"That's three x's in a row. Looks like I win again," Nulfar said triumphantly.
"I don't want to play this stupid game anymore," Zeke said as he broke the stick over his knee.
"Once again Hooblerians display their intellectual superiority over Earthlings," Nulfar smiled. "But don't feel bad. One day, billions of years from now your primitively evolved species may reach a fraction of the intellectual prowess Hooblerians already possess."
"So you're really good at Tic-Tac-Toe. Good for you. Maybe we should try something a little more challenging, like Connect Four."
"Oh, now this sounds intriguing," Nulfar said. "Tell me, how exactly does one go about connecting these hypothetical four?"
"Never mind that," Sadie said. "Do you hear that humming sound?"
"Indeed, I do," Nulfar said. "That would be my colleagues on their way to retrieve us."
"So how are you going to explain this flying saucer wreckage?" Zeke asked. "Are you going to get in trouble?"
"No, I will assign the blame to you, which is where it belongs," Nulfar said.
"But aren't you responsible for us?" Zeke pressed. "After all you're the wise and intellectually superior Hooblerian. We can't be expected to know what the consequences of our actions might be, but you should know better."
"While it is true that under normal circumstances I might face some sort of punitive actions, the simple fact is I cannot be demoted any further. I've already reached the bottom."
"What do you mean?" Zeke asked.
"When this expedition commenced I was the janitor, which is a lofty and noble position. But after a sizable custodial mishap, the details of which I would rather not get into now, I was demoted to what everyone agreed was the lowest possible position."
"And that would be?"
"I was placed in charge of the Earth collection."
"Being in charge of the Earth collection is the lowest position possible on your expedition?" Zeke repeated. "I find that kind of insulting."
"We have visited many, many planets during our travels and Earth has distinguished itself by being the planet with the least potential to ever make something of itself."
"Hey I'll have you know we're making plenty of ourselves. Like, uh, they're making some halfway decent television shows these days. And, um, toilet paper's a pretty nifty invention. Sadie, back me up on this, will you?"
Sadie looked up from scratching Bumble-Boo behind the ear. "Huh? Sorry I was distracted by how friggin' cute this little guy is."
"I'm cute," Zeke sniffed.
"You're okay, but you can't compare to this adorable little face. Just look at him. Do you like tummy rubs, too, Bumble-Boo? You look like you would enjoy a good tummy rub." Bumble-Boo's head tilted a little to the side and he let his little pink tongue hang out a bit from his mouth as he let out a sigh of contentment while Sadie vigorously rubbed his tummy.
The trees around them began to rustle as the humming sound grew louder. Soon a flying saucer not unlike the one Zeke crashed descended from the sky and hovered overhead. Another Hooblerian beamed down and began having a hushed discussion with Nulfar. They pointed towards Zeke and Sadie a few times and then they turned towards the lizard creatures and had a brief discussion with them before the other Hooblerian beamed back aboard the ship.
"What's going on?" Zeke asked.
"I explained to him that the flying saucer crash was entirely your fault and that I had absolutely nothing to do with it. As such I shall face absolutely no consequences. You, however, have now been assigned dish washing duty so that you might learn from your mistakes."
"Dish washing duty?" Zeke groaned.
"Take heart," Nulfar said. "Dish washing is a much more honored profession than caring for the Earth collection."
"Then why don't you volunteer for a promotion and do it instead?" Zeke asked. "I don't mind taking charge of the Earth collection."
"No, I have become quite skilled at my position, and have come to enjoy it as well. I couldn't possibly give it up now. They will be beaming us aboard momentarily. We asked those lizard creatures if they would care to accompany us, but they would prefer to remain where they are and continue sniffing your socks. Your friend Bumble-Boo may come with us as well, if it is his wish."
"You want to come with us on the spaceship?" Sadie asked. Bumble-Boo leaped in the air and clicked his heels together while letting out a high-pitched yelp. He then nestled himself into the crook of Sadie's arms and snuggled up tightly. "I'll take that as a yes."
"Wait, how come you're asking these guys if they want to go with you?" Zeke asked as they beamed aboard the flying saucer. "I don't recall having a choice in the matter."
Nulfar laughed heartily. "These are much more advanced beings than you. They've earned the right to have their wishes respected."
"A bunch of sock sniffers have earned more respect than I have?" Zeke said.
"Yes."
"Do you just get some weird kick out of being as condescending and insulting towards Earth as possible? Is that your thing? Because it's certainly not as if you guys are perfect."
Nulfar laughed again. "Please stop. You are making my belly ache."
