I was preparing
For an afternoon of
Sorting through old
Things in the loft
And listening to
Wonderful songs
On my record player
While my parents were
Away on a romantic weekend,
Before my birthday.
That's just the way things
Worked out.
A freak thunderstorm
Raged outside
And
Frightened my dog.
I was a little
Frightened too.
I like rain,
But thunderstorms are
Too out of control.
They are unpredictable and
Selfish,
Coming when they wish
Like a bad turn of mood.
They are the angry side
Of the weather.
My dalmatian,
Danny
(An early birthday present from
My parents)
Sat with me under the
Kitchen table,
While the record player was on
In the other room as loud
As possible to
Overcome the noise of the storm.
The door bell must have rung
Several times before I actually
Heard a banging at the door.
I left Danny whining under the table cloth
And cautiously answered the knocking.
You were standing there
With a small bouquet of colourful flowers.
You were soaking wet from head to toe.
Even the flowers
Were dripping.
You were smiling but then
Your smile fell slightly.
It must have been the
Shock on my face.
I wasn't prepared to meet you.
I had
Hardly any make-up on,
Old jeans
And a baggy jumper.
It was a Saturday afternoon,
A day before my birthday
And I just didn't know what to do.
I stared and gaped
For far too long.
Eventually, you said hi.
Danny barked loudly as
A crash of thunder echoed outside.
You thrust the small bunch of flowers into my arms and
I stepped aside to let you in.
Once the door was shut,
There was a short, soft silence.
Then Danny came bounding out
To meet you.
Still slightly startled,
I went to get a vase.
When I returned, you had taken your
Muddy shoes off and
Was looking at photos of me
And my family that sat dominantly
On the shoe cupboard.
You smiled to yourself
When your eyes fell onto
A photo of me when I was little,
Sitting in the bath,
Chicken-pox covering my chubby body
And a huge frown on my face.
Inside, I cringed.
I led you away from the photos
And into the living room
Where I turned down the blast of the record player.
I still didn't know what you
Were doing round my house and I was
About to ask when
Suddenly, you were turning the volume back up
And grabbing my waist.
I let you take my hand and
We begun to dance.
You told me that you
Thought you would surprise me
By coming round before my birthday.
You also mentioned the others were planning
My party and Lauren sent you over to
Keep me at home.
Lauren.
I tried to keep my breathing normal
And controlled but
You were so close and
In my house,
Dancing with me.
After bringing me flowers;
I just couldn't help
The anticipation building up
Inside.
We stopped dancing at the end of
That song and
Broke away awkwardly.
Only a few weeks ago we barely
Spoke. But
It seems we have crossed a barrier
That had been preventing whatever relationship we had from
Moving forward.
You asked what I was going to do
Today and in a giddy moment
Of confidence, I retook your hand
And lead you upstairs.
I showed you the steps to the loft
And Danny watched us climb up.
Then you went back down
And picked up Danny and carried him up too.
Danny had an adorable,
Confused expression and just
Kept glancing up at me, waiting for him at the
Top of the steps.
The attic is just a spare room.
Dusty and full of boxes, it wouldn't
Be the first place I would
Usually show a friend.
I gestured over to the dress up box
And felt ashamed to think that you
Would even care.
All the same, you went over,
And had a look.
I shut the attic door in the floor so
Danny couldn't fall through and followed you over.
We looked through many clothes and
Old photographs from many boxes and
To my wonder, you appeared
Interested in my past.
So I felt it was okay to question you
About yours.
You told me lots about you
And your family.
You have an older sister
Called Lucy and
Divorced parents.
You don't know why
You found so many friends
From the popular crowd but
Once they accepted you
It was hard to leave.
You still had your
Close friends from your group
But you said that
Some of the people you
Were expected to be friends with
Were horrible.
Then you said you liked
Our small group more.
And that,
For some strange reason,
Made me blush.
You warned me that you
Had gotten into some situations
That you weren't proud of but
You wanted to change and
Staying away from the popular crowd
Was going to help that.
I didn't really know how to respond but
You seemed a bit caught up in your thoughts.
So I, in turn, decided to take a risk.
I told you,
I had written a letter, explaining everything
About Lauren,
All that she couldn't bring herself to say,
But I had decided it was stupid and had thrown
It away.
So instead, I relayed to you it all, in person,
Right there.
I watched your gaze shift and
Study my face as I spoke and
I, myself, was captivated
By you.
When I was finished, I was still caught
In limbo,
Suddenly aware of how unsteady
The ground was beneath my feet.
But you seemed comfortable as
You stepped forward and
Finally,
You kissed me.
And that was the moment
I really want to remember.
I hadn't realised just how desperate I was to
Feel your lips
On mine.
I just kissed you back
I felt the thunderstorm.
You are a beautiful kisser and
I hope I was okay.
I didn't really understand
Why the sudden change of mind. Why
now?
When the kissing stopped, you
Held me close and said you
Had wanted to do that for a long, long time.
I saw your azure eyes and
Knew you were being truthful.
My heart
Exploded like the colours of autumn.
I really, cannot describe the feeling I had
When we were kissing and
You told me you wanted me.
To be wanted by you,
Was far better than I imagined.
The rest of the evening, I spent lying
Next you.
You said you were sorry for
What happened to me and
Lauren.
You said it wasn't my fault but
I know it is.
Deep down, it's always there,
Ready to crush me when I least expect it.
But you said over time,
The guilt would fade,
And I think
Everything will fade.
Like the colours of
a favourite pair of shoes,
The sounds of
The city someone drives away from,
The love of a song,
The sky.
I just hope not
You and
Not us.
When I woke a few hours later,
I was lying on my bed, Danny curled at my feet.
You must have carried me down the dangerous steps
And left my house without waking me up.
I thought about whether I trusted you
And I decided I did.
So then I grabbed some paper and a pen and
Wrote this down.
I want to remember this evening always.
By writing this down, the feelings are never lost
And the memory never forgotten.
I hope, that in years to come,
Like the time we were sailing,
I will still look back upon today
And the thoughts will bring a smile
To my lips.
(found folded neatly outside the Macmullen's home)