Sara breathed in, not knowing how to respond to what Nyssa had said. She loves her. Of course that's the reason for all of this. Nyssa never stopped loving her even after all she'd done to her. Could she ever return the love she once had for the assassin? She hoped she could, because Nyssa deserved it. Then she was reminded of the dream she had that makes her afraid that all this might be just another dream. Would those be the same words she say when she asks her why she deserved her? She wondered but kept it to herself. That would have been too much déjavu and would probably cement the thought that it's just a dream in her mind.
"You should get more rest. You need to get your strength back. Could I get you something to eat?" Nyssa pulled away from her unwillingly, giving her space.
Sara simply nodded, not trusting the words that might spill from her mouth.
Nyssa got up and took a step towards the door, but was halted when Sara grabbed her hand. Nyssa touched her face lightly and gave her a soft smile.
"I will be back. I'll just fix something for you to eat."
She then slipped off Sara's loosened grip of her hand. Nyssa made her some soup. She almost burned herself thinking deeply about the broken girl currently occupying her bed. The light in her eyes have dimmed. Everything about her seemed to have faded a little. Her bright smile. Her energetic personality. Even though, she is still her Sara. She just needs to find a way to get that light back.
She helped her with the soup, not because she thinks Sara wasn't capable of feeding herself in her state, but more of wanting to be close to her. She wants to feel needed by her even in the smallest ways.
"I should let you rest. Good night, Sara."
"Good night, Nyssa."
Neither wanted the other to leave, but both were scared to say the words and what the other may think. Both were afraid to come off as too needy or clingy.
Nyssa went to her room, unable to sleep, she stood by the window, looking out, worrying about her beloved Sara. She hoped that she would be able to sleep well, though she doubted it. She may not know what she had gone through, but she could feel and see it in Sara's eyes how lost and scared she had been. Though she felt a little pride of how strong Sara had been to survive whatever it was she faced. That's why she has faith that Sara would break through her fears once more. When and how, she is not sure.
Sara was unable to sleep as well, afraid that when she close her eyes, she would find herself on the island again. She thought of her family as she constanly does. She thought of how they could be doing since she was gone; what they could be doing at the moment; if they were sleepig, what they could be dreaming of. Do they dream of her? Do they dream of her being back with them and finally being able to hold her in their arms? She longs for such things in her wake, but in her sleep she is incessantly haunted by nightmares. Then she thought of Nyssa. Is she asleep? Is she awake and worrisome as her? Is she thinking about her? Of course she is, Sara thought. It was one of the most predictable things about Nyssa. She loved that about her, but now she sees how difficult it could be for her. She felt guilty as to how much she had taken Nyssa's feelings for her for granted.
Fatigue caught up with her and Sara finally went to sleep. So did Nyssa, knowing that her worry and lack of sleep would do her or Sara no good.
When Nyssa awoke, she immediately went to check on Sara. She found her twisting ang turning in her sleep. She tried shaking her awake.
"Sara. Sara, wake up. Sara."
Sara jolted awake with a pen in her hand about to strike, which Nyssa swiftly blocked. Nyssa easily saw fear in her eyes, and she knew she could have been dreaming of being back on the island again.
"It's okay. You're still here. With me." She took the pen from Sara's clutching hand and reassured her once more.
Sara's breathing was still rapid as if she had run for miles without getting anywhere. Her entire body started to shake as tears threatened her eyes. Fear still engulfing her.
Nyssa didn't know what more she could do, if there is something she could say to make things better. It breaks her to see Sara the way she is. It has to be the worst state she had ever seen her in. Fragile, lost, and so vulnerable. Not even bothering to put any walls up. 'What happened to you, my love?'
Without thinking, she moved in closer and enveloped Sara in her embrace. 'How do I make it better for you, Sara?'
And just being held by Nyssa like that, slowly her fears eased away even for just a moment. Her sobs were fading and she had almost caught her breath.
'Just hold me, Nyssa. Please, just hold me.'
It was as if the other could tell what each were thinking, and Nyssa just held her close until she had completely calmed.
A knock on the door broke the moment, then a voice spoke in arabic from behind it, which Sara had no clue what it had meant.
"I have to go see to some things. I will have someone get you breakfast."
