Chapter 35 - It's Jack.
I haven't seen Ash in ages. I think that I've been avoiding him without thinking about it, and him losing his job at the garage helped (he was always late for work). But now he's standing on my doorstep with a great big smile on his face, like his birthday and Christmas and Easter and everything has come early.
"Hey," I mumble. I immediately close the front door behind me and step out onto the drive, because my dad is in and I don't think he likes Ash much. Anyway, we silently agree to begin to go on a walk.
"How's it been?" Ash looks at me and smiles, genuinely. It's making me feel sick inside as I think about Melanie. It feels like ten years ago now that I have Alyssa, but still.
"Fine. Alyssa and I are going out," I tell him. For some reason, 'going out' doesn't seem to explain it enough; it doesn't seem a good enough explanation. But he'd never understand if I said something else.
He looks interested. "Oh, the little white one? From the Halloween party? Yeah, she was hot."
I look away from him. Was he always like this? Did I used to be like this? Instead I clear my throat and shove my hands in my pockets as we keep walking. "You still with Sofia?"
"That's right." He grins broadly, and then when we reach the end of the road, stops in front of me. "Did you tell . . . what's her name - Alyssa -about how you were fucking my step-sister?"
I stare at him, and my mind begins to run and run with questions and questions about how he found out. But I hardly have time to take my hands out of my pockets before his fist crashes into my face, and I stagger backwards. My nose feels like it's no longer part of my face.
When I look up again, Ash is glaring at me with hatred and loathing. I shake my head slowly, then begin to wipe blood from my nose, not turning my back on him.
"What, too scared to fight back?" He spits. "You dirty fucker. I thought you were a good friend."
I keep my hands by my side, then glare back at him. "Your sister's a slut, you know that? She was fucking around with Luke too."
"Yeah, I've sorted that bastard out."
I clench my fists. "Maybe you should sort your Melanie out too."
He moves to hit me again, but this time I'm ready for it. I send a punch flying to his stomach, and he doubles over, cursing and cursing. I don't know how but soon enough I'm on the ground and Ash is attempting to punch my lights out. But I get him in his jaw and he punches my chest feebly, as I stand up again. That's when he jumps up and pushes me back violently, into the fence.
"Jack!" I could recognise that scream from miles away. Out of the corner of my eye I see her blue car and as I hold up my arms to block Ash's punches, Alyssa's running around behind us, shouting.
"Get out of here!" I yell, as I manage to get Ash square on the nose. He thumps my stomach, hard, and I double over and almost throw up. The pain is sickening.
I'm black and blue and I can barely walk by the time Ash suddenly stops and leans over, heaving. I wonder what is going on but then I see Alyssa just putting her foot down to the ground and I realise what she's done. She's kneed him from behind.
"Fucking hell, Alyssa," I pant. She grabs my hand with an angry look on her face, then throws me into the car and begins to drive off before the door is even closed. I catch sight of myself in the mirror - a bruise on the side of my cheek and blood pouring from my nose. My stomach feels like a punching bag.
"What on earth!" She screams as she turns furiously onto the main road. I lean my head back to stop the blood going onto her car seat, wishing I had a tissue. I feel awful. She was the last person I wanted to see that - I was meant to be trying to impress her whenever she was around.
"Oh my God," I groan. "Where did you learn to do that?"
"What? Knee him in the balls from behind? It doesn't take a genius." I can see that even though she's crazily mad, she looks slightly proud. She finally slows down her driving and turns on the windscreen wipers as it begins to rain.
"Say balls again." I laugh, even though it hurts my nose even more. I keep pinching it.
Alyssa slowly looks over at me, her eyes wide. Then she shakes her head with a smirk and turns a corner. "That was that Ash, wasn't it? That's horrible. How did you get into a fight with him?" She can't disguise the fear from her voice.
I look down and make sure my hand doesn't have blood on it, before reaching over and placing my hand on her thigh. "It doesn't matter. He's just stupid. And when I'm around him
I act like a moron too. I'm sorry."
