Memoir 4
Barcelona. 1 week ago.
“Lamento tener que informarle de que te estas muriendo senorita.”
Kahit ilang beses na niya iyong narinig tila bago pa din sa pandinig ni Venice na mamatay na siya.
Back then for a 16 year old who had no vice and had everything a teenager could hope for it didn’t make sense.
Her cancer, Ewing Sarcoma, is an aggressive cancer.
She was diagnosed when she was 16.
She was also 16 when the doctors told her she had probably 5 years left to live.
And to top it all, she was also 16 when she received a positive test for pregnancy.
At para sa isang taong malapit ng mamatay wala na sigurong mas magandang balita sa pagbubuntis niya.
From her grief, despair and depression, her unborn child brought her to new heights of hope and expectations.
She wanted to live.
Ipinagbawal noon ng mga doctor ni Venice ang pagbubuntis niya dahil makakasama sa kanya at sinabihan siya na “therapeutic abortion” daw ang gagawin nila kung papayag siya. It will prolong her life.
But she refused with all she had even if she was afraid to die.
Her unborn child was her last spark of life left.
Pwede nilang kunin lahat ng dugo niya, pwede nilang operahan at buklatin lahat ng parte at laman ng katawan niya pero hindi nila pwedeng galawin ang anak niya.
Ni suhestiyon na ilaglag ang bata hindi nila pwedeng banggitin.
No one had the right to take him away from her.
She continued on with her pregnancy. Right after her delivery she started her personal battle with cancer.
Ilang taon na ba siyang nakikibaka? 1 taong pagbubuntis at 6 na taon nang labas masok siya sa ospital. Operasyon at Chemo. Pahinga. Operasyon at Chemo ulit. At sa tuwing matatapos ang mga iyon, magpapa-check-up siya, tangay ang lagi niyang panalangin na sana hindi na muling tumubo iyon sa kung saan. Her days were over loomed by the unsettling concern of not knowing if, when, and where the cancer will develop next
For a cancer patient it’s always not the answer you want.
“Estomago, Pulmones… Cerebro.” Mahinang sambit niya sa mga bagong tumor na nakita sa tiyan, baga at utak niya. Paulit-ulit niyang binabanggit iyon habang naglalakad siya sa kahabaan ng La Rambla na parang mawawala iyon kapag inulit niyang bigkasin.
Ngayon wala na talaga siyang kawala. It was consoling that her six year battle was long lived and well fought.
She was now 23 years old… now it was definitely a checkmate.
Paano ba niya sasabihin sa Mama niya na ngayon wala na talaga siyang pag-asa? Paano niya sasabihin sa anak niya na baka hindi na niya maabutan ang birthday nito sa susunod na 6 na buwan?
Only then did she saw him.
What were the chances that Heath would appear in front of her that day? It was zero to none. But there he was… a few meters away from her…
Napangiti si Venice dahil nakakaabot pa rin pala sa langit ang mga panalangin niya.
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Kitang-kita ni Heath si Venice.
Kalalabas lang niya noon sa kwarto kung saan natutulog ng mahimbing ang anak niya na kagabi lang niya nakilala nang makita niya si Venice bitbit ang maleta nito.
Madaling araw pa lang noon at tulog pa lahat ng tao sa bahay na iyon. Halatang balak nitong umalis na hindi kasama ang anak nila at ang Mama nito.
He stood above the stairs unable to move while she tried to figure out how to go downstairs without waking up someone.
Napangiti ng mapait si Heath. Hindi siya makapaniwala.
Iiwan ba nito si Hezekiah? Iiwan ba siya ulit nito?
She was leaving… for the second time.
Kaibahan lang ngayon nasasaksihan niya ang pag-alis nito.
He was 17 when she left him.
He was now 24. He should be wiser by now.
But why does it still hurt?
He should be happy to escort her out of the house. He should drive her off to the airport. He should buy her a ticket and see to it that her plane took off on time.
The earlier, the better.
But he couldn’t find it in himself to do any of it.
God forbid him for wanting to do the opposite of it all… to beg and kneel in front of her.
If only she had the heart to stop...
If she had the heart to look back...
He was willing to throw away everything behind.
Heath didn’t believe in second chances but for Venice he will.
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Pagtapak ng paa ni Venice sa huling baitang ng hagdan alam niyang hindi niya kayang umalis sa lugar na iyon.
Her legs felt like a limp piece of spaghetti. She cannot take another step away from that place since her legs wouldn’t support her.
She was supposed to drop off her son and leave. It was the plan.
Pero kahit anong gawin niya ayaw sumunod ng katawan niya. Venice could hear her heart breaking.
She couldn’t take another step away from her son.
She couldn’t take another step away from Heath.
Tomorrow… Maybe tomorrow, she said to herself. Baka bukas kaya na niya. Bukas susubukan niya ulit…
She took a deep breath and turned around.
Nagulat siya ng makita si Heath sa taas ng hagdan.
Distant light from a door left open bathed his whole form.
His shoulders were stiff… His hands fisted on his side… and it seemed to her that he was standing there for quite some time now. From where she was standing she could see clearly that his face was struck with grief.
It might be her imagination but for a moment she saw Heath… in pain.
He took his time down the whole flight of stairs.
He stopped short a step above her and looked as if he wanted to strangle the life out of her.
“Here’s the thing Venice. I would have dragged you in by force if you took another step away from here.” He said in a strained voice.
“Who gave you the right-… to walk away from my son?” He gave her a questioning look before looking dead straight into her eyes. The words that followed coated with threat and anger. “Listen well. You don’t have the right to take even a single step away-… from us. Not on my watch, never in my watch!”
Heath was scary but she didn’t feel threatened.
Instead she felt something she thought she’d never experience again. For the first time after a very long time, she was happy.
Venice could see without looking.
Venice could hear without listening.
Venice could feel it even if he didn’t speak.
Heath… after all those years… was still in love with her.
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June 24, 2013
A/N: SALAMAT PO! :)