"What's so funny?" Zeke asked.
"You wish to suggest improvements upon the Hooblerian lifestyle? That is the funniest thing I have heard in eons."
"Yeah?" Zeke said. "Well first of all if you guys are so amazing why doesn't your spaceship have self-cleaning toilets?"
"Cleaning toilets builds character," Nulfar said.
"As for your little flying saucers, shouldn't they be idiot-proof and, I don't know, not crash?"
"We have no need for idiot-proof designs, for no Hooblerians are idiots."
"Also you guys are kind of dicks," Zeke said.
"Are you finished ranting?" Nulfar asked.
"For now," Zeke said. "I'm sure it's just a matter of time before you set me off again."
"Good because we've already returned to the mother ship while you were having your little tantrum. Now I understand there is a large pile of dishes awaiting your attention."
*
Zeke spent the next twelve hours scrubbing dishes and hadn't even made a noticeable dent in the numerous stacks of dirty dishes that had been assigned to him. "What the hell? Have they washed a single dish since they started this expedition? There must be millions of dirty dishes here."
The door whooshed open behind him and Nulfar strolled in. "It is my distinct pleasure to inform you that your shift has now concluded and you may return to your quarters presently." He whirled around and walked back out the door, which closed behind him with another whooshing sound.
Zeke peeled off the big yellow rubber gloves he was wearing and tossed them into the sink. "Hey, uh, I'm not actually sure where my quarters are from here. Nulfar?" He walked through the door looking for the alien.
Nulfar was nowhere to be seen but Sadie was waiting out in the hall for him. "How'd it go in there, Scrub? You mind if I call you Scrub?"
"I'd rather you didn't," Zeke said. "What are you doing here?"
"I had a feeling you might get lost, so I asked if I could walk you back to your room."
"Thanks," Zeke said as they started walking down the corridor. "It's nice to know someone's not a complete jack-hole around here. So anything exciting happen while I've been slaving away?"
"Not too much," Sadie shrugged. "That blue donkey guy wandered in and challenged Bumble-Boo to a wrestling match. My little cutie-face pinned him easily, but now he's all tuckered out and taking a nap."
"Thanks for getting my shoes back for me, by the way. Also for helping get rid of that big purple guy that was trying to kill me."
"Seriously, dude, what would you do without me?" Sadie asked as she punched him playfully on the arm.
"I'd be having a lot more miserable of a time right now, that's for sure."
"This is my room," Sadie said as she stopped in front of a door. "Bumble-Boo's cuddled up asleep next to the giant stuffed gorilla. You want to come in for a minute?"
"Uh, yeah, sure," Zeke said as he followed her in.
She sat down on the corner of the bed and patted the spot next to her. Zeke sat down where she indicated. He noticed she had found a small painting of a bowl of fruit somewhere and hung it up on the wall.
"Nice decor," Zeke said. "I love what you've done with the place."
"Uh, yeah, it's a cheap yard-sale painting I found. But it's better than staring at a blank wall."
"That's true," Zeke said. He could feel her eyes on the side of his face and he started to blush a little involuntarily.
"So there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about for a little while," Sadie said.
"Aw man, do I have b.o. or something? I've been trying to shower regularly, but the water pressure on this ship is pretty weak. Not to mention the water smells kind of weird."
"No, you smell fine. Which is kind of surprising since you've been running around a hot, sweaty alien jungle and then working hard in a kitchen for hours."
"That's a relief," Zeke said. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Well, I was just thinking that we're the only two humans on this ship and we might not ever see another human again. It occurred to me that you're a man and I'm a woman."
"Are you going where I think you're going with this?" Zeke asked. "Because if you are, this is a very exciting development."
Sadie was about to answer but was interrupted by a whooshing sound as the door opened and Nulfar came strolling in with Milosh. "Ah, there you are. I thought you would like to be reunited with your spouse after such a long time apart."
Milosh ran over and embraced Zeke tightly. "Milosh miss Zeke. Sometimes is not giving Zeke attention Zeke needs. Is needing to work on communication skills. Milosh knows relationships are hard. Maybe Zeke and Milosh seek counseling?"
"I'll just leave you two lovebirds to your business," Nulfar said as he turned around and left the room.
"Is coming back to room now?" Milosh asked.
"Uh, you go on ahead," Zeke said. "I'll be there in a little bit. I was kind of in the middle of a conversation with Sadie."
"No, it was nothing," Sadie said. "Never mind. I'm pretty sleepy so I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Okay," Zeke said dejectedly as his shoulders slumped and he followed Milosh back to their room.