Zeke managed to duck just in time as the large tree branch swung over his head. The purple giant let out a noise that sounded like a burst of radio static and swung the branch downwards in a hammering motion. Zeke jumped to the side and managed to barely avoid being smashed into a bloody pulp. The purple man let out another static squawk and charged towards Zeke again.
"Why the hell is he attacking me?" Zeke asked as he ignored the numerous sharp objects on the ground and began running.
"I don't think he's too happy about the fact that you attempted to abduct him," Nulfar said. He had his notebook out and appeared to be taking notes.
"What do you mean I attempted to abduct him? You guys are the ones traveling to different planets and insisting on taking live specimens. And besides, Sadie was the one who actually abducted him. I was an innocent bystander."
The giant drew back his arm and hurled the tree branch at Zeke like a javelin. It missed him by a few inches and crashed into the wreckage of the flying saucer.
"For the love of God, man! Would you explain to him that I didn't do it?" Zeke shouted as he ran past Nulfar. "I would do it but I don't speak static."
Nulfar opened his mouth and a static burst came out. The purple man responded with a similar static noise. Nulfar said something in the alien language again and received another reply.
"I see," Nulfar said. "I was correct that he's very upset about the abduction, which by the way he holds you responsible for. But it appears he's equally, if not more, upset about you crashing the saucer. He didn't enjoy the force of the impact, but even more egregiously, you managed to crash into an art sculpture he had been working on for quite some time. I explained to him that you were the one piloting the saucer when it crashed and hence the fault is yours."
"Did you also explain the part where I was impaired because you poisoned me and then let me take the wheel?"
"He wouldn't be interested in a petty detail like that, I'm quite certain," Nulfar said.
The purple man made another static noise and began cracking his knuckles ominously.
"What's he saying now?" Zeke asked.
"He said that sculpture was a tribute to his favorite aunt and that it was his pride and joy in life and you took that away from him."
The purple man squawked again.
"Now he said that he is very much going to enjoy ripping your head from your puny shoulders and defecating down your open neck hole."
"You've got to explain to him that this wasn't my fault," Zeke said.
"But then I wouldn't be teaching you a valuable lesson about taking responsibility for your actions," Nulfar said.
"Taking responsibility for my actions?" Zeke sputtered as he tried to walk both quickly and carefully over the sharp-debris filled ground. "Didn't you just say he holds me responsible for the abduction attempt, which we both know had nothing to do with me? Shouldn't you be the one taking responsibility for that?"
"Perhaps," Nulfar said. "But I am a long-lived and enlightened being. I long ago learned about taking responsibility. So now I allow you to get the lesson, which I clearly do not need. Also if I were to take responsibility he would very likely be attempting to smash my head in now, so I allowed him to remain under the impression that it was you who was, in fact, responsible. By the way, I do hope you survive this encounter and are able to incorporate your new found appreciation of responsibility into a richer and more fully formed worldview going forward."
"Remind me to assume responsibility for your untimely demise later," Zeke said as he attempted to hide behind a plant that resembled a large blue fern.
The purple giant pawed at the ground with an oversized hand and then charged towards Zeke like an angry bull.
*
Sadie made her way through the alien vegetation, which had grown thick in the area she was searching. "Those shoes have to be around here somewhere," she said aloud as she pushed aside a bright orange leafy stalk. "Aha! There they are."
They had come to rest underneath a large bulbous tree that was dripping some sort of blue slime from its branches. A big glob of it splattered a few inches away from Zeke's shoes. A puff of smoke arose from the ground accompanied by a sizzling sound.
"Mental note to self," Sadie said. "Probably don't want to get that stuff on me. Also probably shouldn't let it hit the shoes or this whole excursion might be for nothing."
She stepped over a puddle of pink mud as she headed for the shoes. Before she could reach them she noticed something that looked like an indigo tentacle slithering its way down from somewhere in the tree's foliage. She wasn't sure if it was a vine-like outcropping of the tree itself, or some sort of alien creature that was hanging out in the tree. Either way, whatever it was, it appeared that it, too, was interested in the shoes.
"Hey stay away from those!" Sadie shouted as she charged towards it and waved her arms in what she hoped would be a threatening manner. The tentacle thing abruptly turned towards her and an orifice on the end of it opened to reveal several rows of sharp teeth. It made a hissing sound and spat out a stream of the blue slime she had seen dripping to the ground. She dodged to the side as the spray of acidic slime blew past her.