She doesn't say anything, just stares out of the wet window as she drives down the main road. For the first time since I've got in the car I wonder where we are actually going. I keep quiet though.
I turn the radio on, after that. Yellow by Coldplay comes on, and I start to hum along whilst still holding my nose. I expect Alyssa to sing too, since I know she loves Coldplay. But suddenly she just switches the radio station with an irritated noise.
"I'm sorry," I whisper to her again. Obviously, I've really upset her. I begin to stroke her leg with the hand I'm not pinching my nose with. That's when I notice my hand is shaking from all the pain.
"Don't worry, Jack." Her hand ends up on top of mine.
There's silence for a while, and then I can't help but whisper, "I thought you liked Coldplay."
"I do, but not that song."
"Oh. Where are we going?"
"Supermarket. I need tampons and you need an ice pack or something."
Now I'm not sure whether this has ever happened to me before, but I blush at that moment. I don't know why, maybe it's because she's become so intimate with me or that she just shared the fact of needing tampons with me and I'm a guy. But I just hear myself laugh awkwardly (which I have never done before either) and she doesn't say anything as we pull into Tesco's carpark.
I'm told to wait in the car. I kind of like Alyssa being this controlling, determined Alyssa, going to fetch an ice pack and tampons. I ignore people who look at me, and try to figure out what mood she's in. Maybe it's the whole period mood. Maybe that makes her even more angry at me. Maybe it makes her less angry with me.
After a while she comes back, her hair slightly wet and her coat soaked. I look over at her to see her with a full medical kit, ripping open plasters and wipes.
"Lean forward so I can sort you out."
"Alyssa . . ."
"Jack . . . " she replies in the same tone as mine. I frown and then turn to face her.
First she starts with the wipes, and I stare at her face as she cleans the blood from my nose. It doesn't numb the pain, but maybe it distracts me a bit from it - her forehead slightly creased, her eyebrows furrowed, her lips ever so slightly parted as she stares directly at my nose with her bright green eyes. I keep both my hands on her thighs, slowly stroking.
Suddenly she takes her hands away from my face and looks up into my eyes, her frown slowly fading.
"You're gonna have to stop doing that," she whispers. First I think she's angry but then I see the pinkness of her cheeks and the way she keeps blinking, and her small smile.
I just grin and continue with the movements of my hands. "You don't like it?"
"No . . . I just . . . " she sighs and then laughs, shaking her head. I close my eyes with a grin and she silently goes back to cleaning up my nose.
"Thanks for kicking Ash in the . . . What did you say?" I laugh.
"Balls!"
I can't help but keep laughing, even though it hurts and hurts and stings as she finishes cleaning it up. Then she grabs me an ice pack from one of the Tesco carrier bags. It's one of those ones that you have to crack to get to work.
"You're welcome. I don't think it's broken."
"Hallelujah!" I exclaim, then hug her close. She grins and I thinks she wants to kiss me but doesn't know where, so I lean in to kiss her, the ice pack pressing against both of our faces for just a second.
When she starts up the car, I begin to search in my pockets for money to pay her back for the ice pack and medical kit. All there are is a few coins, along with my penknife and phone. I sigh and bang my head back against the chair, killing my nose in the process, from the impact.
"I need to pay you back for the ice pack."
Alyssa turns to face me, genuine surprise glittering in her eyes. "No you don't! It's fine. Forget about it."
"Alyssa-"
"Jack, I'm being serious." She looks scary now. "I hate arguments about money. It doesn't matter. If it really bothers you then I can take it back after you've done with it. But I hate discussing money because there are so many more exciting things in the world. And it doesn't matter."
I stare out of the window and for a second I'm seeing her as I used to see her - a rich girl with a rich family who went to a rich school with rich friends and anything she wanted available to her. And here's me, the guy with no mother working in a car shop and looking after all his siblings all the time instead of going to university because my dad doesn't have the best job.
