Ramlah
It was an extravagant event. I had never thought my valima would be like this. All kinds of luxurious settings were used. My dress, the hall, décor and the food. But the most important feature of this event was missing – My Husband. I internally recoiled. I don't even know if I should be calling him that. The images of last night flashed back. I shuddered. Shutting my eyes, I exhaled, I had to calm down. Thankfully, since morning Fahd had distanced himself. He woke up late and didn't bother to talk or look my way. I had felt relieved.
"Hmmm... the bride seems to be tired. I wonder why? Huh?" Nawal teased.
Bringing me back from my reverie. She winked, I looked away. I wish she had been right. Instead I had lived a nightmare. Her teasing didn't even make me shy as it did the previous night. What was left to be shy about? When I had been used in the most awful way one could imagine.
Other friends were coming up to me now, "So.... Tell us how is Fahd bhai? What did he gift you last night?" Amal asked.
I lowered my eyelashes. Gift? What gift? The scars on my body were the first gift my husband had given me. I wanted to scream. I wanted to reveal my secrets but my lips remained sealed. No one knew what I had gone through.
"Awww she is lost in her thoughts, she doesn't want to answer. Hmmmm... I think she wants to keep what gift she got a secret" Nawal joked.
Nawal was right. My gift will always remain a secret. Before I could answer any of their questions, Sana sat beside me and shooed my friends away. She took my hand in hers and squeezed it, making me look at her. Her penetrating gaze was unsettling as if she was trying to figure me out.
"He was drinking last night wasn't it?" she whispered.
I was taken back. How did she know? She must have seen my dubious expression.
"Saad saw him park his car around 1 in the morning." She replied to my unspoken question.
I lowered my lashes.
"Did he hurt you?"
My lips quivered. How can I tell her? She squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Ramlah be strong. I will talk to you in detail but not here. Not now."
"Sana, can I speak to you for a moment" Saad bhai asked softly, standing close to his wife.
She smiled lovingly at him. Placing her hand in his, she stood up, "I will be back Ramlah."
Embarrassed, I turned away. They had love between them. Something I had craved for. But...
Sana was back within few moments. "Come on we are leaving now."
I was puzzled, "What?"
She was not able to answer me as Fadil announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, can I have your attention please. The groom has a special surprise for his bride. He has left, we can't bid him farewell but we can wish the bride all the best before she joins her husband." He was smiling broadly as he addressed everyone at the hall.
What was going on? Surprise?
Fadil turned to me and Sana who was helping me stand up with the heavy fancy gown I was wearing. His expression had changed abruptly. There was concern and apprehension in his eyes. He didn't look at me, instead he was talking to Sana.
"Yes please escort her to the car. I am headed that way. Saad is gone to get his car. I am sorry for dragging you and Saad out like this but I don't think I can do this alone." He said apologetically.
"No no its ok Fadil bhai. I understand." She responded and held my arm to escort me out of the hall.
It took us another ten minutes to reach the entrance of the hotel. Aunties, my family and friends stopped me at every step to wish me well and bid me goodbye. I was still baffled as to what was going on. I kept gazing at Sana questioningly but she smiled reassuringly and clasped my arm firmly hinting I shouldn't ask any questions.
Fadil's car was at the entrance of the hotel awaiting our arrival. My heart leaped, thinking of the last time I had sat in this car. How care free I was even though I was injured? How hopeful I was then. As we neared the car I noticed Fahd was slumped on the front passenger seat. His posture didn't seem right. As I sat at the back seat, I smelt something that reminded me of the previous night. The faint stink of beer. Oh no! Fahd had been drinking again. I shrank in my seat. I didn't want to be left alone in the car with him. Especially when he had been drinking. Before I could voice my thoughts, Fadil opened the door to the driver side and seated himself. I exhaled knowing I was not alone with my husband.
The car roared to life, Fadil's eyes flickered to mine in the rear view mirror.
"Are you ok?" he asked softly.
This was the first time he had addressed me since the wedding.
I lowered my eyelids and breathed, "Yes"
He curtly nodded and drove away from the hotel.
It was a quiet journey. No one spoke. Fahd groaned a few times. I fiddled with my clutch bag and Fadil continued on driving. When we nearly approached home, Fadil cleared his throat, "I am sorry, you had to leave so suddenly from the valima. I had to make up some excuse for Fahd."
It made sense now. "It's ok" I had been viewing the busy streets out the window with unshed tears. I didn't bother to look at Fadil. I was fighting my own inner battles. I was oblivious to others around me.
Ya Allah! Help me I don't know how much more I will be able to take.
****
When we arrived home I was surprised to see Sana and Saad bhai coming out of their car strolling toward us. Saad bhai and Fadil each helped Fahd into the house. Slowly, I followed them Sana close behind me. The men had taken Fahd to our bedroom. I sat in the living room. I was shivering. Not from cold but fright.
"How are you Ramlah?" Sana asked cautiously.
"I don't know." I shrugged. I really didn't know what to say. Should I cry, scream or just stay silent.
"I had warned aunty about Fahd's habit. But aunty had brushed it off saying men change." She told me apologetically.
I was dumbfounded. Mama knew and still she had pushed me to a lifetime of torture and misery. Why? I smiled disdainfully, Money! The greed of money led her to plunge her daughter to desolation.
"Thank you for telling me this." it was a real an eye opener. I, now, knew who to turn to and who not.
