[A/N: Friendly reminder that this story was edited and character names have changed! If you are lost you may want to go back a chapter to refresh :)
Kolya is now Kieran
Noah is now Niall
Krish is now Cris
Scorpio is now Sergio]
Kieran POV:
After the few days Niall had taken off of school for mental health reasons, he finally decided he wanted to go back to school. I was glad, because Mom had told me the days I went to school without him, he would sit around and bury himself in blankets. He'd finally told the twins what had happened, but as far as I could tell nothing had changed for them. It'd probably take a few days for it to finally sink in.
I knew they'd have to go back to their house at some point, but I worried about Niall. At least while he was with us, Mom would make him eat and care for himself.
I woke up, opening my eyes to see Niall next to me and already awake.
"Hey," he smiled. Pain was weighing down his smile. I could see it in his eyes, but he was trying and I couldn't have been prouder of him for trying.
"Hey, how long have you been up?"
"Only a few minutes," he replied, shrugging. "I normally wake up at 6:00."
"How do you even function?" I muttered.
He stood up, taking my hand and kissing my palm. "Oh, you know. Now come on, I need to ask your mom to drop the twins off at kindergarten."
"Not without a kiss," I said, grabbing him and pulling him back down onto the bed. He laughed a little as I grabbed his face, placing a kiss on his lips.
—
We got to school and met up with Isaiah, Cris, Alex and Ky. Coby was nowhere to be found, so I assumed the dumbass slept through his alarm again.
As soon as Ky noticed Niall was there, he waved to him happily and signed something to him.
I had never seen Kyler so happy.
"Ky says 'how is everyone?'," Niall translated.
"I'm good," Cris said, blushing and smiling at Isaiah who had his arm around him. Kyler smiled, reading his lips.
"Pretty good," Isaiah shrugged, smiling down at Cris, who bit his lip giddily. They'd had their first date yesterday, so naturally they were a little giddy about it.
"I'm good," Alex grinned.
"I'm doing well," I said, smiling at Kyler. "How are you?
Kyler put his fingers up to his lips and arced his arm down to rest on the palm of his other hand. I assumed that was the sign for good.
Niall didn't say anything. I could tell Alex later, and Kyler would probably need an in depth explanation.
But, when Kyler signed to Niall again, I knew he asked him how he was.
Kyler must've noticed his change in mood and waved it away, putting a fist to his chest and drawing a circle. I guessed that was the sign for sorry because Niall waved it off.
Zay and Cris glanced at each other, but didn't say anything.
"So," Alex broke the silence. "You guys hear about that pile up on—"
"Oh for fuck's sake!" Niall cried, cutting him off and storming off to his class.
Alex watched him, confused and turned to look at us. "Did I say something wrong?"
I pursed my lips, watching Niall walk away, and looked at Alex. "It's not your fault. The pile up was, uh..." I trailed off, thinking of a word.
"It was personal," Cris finished.
"Yeah," Zay added. "Let's go with 'personal'."
The look that passed over Alex's face was a mixture of realization, guilt, surprise and sympathy. Alex wasn't a sympathetic person, but I guess after finding out your friend's mother was killed in a four car pile-up just a week ago, you can't help but feel sympathy.
—
Niall was quiet for most of the day. It was his first day back at school since his mom had died, and he was doing so well before. It was sad to see him regressing. Any time I would try to talk to him, he'd just nod disinterestedly.
At lunch, all the guys were already sitting and eating. Niall was still quiet.
Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed his face, forcing him to look at me. "Niall, will you stop doing that?" I asked. "I get that you're sad, and I get that it was recent, and I'm so sorry you're hurting. But please, for the love of God, talk to us," I said, letting go of his face, watching him worriedly, letting my hands travel down his arms. "You're shutting us out. I can't take watching you suffer like this."
His eyebrows drew together, but he nodded, muttering a 'sorry.'
"Don't be sorry," Isaiah said, "You have a damn good reason to be upset. But just talk to us, please."
He didn't say anything for a while. "Talking just makes me feel worse," he muttered.
