"So I plunged the pair of electrodes deep into the middle of the copper slime queen's body and she exploded into a puddle of goo," Zannah said as she finished her drink and set the empty glass down on the table.
"Wow," Sadie said. "I'm not sure which story was better. That one or Esther's story about facing down the angry rhinoceros."
"That's not even my best story," Esther said as she wiped her beak off with her wing. "Sometime I'll have to tell you the tale of the great mealworm pandemic of ought four."
"I'm so glad we did this," Sarah said. "I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. You ladies are a riot."
"Anyone want to hit a male strip club after this?" Esther asked. "I like to stuff the floss in their little thong underwear and then 'accidentally' pull it down."
"That sounds like a lot of fun, but I should probably call it a night," Zannah said. "Those scientist guys did an amazing job of getting the Starswan back up and running. Captain Torean gets itchy if we stay in one place for too long, so he's looking to take off early in the morning."
"How about you, Sadie?" Sarah asked. "What are your plans?"
"I think I'm going to go with the Starswan," Sadie said. "This seems like a nice enough place, but I don't really know anybody here and it isn't home."
"Aw, that's too bad," Sarah said. "I feel like we're really hitting it off. It'd be nice to have a good girlfriend here. Also there's a passageway back to Earth at the bottom of a pond in the Buttermoss Gardens."
"That's good to know," Sadie said. "To be honest, I think I've developed a little taste for space travel."
"That's not all she's developed a taste for," Zannah said giving her a playful nudge.
"I really like Trey a lot," Sadie said. "But I feel like the entire crew of the Starswan has adopted me as one of their own. Truth be told my life back on Earth was kind of boring. I think I could use a little more adventure. Plus, now that we know about those doors, maybe I can bring along one that's programmed to Earth. That way I'll always know there's a way home, if I want it."
"That's a good idea," Sarah said. "I hope you find lots of amazing adventures out there. I'm sure your life won't be boring with Zannah around. I'll miss hanging out with you though."
"I'll miss you, too," Sadie said. "I feel like we could become really good friends. You could always come with us, you know."
"That sounds tempting, but I wouldn't feel right leaving my uncle behind. He's the only family I have, and I'm not sure if he can take care of himself without me. I'd also miss Maurice. I've grown pretty fond of the little guy."
"Speaking of little guys, I can't wait to get back to the ship and give Bumble-Boo a good scratch behind the ears and then a vigorous tummy rub," Sadie said as she and Zannah stood up from the table. "That little nugget can't ever get enough when it comes to tummy rubs."
"Safe travels to both of you," Sarah said as she waved goodbye.
"So what do you say, Sarah?" Esther asked. "You want to hit that strip club?"
"That does sound fun, but I think I'm going to head back to the hotel and turn in."
"Suit yourself," Esther shrugged. "I guess old Esther's going stag to the strip club tonight."
*
Max approached the crowd of people around Sweaty Jim. "What seems to be the problem here?"
"That's the guy," Sweaty Jim said. "He made me sneak in here with him. I wanted to wait in line and pay the cover charge, but he insisted we take the secret entrance."
"Whoa, hang on a second here," Max said. "I've never seen this gentleman before in my life. And what's this nonsense about a secret entrance? He's clearly had too much to drink."
A large minotaur who seemed to be the club's bouncer grabbed Max's arm. "This guy says you gave him the camera as well."
"Hey watch it, you meathead," Max said as he managed to wiggle out of the brute's grip. "What camera? I don't even know what you're talking about."
"This creep was taking pictures," a red headed bunny in a tight-fitting glittery gold dress said. "He's disguised it as a flower pinned to his collar, but I could see the flashes."
"He told me he'd pay me fifty canisters of floss if I got some good photos," Sweaty Jim said.
"Well, that's a bald-faced lie," Max said. "I may be many things, but I never ever pay for pictures. Hell, I barely ever pay for anything."
"I don't know what's going on here, but you guys are both out of here," the minotaur said as he grabbed each of them by the arm.
Sweaty Jim pulled a string concealed up his sleeve and the flower flashed brightly in the minotaur's eyes, momentarily blinding him. Max took advantage of the distraction to duck underneath a nearby table. He ventured to take a peek out and saw the minotaur tackle Sweaty Jim to the floor and bend his arm behind his back.
