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[Only one more chapter left (probably)]
Thanks to @lost48 for the best covers for my books! x
I wake up late in the morning with Braden still fast asleep by my side. I turn on my side quietly, watching his sleeping form. The sheet is scrunched around his hips and he's bare from the chest up. It's such a beautiful sight to see the first thing in the morning.
I softly brush my fingers through his hair, pushing back the lock of hair that fell over his face. His mouth suddenly pulls up at the corners and I know he's awake. He slowly opens his eyes, looking me straight in the face and I can't help but smile back.
''Hi,'' I breathe.
''Good morning, baby.'' God, the grogginess of his morning voice ... The sheet rustles as he lifts his hand to my face, pulling me closer to him and kisses me so hard that all the breath leaves my lungs. He leaves me gasping for air and I don't even mind it.
''How much time do we have?'' Braden murmurs against my lips.
It's probably really late in the morning and we have to be at my parents' in a few hours, but I only shrug. ''Time for what?''
A slow grin spreads on Braden's face. A fire starts in his eyes, burning my whole body with it.
''For a lot of things,'' he says before placing his mouth on mine, making me lose my damn mind and all my reasonable thinking flies out of the window.
***
When we finally untangle ourselves from each other, we're being almost late. We get ready quickly. We take my car, but Braden insists on driving so I let him.
Lunch with parents goes well. Braden is charming with my mum and she instantly likes him. When she first laid her eyes on him, her eyes almost bugged out. He's casually dressed today in his jeans that hug his ass so nicely and a dark blue sweater. Mum gave me a knowing smile when Braden greeted her, kissing her cheek, and I blushed under her stare, fidgeting.
I feel you, mum, I feel you.
She was flustered at first, but she got a hang of it and they clicked. Dad, on the other hand, was more tough to break. But Braden knew how to use his charm and both my parents soon swooned around him. Literally.
And now, hours later, we're driving back, both buzzing from the happiness. ''I really like your parents,'' Braden says out of a sudden.
I smile in his direction. ''And they really like you,'' I reply.
Braden looks thoughtful for a moment before he hums. ''You think so?'' he asks and I think I hear the uncertainty in his voice.
I caress his knuckles with my thumb and squeeze his hand in reassurance. ''I know so,'' I say sincerely. I never saw my parents with Charles the way they were with Braden today. It's a nice feeling, knowing that my parents approve of the man I'm ... casually fucking. I wince at the crude, yet true thought.
But I guess it is true in some part. I love him. I love him more than my own life and he only sees me as his friend. I try not to think about last night, but the words Antonio said are still haunting my thoughts.
''Who's Vic?'' I suddenly shoot out without any thinking. My body tenses up right after that, anticipating his answer, but I don't regret questioning him that.
Braden's grip tightens on my hand and his body goes rigid, his eyes widening before he masks his expression again. ''What?'' he says, trying hard to keep his voice neutral, but I know him more now and I know my question threw him off guard.
''Antonio said something about Vic yesterday. That I'm the same as her?'' I ask warily, carefully gauging his reaction.
His body goes even more rigid and his jaw gets impossibly hard. ''Ah, Victoria ...'' Braden says with a sour voice. My stomach plumps close to the ground. Who is she and what is she to Braden? It seems like he doesn't want to tell me first, but then he opens his mouth and I wish he didn't ''Victoria is ... she's the woman I once almost married.''
My head swiftly turns in his direction, my mouth falling open. ''Wh-what?'' I choke out, my throat suddenly dry.
Braden nods his head, but he doesn't look at me. I think this conversation isn't really to be had in a car, but I can't take back my prying words.
''Victoria is my ex-fiancée.''
My mind barely wraps around this fact. ''What happened?'' I force myself to ask. Because I want to know. I need to know.
Braden snorts, his face in a painful grimace. ''She left me. She left me on our wedding day to go with Antonio Villega instead. That's what happened,'' he says with his tone hard and his jaw hard as a steel.
My world comes to a stop. Antonio Villega? He said his ex-fiancée ... oh, damn. What did I do? ''Wow, uhm ... I never thought that you were once close to a marriage,'' I say, because my mind is literally in million different places right now and I have no idea on which thing to focus first.
Braden shrugs. ''I'm glad it didn't happen now, though,'' he replies.
I lift my eyebrows. ''Why?'' I can't help but ask.
