The Wand Core

Chapter Five in Which I Am Taught By A Self-Centered Egotistical Blowhard

Lockhart marched Harry down to his classroom, and finally let him go. We got in, and the only open desks were at the back of the classroom (no complaint there) and I would be sitting next to Hannah Abbott. My DADA buddy. Ron and Hermione sat next to Harry (they were on the other side of the aisle).

"Hey, buddy," I said.

"Right back at you," Hannah said. 

Harry, Ron and Hermione were talking about something when Lockhart cleared his throat

Here we go, I thought.

Lockhart picked up Neville's copy of Travels with Trolls and held it up next to his face like a hand model for Muggle stuff.

"Me," he said, smiling and winking. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-times winner of Witch Weekly's  Most-Charming-Smile Award -- but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling  at her!"

All of the girls (except me, of course) tittered. 

"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books, well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about -- just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in..."

Lockhart handed out all of the test papers, returned to the front of the room, and said, "You have thirty minutes -- start... now!"

I looked down at my paper and read the first page.

1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

4. Where did Gilderoy Lockhart grow up?

5. How does Gilderoy Lockhart do his hair every morning?

6. What hair products does Gilderoy Lockhart use?

7. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite robe?

8. Where does Gilderoy Lockhart go shopping in Hogsmeade?

9. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's wand core, wood and length?

I smiled at the last one. The day that I got the booklist, Uncle Ollivander had said that. And, luckily, I didn't inherit the Hoggin memory. Cherry, dragon heartstring, nine inches, slightly bendy. Dangerous composition. I smiled, knowing that that was the only one that I was going to answer. "Noto Atramentum," I whispered, using the spell that I had created a year before.

* * * 

Half of an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers, and corrected them in front of the class. "Tut, tut," he said, "hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wonderings with Werewolves more carefully -- I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples -- though I wouldn't say no to to a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey!"

He winked at the class, and I slammed my head onto my desk. What. An. Idiot.

"... but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my won range of hair-care products -- good girl! In fact..." he flipped her test over, "full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"