Chapter Seventy Three
Lily woke up suffocated by the gloom, her mouth open in a silent scream. For a moment she lay staring at the ceiling, wondering if she was still dreaming, wondering if this had all been some horrible nightmare, but then James shifted in his sleep and she realised that she was awake.
Once this truth set in, she shut her eyes tightly and wrapped herself up in what was left of the duvet - James had claimed most of it, as per usual, another fact which convinced her that this was real. Shutting her eyes, however, didn't work; in fact it made it easier for her mind to replay the morning a few days ago when she had opened The Daily Prophet like usual - the last one she had received before Dumbledore had cast the Fidelius Charm and the owls, clever as they were, had stopped being able to find the cottage - and had seen the news.
Maybe if she hadn't checked the last page this wouldn't have happened, she thought, but then she could trace its causes far further back than that. Maybe if she hadn't done this, or hadn't done that... it didn't particularly matter because, not only had it happened, but in the back of her mind she knew that nothing she could have done or not done would have prevented it. When Lily first read Cassie's name in the list of confirmed deaths she thought she had misread it. "James," she had called, before her brain had really processed it, "I just found someone else called Cassiopeia."
By the time he reached the kitchen Lily was crying, and the glass which she had knocked over somewhere along the way had smashed on the floor, letting pumpkin juice soak into her socks. He crouched down, ignoring the sticky juice seeping into the knees of his pyjamas. "Oh Lily," he said, "what's wrong?" He received no answer for at least ten minutes, by which point his t-shirt was also drenched, although in Lily's tears, not more juice.
She felt exhausted, and it took all of her limited energy to get up in the morning. The past couple of days she had spent the whole day sitting listlessly on the sofa, with James bringing her tea every now and then when he had a break from looking after Harry. Even Harry had picked up on the mood in their house, and his cries seemed more mournful than ever before.
Since she found out, she had been so useless, and that made her feel even worse. It was James who had been looking after Harry, James who had been feeding all three of them, James who had been comforting Sirius though the mirror, James who had told Peter than they wanted him to be their Secret-Keeper and that what they had done to Cassie meant he had to go into hiding, and James who had spoken to Dumbledore when he had come to offer his condolences and to tell them that this time he really was casting the Fidelius Charm that evening. All Lily had done was lie on the sofa and cry, or lie on the sofa and not-cry, and she could tell that James was at a loss for how to comfort her. He too had been crying, and she had pretended that she couldn't hear him when he had sobbed under the shower that first evening. Dumbledore had tried to comfort her too, but what could her old headmaster really say when her best friend had been murdered.
If she had to have a teacher visit her, she wanted it to be McGonagall, but she could hardly say that to his face.
McGonagall, for her part, had barely been able to finish reading the paper - she had developed the habit of reading the back pages first so that she could catch the students and tell them in a more private place than in the Great Hall - and had treated herself to the whole top layer of the chocolate biscuits that she kept for the students who had been bereaved. She hoped, but with far less conviction than she had used to, that the newest group of first years would enter a world where they didn't have to die for their beliefs when they left Hogwarts.
All Sirius' thoughts of going into hiding had vanished - he couldn't contemplate the idea of leaving the apartment for an hour, let alone for an extended period of time and, although he hadn't told James and Lily this, he didn't much care if Voldemort and his Death Eaters came for him anyway.
Peter, on the other hand, had obeyed James' orders and had fled. The only person who knew where he was was Sirius, who would come to help him if he needed. He was holed up in a tiny house which had once belonged to the second cousin of his great aunt and its current owners, whoever they were, had fled the country. He was amazed that he had remembered where it was, since he had only been there twice: once when he was in his first year and had been forced to stay with his great aunt because his parents were ill, and once in his fourth year because they thought it might induce her to leave some of her money to them. Both times she had been cantankerous and unpleasant, but had insisted on taking him with her to her second cousin's house so that she could show him off when he had mentioned offhandedly that he was friends with James Potter and Sirius Black. Her second cousin, a woman who had married into an ancient Wizarding family, had a great-grandson who was, as far as he could work out, an irrelevant failure.
He spent his days paralysed with fear, only venturing outside to grab what little food he could find before scampering back inside; he was, in his mind, very near starving, and certainly a lot closer to it than he had ever been before.
After a while Lily began to improve and, once a few weeks had passed, she was just about back to her old self, more subdued, but still as bored as ever: Dumbledore still had James' Cloak and it was too miserable to spend any time in the garden. While she and James were both sorely tempted to go outside, neither of them thought it was worth the risk.
"But I think," James said, "that the Secret might include us too. Nobody has stopped to talk to me while I've been buying food. Although I guess that could just be because I'm so hideously ugly."
"Yeah probably. Try not to abuse your invisibility then," Lily laughed.
"Isn't that what I spent my entire time at Hogwarts doing?" he joked.
Instead, they spent the days reading and playing with Harry, amusing him by conjuring various things using magic, although he tended to label everything they created as "wand". A lot of their time was also spent chasing after him as he wandered about the house; his walking had gradually been improving and now it was nearly impossible to go anywhere without tripping over him or Daia. Much of the time, Harry would chase Daia about until she leapt onto the back of a sofa and vanished far above him and out of his reach.
As Halloween approached, Lily decided to send James out find some decorations, both to test whether the Fidelius Charm really did make them invisible outside their home, and to get him out of the house, if only for an hour or so.
