September 2015
Jade's POV
Althea was right, she was indeed my first. My first in everything. And not the silly firsts like my first alcohol or cigarette... first kiss... first sex.
No. Nothing like that.
She was my first in everything that matters.
She's my first love.
My first joy.
My first pain.
The first, and the greatest.
But she got one thing wrong though. She said that all 'firsts' will eventually be followed by something else.
That first doesn't necessarily mean that it's the last.
She's wrong.
There's no one else after her.
I tried, but nothing compares with Althea.
I stared at the ceiling as I pondered about her promise. As I thought about it some more, I realized that just like all promises— this one's meant to be broken.
She did break it though.
Not intentionally. Never intentionally.
And even if she purposely broke it— I'd be happy. Actually, I would love it more if she doesn't know how to keep her promises.
Because if she did, maybe we would never happen. Maybe.
I grabbed the notebook as I recalled the first time she broke her promise. I still remember that day vary clearly. And as I browse through the pages... there it is.
That fateful day.
Our turning point.
Dated October 3rd, 2009. My 18th birthday.
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FLASHBACK
Jade's POV
"Dada, since Paul is nowhere in sight, I want Althea to be my last dance." I asked my father bravely. I sat down the chair opposite his office desk and stared him down.
I'm on a mission here.
"Ano hija? Ulitin mo nga sinabi mo?" I could see the veins on his neck starting to bulge and I mentally laughed to myself.
"You heard me, Dada. If Paul won't be here, I don't want my last dance to be with anyone else other than Althea." I said sternly.
"Are you out of your mind, Jade? Ano nalang sasabihin ng buong Chinese-Filipino community pag nakitang babae ang kasayaw mo! Sa iba mo nalang ilagay si Althea, sa 18 candles mo or sa 18 gifts." My father said, obviously trying to calm himself down.
"18 roses?" I asked menacingly.
"Ginagalit mo ba kong bata ka? No! Not after what Paul did! Hindi ko na ilalagay sa kahihiyan ang pamilya na ito. Alam kong mag kaibigan kayo ni Althea pero hindi ko hahayaan na mag-isip ng iba ang mga tao." I smirked as his face started to redden.
He'll shit bricks. I knew it.
"Alam ko itong ginagawa mo, Jade. Sinasadya mo ito dahil alam kong galit ka parin sakin dahil sa nangyari kay Paul. But no, I won't tolerate this nonsense. Ako ang padre de pamilya dito at ako parin ang masusunod! Now get out of here kung ayaw mong magaya sa kapatid mo." The anger in his voice is so palpable that I had no choice but to retreat.
I honestly came up here with the initial plan of pissing off my father— just because. I still can't forgive him for what he did to Paul. But now, I feel disappointed. Like a kid who didn't get what she wished for from Santa.
I went up to my room and cried.
I guess I really did want Althea to be my last dance, and not as a ploy to rebel against my father. I had a little bit of hope that he would let me since he adores Althea.
I guess karma's a bitch.
I called Althea and told her what happened.
"Eh kaya naman pala nagalit. Baliw ka talaga 'no? Dadamay mo pa ko sa kalokohan mo." she said as she muffled her laugh.
"But Althea... seryoso ako, I want you to be my last dance," I paused.
"Yun eh kung papayag ka."
"Of course Jade, papayag ako. Pero hindi naman pwede. Ano nalang iisipin ng mga tao diba? Lalo na ng Dada mo."
"I know" I said in defeat.
"Don't be sad birthday girl. Tell you what, if it makes you happy, I will sing during your program." Althea always tries to make me feel better, and she always succeeds. Sometimes I wonder how I ever survived my past existence without Althea by my side.
"You'd do that?" I asked surprised. Althea never sings in public. She only has me and our group of friends as her loyal audience.
"Of course. Anything for you, senyorita" she teased.
"Kaya lang mag ready ka ha, baka mainlove ka sa performance ko!" She guffawed.
If only you knew Althea. If only I could.
"Wow ang confident ng manang. Sige na, babye na! Magpapamiss muna ako sa'yo. Laters!" I said as I ended the call.
***
A few hours through the party and I'm already bored. I didn't even want a party, I wanted to celebrate my birthday in an orphanage but my Dada forced me to have one. Says that it is expected of me.
There's nothing to celebrate for actually, except me being able to finally buy my own beer. But other than that, it's just a normal birthday. And I am in no way near celebratory mood because I haven't seen or heard from my brother.
I am so over this party after a dozen of repetitive pleasantries from people I barely know. The inner lining of my champagne pink backless long gown is starting to itch, and my pair of nude Manolo Blahnik pumps is starting to hurt my toes. Althea is nowhere in sight. Probably with the band to arrange for her song number or something.
Psh. This night sucks big time.
I sat on the 'throne' set up in the middle of the stage while I try not to sulk like a spoiled little brat. I took my phone out and saw that I have one new message from an unknown number.
Happy birthday, Shobe! I'm sorry for not being there with you on your special night, but I promise to make it up to you as soon as I can. I'm so proud of you Shobe, always remember that. Don't worry about me, I'm safe but Dada's men are still looking for me so I have to be extra careful. I'll see you soon, Shobe. I love you.
-Paul
I was about to cry in front of everybody when the lights suddenly dimmed. The host appeared from the backstage and introduced Althea as one of my best friends.
Right on time.
It seems like Althea always knows when to show up.
