Poke. "Tom?"
I groaned and made myself smaller under the covers. I was just getting comfy, I don't want to wake up.
Another poke in my side. "Tom? Your alarm clock is going off, does that mean something?"
Shit!
I threw the covers off as quickly as possible and ran to the bathroom while the blood was still rushing back to my head. I took a five minute shower, brushed my teeth, threw on some clothes, and ran out of my bathroom full speed to the front door.
"Uh, have a good day!" I heard Jordan call from my bedroom. Crap, I forgot to tell him I have to go to work.
"Going to work! Bye!" And then I sprinted out the door to my car. I should've told him yesterday that I had work tomorrow and I couldn't stay with him. Sonja and Tucker won't be back home until late tonight and neither will I, so he'll be alone all day. I hope he'll be okay until then. I mean it's not like a murderer is gonna come crashing through the front door and stab him.
Though we do live in a really violent neighborhood. Oh god.
I know it's dangerous to talk over the phone while you're driving, but screw that shit I'm calling him anyway. While I sped down the main highway I pressed his contact and put the phone to my ear, drumming my other fingers nervously on the steering wheel until he answered. Finally after many rings later, he picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hey! Uh, just wanted to ask if you locked the door after I left? Our neighborhoods full of killers and rapists and I just wanted to make sure you didn't, you know, die while all of us were gone?"
"Oh yeah, I locked the door! Er...should I have locked the windows too?"
I nearly snorted, but then I realized he was being serious. "No I don't think they'll be brave enough to try the windows. One time Tucker came after some guy with a golf club who was trying to rob our garage and we haven't had any incidents since. You should be alright. Um...so how are things at my room?"
"I wouldn't know, I'm not in your room. Hey quick question, how big is your room? In square feet I mean?"
"I-...I don't know. Why?"
"No reason. I'll let you get back to whatever you're doing. Bye Tom!" And then he hung up.
I wouldn't know, I'm not in your room.
Where the hell is he then?
~
Six hours and forty five minutes left, I'm back in my car. I'm exhausted, hungry, and I really want to curl up into a ball and die. Putting up with idiots all day drains my soul and literally makes me feel like I'm on death row. I slid into the seat of my crappy car and started it up, but I didn't pull out of the lot just yet. Instead I leaned my head against the back of my seat and breathed in, closing my eyes and unclenching my fists. I need alcohol. I need it, I need it so badly.
I can't though. It's not the weekend, it's Monday and it's the first day of my five day survival. I promised myself and James that, no matter the circumstances, I will not drink unless its the weekend. If I break my habit, I end up killing myself with alcohol again and this time I won't be able to stop.
Instead I cry.
It's not sobbing or wheezing or the kind that makes your face swell up like a red balloon, it's the kind that trickles down your cheeks and reminds you how much your life sucks. It's easy to forget you're alive sometimes. When you step on a treadmill that keeps going and going, you forget that you're alive. I hate schedules. I hate time restraints. I hate time itself. What I would give to have the world stop for just day, just so I can gather myself up and put myself back together again.
I sit back up, put the car in reverse, back out, and head home. I'll eat something, I'll go to sleep, and then I wake up and I start again. Until Friday, I am stuck on a treadmill. It's hell. It really is.
When I pull in the driveway of my home, I have to do a breathing exercise to calm myself down and stop crying, something that I learned in therapy awhile ago. Therapy was actually pretty helpful when I used to go. I don't go anymore and I'm not really sure why that is. I just stopped one day and I never went back.
I unbuckle myself and drag my body out of the car, trudging up the familiar steps I've walked up for four years now. I press my key in the lock when I reach it and twist the knob, a nauseating feeling of fatigue filling my bones when I walk through the door.
And another strange feeling filling me when I see a furry creature staring up at me on the floor.
"Who the hell are you?" I ask the dog (that sort of resembled a ball of black wool), who was panting happily while it stared up at me. Of course it didn't respond, it was a dog for gods sake, but I was still mildly irritated when it didn't. Who does this dog think he is? Being happy and blissfully ignorant without a single care in the world?
Okay I'm going crazy. I'm getting jealous of a damn dog, I've lost my mind. But seriously, who brought a freaking animal into this house? We all established before we don't want any animals to clean up after and we agreed to never have any as long as we lived in the same house together.