"Matters to me," I hear myself mumble. I can't look at her, but I have to carry on and explain. "I mean . . . I mean, I know it doesn't matter really, and it shouldn't. But my family isn't as well off as yours is."
There is silence for a while as Alyssa drives quickly through the rain, her knuckles white on the steering wheel.
I hear her let out a slow breath. "I- Jack, I didn't mean-"
"I know. Just- let's forget it, I shouldn't have said anything."
She looks genuinely upset, so I lean over and squeeze her hand before gently kissing her cheek. "I love you, Alyssa."
"I love you too."
When Alyssa parks her car outside her house, we both sit in the car and look out at the awful rain, then Alyssa asks me what I'm going to tell my family when they see the bruise on the side of my face. I tell her that I'll tell them the truth - which I will - because there isn't any other option.
"We should go up to The Overlook sometime," she whispers out of nowhere. I smile and she smiles and I nod and she leans up to kiss me happily, her lips tasting of strawberry lip balm, maybe, and it's quick and swift and gentle but warming. I reach over to slowly stroke her cheek, and then for the millionth time I wonder what I'm going to get her for Christmas.
"You had better go inside," I tell her after a while of just watching her eyes watch mine. And she nods, then kisses my hand which is still against her cheek, and her eyes flutter closed for a second.
"Wish we could spend more time together." Her voice is barely audible.
I can't help but kiss her again, and her hand runs over my chest, then up to rest against my hand which is against my ice pack, pressed to the side of my nose. She slowly takes the ice pack away to kiss it, her lips warm against my now-freezing skin.
"I hope it gets better soon." Alyssa slowly places the ice pack back against my nose, and I can't take my eyes off of her, no matter how hard I try, until we have to get out of the car and go through the pouring rain, our separate ways.
-
No one wants snow; no one except for Jess. She constantly checks the window and reminds us every morning to tell her if it has snowed - not that we'd need to, because the first thing she does every morning is run to the window to check, although we keep telling her that it's too wet for snow.
I head out early in the morning, into town, and hope I don't meet Ash, Luke or Melanie. My dad was unhappy when I turned up with my bruised cheek and today is his day off, so I can't stay around the house for him to nag at me. I'd try to spend time with Alyssa, but I desperately need to find her a present.
Every shop is full. I wander around aimlessly, and people keep doing double takes when they see my bruised face but I have too much on my mind to glare at them like I usually would.
I try to think about what she likes to pass her time by doing, which is advice taken from Stella.
Reading, but if I got her a book it could be something she hates and I haven't ever read a book since I was in school and I was forced to so I know nothing about what a good book is.
Music, but a CD could look a little careless. And she has piles of them anyway, in her room.
No way am I going to buy her jewellery, chocolate, flowers or a soft toy. It makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, and it's too much like what other idiot boyfriends do.
She's taking Psychology at university. I can't find any gifts really related to Psychology in the stores I visit.
Then this tiny shop on the corner of the square catches my eye. Inside, it's dark and the only other people in the shop are these two old women. I'm wondering why I'm here, looking at tiny boxes and scented candles. Then my eyes fall on the only modern-looking thing. It's in a tiny packet, but I can see what it is immediately. A reading lamp, one which you clip onto the page so you can read in utter darkness. I turn the package over in my hands, reading that it comes with batteries. Then something tickles the top of my head and I look up to see one of those things hanging from the ceiling that red Indians had in their teepees. Dream-catchers, with feathers and charms and thread and beads. I look around for Alyssa's favourite colour, blue, and then take the one with the bluest feathers down. I know she's into this kind of thing. At one point she was obsessed with dreams too, when I went to visit her at Cambridge she was doing a whole project on dreams. So I take both the little reading lamp and the dream catcher to the counter.
And along the way I see a huge packet of star stickers and I think of all the stars that were stuck on her bedroom ceiling. It's as if this could be Alyssa's shop, just for her or people like her. But then again no one is like Alyssa.
Anyway, I leave the town centre feeling so much happier than I was a couple of hours ago.