*I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle*
-Lenka *The Show*
Chapter 12
I glance in my mirror, nervously tugging on my lacy blue shirt. I continue to stare at my reflection, long after I’m sure everything’s perfect. I just can’t seem to make myself leave. This is mostly because of how anxious I am about my date with Wesley. Or is it even a date? I have no clue, which just stresses me out even more.
Never in my life have I ever been so nervous to hang out with Wes. I mean, we have known each other for so long that I never really felt the need to get all nervous about going on dates with him or anything else. And what I’m feeling now isn’t even the good kind of nervous, where you get butterflies and all that. It’s more like I feel kind of sick.
I know it’s probably just because of how things have been between us lately. Everything is just so different and tonight is probably the night where we both figure out if things can ever be the same again. And if it turns out that they can’t….well I don’t know what I would do.
“Ivy! Are you ready yet?” Wesley calls while knocking on the bathroom door.
“Uh, yeah! Just a second,” I reply and take once last deep breath.
I open the door to Wesley’s smiling face and a blush creeps into my cheeks. God, I missed him.
“You look nice,” he says, looking me over.
“Thanks, it’s was all Maya,” I reply. Well, it was mostly Maya. I had to put my foot down on some of the things that she wanted, like heels or a dress. I mean, I figured Wesley wasn’t taking me anywhere that fancy. Even after telling Maya this she still insisted, but finally we compromised on a simple lacy blue shirt with a pair of shorts. It was simple, but actually looked pretty cute.
“Should we go?” he asks and I nod, taking the hand that he offers.
He leads me downstairs, telling me a funny story about some of the guys he went surfing with earlier in the day. We’re about to walk out to his truck when we run into Dace, coming inside.
“Hey,” he says, nodding to us both. Then he glances down and notices that we’re holding hands. His eyes narrow almost imperceptibly, to the point that I don’t know whether I imagined it or not.
“Hey, Dace!” I reply, having to force a smile for some reason.
“Where are you guys going?” he asks, voice stiff. I look to Wesley since I don’t know the answer to that myself.
“Out,” Wesley replies his voice almost sounding like some sort of challenge as he locks eyes with Dace. Well, that’s weird. I thought everything was back to normal between them.
“Uh huh,” Dace says and then turns back to me. “When you get back come find me. I have something I need to talk to you about.”
Before I have a chance to reply he disappears into the other room. I continue to stare after him, chewing my lip in confusion, until Wesley pulls me towards the door. He doesn’t say anything else until we are already in his car.
“What was that about?” he asks me and I notice that his hands are clenched very hard around the steering wheel.
“Uh, I don’t know. Guess I’ll find out later,” I reply, which I realize a second later probably wasn’t the smartest thing for me to say.
“You and Dace have been spending a lot of time together lately?” he questions and I shrug.
“Well, you asked me to, didn’t you?” I say and he gives me a quizzical look. “I mean, when we first got here you asked me to keep an eye on him because he was acting strange. Remember?”
Of course, my promise to Wesley has nothing to do with why I really have been spending time with Dace. Recently Wes hasn’t really been around and Dace has and I like hanging out with him. He has kept me distracted and occupied for the past few weeks, which I’m really grateful for. I can’t tell Wesley any of this, though, because I don’t think he would really understand.
“Oh, yeah. I guess I did,” Wes says finally, not looking happy about it.
After this the car descends into an awkward silence. I keep trying to think of things to say, but I find a problem with every one. Like if I asked what he has been up to lately he might tell me about the other girls he has been with, which would make me want to throw myself out of the car. And it’s not like I can ask the standard getting to know someone questions, like how many siblings they have or what their favorite color is. I already know this stuff about Wes. I can’t remember what it is that we used to talk about all the time when we were together, but now neither of us seems to have anything to say at all.
I glance at him out of the corner of my eye a few times, unable to resist. I forgot how hot he really was. This at least hasn’t changed. He is even still wearing the necklace that I gave him. I wonder if he is just wearing it for tonight or has been all along. If it’s the latter I’m not really sure how I would feel about this.
Finally, Wesley pulls into the parking lot of a place I recognize as the miniature golfing course.
“Seriously?” I ask, turning to him with a raised eyebrow. “Miniature golf?”
“Yeah. What’s wrong with that?” he asks with a grin and I can’t help but to laugh.
“You’re still as cheesy as I remember,” I say and his grin just widens.
Throughout the next hour we find out just how bad I really am at mini golf. And I mean really terrible. I manage to hit multiple people with golf balls, including myself, and a few others with my golf club. Wesley found all of this highly amusing since he, of course, was awesome at it. I found this super annoying considering he is so good at everything else. He even did that stupid cliché thing where he put his arms around me to show me how to hit the ball properly. Unfortunately for him it didn’t turn out all that romantic because I ended up hitting him with the club. Now I‘m not saying I did it on purpose or anything, but I did find it slightly more amusing than I probably should have. What can I say? I might still have some anger at him that I haven’t dealt with yet.
