I slowly open my eyes and see I'm on the couch.
"Oh you're awake. Here." She said handing me a can of water and a pill. "It's antibiotics."
After I swallow it I look at my hand. There was a bandage around my handless arm. It was a good thing it wasn't the hand I usually use.
"I think you'll be okay. You'll just have to rest for a few days." Gwyn tells me as I try to move the fingers I don't have.
I sigh and rest my arm on my stomach.
"So, when you were passed out you were talking in your sleep after I chopped you're hand off." She said sitting at the table again.
"What did I say?" I knew what I said. I had only said two words while i was sleeping and they were both the same word.
"Oh, it doesn't really matter. I just thought you should know." She says with a smile trying to brush it off.
I sigh and drop my head back on the arm rest of the couch, knowing she heard me, making a slight thud.
"It's okay we'll find him, we'll find everyone else too." She reassured.
I didn't argue. Not because I still don't miss him but because I wasn't so sure we were going to find everyone.
"And you can't say you don't miss him." She says practically reading my mind.
I thought for a while before speaking.
"Even if I do it doesn't matter anymore because we won't find anyone." I tell her.
She gave me a smirk and crossed her arms.
"And I'm not saying I do." I tell her.
"Okay, whatever you say." She said with a smile and put her hands up in mock surrender.
~~~~~~~
"I'm going on a run." Gwyn told me unpacking the stuff from our side bags.
"Alright, I'll come." I said struggling to get up.
"No you're not. You have to rest and wait till that's healed." She said laying me back down gesturing towards my arm.
"Fine, but if you get bit or you get captured or something oh so help me." I tell her.
"I'll be fine." She said walking out the door with the empty side bag.
I close my eyes and just try to relax.
A few minutes later words, out of nowhere, started flying to my head like a bullet from a gun.
(This is your warning: the next small part will have suicidal thoughts so if you don't like reading that stuff don't read the rest of this chapter. You can read the next chapter it'll be over by then.)
Carl.
Gone.
I try thinking about something else to get the words out of my head.
No one cares about you anymore.
No one to help you.
No one to hold you.
No one to comfort you.
I put my hands- or hand on my head and try thinking of something other than that again but the words just kept coming.
No one can say they love you.
Because they never did.
He didn't miss you.
He used you.
He hurt you.
He left you.
Now you're worthle-
"Stop!"
I'm going crazy. No matter how hard I tried the voices wouldn't leave my head. I had tears running down my face at this point.
But you can end it.
You can end these hurtful thoughts.
With your gun.
You can end the pain.
Your loveless life.
It's not worth living for anymore.
He's gone.
There's no reason to try anymore.
Just end it.
With out realizing it I had my gun in my hand. I thought for a moment, thinking everything my head was thinking was true. I slowly put the end of the gun on my temple. I thought about Gwyn and how'd she be heartbroken. But I can't stand this anymore.
"Goodbye shitty world."
Not hearing anything except my quiet sobs I pulled back the hammer...and pulled the trigger.