C h a p t e r E l e v e n
"Virginia!" I heard Troye's voice cut through my thoughts, loud, clear and desperate.
I had to avoid him, there was no way I'm facing him after my scary realization. I pushed my feet against the ground, stretching my legs out as far as I can. I hope he'll give up soon after.
It's too bad I got tired first.
"Virginia, stop. Where are you going?" Troye panted, grabbing my wrist to turn me around with so much force that my feet lost balance. I fell to the ground, my butt planting against the rocky sidewalk as I looked away in embarrassment, hoping he'd just leave me alone so I can figure out my thoughts.
"I need to be alone," I whispered, hoping he would hear me and listen. He bend his knees, getting down on the ground so he was now eye-level with me. Troye lifted my hands off the ground, planting it firmly in his hands.
"No, I already regret leaving you alone yesterday. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a dick. But I can't stand being treated like one of your meaningless one-night stands," Troye said, his voice laced with concern and regret, as his hands slowly left mine to cup my cheek. "I know we are something more than just that, Virginia."
When I said nothing, Troye tilted my chin upwards so that I'd look into his eyes. "Tell me Virginia, why did you leave me a note? Am I one of your meaningless boy toys?" His eyebrows were knotted together, his hazel eyes dark with a myriad of emotions; frustration, regret, jealousy, worry and so much more. I was unable to comprehend how someone could feel so much at one time.
I nodded my head dumbly, unable to form words with my mouth to say to him, afraid that I might say something that I'll regret saying later.
His eyes suddenly blazed with determination, his grip on my left wrist tightening as he quickly withdrew his hand from my cheek. He took my other hand and pulled me up, successfully getting me to stand on my feet.
"Does this feel meaningless to you?" Troye said, his eyes darkening as he suddenly got closer to me. I felt his body flush against mine as he pushed my head forward, catching my lips in an unexpected kiss.
But it didn't end there, no. Troye's hands roamed all over my body, his lips like fire, kissing me with a passion that can only be brought by Troye. I stood there, frozen, completely lost in the moment. I felt his lips move against mine, my hair standing where ever his hands made contact with my skin. My brain was bombarded with a multitude of different thoughts, yet none of them made any sense to me.
I already knew that I was going to regret doing this. That there was no way that any of this could end well.
Yet, I was unable to stop myself.
I moved my lips against his, my hands immediately running through his hair and grabbing a fistful of his hair, tugging it in pleasure. His tongue grazed at my bottom lip, asking for entrance.
How was I going to continue seeing him in school after all this is over?
I parted my lips, a low groan escaping my lips as Troye french kissed me.
There was so much passion in this kiss, my heart felt like it was going to burst. It was all too much to handle for someone as confused as I am, unsure of what's the right thing to do. Do I tell him? Do I hide it from him so we could live the rest of high school as lovers?
I was utterly lost.
But I knew it was unfair for him. I had dragged him into this twisted mess that he is completely oblivious to.
For once, I had to do the right thing. For Troye.
I unwillingly pulled away from him, watching his eyes glaze over in confusion due to the sudden change of atmosphere.
"Stop, we can't do this," I stated, my voice heavy and my breath coming out in pants. I took my hands out of his hair, stepping away from his body.
He refused to let me go.
His arms were now holding on to my waist, bringing me closer to him as I objected.
"Why not? Name me one good reason why we can't be together, because I can't think of a single one." His eyes were wide, his nose flaring as he spoke, the grip on my waist tightening.
"Because I don't feel the same way as you, Troye. I don't feel what you feel," I whispered, knowing that he could hear me anyway.
Please don't believe me.
"I don't believe you. What we had that night, it was something more than just sex, Virginia. I know you feel it, don't even try to lie." He stared into me, his eyes challenging me.
"Look, I don't know what you felt, but it's probably because you're a virgin when we did it. It was your first time, wasn't it? Leave me alone, I want nothing to do with you," I said, mentally congratulating myself when my voice came out flat and cold, my eyes dead as it met his.
Please see through me.
"I might be a virgin when it happened, Virginia. But I know what I felt. I immediately regret leaving your house yesterday, please," he begged, his eyes wide and his breathing started to get heavier.
What have I got to lose if I lied to him, right? He doesn't need to find out about this.
But that was wrong. I'm not going to lie to Troye. I could almost feel my heart breaking all over again as the next few seconds went by.
"Troye! Don't you get it? I used you for sex!" I suddenly yelled, needing to let go of the guilt that consumed me, needing to let Troye know everything. "What happened that night was all planned out. I already have the intention of fucking you from the moment I found out you are in the football team! Don't be so fucking naive, Troye. You think that I hadn't planned for you to be tutoring me? You think I hadn't planned on sitting next to you in class? You think I didn't purposely make you fall for me? "
His eyes were wide now, filled with confusion and anger. His nostrils were flaring, his lips slightly parted and his eyebrows raised.