"Uncle!" Sweaty Jim yelled.
"Don't ever show your face in here again or you'll be sorry," the minotaur said as he dragged Sweaty Jim kicking and screaming to the front entrance. He picked him up by the seat of his pants and the collar of his shirt and threw him out the door. "Now where did that frog go?"
An elk ran up to the minotaur and tapped him on the shoulder. "Boss, you're needed in the back. Some little bald guy is puking all over the floor."
*
Milosh wandered around the club taking in the sights. He was particularly fascinated by a painting of a bowl of fruit that hung on the back wall and was studying it closely when he was approached by a fox in a leather corset. "Hey handsome, fancy a lap dance?"
"Is not sure what a lap dance is, but Milosh is willing to give it a try."
"Why don't you take a seat right here and Momma's going to show you a good time."
"Okay," Milosh said as he sat down. The stripper proceeded to bump and grind against Milosh's lap, which was mildly interesting, but not as interesting as the painting of the bowl of fruit that hung on the wall behind him. He craned his neck so he could continue to study the picture.
After a few minutes the stripper stopped doing whatever it was that she was doing and turned to face him. "Would you care for another?"
"Milosh is good. Another time, maybe."
"That will be one canister of floss."
"What is floss?" Milosh asked.
"Is this some kind of joke?" the stripper asked.
"Is not joking," Milosh said. "Is something funny? Milosh likes jokes. Likes to laugh."
"Look, mister, you'd better hand over the floss right now or you're going to be in big trouble."
"Does not know what floss is," Milosh shrugged. "Would like to give you some, but does not think Milosh has any."
"Hey Merle, get over here," the stripper called out to the minotaur who was currently in the process of throwing a passed out Maurice out the front door.
"What's going on?" Merle asked as he made his way over to their corner.
"This clown is refusing to pay me for the lap dance I just gave him."
"You got five seconds to pay up or I'm dragging you out of here by your scalp," Merle said as he put his face inches away from Milosh's face.
"Is very sorry," Milosh said. "Wishes there was something to do to help, but Milosh cannot do anything. Is very taken with your painting though."
"All right, you're out of here buddy," the minotaur said as he grabbed Milosh forcefully by the top of his head and pulled him to the front entrance. He shoved him out the door and slammed it behind him. He turned around to see the other Milosh standing behind him.
"Is very strong," Milosh said. "Other Milosh is going to have a very sore head tomorrow."
"What the hell?" Merle asked. "How did you get back in here? I just threw your ass out."
"Is outside," Milosh said. "Is also inside. Is also enjoying a nice skiing trip back on home planet of Ingleblott."
"I hate Lawn Chair Day," Merle said as he grabbed the other Milosh by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the door. "It brings out all the damn tourists."
"Hey boss, you're needed over here," the elk shouted out.
"Now what?" Merle growled. He turned towards the right where a very drunken Cuthbert had climbed onto the stage and begun writhing suggestively against the stripper pole.
*
Timmy walked into the men's room to take a leak. A mouse in a tuxedo shirt and a black bowtie jumped up out of a chair as soon as he entered.
"Greetings and welcome to the lavatory! My name is Phil and I'll be your restroom attendant today. Please step up to the stall of your choice. I highly recommend the one on the far right. I just placed a fresh urinal cake in there and there's also a delightful little picture of a fly you can aim at while you do your business. I always use that one myself when it's time to answer nature's call."
"Thanks," Timmy mumbled as he stepped up to the stall on the far left.
"Would you care for some musical entertainment this evening?" Phil said as he whipped out an accordion and began serenading him.
"Uh, if you don't mind I'd kind of like to have a little privacy here," Timmy said. "I've got a bit of a shy bladder."
"Oh, my apologies," Phil said as he put the accordion away. "Don't mind me. I'll just be standing right over here if you need anything."
"I don't think I'll be needing anything," Timmy said. "I'm pretty sure I've got this covered." He went about his business and reached for the flushing mechanism, but Phil was there first and pushed the handle for him. "Was that really necessary?" Timmy asked.
"I'm just here to provide you with first-rate service," Phil said. He raced over to the faucet and turned it on before Timmy could reach the spigot. He pulled out a little bottle of soap and squirted two little dollops into Timmy's paws. Then he turned the sink off and handed Timmy a paper towel. "Would you care for a spray of cologne, sir?" Phil asked as he pulled out a small glass vial.
