my knees, I walked towards the bed, leaning on the edge of it to take a better look at her face. As the expected, she didn’t reply. In a matter of seconds she stood up and crawled further back in the bed, resting her back on the wall.
“Angel is taking too long, we should take a look on her,” this time she completely stood up, walking barefoot out the door with such a hurry it made me think she would bump into something and lose her balance. What was the thing with avoiding me?
I stood up as well, following her just to find a slight desperate look on her face as soon as I spotted it. What had happened?
“She is not here,” Kirsten whispered, and I had to get closer to understand what she was talking about. As she pushed the bathroom door open a bit more, I felt a current of despair shoot through my veins. Angel couldn’t have gone really far, though. Could she? And it scared me that the answer might be yes, ‘cause that girl was far too smart.
Kirsten and I started yelling her name, but we got no response. We ran to every single room in the house, looking for her, but the girl was nowhere to be seen.
“This is not funny, Evangeline. Come out from wherever you are,” she said, her tone of voice only showing me how much she cared about Angel.
Finally, I decided to look outside, opening the door with too much strength and making a really loud and unnecessary sound. As soon as I stepped out, a sigh of relief left my mouth, and a simple smile replaced the fear as I watched her little body struggling to climb the window the way I’d done a few minutes earlier.
What was she doing there?
●•Author's Note•●
dedication goes to: @ForeverAndAlways18 So glad you're liking this babe! And really, thanks a lot for believing me. Hopefully someday I'll become huge and I won't ever forget your lovely comments.
note: Awh my feels! Okay, so here you have really important hints of Harry's past, and why he's so damaged as well. Any other ideas about what might have happened now? *moment of suspense* Good luck trying to find out. Pluuuuussssss, you have little Angel already in action. You'll see what she was trying to do from her POV on chapter 4 of MTJA. Before that you'll see her thoughts on the day she hung out with Karry at the cupcake store. So, yeah. Be patient...
next update: Friday (July 5th)
Whom am I gonna dedicate the next chapter to? I'm waiting for your comments. By the way, 140 votes for early update. I'm sure you can do it, you never fail to surprise me. Love you all, Dani xx