Nyssa caressed her cheek. She doesn't want to leave her. Especially after that episode she had, but duty calls. She is still heir after all. She can't deny her duties even for Sara.
Sara held onto her hand as she got up, still without a word, but her eyes spoke for her. Her eyes were pleading to her not to leave.
She gave her a small smile and a kiss at the top of her head.
"I won't be long. I promise."
Sara just stayed where she was and pulled her knees close to herself. Everything still felt so surreal to her. It felt real, she wants to believe that it's all real, but so did her other dreams.
Another knock on the door, which Sara ignored until she heard the man bringing her food speak in a familiar voice.
"Thought you should eat."
She looked up and saw a familiar face to go with the voice. The face was different, more hardened and rugged, but still the familiar handsome and smug face of an old friend which she welcomed with a smile.
"Nate."
"Hi, Sara. Nyssa thought you'd feel much more comfortable with someone you know. Which meant either me or Alec, and I didn't think you'd be as happy to see him, so you have no other choice but me."
"I'm glad to see you, Nate."
"I never thought I'd see you again."
"So did I."
"I'm just glad you're... I don't know if I should say okay, because I still don't know if you are, and I don't think you do too. So, I guess I'm glad you're alive."
She always felt at ease talking to Nate. She never thought of hiding anything from him. There was no too much information between them, or lack there of, especially when it came to Nyssa, it was as if the other always knew what the other meant even when saying very few words. Conversations just seemed to flow so easily between them, and it's like things hadn't change there.
"How was she?"
"You mean when you left with Queen?"
Sara just nodded, regretting what she did to Nyssa that day.
"I really don't know. She left for Nanda Parbat as soon after. As far as I could tell, she was hurt. And I mean, seriously hurt."
She knew Nate wasn't saying those things to make her feel bad, and she already knew what he was going to say, but it was still different to hear from someone the pain she caused Nyssa.
"She still looked for me."
"When I got here, she didn't know what happened to you. She got by thinking that you're happy with Oliver back at Starling. She tried to forget about you and move on, but she just couldn't, especially when I told her about what had happened to you. At that moment, I saw something come back to life in her. Probably the thought of you needing her sparked something to life, and the Nyssa I met at Starling was suddenly the one in front of me. She never stopped, even the thought of you being dead didn't stop her. She said no matter what, she will find you. I said what if you were at the bottom of the ocean already, she just said we go down there. And she was right not to give up, because here you are."
"I don't get how she could..."
"Love you that much?"
"After all I did to her. I left, Nate, and she still went looking."
"Beats me. You know what. This may sound crazy, but one of the things I fell in love about her was her seemingly undying love for you. It's just incredible. I thought I've seen love with my parents, but when I got to watch Nyssa, the way she loves you, it amazes me. I never thought anyone could love like that. Didn't think love like that was real."
"But you love her like that. You're here because you love her."
"It's still not the same, Sara. Yes, I followed her to this dark world of hers. I'm content of just being by her side knowing she would never love me back, that she would always just see me as a friend. And yes, I would follow her to the ends of the earth; but she will move heaven and earth for you. I am willing to kill and die for her, she will break hell loose upon anyone who dares to hurt you, and not even death would hold her back. The lengths she would go just for you."
"But everything has a limit."
"Indeed. Just don't push her there. I can't imagine what she'd be like, I don't know if there would be any going back for her if that happens."
Nyssa met up with some of her fellow assassins to discuss a mission they should venture on soon. It wasn't really much of a discussion, more of relaying the details, and the leader of the team; in this case, Nyssa; would produce a plan of execution which the others would just follow through. The plans that mostly consist of finishing the mission in any means necessary, if it results to death, be it. These men are well trained assassins, they know what to do, so she didn't need to say much. Their meeting concluded and she was about to go her way back to Sara.
"What do you plan on doing with her?"
Nyssa has almost had enough of people meddling with her personal life, but of course only Alec would dare talk to her like that on such matters.
"It does not concern you." Nyssa spat out.
"It does. You brought her here. This is League territory. Which makes her a concern to the League. You shouldn't have brought her here."
Nyssa's jaw clenched trying to control her aggression. "Well, she's already here." She continued to make her way down the corridor.