"No thanks," Timmy said. "I'd like to just be getting on my way now."
Phil let out a little cough and held out his hand. "Aren't you forgetting something?"
"I don't think so," Timmy said. He checked the zipper on his pants. It was definitely zipped up.
"It's customary to tip your restroom attendant," Phil said.
"Why?" Timmy asked. "I didn't need you. You didn't do anything that I couldn't have just as easily done myself. I'm perfectly capable of turning on a sink."
"Yes, but I provided you with first rate service," Phil said. "Don't you think that deserves a little sign of your appreciation?"
"As a matter of fact, I don't," Timmy said. "Guys like you really get my blood boiling. Why don't you get a real job? I break my back every day hauling people around in a rickshaw and half the time I don't get tipped anything. Why should you get a tip? You didn't provide any kind of necessary service. If anything, you actually made my bathroom experience worse."
"I'm afraid I don't care for your attitude, sir," Phil said.
"You don't care for my attitude?" Timmy said. "You're the one that's expecting me to fork over my hard-earned floss for nothing. You're the lowest of the low. You're worse than scum. Now get out of my way or I'll-"
"Or you'll what?" Phil asked.
Timmy grabbed the vial of cologne out of Phil's hands and sprayed it in his face.
"Ah!" Phil shouted. "It burns! You damn cheapskate! I'll show you." He grabbed the bottle of soap and pumped several squirts into his hand, which he then proceeded to rub in Timmy's face.
Timmy responded by stomping on Phil's accordion.
"You shouldn't have done that," Phil shouted as he tackled Timmy to the ground. They clutched at each other's throats as they rolled around on the floor.
*
Max watched as the minotaur left to respond to some sort of commotion in the men's restroom and finally deemed it safe to come out from under the table. He immediately bumped into a gopher who was carrying a tray of drinks, which went flying and splattered a blonde stripper who was carrying a bunch of clothes.
"I just washed these," Sapphire said with a pout. "Now they're all messy again. I guess I'm going to have to take them back to the laundry."
"Hey, I recognize you," Max said. "You're the broad that went into the back room with my friend Zeke. What are you doing out here? And where's Zeke?"
"He's still waiting for me out in the courtyard. Would you do me a favor and go out there and tell him I've been delayed, but I'll be there in a few minutes?"
"You got it, doll," Max said with a wink. He stumbled into the back room and tried to open the door to the courtyard. It appeared to be locked. "A puny little lock isn't enough to stop Maximillian J. Toad," he said as he took a few steps back and ran at the door. It broke off its hinges with a loud cracking sound.
He saw a large, rotund, hairy beast pulling itself out of a fountain. It was soaking wet, which caused its outfit to turn transparent and cling tightly to its lumpy body.
"You're not Zeke," Max said as he took in the scene before him.
"That boy be disrespecting me," the wet stripper said as she attempted to shake herself off. "Old Bertha be looking to get herself some sweet, sweet lovin' one way or another. If that boy ain't going to be giving it to me, then it's going to have to be you, green man."
"Uh, no thanks," Max said. "As much as I'd like to, I've had a lot to drink tonight and I really don't think there's going to be a lot of action happening downstairs, so to speak."
"Well, why don't you come on over here and we'll see if old Bertha can do something to remedy that situation."
"I'm going to have to take a rain check on that one," Max said as he attempted to shut the door. Unfortunately, it hung limply by its broken hinges and then came completely detached and fell to the floor.
"I don't think you's be understanding what's going on here, froggy man. Big Bertha's going to get what Big Bertha wants. And what Big Bertha wants right now is you." She reached forward and attempted to grab Max's wrist. He gave her a solid shove and she tipped over backwards back into the fountain and went under with a huge splash.
Max whirled around and ran back inside where he bumped right into the minotaur who was carrying a struggling Timmy under one arm. "You're coming with me, frog."
*
Bobby came stumbling out of the back room with a grin plastered on his face. He noticed the broken door leading out to the courtyard. "Someone's been having a wild time," he said with a hiccup. He wandered back out into the main room and looked around. He didn't see anybody he recognized. "Where the heck did everybody go?"