Braden looks at me now, his face a dark shadow, his eyes a dark brown colour. ''Why, Rory? She was cheating on me while I planned my future with her. She left me standing at the altar, waiting for her. Waiting to become the happiest man on this planet and ready to give her my body, my soul and my whole damn heart to her forever. That's why.''
He turns his head straight again, looking on the road, his throat working as he swallows thickly.
I look down at our joined hands and blink rapidly, his words ringing in my head like an annoying bell. ''Did you ... did you love her?'' I ask quietly, not daring to lift my head up and look at him, because I'm afraid of what I'll see.
There's a long pause, my heart beating faster with every millisecond that passes. ''Very,'' Braden exhales lowly.
I close my eyes as I feel my heart suddenly slow down. It almost stops beating at his words. There's a lump in my throat and I don't have the power to swallow it down. ''Oh,'' I say. ''Oh. Well ...'' I'm afraid I'll start rambling and the words I'm not ready to say out loud will come out of my mouth, so I just bite my mouth and force it shut, focusing on my breathing.
So Braden once loved a woman who cheated on him and left him at the altar. He was once very happy with her, that much is obvious. And he was in love. ''Is that why you say you can't be able to love anymore?'' I whisper to him, my throat tight with the pressure building inside me, making my stomach swirl unpleasantly and making me want to throw up.
Braden straightens his mouth and doesn't say anything for long seconds. I stare at him, waiting for his reply.
''I guess,'' he says simply.
I nod and smile sadly, turning my head away, not saying anything. I already asked too much and I know more than I wanted to.
''Rory, I ...'' Braden tries, but I stop him.
''It's okay, Braden. You don't have to explain anything to me.''
And the silence falls over us, not leaving us until he stops the car in front of my building, parking it.
I stare straight up at my building, the tension between us so thick you couldn't even cut it with a knife.
''Say something, Rory,'' Braden says. I feel his eyes on me, but I don't look at him. I don't dare. Because if I would, I'm afraid I might burst into tears.
I don't even know why it affected me so much, knowing that he once loved another woman and he was close to marrying her, wanting to give her his whole life, while I'm still here fighting over the title 'friend'.
''Do you still love her?'' I ask him. I squeeze my hands in tight fists at my sides, digging my nails into my skin so it starts to hurt.
Braden puts his hand on my knuckles and opens my palm, interlacing our fingers together. It only makes my body tense. ''God, Rory, no. It was a long time ago. It affected my life on a deep level, that's true, but I'm over it.''
I snort and laugh dryly. A relief washes over me at his words, but there's still a knot around my heart, squeezing it hard. ''Clearly you're not if you're not ready to love another woman.'' My words sound like an accusation, but I don't give a damn.
Braden puts his hand under my chin and turns my head into his direction, looking deep into my eyes, his stormy eyes searching my face for something. ''Do you have anything to tell me?'' he asks me tightly, his tone ice-cold.
I stare into his eyes. It would be so easy. So easy to say those three words. I love you. I truly, madly, deeply love him so much that I'd give my own soul for him. But I don't say the words because I know he's testing me. If I say them, it's a game over and we end everything in this car. And I don't want that. I lower my eyes. ''No. I already said everything I had to,'' I tell him, my eyes getting damp and I blink in desperation so the tears won't spill down my face.
I hear Braden exhale. ''Can I come up with you?''
I want to laugh at his question for some reason. But I just don't have any energy left in me to do anything else but breathe. ''I'd rather be alone right now if you don't mind,'' I tell him honestly, my voice quiet.
I hear Braden shift. I grab the door handle, but he stops me by grabbing my wrist and turning me to him. He leans his face closer to me, putting his both palms on my head and stares at me deeply. His look almost makes me cry. I know how I must look right now, vulnerable, sad and just plain empty.
Braden frowns at my expression and he leans even closer to my face, his warm breath hitting my lips and I smell him with every breath I take. I just want to throw myself into his arms and let him hold me. Let him take all the worries away. Let me forget about everything but him. But I don't. I stay just where I am. It won't always be me who's going to be the first to give up.
Braden kisses my lips suddenly, so softly and tenderly, just a small kiss, full of affection that ends all too soon. ''Are we okay?'' he breathes, his breath hitting my lips. I lick them and Braden's eyes catch the movement.
I shift my eyes to the right for a moment and then right back to him. ''We will be,'' I tell him because I don't have anything else to say to him than that.
Braden closes his eyes for a moment in defeat and he nods slowly, backing away from me. ''Let me at least walk you up,'' he offers, but before he can go out of the car, I put my hand on his arm, stopping him.
