chapter twenty five
(not edited)
THE NEXT MORNING started out as well as any other morning. I woke up, took a shower, got dressed, are some breakfast, and grabbed my backpack as I rushed out the door. It was my usual Monday routine.
When I grabbed a few books from my locker, I wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary to happen.
"Ashley!" I heard from down the hallway. I looked to my left and saw Mackenzie running towards me with a panicked expression on her face. I furrowed my eyebrows and shut my locker as she finally stopped in front of me. "Ashley," she whispered, "I heard from someone that you're gay."
"Oh." I opened my mouth and felt my face grow red. "Um-"
"Is it true? I don't want you to feel bad because I know it's spreading around the school and, yeah, just... Is it true?"
I gulped and looked around. I wasn't ready to come out to everyone I knew, especially the entire school.
I cleared my throat and threw my backpack over my shoulder.
"I have to go to class. I'll see you later." I attempted to smile and walk past her. She started saying something, my my heart was pounding so loud in my ears that I couldn't hear.
I took deep breaths as I walked down the hall and past by many students and teachers. In through the nose, out through the mouth.
It took years for me to finally convince myself that I am gay, no matter how hard I tried to push it away. How did it take a few days for the school to find out? Also, why is it anyone's business?
I was so deep in my thoughts that I barely even noticed that someone had blocked my path. I awkwardly shuffled to the left to get by, but they blocked me again. I furrowed my eyebrows and came face to face with Julia Rink.
"Ashley." She whispered with desperation hidden in her tone of voice. "I want to explain something to you." Her eyes were filled with sadness; I knew that look. "I'm so sorry about what happened over the weekend-"
"Didn't we already talk about this?" I interrupted. I felt like everyone in the hallway was staring at us but I doubt anyone was actually paying attention. "I don't care what happened." I puffed and took a deep breath.
As I started to think, I realized it wasn't Julia who I was mad at. The one that should be apologizing is Mason - he's the one that knew I had problems with Julia, yet he goes straight to her when we break up. I don't understand - I mean, I'm not jealous of her or anything, I just... Mason sort of betrayed me. Is that fair of me to use that against him?
"Can we talk somewhere else, please?" She said. I gulped when she tilted her head to the side and some hair fell in front of her face. I remember that she always did this. I took a deep breath and nodded my head before thinking. She gestured me to follow her, so I did. She walked through the school doors, holding them open for me, and then finally sat down on the steps leading up to the school.
My heart pounded as I awkwardly sat down beside her. I don't know what she has to say - we've already been through this.
"Before I start," she said, "I really want you to know that I'm sorry and I still hope we can be friends."
I kept my mouth shut as I examined the tips of my fingernails resting on my lap. I wasn't worried about the bell ringing because I had fifteen minutes until first period. I really can't afford to miss any more classes.
Julia sighed beside me and stayed silent for a really long time. I hoped she wasn't waiting for me to say something, because I didn't have anything to say.
"When Mason came to me, he was heartbroken." She interrupted the silence as I took a deep breath and stayed focused on my fingernails. "I don't know why he was so upset..." I saw her shake her head out of the corner of my eyes. "And I don't know why we had sex." Her voice cracked as she brought her hand to her mouth.
I looked up and stared at her with a broken heart. A few tears escaped her eyes - causing me to gulp and pout my bottom lip. Julia was my best friend and then my enemy, but I can never watch her so upset and enjoy it. It breaks my heart to see her like this.
"I've never even had sex with Chad." She confessed. I don't know why she's telling me this, but I still listened closely. "I always told him I was too young and then - then Mason came, and I don't know what was wrong with me, I just -" Julia closed her eyes and slid her hands on top of them. "I'm so sorry, Ashley." She sniffed her nose an incredible number of times and shook her head.
Naturally, I scooted closer to her and put my arm around her shoulders. She leaned into me - as if we've never gone through the past few months - and took a couple of deep breaths.
"Shh." I breathed and closed my eyes for a second. "You don't have to apologize to me." I opened my eyes and looked down at the popular girl beside me. "I'm not the one that's hurt by this." I sighed and squeezed my arms a little tighter around her.
She sniffed a couple of times and then sat back up. I unwrapped my arms and stared at her with an even more broken heart. It was like my heart was non-existent, it kept breaking too many times for myself and other people.
"I'm just scared." She shrugged. There was a tiny smile on her face but you could barely see it through her tears and running mascara.
"Of what?" I furrowed my eyebrows and tilted my head slightly to the right.
"That everything is going to go downhill from here." She took a deep, shaky breath. "When everyone finds out what I did, I'll be left with nobody." She brought the back of her hand to her cheeks.