"I can explain."
My eyes snapped up to the panicky and worried looking nerd in front of me, who, coincidentally, the dog immediately yipped at and scurried over to. He brought the dog into the house. I'm going to slaughter him.
"He ran in front of my car and I hit him and he passed out, so I brought him here because I couldn't go back to my apartment and now he's awake and he's slobbering over everything but he's also really really cute and-"
"You hit the dog and then brought him into my house because you felt bad?" I asked dully.
"Well...yes. Please don't be mad. I mean look at him! He's really cute, and he likes poptarts!" He said the last sentence as if that alone would convince me that this mangy dog belonged in my household. I wanted to yell at him. Scream at him that I've had the worst day of my life and the last thing I needed was a smelly animal running around all over my house and getting shit everywhere.
But before I even got the first syllable out, he bent down and picked up the dog. It attacked his cheeks with slobbery licks and the giggles that streamed out of his mouth melted my heart. I can't yell at him. I can't yell at someone so precious and innocent and thoughtful. He brought an injured puppy into my house and fed it poptarts. That's the most adorable thing I've ever heard.
"Hide him from Tucker, he'll bite me in the ass if he finds out there's a dog here. Otherwise, you can keep him or whatever until you get back to your apartment. Okay?"
His face lit up with happiness and the dog yipped with glee. I couldn't fight the smile that worked its way to my lips. That dog is similar to him somehow. Maybe because they're both equally adorable.
"We should name him! What could we call him? Pancakes? Fluffy? Grizzly bear?"
"Grizz sounds cool," my mouth blurted out without my permission. I couldn't care less what he named the dog, why did I suggest that?
"Grizz! I love it! Do you love it?" He asked the dog, to which it responded with a lick to his cheek. Cute.
"I'm gonna go lay down, alright? I'll see you later." I headed towards my room, leaving the most adorable scene ever behind. I'm tired. I need to cry a bit more and sleep off the rest of the sadness.
"Oh, do you want me to come with you?" He asked from behind me. "I can bring Grizz and he can cuddle with us!"
"Why don't you just play with the dog for a bit? I'd rather be alone for a little while if you don't mind." That means piss off, I need to cry myself to sleep like the wimp I am. I nearly got to the door when a hand grabbed my elbow and spun me around. Worried brown eyes met mine, ones that weren't focused on the dog anymore and instead were all focused on me.
"...are you okay? Did you have a bad day at work?"
"I hate work. I hate life. I hate everything." I lean my head on his shoulder and shut my eyes. I know he won't understand, but I need someone to vent to who won't stare at me like I'm a freak or tell me I need to cheer up. Maybe he won't do that.
"Then quit work. Improve your life. Try to look at things differently. It helps, I promise." He pats me on the back and pulls me a bit closer so I'm comfortable on his shoulder. I'll never get over how wonderful he smells. Snuggle.
"I can't quit work. I won't be able to pay my bills, I won't get to buy groceries, I won't-"
"Find another job. Something that you enjoy and something that doesn't take up every minute of your life."
"I can't. I quit high school and I never went to college. There are no jobs that I can get."
"Then...wait around until you can find one. Quit your job and just rest awhile."
"And how do you suppose I pay for things I need to live?"
"I'll pay for them."
"Jordan. No."
"Yes! Just until you find another job and-"
"You just met me! Why are you being so suffocatingly nice?!" I screeched at him.
"Because you're the only person I've met in a very long time who actually cares about me! And I really like you and I don't want you to be depressed and sad...it makes me really sad too. I'll pay for everything, just until you get another job you love. Please?"
"No. I don't need your help and I don't need your money. Piss off." I jerked my elbow out of his grasp and went into my room, slamming it shut behind me. I may have very well ruined our entire friendship just now, but it doesn't matter. I don't need his money. I'm perfectly fine on my own, I don't need anyone else. I'm content with just myself.
I slumped onto my bed sheets and crawled under them, flicking the light switch above my head to turn off the light.
But then I noticed something.
My shitty TV wasn't there anymore. Instead, a small flat screen replaced it. He bought me a TV. He bought me a damn TV. I noticed a few other things that had changed too. My molded rug in front of my bed was gone, a brighter red one taking it's place. There was a stack of hoodies I'd never seen before on my desk, all black or navy blue with different designs on them. The busted light on my ceiling had even been replaced. He fixed all the broken things in my room and bought me upgrades.