Sana wanted to say more when Saad bhai sauntered into the room along with Fadil.
"Sana, why don't you stay with Ramlah until Uncle and aunty come? Fadil is here too. I have to go and pick up Ammi and Abou from the valima."
She nodded, "Ok no problem" her gaze flickered to me, smiling affectionately, "Ramlah and I have lots to catch up on."
I tried to smile but failed. From the corner of my eyes, I noticed Fadil was silently observing me.
"If you need anything let me know I will be in my room."Fadil informed Sana and me.
Saad left then, Sana and I spent rest of the afternoon chatting. She did her best to cheer me up. With time, I realized I had not gained a friend but a sister. She was very understanding and caring. Similar to how Amal has been. Fadil never came back to the living room. When uncle and aunty came back, Sana left. I still unrelentingly lingered in the living room, alone, fretting to go up to my room.
I heard aunty and Fadil argue on the stairs,
"Mom, he has to stop this. He is a married man. You better put sense in him to stop his habit." Fadil stated in anger.
"I know I know. I will talk to him."
"Please Mom. You are endangering another person because of his habit."
My eyebrows rose. The concern laced in Fadil's voice was evident.
Aunty sighed, "Yes beta I know that as well. Don't worry I will talk to him. And I am sure Ramlah will understand that he can't change easily or soon. We need to give him time."
Fadil snorted, "Time. He has been mourning over that stupid girl for the last two years. He better move on for his wife's sake."
Girl? What girl? I gasped, who did he refer to?
"Sshh... you don't need to say it out loud. We all know what led him to this." aunty snapped.
"Well my patience is running out. If he messes up one more time, don't blame me for what I will do." Fadil warned.
"Enough Fadil. You have made your point." Aunty refuted.
"I am leaving. I will call you up later inshaa Allah. Assalam ualaikum" with that I heard him storm out of the house after aunty had mumbled her salaams.
I was still contemplating the conversation. When aunty strolled into the living room.
Her eyebrows rose, "Ramlah, why are you still here?" I didn't know what to answer. "And you are still in valima dress. Beti why don't you go and change and rest for a while." She said disapprovingly with her arms crossed over her chest.
"Jee" I responded lamely. I had no option anymore I had avoided for too long.
I was petrified going in that room. My hands started sweating and heart thudded loudly. I slowly rose and with heavy steps went upstairs to the dreaded room. I hesitated outside the door. My hand stilled on the door knob. Taking a deep breathe, silently praying, I twisted the door knob. The door creaked opened.
Fahd was nowhere in the room. I stepped in, exhaling in relief. But not for long, just then Fahd walked out of the ensuite bathroom, freshly showered. His hair was wet, and he was wearing jeans as well as a t-shirt. I had stilled in the middle of the room. I wasn't able to react because of fear. My eyes warily watched his every move. He didn't seem to notice this, instead without even a glance my way he walked out of the room. My eyes tightly shut I whispered "Alhumdulilah" as I heard the door being closed behind him.
But how long will we continue to ignore each other?
****
The next few days that passed by were the same. Fahd continued to ignore me. He never spoke and I never initiated any talk. I tried to stay away from our room as much as possible. I would stay in the kitchen or the living room casually chatting with aunty about anything to nothing. When it was night time, I always feared what to expect. But nothing happened. In fact, in the last few days, I never smelled any alcohol in the room. Aunty must have spoken to Fahd as Fadil had advised.
It was nearing a week since the wedding. And I had started noticing Aunty's disapproval of my being downstairs all the time and never spending time with my husband. I had a feeling she would say something and my dreading came true one morning over breakfast when even Fahd had graced aunty, uncle and me with his presence at the dining table.
"Fahd and Ramlah, your father and I have a wedding present for both of you."
For some reason this news was unsettling. She looked pleased with herself. But it was making me fret.
"We have a weekend getaway for you at Powerscourt Hotel and Gardens." She announced delightfully.
I was applying butter on my toast, the knife slid from my hand clanking on the plate. Aunty frowned at my clumsiness. I hurriedly picked my knife trying to hide my awkwardness. I was sitting beside Fahd, I heard him cuss under his breath, "Ma, I told you I was not interested in any trip. I told you this two days ago." He argued.
"I know, I know you did. But it's only for two days. You were objecting going to another country for honeymoon. But at least you can take Ramlah for the weekend. Both of you need to enjoy this time. You are newly married."
Huh? When did they discuss that?
"Ma please not this." he pleaded.
"I am not listening to any excuse. Ramlah, beti, pack your and Fahd's things for the weekend. Both of you will be leaving early morning." She said, glaring at Fahd she continued, "And Fahd don't come up with any excuse at the last minute I am not buying it."
He sighed and gritted his teeth as he resumed eating his breakfast. I had lost my appetite instead I toyed with my food. Only one thought was running through my mind.
What will happen this weekend?
Glossary:
Abou – Father
Ammi – mother
Jee - saying 'yes' in a polite manner
Authors note:
Powerscourt Hotel and Gardens is approximately 30km away from Dublin city, it was a Viscount residence three hundred years ago. Today it is a luxurious hotel with scenic gardens. It is a major tourist attraction. (i feel like i am promoting Irish tourism. lol)
What are your views for today's chapter? What do you think will happen during the weekend? Let me know your views. Please do continue to comment and vote. I am always waiting for your them.
Until next time,
Assalam u alaikum