I pressed my lips together and took his hand under the table. "I'm sure," I replied quietly. "But the relief of getting it off your chest feels even better."
Isaiah watched solemnly with a knowing look. He knew what that pain felt like but I know Zay is bad with words. He so desperately wants to say something to comfort him but he doesn't know what. Cris glanced between Zay and I, but no one said anything. I gently squeezed Niall's hand and he returned it.
"I'm sorry guys," Niall finally said. "I just...need some time. There's so much happening so fast I..." his voice was close to cracking, but he forced it down. "I just need to think."
"Take all the time you need to think," Coby told him. "Just promise us that you won't shut us out like you were doing. We don't like seeing you like this."
Niall didn't reply and let the silence make the promise for him. I wasn't confident in that promise. I couldn't help but worry about him, I was glad he was finally processing it but...the more he processed the more he shut down. Everyone grieves differently, and he's dealt with his own type of grief before.
But it was still worrying.
—
At the end of the day, I found Niall at his locker just staring. By the look on his face, he was deep in thought.
I came up behind him, rubbing his back gently. "It's amazing how minds just get numb after too much thinking," he said before I could say anything.
"I don't think that's a good thing, Babe," I replied as we started towards the parking lot.
He shrugged. "I've been here before," he replied. "With Dad, with Jackson. It's so much easier that way but now it just won't entirely numb...I don't know why."
"Niall, you don't want it to numb," I said, stopping him. "It'll isolate you and shuts everyone out. You need to feel everything to process it, avoiding it will only hurt longer."
He let his head fall, avoiding my eyes. "But feeling hurts so bad," he whimpered, grabbing my sleeve.
I wanted to try for a sympathetic smile, but couldn't bring myself to do it. "I know, and I want to make it stop hurting. Maybe your mind won't numb because you know you have people who love you and care for you."
Isaiah appeared behind me, silently asking me if he was okay. Clearly not.
Zay put a hand on his shoulder, pulling Niall into a hug. "I'm sorry you're hurting so bad," Zay said sincerely. "I really wish everything would just stop moving so quickly, and if I could, I'd stop time for us to just sit and process this shit out."
Niall just stood there. I could see his hands shaking and Zay could definitely feel him trembling.
"I know why you telling me you knew how I felt was so different than Cris saying it for the billionth time, and I hope me saying it helps even a little," He said as Niall grabbed the back of his jacket desperately. "I was stuck in that same limbo for weeks after my mom's diagnosis, so if you ever need to talk, I'm here."
His eyes teared up a little. "Just hearing Alex say it hurt so bad I couldn't hide it."
"Then don't hide it," I said quietly, rubbing his back. "Show us how much it hurts so we can help."
"But I can't," he said agitatedly. "I-I'm scared of how much it hurts."
Zay nodded, squeezing him comfortingly. "Niall, take it from someone who literally bared their entire soul to three separate people at the same time, that pain that's so scary is manageable when someone else knows what it looks like on you."
He wrapped his arms around Isaiah, burying his face in his shoulder. "Okay."
"I have to go, I have a date with Cris," Zay said, pulling back and patting Niall's head. "If you need anything, and I mean anything, text me."
Niall nodded and Isaiah grinned, giving me a sympathetic look and a fist bump before walking off.
"Can we go home and play something?" he finally asked, grabbing my sleeve. "I need a distraction."
"Alright," I said, pulling him against my chest. "But you can't handle this on your own, the same way Isaiah can't handle his issues on his own. It's bad enough dealing with your dad and Jackson on your own. You're going to bubble over eventually."
He stayed silent for a little, melting against me. "I already have, Kier," he finally said. "I don't know how much more I can take, and I-I don't want to talk about it because I don't fucking know what I'm feeling," he said, his eyes tearing up. "I just wanna go numb because then I would feel better. I-I don't want to feel anymore, a-and I know feeling numb is just postponing it but I—"
"Niall," I said gently. "Let's get home and talk. Much more private than the school."
He nodded silently.