Lockhart marched Harry down to his classroom, and finally let him go. We got in, and the only open desks were at the back of the classroom (no complaint there) and I would be sitting next to Hannah Abbott. My DADA buddy. Ron and Hermione sat next to Harry (they were on the other side of the aisle).
"Hey, buddy," I said.
"Right back at you," Hannah said.
Harry, Ron and Hermione were talking about something when Lockhart cleared his throat
Here we go, I thought.
Lockhart picked up Neville's copy of Travels with Trolls and held it up next to his face like a hand model for Muggle stuff.
"Me," he said, smiling and winking. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-times winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award -- but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"
All of the girls (except me, of course) tittered.
"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books, well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about -- just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in..."
Lockhart handed out all of the test papers, returned to the front of the room, and said, "You have thirty minutes -- start... now!"
I looked down at my paper and read the first page.
1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?
4. Where did Gilderoy Lockhart grow up?
5. How does Gilderoy Lockhart do his hair every morning?
6. What hair products does Gilderoy Lockhart use?
7. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite robe?
8. Where does Gilderoy Lockhart go shopping in Hogsmeade?
9. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's wand core, wood and length?
I smiled at the last one. The day that I got the booklist, Uncle Ollivander had said that. And, luckily, I didn't inherit the Hoggin memory. Cherry, dragon heartstring, nine inches, slightly bendy. Dangerous composition. I smiled, knowing that that was the only one that I was going to answer. "Noto Atramentum," I whispered, using the spell that I had created a year before.
* * *
Half of an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers, and corrected them in front of the class. "Tut, tut," he said, "hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wonderings with Werewolves more carefully -- I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples -- though I wouldn't say no to to a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey!"
He winked at the class, and I slammed my head onto my desk. What. An. Idiot.
"... but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my won range of hair-care products -- good girl! In fact..." he flipped her test over, "full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"
Hermione's trembling hand raised into the air.
"Excellent!" Lockhart lauded. "Quite excellent! Take ten points to Gryffindor! And so -- to business --"
Lockhart bent down and lifted a covered cage out from behind his desk and slammed it onto the table. "Now, be warned," he said. "It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures knows to wizardkind! You may find yourself facing your worst fears into this room. Know that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."
I snorted, but this time Lockhart heard me. "And you would be..." he said, looking at me.
"Ollivander, sir."
"Ollivander... Perhaps related to Capricorn Ollivander? He was a few years ahead of me."
I froze, then smiled as sweetly as I could. "You must be mistaken, sir. I'm related to Garrick Ollivander, the celebrated wand maker?"
Lockhart smiled right back at me. "Ah, yes. I must have been mistaken. Now," he said, going back to his dramatic scene from moments before, "I must ask you not to scream. It might provoke them."
Everyone except me held their breath. Lockhart ripped off the cover of the cage.
* * *
"That was," I said that evening in the Gryffindor common room that night, "the worst lesson that we have ever had."
"My ear will never be the same," Ron groaned, rubbing his bitten ear. "Why would he just leave a bunch of second years to deal with Cornish pixies?"
"So what?" Hermione said. "It gave us field experience."
"Oh, Hermione," I said, "we all know that you, like the rest of the female wizarding world, has a crush on Lockhart."
Hermione went pink and slouched in her chair. Most of Gryffindor was up, doing homework that had been assigned on the first day. A couple sixth years were purple in the face, waving their wands at each other.
"Oh, so you don't?" Ron asked.
"He's an idiot."
"He tries his best," Hermione said. "Now, should we get started on Flitwick's homework?"
All of us grunted "yes" and dug the Charms homework out of our bags. We worked on it until the last Gryffindor left the common room, except for us.
"I can't do this anymore," Ron said, pushing his essay away. "Hermione?"
Hermione rolled her eyes, but grabbed Ron's essay and started correcting it.
They were all there, no one was around. I could tell Harry and Ron what happened...
"Hey, guys," I said. The other three looked at me. "I -- uh, need to tell you guys something."
"What is it?" Harry asked.
I took a deep breath, but the portrait hole opened, and two seventh-year girls came in, giggling.
"Oh," one of them said, "I was hoping for some privacy."
"Well," Harry said "the essay isn't due for another week."
The four of us packed up, and went up to our separate dormitories. The girl's dormitory still had light shining in it. Hermione and I blew out the candles, and got into our pajamas as quietly as we could.
As I lay in my four-poster bed, curtains drawn around me, I thought of the irony that no matter what, I couldn't tell all of my friends about Capricorn. I needed them. Yes, even Ron.
I turned over, and fell into a dreamless sleep.
A/N: I say this every time that I have an author's note in which I update really late: I suck.
So, here's a story for you guys. One of my friends who read this (and this is dedicated to her) told me that she read The Wand Book and all of this in one (?) night. She then confronted me about it, and as you guys know, I updated this a couple of days before Christmas of last year. I told her that I would update that night and start writing some future chapters (this means that you guys have to wait a little bit longer for the next installment -- I'm so evil). That was three days ago.
So, yeah, sorry? Though, I've just realized, that I grovel and scrape to you guys (all in a good way) by apologizing in every single author's notes. And I'm probably going to keep doing it. *sigh*
Vote, comment, and happy reading!
~Allie