She entered the stage wearing a long black gown with a sweetheart neckline and her trusty old acoustic guitar on her shoulders.
Althea is undeniably beautiful. I've known that ever since the first time I saw her. But tonight seems different. Her stage presence is palpable and she exudes this confidence that is so attractive... and so Althea.
She started strumming the strings of her guitar as I recognized the tune.
She winked at me. A cute and playful one just like what she always does.
I smiled as I hear her play a different version of one of our favorite song. Something we always sing at the rooftop.
As she builds up the melody to my favorite line, she looked up from her guitar and with those soulful black orbs sang the next line— as if speaking directly to my soul.
I could go crazy on a night like tonight
Summer's beginning to give up her fight
And every thought's a possibility
And the voices are heard but nothing is seen
Why do you spend this time with me
Maybe an equal mystery?
So what is love then? Is it dictated or chosen?
Does it sing like the hymns of a thousand years
Or is it just pop emotion?
And if it ever was there and it left
Does it mean it was never true?
And to exist it must elude
Is that why I think these things of you
And that's what we are... a mystery. Something unsure and unspoken, but nonetheless— true.
Am I in love with her? Probably.
But I'm scared. I am so dead scared. For me... for us. And what if I'm just assuming things? What if these feelings are one-sided?
So I settle for this purgatory pseudo-relationship we have. Wherein it's not really heaven, but at least it's not hell.
All I know is that we have each other, and that is more than I could ask for.
I was so engrossed with my thoughts and so mesmerized with her voice that I didn't notice that the song has ended. I felt her presence in front of me as I heard her whisper, "Meet me outside after the party."
The party has ended and my family is busy entertaining some of the guests and settling the bills. I immediately went outside after I bid farewell to a couple of guests, hoping that nobody saw me.
And there I saw her sitting on one of the swings under the old tree illuminated by the tiny paper lanterns.
She saw me come in so she removed her earphones and met me halfway.
"I asked you to come here so I could give you my gift." she said softly.
She handed me an old iPod and said, "Happy birthday, Jade."
"You're giving me my old iPod?" I asked.
"No silly, open it. I made you a playlist."
I opened the playlist and ran through her selection of songs.
I'm Like A Bird, Mockingbird, Three Little Birds, Bird and the Worm... Blackbird. At first I was confused... and then it hit me.
I remembered my drunken idea to make a list of all the songs with the word 'bird in it. An idea so silly that I've quickly forgotten about as soon as I said it.
But she remembered.
"Listen to it" she gauged, although somewhat shyly.
We sat on the swing as I placed the headphones on my ear and played the first song. Blackbird, of course.
It was a version of the song that I didn't recognize. The soft keys from the piano was the first thing I heard, and as the first line was about to start— I heard her voice.
It was not a simple playlist.
It was her.
It was her with the piano. It was her with the guitar. It was her voice.
It was all her.
No one has ever given me something this special before. It was something that I never thought I wanted... needed.
I looked at her in complete adoration and said, "Happy bird-day indeed"
I heard her giggle as she leans her head on my shoulders.
As I hear her belt out Nelly Furtado's 'I'm Like A Bird' to Bob Marley's 'Three Little Birds', I was a blubbering mess, I was crying and laughing and everything else in between.
It was the best gift I've never asked for.
She stood up just when the last song is about to start. She reached her hand out and softly asked, "Can I be your last dance, Jade?"
Oh, Althea. How could you turn a terrible night into something so perfect?
The more perfect you become the harder it is for me to hold back.
"Yes." I inaudibly said as fresh tears started to pool from my eyes again. I held my hand up and let her guide me.
She placed my hand on her shoulder and took one of the headphones from my ear and placed it in hers as she settled her other hand on my hips.
We slowly swayed though the instrumental of the last song that I am not familiar with.
She looked into my eyes, took a deep breath, and sang. Her voice was so soft that only I could hear it, sending shivers down my spine.
For you, there'll be no more crying.
For you, the sun will be shining.
And I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.
To you, I'll give the world.
To you, I'll never be cold.
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.
I could feel my knees start to buckle. Our close proximity giving me goosebumps. Her sweet breath making me light headed.
And the songbirds are singing, like they know the score.
And I love you, I love you, I love you, like never before.
And I wish you all the love in the world.
But most of all, I wish it from myself.
I held her closer and buried my face at the crook of her neck, inhaling her sweet candy scent.
And the songbirds keep singing, like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before, like never before, like never before.
She kissed my bare shoulder as the song ended. An act so simple yet so intimate. I released her from my tight embrace and gazed at her expressive eyes.
I saw a lot of things flash from those eyes. Confusion... Fear... Adoration... Certainty... and finally— love.
She leaned closer, and very slowly, although a bit hesitant, pressed her soft lips against mine.
It wasn't like our first kiss. This was long and lingering. Hungry and passionate. It took me quite a while to process what was happening when she broke the kiss.
"I love you, Jade" she said softly, albeit somewhat shocked at her own sudden revelation.
And just like that, all the euphoria I was feeling suddenly turned into fear.
What she said was something that I've always wanted to hear, yet it was something that dreaded me the most.
So with trembling voice, I said "I can't"
And I left her there in the dark, dumbfounded.
END OF FLASHBACK
Author's Note: Still a long way to go. Don't worry. :) Vote and comment, please. :)
P.S. To those of you who don't know, the first song is Mystery by Indigo Girls and the second one is Songbird by Fleetwood Mac. :)