Overall though, I did have a lot of fun. Especially when he took me on the board walk and got me some cotton candy. That boy seriously knows the way to a girl’s heart. Well, he probably should after dating said girl for practically their whole lives, but whatever.
There was something bothering me, though. I couldn’t help thinking about what it was that Dace wanted to talk to me about. I found my mind wandering, trying to figure out what it could be. I began to worry that it had something to do with his dad since I’m the only one that he can really talk to about that. I just hope that everything’s okay.
Pushing thoughts of Dace aside, I tried to focus completely on Wesley. We spent some time walking the boardwalk and talking, which thankfully wasn’t nearly as awkward as in the car. Things started to feel like they were slipping back into our usual pattern and I began to feel comfortable again.
A little later in the night we drove back to the house. Instead of getting out of the car right away we both remained seated knowing that there were still some things that needed to be said. Just when I thought he was finally going to spit out whatever it was he wanted to say he leans over and kisses me instead. At first it feels just like normal, with the same amount of passion and love that has always been there, but then the memory of him kissing that other girl flashes through my mind and I start to feel sick. I begin to wonder how many other girls he has kissed just like this recently. Finally, I can’t take it any longer and pull myself away.
“I missed you,” Wesley mumbles into my hair, not seeming to realize that something is wrong. I give him my best dramatic sigh, which causes him to pull back and regard me quizzically. “What’s wrong?”
“I guess…well I….I’m just really confused,” I manage to get out and then sigh again at my lack of ability to express what I really mean.
“About what?” he asks and I bite my lip nervously.
“About us. I mean, what does this mean now? Are we back together or…or what?” I say and he takes a moment to think about this before replying.
“I don’t know. I miss you and I want to be with you eventually, but I think I need a little more time on my own,” he tells me. I feel like I should be sad or surprised, but by this point I’m only angry.
“Seriously? What was the point in taking me out tonight or any of this if you knew you didn’t want to get back together?” I snap.
“I just…I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to spend time with you. You were always one of my best friends, not just my girlfriend, and it’s been weird without you. I’m not ready to get back together completely, but I’d still like to spend time with you,” he says and I narrow my eyes at him.
“Do you have any idea how completely unfair that is to me? You can’t kiss me and then tell me you still want to hook up with other girls! You need to decide whether you want everything or nothing because I don’t know how I’m supposed to get over you if you’re going to keep stringing me along like this,” I tell him harshly and his mouth drops open.
“Ivy! I…That’s not…I don’t want…,” he stammers, obviously surprised at my outburst.
“You said you need more time, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep waiting around for you,” I cut in and then push the car door open. “You better figure out what you want soon because I’m not going to wait around forever.”
With that I hop out of the car and slam the door shut as hard as I can. I run inside the house and don’t stop until I’m standing in Dace’s room. I didn’t even realize that this was where I was headed until I was opening his door, but even though I know it’s probably a bad idea, I don’t stop myself.
Once inside I find that Dace isn’t here anyway. I don’t know where he is or when he’ll be back, but I decide to wait for him anyway. I don’t want to go back to my room in case Wes comes looking for me, not that he wouldn’t find me here if he was really looking, but still. And Dace did say he wanted to talk to me about something, so I figure he can’t be too long.
I make myself comfortable, curling up on his bed and wrapping myself in blankets. I feel like after my conversation with Wesley that I should want to cry or scream or something, but I realize with a shock that I don’t want to. I’m sick of crying and feeling sorry for myself. I’m also sick of being angry and upset all the time. I’m just so over all of it.
Without meaning to I end up falling asleep. Some time later I’m aware of the door opening and then closing again, but I don’t wake up enough to actually get up or see if it’s Dace. I assume it’s him, though, and I can hear him shuffling around the room doing whatever. He doesn’t even notice I’m there until a little while later when he comes over, probably ready to go to sleep.
“Ivy?” he yelps in surprise when he goes to pull back the blankets. “What are you doing in here?”
“Sleeping,” I mumble without opening my eyes.
“In my bed?” he asks.
“Mhmm,” I reply sleepily. “Now shhh.”
“Fine, but at least move over,” he tells me and I roll over like he says so that there is enough room for him to climb in next to me. If I were awake I know I wouldn’t have stayed with him like this, but right now I could care less. So instead I just pull the blankets around me tighter and go back to sleep.
* * *
The next morning I am woken up by the light streaming in through the windows. It bothers me enough that I try to sit up to pull the blinds, but find myself tangled. I feel my eyes widen when I realize just what or should I say who I’m tangled with.
Dace’s arm is lying across my stomach, holding me closer to him and my legs are wrapped around his so much that I’m not quite sure how to separate them. I completely blame all of this on Dace. When we were little kids we all used to have sleepovers together until we were old enough that this started to be considered inappropriate and I still remember how Dace would roll all over the place in his sleeping bag. He was always the one that punched and kicked people while he was sleeping, but I guess now he just hugs them to death or something.
