The Miloshes opted to stay lounging by the pool while Zeke and Max walked back to the lab. When they got there they found Sarah sitting by a passed out Maurice. She glanced up for a second when they walked through the door before turning her attention back to Maurice. "Hey Max, hey Zeke. Poor Maurice here is exhausted. He never came back to the room last night. I found him all alone in here dead asleep. They must have had him up all night working."
"Uh, hey Sarah," Zeke said.
She looked up again and her eyes widened. "Zeke? Where the hell have you been?" She ran over and threw her arms around him and wrapped him up in a big hug.
"You know how it goes," Zeke said. "A little bit here. A little bit there. A little bit on planet Ingleblott. A little bit on planet Orf. A little bit on some other planets whose names I forget. Mostly a lot of traveling around and heroically saving the universe."
"You saved the universe?" Sarah asked.
"Sure," Zeke said. "A few times, I suppose." He couldn't recall a specific instance of saving the universe, but it certainly seemed theoretically possible that something he had done somewhere along the way could have prevented some sort of universal calamity. At any rate there didn't seem to be any reason to disabuse Sarah of the notion that he had saved the universe.
"You know, I don't suppose it's all that big of a deal to save one universe when there's like an infinite amount of other universes out there," Max said. "Kind of pointless really. You might as well let it get destroyed rather than exert all that effort."
"It's not pointless to people who don't have doors that allow them access to other universes," Sarah said. "Which, I'm assuming is most people."
"Aha!" Max said. "But you're forgetting about the universe where everybody has doors that lead to other universes."
Sarah looked at him with a quizzical expression on her face.
"What?" Max said. "I imagined it, so it exists. The Doc said so. Anyway, that reminds me of why we're here. We're going to borrow one of these doors and go visit another universe."
"Are you still trying to find that Warlord guy so you can get your flask back?" Sarah asked.
"Actually, that's still on my to-do list. But first, I want to see if I can randomly travel to a really awesome universe I made up. Zeke's going to come with me."
"Are you sure you want to travel to drunken floozy universe?" Sarah asked.
"Ha ha, that's really funny," Max said. "It just so happens there will be drunken floozies there, but that's not what the whole universe is about. I don't have time to explain it right now, but rest assured, it will be most righteous. Now if you'll excuse me, let's find ourselves the lucky door." He walked over to the table and mumbled to himself as he searched through the doors that were stacked on it.
"How do you know which one to choose?" Zeke asked.
"I don't," Max said. "But I have a system. I know we don't want a programmed one because that'll just take us to some lame place that someone's already been to. We need a random location one. It's got to be one that gives off a good vibe. After all, an awesome universe will naturally be accessed by an awesome door."
"I guess that makes sense," Zeke said with a shrug.
"This one has a nice playful feel to it," Max said as he pulled a door from the stack that was covered in multi-colored polka dots. "I like our chances. Let's give it a shot." He propped it up against the wall and opened it. "I think I hear a bunch of hooting and hollering. It sounds like a kick-ass party. This could be the place. Let's go check it out. You coming, Sarah?"
"No thanks," she said. "I think I'll stay here and keep Maurice company. You guys go have fun in the other universe."
"Suit yourself," Max said. "Come on, Zeke. Our perfect universe is waiting for us to find it."
Zeke followed Max through the door. There was a disorienting swirl of light and they suddenly found themselves standing in the middle of a huge crowd of screaming girls.
"Nothing but chicks as far as the eye can see," Max shouted into Zeke's ear. "This is already looking promising."
"I don't know," Zeke shouted back, straining to be heard over the ruckus. "All these girls look kind of young. Like teenagers. Maybe even younger. Something feels off about this."
A small red haired girl let out an excessively shrill screech right next to them, causing them to cover their ears in pain. "I'll admit they could stand to tone down the noise a little bit," Max said. "But on the other hand there must be something going on that's got them so excited."