''It's okay, I know my way.'' I kiss his cheek and say a small, ''Good night,'' before rushing out of the car and literally fly into the building, not turning back even once. I walk the stairs in a daze, the pounding in my head getting stronger and more hurtful.
When I come into my quiet, lonely and cold bedroom, my phone beeps, indicating that I got a text. I wince at the loud sound in the quiet room. I pull the phone out and put it on silent. I'm almost afraid to look at the text, in fear that Braden texted me and I won't know how to respond, but when I look it's from my best friend Lily, I open it with a slight relief, mixed with disappointment that settles deep in my stomach.
Rory, babe, wanna grab a drink w/ me on Saturday night?
A slight grin spreads over my face. I miss her and I miss hanging out with her. We haven't spoken since she came over to my flat when she and her boyfriend Jared had a slight disagreement, but they sorted it out soon.
Water for you, I guess ;)
I type back.
Don't remind me ... x
I chuckle quietly at her text. It's not that Lily is much on drinking. She drinks on occasion, just like me I guess . But when we went out together, we usually got a bit tipsy and had a good time. Guess it'll be only me getting tipsy now since she's pregnant.
Picking u up @ 7. B ready, she texts me.
I only text back an Okay x
There's a soft knock on my door. My heart speeds up, but when Brooke pokes her head inside, it slows down just as fast. I still put a tight smile on my face, because I'm happy to see her.
''Hey. How did it go?'' Brooke asks, plopping herself down beside me on the bed.
I guess Braden told her about meeting my parents, but I still ask to be completely sure. ''What?''
Brooke rolls her eyes. ''Braden meeting your parents and all that stuff.'' She motions with her hands around. I frown at the 'all that stuff' comment, but I let it pass.
I shrug, looking down at my hands. ''It went well.''
''Then why are you sitting here and looking like your puppy just died?''
I look at Brooke with slightly raised eyebrows. ''I don't have a puppy,'' I say pointedly.
Brooke laughs. ''Not the point,'' she sings.
I sigh, smoothing the bed sheet with my hand. ''Braden and I had a ... talk on the way back. He told me about his ex-soon-to-be-wife,'' I mumble. It's surprising how easy it is talking about something like that with Brooke, especially when she's Braden's sister. But when she talks with me, she doesn't act like his sister anymore and it makes everything so much easier.
Brooke's expression falls. ''Well, damn,'' she comments, studying me. ''You mean more to him than I thought.''
My eyebrows draw together and my eyes shoot up to look at her. ''What?'' I say, confused by her statement.
Brooke shakes her head. ''It's just ... he never told anyone about Victoria. Not a lot of people know about what happened since there weren't a lot of people invited to the wedding and we've all done the best we could so the story wouldn't release. But Braden never told a living soul about her, ever.''
I let her words sink in me, greedy for information. ''She hurt him very much,'' I say, my tone hard.
I don't get it. Which sane woman would cheat on Braden? He's such a wonderful man, I just have no words to describe him. He's beyond perfect in my eyes.
Brooke smiles sadly at my words. ''She did. He loved her so very much and I still hate her to this day for doing that to someone who didn't deserve it at all. I think Braden forgave her, but I never will,'' Brooke says, her eyes getting distant and colder. ''He gave her everything, Rory. He would've given his life for her if she only asked. He's that kind of man. And she destroyed him.'' Brooke sounds so sad talking about it and only now I realise that it hurt her too to see her brother getting hurt like that.
''I can only imagine how much it hurt you both. I think I hate her too,'' I mumble the last part, but my tone is vicious.
Brooke looks deeply into my eyes. ''Are you mad at Braden?''
I stare at her in confusion. ''No. Why would I be?'' I ask.
Brooke gives me a pointed look. ''Because I don't see him here with you.''
I bite my lip, looking down at my lap. Sighing, I say, ''You know how deep my feelings run for him and hearing that story ... it hurts to know that he once loved someone so much that he wanted to spend a whole life with her and he can't ... he can't love me or someone else because of her,'' I spit the last word out, hating the taste of it.
Brooke's look turns sympathetic and I just want to throw up. I don't need sympathy over something like this. She holds my hands. ''Rory, don't think like this. You have no idea how much he changed since he's with you and how different he is with you than with everyone else. I can't say I'm sure of his feelings, but don't give up on him yet.''
''We ran in Antonio Villega at the gala yesterday,'' I admit quietly. I still feel bad over what happened. I know it's partly my fault, but I was so pissed and so hurt ...