"She has about regained her strength already, she cannot stay here."
Nyssa turned her heel and glared at Alec.
"What do you suggest me do? Throw her back out there?" Nyssa said with as much control as there was venom in her tone. "I tolerate your attitude towards me on such matters, Alec, because I have known you my entire life, trained and fought with you by my side, but know your place."
"Then you should know that this is not hers."
Nyssa walked away knowing there was no point arguing with him.
She reached Sara's room and felt a pang of jealousy at the sight of Sara more comfortably conversing with Nate than she was with her. She shoved the thought away, it's good for Sara to have someone she could confide in even if it wasn't her.
"Glad you two have had the time to catch up with each other."
"We were talking about you." And unlike with Alec, it never felt like Nate was intruding too much.
"Were you, now?" She closed the gap between her and Sara and gave her a sweet smile that only comes out and directed at Sara which made Sara blush.
Nate took that as a cue to leave. He knew goodbye was not even necessary.
"Have you eaten?"
"Nate and I got to talking, and I thought I'd wait for you."
"Okay then."
They sat close to each other, sharing the food Nate had brought for Sara.
"So what did you two talk about me?" Nyssa asked, curious.
"Nothing really." Sara didn't really want to relay that she and Nate talked about Nyssa's love for her. They already had talked about that, but there's never really enough words to convey everything about it. And she's not ready to have a whole new conversation about it.
"I see." Nyssa was a bit hurt that she's not comfortable enough to share these things with her, but she understands, maybe not just yet, hopefully she will though. "There's something I need to tell you, Sara."
Sara felt a chill creep down her spine at the sudden fall of Nyssa's tone.
"I have to leave for a couple of days. I will be back as soon as I can."
Out of the blue, Sara's lungs felt constricted. All her fears crashing down on her like giant waves hitting the shore with such force.
Nyssa started to worry at another episode she was having.
"Sara. What's going on? You're still with me, Sara. Can you hear me?"
Her words felt so distant to Sara, all she could hear was her saying she has to leave.
"Sara, talk to me. Please."
Sara took a trembling breath, "you can't leave. Please, don't leave, Nyssa."
"I will be back, Sara. I promise."
"You don't get it. That's always the time everything falls apart for me, Nyssa. You can't leave."
The sight of Sara pleading with her like that, like her life depended on her not leaving, it's breaking her heart. She wanted to just stay with her, but she can't abandon her duties to the League. If she does, and her father finds out, the more reason they would have to send Sara away and keep them apart.
"Please, Nyssa. Please don't leave. Please."
"I have to, Sara. I promise I'll come back to you."
"No, you're not. Even if you do, all this will be gone."
"This is not one of your dreams. I will be back, believe me, I will. Nothing will stop me from doing so."
"How sure are you?"
"You think after all that I did to find you, I would let anything keep me from coming back to you?"
"I'm sorry." Sara said as she finally got a grip of herself.
Nyssa was relieved she got her through that. She was afraid she would lose Sara in hysteria.
"There's nothing to apologize for. What you went through must have been harsh. This is to be expected. I would worry more about you if they didn't happen."
"I worry you a lot, don't I?"
"I worry less now."
"But you still do."
"You never stop worrying about those you love."
And there it was, the conversation she tried to avoid earlier that she inadvertently opened herself.
"I wish you'd stop."
"Worrying about you? Or loving you?"
She looked at Sara's hunched figure in front of her, then she looked out the window not wanting to stare at her so much.
"Believe me, Sara. I tried. For a time after we parted, I tried. Then I realized I couldn't. No matter how much I denied it to myself, I simply couldn't. I tried being with another, but it was never enough. I always longed for you. So I accepted the fact that I will always love you."
"I'm sorry." Sara looked up at her and Nyssa met her gaze.
"You don't have to apologize for not feeling the same. Though I wish you would."
"I could."
"You don't have to say that."
"I know. I may not love you as much as I once did; as much as you would want; or as much as you deserve, but I still do love you, Nyssa. We could work on that, couldn't we?"
"Of course."
"I still can't make you stay, can I?"
"I really wish I could. I want to."
"It's okay. I don't think I'll break down anymore. Just be back."
"I will."