The lights suddenly went out and the roar of the crowd somehow got even louder and more piercing. A spotlight came on and revealed five boys on a stage with floppy haircuts and flashy outfits. They all seemed to be wearing little earpieces with microphones attached that extended to their mouths. A repetitive beat kicked in through some unseen speakers and all five of the boys started dancing in unison. One boy with frosted blond tips in his hair started singing in a high-pitched voice. The lyrics seemed to center mostly on wanting to be somebody's boyfriend.
"Oh, hell no," Zeke said. "You took us to some sort of boy band universe."
"I don't know what a boy band is, but I just noticed the sign above the bar says they don't serve alcohol," Max said. "This universe is a total bust. Let's get the hell out of here." He flung the door open and they ran back through it as fast as they could.
"Well?" Sarah asked as they emerged back in the lab. "Did you find your perfect universe?"
"We found the perfect universe for someone who enjoys watching a bunch of puberty-challenged boys imitating the sound of hyenas in heat," Max said. "It wasn't quite what we were looking for though."
"That's too bad," Sarah said.
"Well, no big deal," Max said. "It's a random door. All we've got to do is move it somewhere else and try again." He scooted the door over a few feet and opened it again. Instantly a torrent of water started pouring out of it. He wrestled against the flow of water for a moment before he finally managed to get the door shut again. "That was weird. It must have led to an underwater universe. I don't suppose we want to go there."
"I don't know if I like that door," Zeke said. "Why don't we try another one? Hey this one looks promising. It's got a big letter 'Z' on the front of it. That's my favorite letter. 'Z' for Zeke." He picked it up from the table and it stretched out in his hands like rubber.
"Oh, it's one of those shape changing doors," Max said. "I like those. See, you can even squish it down into a little ball and shove it in your pocket. All right, let's give this one a shot." He stretched the door out on the wall so it was big enough for them to fit through and flung it open.
They emerged in a dimly lit metallic hallway. There were exposed wires and pipes all along the walls and ceiling. It was warm and muggy and a fairly strong stench of rotten eggs wafted through the air.
"Did you take us to your stinky feet universe?" Max asked. "Great job, Zeke."
"Hey, I hear someone coming," Zeke said. "Maybe we should hide."
"Or we could just, you know, jet," Max said as he pointed at the door that still hung suspended in the air.
"That voice sounds familiar," Zeke said while furling his brow. "Pull that door down and shove it in your pocket. I want to see what the hell's going on here."
"Have it your way," Max shrugged as he crumpled the door up and stuck it in his front pocket.
"Let's stand in this dark corner over here and be quiet," Zeke said. He grabbed Max by the arm and pulled him into the darkness just as a little green man covered in bruises and scratches came stumbling into view. Behind him marched a muscular red devil wielding a whip. It swung it at the green man and it made a loud cracking sound.
"Keep marching," the devil croaked.
"You fiends can do whatever you want with me, but you'll never defeat the Hooblerian race. We shall overcome!"
"I think I know that guy," Zeke whispered once they had passed. "I mean, I'm not sure. They all basically look the same. But that was definitely a Hooblerian. I think it might have been Captain Moogreet. Let's follow them and see where they go."
"Well, all right," Max said. "But this seems a whole lot like trouble. And not the fun kind of trouble, like dating a stripper with daddy issues."
They followed cautiously behind at a discreet distance. Gradually the hallway ended in what appeared to be a balcony overlooking a large room. A long staircase led down from where they stood to the room below.
The room was dominated by a gigantic throne made out of skulls. A massive demon with shiny ebony black scales sat in it. The demon had three curved horns protruding from its head, each of which must have been over ten feet long. It had flaming red eyes above two slits in its face where a nose might have otherwise been located. It had a huge gaping jaw filled with sharp fangs, as well as a pair of pincers on either side of its mouth. It also had long muscular arms, each of which ended in giant eight-fingered hands with long sharp claws. Enormous leathery wings were folded up behind its back. It was currently chewing on what appeared to be a small human leg.
The demon made a loud chittering noise and Zeke and Max could hear words forming inside their heads, even as they ducked down in hopes of not being noticed.
"I hunger still. Bring me another human to feed upon. Make sure it is a child. Younglings are so much more tasty. First I shall suck out its soul, then I shall feast on its flesh."