"But Lily you muppet, nobody will even be able to see them," he chuckled when she suggested it.
"I know that James," she replied, rolling her eyes, "but it will give us something to do and I think it'll make everything feel a bit more normal. I just... I really feel like stabbing something, alright?" she laughed. "Besides, you've never carved a pumpkin the Muggle way, and I think you need to try it at least once."
"Yes, of course, anything for you Lily dear, especially when it involves knives which I would much rather were directed at the pumpkin than at me."
"Glad to see that you know your place," she chuckled.
That afternoon James headed out to the village store, and if it took him a little longer than was strictly necessary to choose three pumpkins and some Halloween decorations, Lily didn't mention it. When he returned, they draped fake cobwebs across the sitting room, letting Harry choose what went where, for the most part. Then, sitting down at the table, they handed Harry a pen and showed him what to do, guiding his hands with theirs. "Draw a face sweetheart," Lily said, demonstrating on her pumpkin. Harry's efforts more closely resembled a scribble than anything else, even with his parents' help, but James' looked remarkably good.
Moving on to cutting the faces out, Lily showed James what to do. "It's a lot harder than you'd think," she said, "because pumpkins are surprisingly tough, and also impossible to hold still. Except, of course, that you have to hold them still or you risk amputating a hand."
James stabbed his pumpkin quite happily while Harry watched them curiously; they had only momentarily wondered if it constituted child cruelty before deciding that it was less cruel than stabbing him. So, they had cast a binding spell on him which prevented him from leaving his chair; he hadn't tried to leave yet, but they were sure that if he did he would not stay put without a big fuss. "I think," James said after a few minutes, swiping his hair out of his face with his forearm, "I prefer doing it the magical way."
"But it's so much more satisfying!"
"It's so much less precise! How can I do justice to my masterpiece if I'm constantly fighting against the pumpkin with this meat cleaver?"
"You can do Harry's with magic if you must," she compromised, knowing really that her hands would hurt far too much to carve another one without using her wand.
"You're so gracious," James retorted.
Eventually, however, they finished, placing three pumpkins in a row on the table as they scooped out the insides of their pumpkins. "Put them in this bowl," Lily said, "and we can try and make pumpkin juice."
"Actually my mum used to make really good pumpkin and cinnamon fairy cakes," James said, "so if you want I could try and find the recipe and use some of it for that."
"Sounds great," she replied, kissing him quickly. James instinctively reached up, cupping her face with his hands and resting his fingers in her hair before Lily squealed and pulled away. "You barbarian!" she cried.
"What?" he exclaimed before he noticed the smears all over her face and coughed in a terrible attempt at disguising his laugh.
"Your hands are covered in pumpkin innards!"
"I'm terribly sorry," he said as Lily scooped up a small handful and chucked it at him. "Oh now, that's really not okay; I really was sorry." James advanced towards her, reaching his hands out and wiggling his fingers. "I'm coming for you Lily Potter and I will not be defeated." She screamed and ran around to the other side of the table, and James, whose arms were not quite long enough to reach over the table, began to think of another plan. Suddenly Lily darted towards the door but James, his reactions still a lot faster than those of the average person, blocked her off, backing her into a corner.
"James," she growled warningly.
"Lily," he said, matching her sourness with equal cheerfulness.
"I'm going to get you I swear."
"I don't doubt it." Lily glanced sideways, taking James' eyes with her, and as soon as he was distracted by this, she placed both her hands in his hair, ruffling it vigourously. James let out an involuntary squeak and grabbed her wrists with his sticky hands which only made Lily ruffle harder.
"You're a terrible person," he said and Lily, who had had to stand on tiptoe to reach the top of his head, unbalanced. James caught her easily, kissing her once more before spinning her around for a moment in a slow waltz. "You're terrible but I love you," he whispered before they both started to clean up the table and then themselves.
"Do you remember," James asked as he put candles in each of the pumpkins, "when we decorated the common room together for the party?"
"Oh god, yeah!" Lily laughed. "That seems like so long ago! Hey that means this Halloween is technically our... what, four year anniversary? I mean, Halloween was actually on the Monday that year, but..."
"We should celebrate. We should have a pre-anniversary celebration. Life's too short to only celebrate one anniversary a year, and that Halloween was important - it was the day I asked you to be my girlfriend."
"And the day of our first kiss," Lily added, thinking back to their trip to Hogsmeade.
"And the day of our first kiss," James smiled. "Let's have a mini-anniversary. We can take Harry trick-or-treating and tire him out, then put him to bed and make ourselves a romantic dinner. We can forget about... everything for a couple of hours, pretend it hasn't been four years since that day."
"That could be the best plan you've ever come up with Mr. Potter," she beamed. "Although perhaps we should wait until next year to take him trick-or-treating."
"I suppose he is a bit young," James said pensively.
"God, I can't believe it's been four years," Lily said. "But yes, it sounds amazing." She grinned and kissed him again. "You know, I don't think I've ever looked forward to Halloween so much in my life."
Hi everybody, sorry about not uploading this yesterday - when I created my schedule I didn't factor in being kidnapped after my friend's dinner party, which meant I got back home about 20 minutes before I had to leave again to get a train to another friend's house, during which time I had to change and pack! Anyway, we're back on track again, and keep your eyes peeled for some more tomorrow...