I told him to piss off when he literally went out and bought all of this shit for me.
It took me hours to think of a good apology. I can't just say I'm sorry, it has to be something really genuine and sorrowful, because that's how I feel right now, sorrowful. This is so unlike me. Usually I don't care about anyone's feelings or whether I hurt them or not. If it had been anyone else in this situation I probably would've ignored them all together but...Jordan is different. I don't really know why.
I huffed and slid off my bed sheets, stomping over towards the door so I could throw it open and spit out my stupid apology. Though when I opened the door, no one stood in the kitchen or the hallway. That's weird. I thought he'd be playing with that dog.
I walked down the hallway into the living room, and went to a screeching halt when I saw the scene on my leather couch. Jordan was sprawled out on the small couch, legs stretched over the opposite arm with his head and arms stretching over on the other with a small black creature curled up on top of his stomach. It was the most uncomfortable thing I'd ever seen on my entire life, but it still radiated enough cuteness to make my face twist into a smile.
I tip toe over to the couch and bend down to his level, poking him lightly in the arm much like he did me when he was trying to wake me up. "Jordan?"
He groaned a little and move so that his head was angled towards me. I felt my stomach twist in a knot when I saw his sleepy expression and his messy bed hair, and the fact that his T-shirt had ridden up all the way to his ribs wasn't helping. I poked him again, this time staring at the couch cushion beside of him so I didn't get distracted.
"Wake up, this couch is a torture device for humans. Come sleep in my bed."
"Mmh, your bed?" He mumbled, eyes still closed.
"Yeah. Come on, let's go to bed."
He giggled in his sleep and shifted his body so that he was facing me entirely. "Y'want me...in your bed? Dirty Birdy..."
I rolled my eyes, my cheeks suddenly feeling really warm for some reason. "Not like that you idiot. Come sleep in my bed so you won't kill yourself on the couch."
"Nnnno!" He drug out the word with his eyes still closed. "Don't wanna...have sex yet."
I wouldn't have cared if he hadn't added the word yet into the sentence. Now I'm blushing so hard I feel like the sun is bearing down on my flesh and crisping it like bacon.
"I'm n-not, I mean it's-"
"One day Tommy...one day." He smiled in his sleep.
One day. I wonder what he means by that.
Nope nope nope, screw off feelings I'm not in the mood to experience you. I picked the dog up and put him on the floor, and then I scooped Jordan up into my arms and headed towards my room. Unfortunately the dog woke up when I moved it and now it was scurrying after us at the speed of light. It bounced into my room before I even set foot in it and laid down on a pile of my dirty clothes, curling up and falling asleep again. Weird ass dog.
I gently placed Jordan on on my bed sheets, throwing a fluffy blanket over his body before getting in myself. Should I go to work tomorrow? He did say he would take care of everything if I decided I wanted to quit. I really don't want to depend on someone else to keep my life from falling apart. Trusting somebody to take care of your needs is absolutely terrifying. To me at least. Other people would probably kill to be in my place, to have some rich cute guy taking care of you so you don't have to work or do anything at all. Hm.
I've been with someone before who promised to take care of me when I fell down and nurture me when I got hurt. They didn't keep that promise, and it nearly destroyed my entire life. I don't want to go through that again. I don't want to trust someone to keep me together.
But Jordan is different. He isn't some guy, another name to add to my list of ex lovers. He actually cares, sometimes more about me than about himself. It's shocking to see someone so selfless. Just when I thought humanity had finally gave way to the point of no hope, he comes and changes my whole perspective. How can somebody do that? How did he manage to do it without even trying?
"You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me." I'm sure he didn't hear it, he's turned away from me and he hasn't said a word since I took him from the couch. I was kinda hoping he had though. I want him to know how much I appreciate him. Maybe someday I'll be able to say it to his face.
One day.
~~~
I have to go to the dentist and I don't wanna ._.
LEAVE FAVORITES AND COMMENTS PLZ. LEE NEEDS SUPPORT BEFORE SHE FACES THE EVIL DENTIST AND PROBABLY DIES FOREVER.
Thank youuu!
- Lee