"Right away, great Lord and Master," a dark crimson devil said as it fled the room.
"Oh, great and powerful Master," the devil they'd been following said as it shoved the Hooblerian to the ground. "I have brought you the leader of the Hooblerian spacecraft we intercepted."
"Excellent," the large demon said as a huge drop of drool fell from its lips and splattered on the ground. "I shall torture him for information and then slake my thirst with his blood and lymphatic fluid. But first I shall see my cravings for tender child meat satisfied. Speaking of which, the zesty green dipping sauce you have been serving lately has been of vastly inferior quality. This displeases me. Who is in charge of acquiring my condiments?"
"I apologize, great Lord and Master," another voice sounded in their heads as a familiar looking white demon groveled before the throne.
"Hey, I recognize that guy," Max whispered. "That's the Warlord. That's the jerk who stole my flask."
"I recognize him, too," Zeke said. "He's the demon Master who attacked me at the space port and then chased us into a black hole."
"It doesn't look like he's the demon master to me," Max whispered back. "I'd say that title belongs to the big scaly black sucker on the throne."
"Then that must be..." Zeke said. "Oh no."
"What?" Max asked.
"That's got to be Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds," Zeke said.
"Whoever he is, he seems like a seriously bad dude," Max said.
They were interrupted by the sound of an inhuman voice invading the inside of their heads. "Explain yourself, worm. What is the meaning of serving me sub-par zesty green dipping sauce? The whole point of eating human younglings is dipping them in the zesty green dipping sauce."
"I am very sorry, great Lord and Master," the white demon said. "I had an operation in place to harvest the green from a small planet in another universe. Of all the locations we have tried in a multitude of universes, it seemed to yield the most succulent zesty green dipping sauce. Unfortunately, a group of native interlopers destroyed the machine and then attacked our base of operations. I had no choice but to flee. Attempts have been made to harvest the green from other worlds and other universes, but none seem to be equal in quality to our Quartzwater City operation. You may execute me for my failure, if that is your desire. In the meantime, I have brought you this quantum mirror I captured as a sign of my atonement. I believe it to be an object of great power."
The massive black demon took the mirror and studied it for a moment. "Very well. I shall spare you for the time being. But mark my words. You will resolve the issue of the zesty green dipping sauce."
"Yes, great and powerful Lord and Master," the white demon said as it bowed to the floor. "Might I suggest in the meantime we could squeeze our Hooblerian captive into a facsimile of the zesty green dipping sauce?"
"The Hooblerian shall be consumed in one manner or another," the black demon said. "Perhaps we shall see how well he serves as a dip."
"Do your worst," Captain Moogreet said and spat on the floor. "You will never defeat Hoobler. We bow to no one. Certainly not scum like you. Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds. Pshaw! More like Zyvax the Intergalactic Idiot."
"Fool," the big black demon laughed. "Hoobler is nothing more than a minor irritant in my bowels. I shall eradicate it from existence and you shall be the agent of your planet's utter annihilation as I wring the information from you I need."
"I'll never talk," Captain Moogreet said.
"Yes. You will." Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds smiled a big toothy grin. "Everyone talks in the end. No matter how strong-willed or impervious to pain, everyone talks. We can be highly persuasive. And we can make your agony last a very, very long time."
"This place truly seems funner than a barrel of monkeys," Max whispered. "But I'm thinking we should probably get the heck out of here."
"We can't just leave Captain Moogreet in his clutches," Zeke whispered back. "I mean, yeah, he did abduct me, but nobody deserves what's going to happen to him. We have to do something."
"Yeah? You got some big plan?" Max whispered. "In case you hadn't noticed, that guy's apparently known for destroying worlds on an intergalactic scale. I've destroyed a few hotel rooms in my day, but that's hardly on the same level."
"Well, there's got to be something we can do," Zeke said.
A pair of heavy hands fell on their shoulders and they were lifted off the ground by a large devil who had walked up behind them unnoticed. "Master! We have intruders!"
"Yeah, well we can get ourselves captured," Max said. "That's certainly something."