I relaxed my face and turned my body so it faced her completely. I took a deep breath and slowly blinked my eyes.
"You'll have me." I said, finally making the decision.
She sniffed and slowly brought her head up to face me. She examined my eyes for any kind of dishonesty and then had her lips form up into a simple smile.
"Thank you." She croaked. I nodded my head and smiled at her.
I stood up and brushed off the back of my jeans so there wasn't any gravel or dirt on them and then smiled down at Julia.
"Want to walk to class with me?" I offered my hand to help her up. She took it m, so I pulled her up off the ground and stepped back a little when I found we were a little too close.
"Maybe I should do something about my face first." She slightly giggled. "It might take me a while. Go ahead." She gestured for me to walk inside.
"Okay." I nodded my head and began to walk up to the door. When I grabbed the handle, I stopped and then turned around to look at my new friend. "Julia," I began, "don't worry about what's going to happen," pause "because it'll all be okay in the end." I smiled.
Her lips turned upwards as well before she lightly bobbed her head.
"Thanks, Ashy." I smiled at the use of my old nickname before turning around and going back inside the school.
Julia, I really hope I can trust you again. I hope that I didn't just make a huge mistake. This better be worth it.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
As soon as I walked into my house after school, it smelled like banana bread but was mixed with silence. Where's my mom? Or, even, where's my dad?
I walked into the kitchen and set my bag down on top of the kitchen counter. I pulled out a stool, sat down, and then pulled my homework out of my bag. I had a lot of math to do and I really wasn't excited about that.
"Ashley?" I heard a very deep masculine voice that I knew belonged to my father immediately. I carefully put down my pencil and then spun around in my chair to face him.
He stood in the living room like he was lifeless - almost as if he'd been through hell and back. His appearance was like his everyday work self, but I could just tell that he was out of line.
"Hi." My voice cracked and I mentally punched myself that it did. I'm supposed to be strong, remember? "Where did you go yesterday?" I bit my bottom lip.
"To the beach." He replied. I knew he was telling the truth, otherwise his left eyebrow would twitch. "And then when it got too dark, I went to some bat. But I only stayed for an hour and came back home, but you were already asleep."
I gulped and awkwardly used my toes to play with each other.
"I'm so sorry, honey." He stepped forward. "I didn't want to hurt you." I looked at the ground and gulped once more. "I just didn't know how to react."
"Dad," I breathed and looked into his eyes, "you called me when I was with all my friends and told me I was a failure just because I like girls." I stared at him. "I'm pretty sure that you knew to react. Otherwise I wouldn't have gotten that call."
"I'm-"
"You made me feel worthless and unloved. Especially when I came home the other day, too, and you didn't even care that I was home." A tear rolled down my cheek but I barely even noticed it. "You're my father." My voice quivered. "I'm not a failure." I stated. "I'm not unloved or stupid or worthless or anything. I have people who love me. It may not include you, but-"
"Ashley, of course I love you." He talked so fast that it was hard for me to make out his words for a second. "I just didn't love the idea that you weren't going to marry a man."
"Didn't?" I cleared my throat. "Like, past tense?"
My dad sighed and then looked down at the floor for a few moments before looking back up.
"I talked to your mom for a while when I came home last night." He breathed. "I overreacted. Completely. And I'm really sorry to have put you through that. I love you so much, Ashley, no matter your sexual orientation." He confessed. I gulped. My face felt hot from all the tears, but I could barely even feel them escaping my eyes.
I wanted to say something like "actions speak louder than words", but as soon as I opened my mouth he stepped forward and hugged the life out of me. It was such a strong and powerful hug that I knew he was being honest. This was his loud action after all his loud words.
"I love you, Ashley, and I never want you to forget that." I exhaled and melted into his arms before I shut my eyes.
"I love you, too, dad." I smiled into his shoulder and hugged him as tight as I could.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Okay, I would first like to apologize if this chapter SUCKS because I barely had anything written for this chapter when I was about to post it and I had to rush to write something because I have to meet my friends downtown soon to go xmas shopping and ice skating!
So, yeah, sorry if it sucks.
Also, Ashley is so forgiving awww I could never be like her.
((To the people that tell me to "hurry up and update now" need to stop, please. It's incredibly rude and I try my best to bring you guys something every week. I shouldn't feel pressured or rushed)).
Any predictions? What do you want to happen next?
Love you guys and see you next week! (I might have a special little holiday present, though, so be on the lookout for an early update!)
To those who celebrate, Merry Christmas!