"What?" His voice was loud, clear and booming. With that one syllable, I knew he wanted a full-on explanation of what was happening.
"I used you Troye," I said, my voice cracking as my eyes started feeling blurry and moist. "When I found out Chase was cheating on me with my best friend, I couldn't take it. At first, I hadn't planned on having revenge on him but the moment he talked shit about my mother being a stripper-"
"What?"
I ignored his shock, as I continued explaining to him. If I didn't do it now, I would never gather the courage to do it again. "I couldn't help myself. I was so angry, I was beyond furious. I wanted him to suffer, to lose respect from all his team members and the people around him. So I fucked everyone on the team that I could. I even made a fucking list, you see. With your name as the last because you were the hardest target," I explained, my tears flowing down my cheek as my voice cracked. I took the stupid piece of yellow paper out my bra and shoved it at him, his hands shaky as he struggled to catch it. His eyes reluctantly left mine as he read the paper, scanning through the names printed on the paper.
"You think I fucked them because I wanted to? You actually think that I went through the trouble to target and get drunk and let their dicks inside me because I liked it? You're fucking wrong if you think that, Troye. Because I hated it. I hated every second of it, knowing that I wasted months getting my revenge on Chase when all it did was cause even more pain for me. But that is exactly why I had to finish the entire list- because I was obsessed with making Chase suffer. I've come this far with one last target, which so happens to be you, and I wasn't going to let the fact that I had fallen in love with you get in the way of things," I finished, my tears full on streaming and my chest rising and falling at a rapid speed. My breathing was erratic, and I felt exhausted. Emotionally drained.
If he could accept all that, the fact that I used him and still want me, then it could work out, right?
I took a step towards Troye, resting my head on his chest as his hands dropped to his sides, leaving my waist. "So please, Troye, if you can accept the fact that I'm a fuck-up and I used you even though it feels like I didn't, then this can happen." I whispered, my eyes raising to meet his flat, cold eyes.
All the color drained my face as I saw the look in his eyes.
Hate.
Pure, raging hate.
Troye looked down at me with an unreadable expression fitted across his face, as he scrunched the piece of paper up and threw it on the ground. He spun around, his back facing mine as he left me and my pathetic heart, walking away and slowly fading into the darkness.
Please love me back.
• • •
It has been one week. One week since I last spoke to Troye.
Yet, even without his presence, he infiltrated my thoughts and my heart.
I was constantly thinking about him, what could he be doing during lunch now that it's not spent with me?
What does he do after school now that he isn't tutoring me?
How does he deal with Physics class without my continuous distractions?
Yeah, he even switched seats to the far corner of the classroom.
I wasn't able to sleep properly for the past week, my eye bags heavier than ever and a limitless amount of concealer was unable to hide that. I constantly came to school with red and puffy eyes, in the worst clothing imaginable.
I lost the energy to dress-up or to care about my appearance anymore, because I didn't have to seduce anyone anymore.
It had been one week. One week since I completed my revenge on Chase.
But why do I feel empty? Why do I feel defeated? Why do I not feel victorious at all?
I stared at the empty space in front of me as I bit into my taco, not caring about the sauce dripping all over my sweatpants.
Yes, I was wearing sweatpants.
Troye would normally be sitting here, in front of me. He would normally be eating his stupid homemade sandwiches while fighting with me on whether chocolate chip cookies or raisin cookies were the best.
I started eating chocolate chip cookies a lot lately, realizing how fucking fantastic they are compared to raisin cookies. When you dip them into milk, oh god, that was undeniable food-gasm.
I also started studying Physics a lot lately. It was mostly due to the fact that it brought back countless of memories with Troye, countless of memories of his eyes filled with excitement as he explained definitions, formulas and theories to me.
All this while, I took his tutoring for granted. I hadn't realized how fucking fantastic he was at teaching, how great he could be at helping me understand things. Every time I tried to study and couldn't grasp the concept, I think of how Troye would have presented it, how he would have thought his way through the concept to break it down and explain it. How he would have applied the correct formulas to the appropriate scenarios, excited every time I got a better grade or mastered a new concept.
I also thought about how he wasn't around me anymore for me to get to see that again.
My eyes scanned the cafeteria, hoping once again- just like everyday for the past week- that Troye was coming over with his sandwich in a container and his bright smile.
Instead, my eyes met Chase's ones.
He threw a smirk my way, his eyes taunting me as he walked out the cafeteria alone.
Ditching my taco, I picked my bag up and decided to have a little chat with him.
• • •
a/n : hope this was fine, i tried to make the scene where virginia was yelling at troye a little more dramatic.. but i'm not exactly a good writer so
if you enjoyed this chapter, do leave a vote or a comment.
thank you so so much to the people who stuck by me and continuously voted/commented on my chapters. it honestly means the world to me, especially taking the time to actually read this book.
thank you so, so much.
xo, venus