I study his face a moment, seeing how peaceful he looks when he is asleep. It’s almost enough that I don’t do what I do next, but in the end I can’t help myself. I push him as hard as I can until he rolls off the side of the bed and hits the floor with a thump. He wakes up with a start, jumping to his feet.
“Morning, Sunshine!” I chirp and then start giggling at his shocked expression.
“What the hell was that for?” he demands, narrowing his eyes at me.
“That was for not waking me up last night! I can’t believe you let me stay in here!” I tell him.
“I tried to wake you up and you told me to be quiet! What were you even doing in here in the first place?” he asks and then sits on the bed beside me.
“I was waiting for you. You said you had something to tell me. I guess I fell asleep,” I say with a shrug.
“Oh, right,” he replies and runs his hand through his hair, looking away from me.
“So, what is it? That you needed to talk about, I mean,” I ask and he looks at me uncomfortably. I frown at him as the truth dawns on me. “You didn’t have anything to say, did you?”
“Nothing important, no,” he replies nervously and I roll my eyes.
“Then why did you say you did?” I exclaim, crossing my arms across my chest.
“Well, I’m supposed to be acting like we have something going on, right? I knew it would make Wes wonder at least a little if I said it, so I did,” he tells me and I tilt my head to the side considering this.
He seems nervous about what I’m going to say, but I guess his explanation makes sense. Although, we did decide about the whole plan to get Wesley back before he asked me on a date, but since he still hasn’t changed his mind I guess it wouldn’t hurt to put the plan in motion.
“Oh. That was smart, I guess. Although, you should have told me!” I scold him and he laughs.
“How was I supposed to know you were going to wait for me all night in my room?” he teases and I stick my tongue out at him.
“I thought something happened with your father! I was worried about you,” I say and his smile dims.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry,” he apologizes and I nod in understanding. “Anyway, how did your date with Wesley go?”
Instead of answering him, I cover my face with my hands and flop backwards onto his bed.
“That bad, huh?” he asks and I sigh.
“It was great actually,” I mumble, my voice muffled by my hands.
“Then why the dramatics?”
“Cause after the date didn’t go as well,” I say and he flops down next to me. I peek at him through my fingers and he raises his eyebrows at me.
“Well, he’s stupid. He’ll figure it out one day,” he tells me, pulling my hands away from my face.
“Yeah, well he better figure it out soon cause I don’t know how much longer I can wait,” I sigh and when he wraps his arm around me to comfort me I let him.
“Don’t worry, Ivy. Everything will work out and the two of you will be happy,” he says and I notice some distantly sad look in his eyes that makes me frown.
“And what about you?” I ask.
“What about me?” he replies, seeming startled.
“What is it that will make you happy?” I question him, suddenly feeling nervous for some unknown reason. Whatever I thought he was going to say, though, I’m disappointed because alls he does is shrug.
“Oh, come on! There has to be something,” I prod and he glances away, clearly frustrated.
“I don’t know, alright? Just leave it alone,” he snaps and I climb to my feet while keeping my back to him, not wanting him to see the hurt look on my face. I hear him sigh and then get to his feet as well.
“I’m sorry, okay? There are just some things I don’t want to talk about,” he says and I turn around to glare at him.
“You could have just said so,” I reply and then smile to show him that we’re okay before walking into the hallway.
I click his door shut behind me and then look up to see Keaton standing in the hallway, staring at me with his mouth hanging open.
“Please tell me I did not just see you leaving Dace’s room,” he says, looking down at my wrinkled clothes from yesterday that I never got a chance to change out of. He raises an eyebrow at me and I give him my best scowl in return.
“I just, uh, fell asleep in there last night. Nothing happened,” I tell him flatly and he nods his head, clearly not believing a word I said. “I’m serious, Keaton!”
“Sure you are. And I suppose I shouldn’t mention this to Wesley?” he asks and I bite my lip.
“You can if you want to, I guess. Like I said, nothing happened,” I shrug, playing nonchalant. I know I’m trying to make Wesley jealous with Dace, but I have a feeling if Keaton said anything about this it would not go down well.
“Don’t worry. My lips are sealed,” Keaton replies with a wink. Ugh! Why do brothers have to be so frustrating? Next thing I know he’ll be trying to blackmail me over this.
I take a deep breath and then hurry off to my room before someone else sees me. Even though nothing happened I’m sure I’d have a fun time of explaining that to Mads or any of the others. Especially since when I get flustered my cheeks turn all red the same way they do when I’m lying, which would not help me convince anybody.
It’s only once I’m in my room getting changed that it hits me why I was really mad about Dace’s reply to my question. I wanted him to tell me that the thing that would make him happy was me. I know it’s stupid and selfish, but for just a moment I wanted him to say it. My head starts to spin so badly that I have to sit down. I’m still having trouble admitting things to myself because I don’t know if I can handle the truth just yet. I mean, there is just no way I can have feelings for Dace….is there?