WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS BAD LANGUAGE! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
KATNISS POV
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What if?
What if this is the end? What if this is the moment in which I am given my true fate, sent away for the good of everyone? What if this is the moment I am free? Free of the nightmare which is my reality. What if I can finally let go? Join all the lost and be happy for once in my life. What if this is the moment in which I leave this world? What if this is the moment I've been waiting for? What if I'm not done here?
What if? What if? What if...................................................
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I get down behind the counter and hold Sophie tightly in my arms as I hear the remains of glass fall to the ground. I hear a thump as something hits the ground and that is followed by something harder hitting the floor. I look up at the kitchen counter and see a knife. Keeping Sophie turned far away I reach and quickly grab the knife, wrapping my fingers tightly around the handle to control my grip as it slips within my sweaty palms. Clutching her in my arms I take small slow steps toward the hallway holding the knife far from my body. Then I hear footsteps and someone walks into the room. As soon as they walk through the hallway I hold out the knife, I jump and scream as do they. Then I realise who I'm pointing the knife at. Haymitch.
I step back and throw the knife to the floor. I say angrily
"SHIT!"
Haymitch leans against the doorway before saying between heavy breaths
"Well sweetheart you certainly know how to welcome people"
I am trying to contain my anger as I hiss at him
"OH MY GOD HAYMITCH!!!WHAT THE HELL?!I thought I was being fecking robbed!!!!"
Haymitch snorts. I put Sophie back into her carrier in the living room before returning to Haymitch in the kitchen who during the whole thing hasn't even noticed her. I hiss at him again
"Why THE HELL did you smash your way through my window?!"
He says back
"Because you have been locking everyone out since yesterday even Peeta, which by the way I was shocked you were able to turn him down. We all thought you were going to kill yourself sweetheart"
I yell at him trying to conceal my boiling rage
"WELL I WASN'T OKAY!!!God can I not have my own LIFE anymore?! I'M NOT TWO!!!!!"
He says back
"You may as well be sweetheart. I know your not two but come on, you won't even eat so I have NO idea what the hell has been going through your mind in the last 24 hours but it stops RIGHT..."
But before he can finish he is cut off by a cry belonging to Sophie. I know at that very moment my cover is blown. One day, I couldn't keep her a secret for just ONE day. I sigh in defeat and grab a pacifier from one of the boxes and wash it with some warm water before walking into the living room and picking Sophie up. I sit down and place the pacifier in her mouth then rock her slowly back and forth as her cries begin to quieten. I continue to rock her and look up to find Haymitch standing at the doorway. His face now coated with a pale sheet of skin as his eyes dilating slowly in shock. They move from me to Sophie at a very slow pace. He then says seriously
"Is it his?"
I am immediately confused. I respond
"What?"
Haymitch give a short quiet laugh ad sits down in the armchair. He then looks me straight in the eye and says
"Is it Peeta's child Katniss?"
Has he totally lost his mind?! He thinks this child is mine AND he thinks Peeta is the father?! He thinks Peeta got me pregnant?! The thought makes me gag. He has definitely lost it. I laugh a little at his pure and utter madness and say
"Are you.....Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND?! Do you really think Peeta like PEETA of all people got ME pregnant?!"
Haymitch sits back and shrugs
"Wouldn't be surprising considering you spent every night with him on the train and you love him so...."
I say through gritted teeth
"I do not love him"
He laughs before saying sarcastically
"Yeah okay sweetheart...... Now with all seriousness who is the father?"
I reply
"I don't know"
He looks at me unconvinced. I continue
"I don't know who the parents are"
Now he looks completely confused. He pushes hair out of his face before He says
"What are you talking about sweetheart?"
I take a deep breath and tell him what happened within the last 24 hours. It takes 20 minutes but eventually get the whole story out and show him the letter. By the end Haymitch is half speechless as he sums up the entire situation in his head. As he does so I feed Sophie again before putting her in her carrier where she falls back to sleep. He then says to me leaning back in his armchair
"So what's the plan? For her life? For your life with her? For everything?"
A plan? I never plan, never. My life has had so many unexpected twists and turns that any plan could never possibly be followed. It's like Effie's schedules. Though they may have been helpful at times they were followed as they should have been. I don't believe in plans or schedules. Things will go the way they go and planning before won't make any difference in any situation and especially not this one. It will go the way it goes and no matter what plan I make it will not be followed.
"There is no plan. When in my life has there ever ben a plan Haymitch? I think we both know if there's a plan it will not be followed. You can't plan three years ahead. Whatever happens happens and I will just have to deal with it as always"
He just nods. His eyes are focused on Sophie. I can see him trying hard to vision something. Her future, her effect on everything even him. He's silent for a long period of time before He asks
"What about Peeta?"
I feel a hard lump form in my throat. I know what he means and I know the path this conversation s about to go down but I still attempt to half ignore the question. I say focusing my eyes on the peaceful Sophie sleeping in her basket
"What about him?"
Haymitch says in that sweet mocking voice I hate
"Well sweetheart if you didn't already notice he still cares for you and I hate to break it to you but he loves you if you also didn't know that"
I listen to every word he says but as soon as its al processed in my head I know its lies. Because Peeta doesn't love me and he doesn't care. He hates me and he wants to kill me. He sees my true self. My deadly self. And I know Haymitch says he's on medication and he's coming around but If I commit to something between me and him we are going to go around in circles of him wanting to kill me then loving me and I'm then going to go insane. And that's not going to happen because I do not love Hijacked Peeta Mellark and I do not love Peeta Mellark and I do not love Gale. I love Prim and my dad and my mum. All those who have left me, not intentionally but have. I feel myself go instantly numb and cold at the thought of Peeta and his thoughts about me being a mutt and a liar. Suddenly I feel a wave of coldness and I answer Haymitch grimly
"I don't care"