"That was really not cool," she said. "Now I'm going to have to find myself some sort of weapon so I can beat you senseless."
The tentacle made another hissing noise and turned back towards Zeke's shoes.
Sadie picked up a baseball-sized rock from the ground and hurled it at the tentacle. "I said stay away from those. What the hell do you even want shoes for? You're a tentacle. It's not like you have feet."
The rock smacked the tentacle square on what she assumed was its head. It turned towards her again and let loose with a more forceful spray of slime.
She managed to dodge again and scanned the ground for more blunt objects she could use as a weapon. She felt something go whizzing by her followed by a thunking sound. She turned to look and saw the tentacle was now impaled against the tree by some sort of spear. It writhed around for a few seconds before it became still, although blue slime continued to drip from its mouth.
Sadie turned around and saw a little creature that looked a little like a koala bear wearing goggles. It had an outfit on that consisted of yellow and black stripes, giving it a little bit of a bumblebee appearance.
"I assume I have you to thank for spearing that thing?" Sadie asked.
The little creature let out a few high pitched squeaks before darting over to the shoes. It picked them up and then ran back to Sadie. It held them out to her.
"Well thanks, little dude," Sadie said. "Is there something I can do for you in return?"
The little creature squeaked a few times. It waved its paw up and down a few times and then pointed to its head.
"Are you telling me you want me to scratch you behind your ear?" Sadie asked. She reached out tentatively and began scratching the little creature's head gently at first, and then more vigorously when it became apparent that it was enjoying the attention. It lifted its left foot and began wiggling it around involuntarily.
"Well, I'd probably better take these back to my friend now. His feet are probably getting cold. Also, knowing him, he's probably managed to get himself into some sort of trouble by now."
She made it back to the crash site just in time to see Zeke about to be throttled by some sort of purple giant. Without thinking she threw the shoes at Zeke's assailant. They bounced off the giant's face and he turned angrily to see where this new attack was coming from. Zeke took the opportunity to grab his shoes and put them back on his feet.
The giant spotted Sadie and let out another one of its squawking noises. He pounded his chest with his oversized fists and then began to run towards her. She heard a high pitched squeaking sound from behind her and watched as the little koala bear creature swung past on a vine. Its feet connected with the giant's chest sending him sprawling backwards. He landed with a splatter in a big puddle nearby. Before he could pick himself up, the water started writhing and boiling and something that looked like the neck of a sea serpent shot up into the air. It grabbed the giant in its mouth and swallowed him whole before disappearing back beneath the water.
The lizard creatures, who had been sitting calmly on the sidelines while sniffing Zeke's socks this whole time, sent out another burst of colors.
"They say stay out of the water or the puddle serpents will get you," Nulfar translated.
"Yeah, I think we kind of gathered that," Zeke said.
"It looks like I owe you my thanks again," Sadie said as she went over to the little koala bear creature and scratched it behind the ear again. It shook its leg again and made a little purring noise. It followed those with several chirps. "What's he saying?"
"That one is not speaking any sort of language I have ever encountered," Nulfar said. "Strangely it seems to be much more complex than most primitive languages. I'm afraid I don't understand him. I do believe that he likes you though."
"Well he's a cute little fuzzy nugget, isn't he?" she said as she scratched the side of its face. "We need a name for you, little guy. Your adorable little outfit is kind of like a bee. I think I'll call you Bumble-Boo." The little creature chirruped happily.
"Sorry to interrupt," Zeke said. "But do you think you could ask those other aliens if they would be so kind as to give me back my socks?"
Nulfar sent out a beam of bright colorful lights. The lizard creatures sent back a barrage of blacks and grays. "They said no," Nulfar translated.
"Oh for crying out loud," Zeke said. "You didn't by chance happen to pick up any spare sets of socks when you guys were raiding Earth, did you?"
"I shall check the Earth collection when we return to the ship," Nulfar said.
Zeke looked from side to side and lowered his voice. "Would you also check if you grabbed any spare pairs of underwear? Between you and me I've been wearing this same pair of boxers this whole time and they're getting kind of funky."
"I shall do my best to obtain these undergarments which you require," Nulfar said. "Now what shall we do to entertain ourselves as we wait for my colleagues to locate and retrieve us?"
"Tic Tac Toe, anyone?" Sadie asked as she drew some lines in the ground with a stick.