Brooke gasps, her eyes turning disbelieving and outrage murderous. ''Oh, no,'' she says. ''What happened?''
I put my hand on my forehead, closing my eyes briefly. ''I was at the bar and the man just sat down beside me. He drawn me in a conversation with him and at some point, Braden suddenly stood beside me and the men started insulting each other, well, Braden more than Antonio, and then Antonio just made some comment about testing me out if I was the same as Vic and Braden just ... punched him straight in the face.''
Brooke's face turns slightly amused, but it doesn't completely erase her anger. ''First of all, he did the right thing. He should've more than just punched him in the face,'' Brooke says, her voice adamant. ''And secondly, why were you even talking to Antonio in the first place?'' she wants to know.
I blush and fidget slightly in my seat. Brooke notices the movement and raises her eyebrows. ''I was mad at Braden,'' I simply say, thinking it would be enough. But I should've known that Brooke won't be satisfied with that only. I sigh as she looks expectantly at me to continue. ''He introduced me to all his amazingly gorgeous female friends as his friend.'' I scrunch my face up in memory of that embarrassing moment and the sinking feeling I felt in my stomach.
Brooke's mouth slightly falls ajar, looking at me dumbly. ''He seriously did that?'' she whispers as if she's in a daze.
I nod my head.
Brooke's face falls and a sympathy crosses her face. God, I hate that look of pity so much ... ''He's such a fucking jerk. Oh, god, but seriously, who do I have for a brother? Is he completely dumb?''
I'm slightly taken aback by her reaction. I so did not expect her to say that. ''I guess his feelings just aren't the same as mine.'' I shrug, trying desperately not to start crying.
Brooke shakes her head at me, a soft expression settling on her face. ''You know what we need right now? A big ass gallon of ice cream!''
And we get that big gallon of ice cream, talking to late night hours until both of us fall asleep, not fully content, but we're getting there.
***
The week is too long for my liking. It's not so busy at the bar now that the working hours changed and there are not many people there during the day, apart from the college students and here and there some older people. I like it that way but it can quickly get boring.
And also, I haven't seen Braden for the whole week. He went on a business trip on a Tuesday and he came back yesterday. We haven't even talked much. I don't expect an apology from him or anything, I don't even expect him to make it right between us, because I don't blame him for his past and I'm not mad at him. It still hurts to know that that little hope I had that he could love me back is now lost.
I'm currently getting ready for my night out with Lily and Brooke helped me pick out a short black dress with colourful patterns on it, such as red, yellow, white etc. The dress has a high neck and it's tight as my second skin, but it's not too revealing and I like it very much.
I don't really do much with my makeup, only paint my lips red, apply mascara and that's it. I also let my hair fall down my back in messy waves.
I let Braden know that I'm going out with Lily tonight. I asked him when I can see him and he wanted to come by tonight, but when I told him about my plans he just typed back to stay safe and he'll see me tomorrow.
I'm running late and Lily is already waiting for me downstairs in her car. I haven't seen her in such a long time, I actually scream and hug her tightly when I sit in her car. ''You look good. Damn, I haven't seen you in such a long time! Pregnancy suits you,'' I comment.
Lily is basically glowing. I guess now she accepted to have a child and she worked her problems out with Jared. She grins widely at me. ''Thanks. And look at you! You look stunning!'' she comments.
I smile kindly at her. ''Thank you.''
We go to a small club near Lily's flat, nothing too big and it's just perfect for us to talk about things and dance. And drink, of course, just that Lily is drinking water while I'm sipping margaritas like it's water.
And then some vodka, because where's the fun without some vodka?
And before I know it, I'm really drunk.
''So, how are things going in your life? Anything new about you and Braden?'' Lily asks with a kind smile.
I smile at the thought of Braden. Despite everything, I miss him. I miss being in his arms, talking to him, just hearing his voice ... I've been distressed this week, I admit. It's just been so long and it made me miserable to know that I won't be able to see Braden when I come home from work.
I shrug at Lily's question. ''Same old actually. There's nothing much going on in my life.''
Lily snorts. ''Somehow I really doubt that. You don't date a hot billionaire and not have an interesting life.''
My life is indeed interesting. Just remembering what the tabloids were/are saying about the gala last week ... we were definitely the juiciest news. Well, Braden was, for punching Antonio in the face.
There are a lot of presumptions going on as to why it happened what it did. It also came in media's ears that Braden introduced me as only his friend and they wrote that I was mad about it and I tried to make Braden jealous.
Well, they couldn't be more wrong about it. I hate that the media is talking about us. And that I caused that for Braden to have a bad light on him. I know it must not be good for his business.
But, hell, if I asked him to punch him. I know I wasn't doing anything wrong, after all, we were there as friends and he left me to go talk to his friends, so what else could I do?
On the other hand, I completely understand his reasons now. I would've probably done something similar if the situation was reversed. If I knew who Antonio was, I'd never in my life spoke with him.
''We're not exactly dating,'' I tell Lily, sipping my vodka so I can focus on the burn down my throat rather on the pain I feel in my heart.
Lily raises her eyebrows. ''How so?''
I shrug again, staring deeply into my glass. ''He's not ready for a relationship, I guess.''
''That's the most used bullshit I've ever heard,'' Lily sputters out.
I lift my eyes to her. ''He's not ready for love. And he has his own reasons.'' I know my tone is sad, but it also lets Lily know not to question me further about this. It's not my place to tell her about Braden's situation, best friend or not. I don't want to spill Braden's secrets because he obviously doesn't trust many people.
''But you obviously are,'' Lily comments, watching me closely. ''You love him,'' she voices out and she seems a bit surprised by the fact.
I smile sadly down at my glass. ''How could I not, Lily?'' My voice cracks and I clear my throat, not wanting to get all drunkenly-emotional now. ''He's wonderful. He's patient with me, reasonable, gentle, romantic, passionate ... he's literally everything you could dream of having.''
Lily is watching me carefully, her face wary. ''Are you sure that's not just some illusion? We often mistake the feeling of being attracted to someone because they're hands down hot for love.''
I raise my eyebrow at her. ''Lily, I've been spending a lot of time with Braden. There's not only attraction anymore that I feel for him.''
She nods her head, accepting it. ''You want me to go get you another drink?'' Lily asks, nodding at my now empty glass.
I look at it, only now noticing that it's empty. ''No, it's okay. I'll go get it myself,'' I say as I stand up slowly, catching my balance. The room is spinning around for a moment before it comes to a stop and I'm able to walk straight.
Maybe it's time to start with some water.
I go to the not too crowded bar, thankfully, and wait for a waitress to notice me. Before I can place an order, I feel a pair of hands on my hips. My whole body tenses. I turn my head to the side, looking at the unfamiliar man.
''Hey, gorgeous. Want me to buy you a drink?'' the man whispers in my ear, leaning his body on me from behind.
I shudder at his closeness. His touch leaves me cold and tense. ''No, thanks, I'm good,'' I say, dismissing him. I want him gone.
I have to shout my order to the waitress so she can hear me over the loud music blasting from the speakers.
The man still doesn't get away from me even after I have my drink in front of me. ''Can you please remove yourself? I'm here with someone,'' I tell him kindly, trying to keep my act together.
I can see he's drunk from the way his eyes are unfocused and glassy on me. ''Come on, little thing, don't ya wanna have some fun?'' he slurs.
I cringe and unwrap his hands and escape before he can pull me back to him. God, I hate men like this. Why can't they understand when a woman says no?
Sitting back down with Lily, she looks at me, biting her lip. ''What happened at the bar?'' she asks.
I shake my head in disgust. ''Some pig didn't understand that I'm not interested.''
Lily cringes in understandement. ''I hate men like him,'' she comments.
I raise my glass of water. ''I'm drinking to that,'' I tell her, laughingly. I down almost the whole glass. I at least want to sober myself a bit before going home. ''Wanna go dance when I drink this?'' I ask Lily. I need to sweat it out so the I can get the alcohol out of my system.
Lily nods her head and we chat a bit, slowly drinking our water. A good song comes on and I try standing up, but I get dizzy and I have to sit down. ''Oh, God,'' I moan as the world spins around.
''What's wrong?'' I faintly hear Lily's concerned voice but my eyes just can't make out her face. Everything is so blurry, everything is so distant. What's going on? ''Rory?''
I try to blink my eyes into focus but it's like I don't feel my body anymore. I don't have any control of it. I don't feel anything, like I'm not in my body anymore. My breathing is getting slower and I feel like there's not enough air. My eyes are drifting closed and I try to keep them open.
I can't move. I can barely breathe.
''Rory, what's going on?''
I try to look at Lily, try to open my mouth, but my eyes shut and everything becomes dark. I'm consumed into the blackness.