[ I got bored and drew the picture attached XD it's if Dan and Phil had a child (that's not Dil) sorry for the terrible art skills lol ]
***
dan
Dan wakes late, sitting up in his bed and rubbing his eyes.
The sun is high in the sky, shining through his window into his room. He looks across the room to find Troye crashed out on the couch in his room.
He remembers going to Troye's show and waiting backstage, watching the whole thing. He remembers Troye coming back afterwards to crash at Dan's house. He also remembers that Troye has to leave today around lunchtime - which is in half an hour.
Dan yawns, stretching his arms out before swinging his legs out of bed and walking over to Troye, shaking him awake. Troye mumbles something inaudible before rolling over. Dan shakes him again.
"Troye, wake up," Dan says impatiently, "it's twelve thirty!"
"So what?" Troye asks, sitting up and rubbing his eyes sleepily, "let me go back to sleep Dan."
"Don't you have to leave at one?" Dan asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, so wha-" Troye starts before his brain finally switches on, "wait, did you say it was twelve thirty?"
"Well, probably thirty five now," Dan says, amused.
"Oh shit!" Troye exclaims, practically jumping off the couch, "oh crap, my manager is gonna kill me if I'm not ready!"
"What do you have to do before they come?" Dan asks.
"I have to be dressed and ready to go, I have two hours traveling before I have a meet and greet before another show! I need to shower and find clothes..." Troye says, beginning to have a melt down in the middle of Dan's bedroom.
"Calm down, you'll get ready in time," Dan says comfortingly, patting Troye on the back, "now get your suitcase open so you can find something to wear."
Roughly twenty five minutes later, Troye is ready to go and waiting out the front of Dan's house with his suitcase. A flash, modern, black car pulls up and Troye walks over to it, a well dressed guy exiting from the driver's seat to put Troye's bag in the back.
"Bye Dan! It was great seeing you, I'll text you later, okay?" Troye asks, hugging him briefly, "bye!"
Dan watches as Troye runs to the car and waves out the window until the car is out of sight. Dan sighs, he is utterly alone again now. Phil won't speak to him, Troye has left and he doesn't exactly feel like seeing his other friends at the moment. He's sick of seeing blurry faces.
He just wants to be with Phil, but that isn't going to happen.
For some reason, Dan is suddenly overwhelmed by his own amount of pure loneliness. He feels so isolated and abandoned. He lives in a large, posh house and has all he could possibly want, but the size of the house just makes it seem more empty, and money can't replace the void of loneliness inside of Dan.
Deep down, knows his family is slowly being torn apart, piece by piece, but like most people in his situation; Dan refuses to accept this fact. Dan thinks that as long as he believes his family to be a whole, that they will remain that way.
Dan sighs, standing at his front door and looking in to the empty walls which seem to be suffocating him. He knows it's his brain playing tricks, but he just wants it all to stop, and the answer for him is inside a bottle.
Dan pulls out his hidden bottle, tipping around a shot glass full into his system before placing the bottle back. Dan can still think somewhat fine, but the pain is gone, the loneliness not as bad as it was before.
Alcohol doesn't numb the pain, it delays it. And the longer Dan puts off the pain, the more it builds up, and soon, Dan will have no choice but to face the mountain of destruction in his life that he himself created.
Dan walks out the back of his house, needing fresh air as he felt like the air inside was running out with each new breath he took. He sighs deeply, leaning back in the grass and staring at the sky, a far away smile on his lips. Dan allows his mind to finally feel nothing, so that all he is doing is simply existing.
That is, until a certain someone makes his existence hurt when he trips over him.
"Ow! Dan, what the hell are you doing?" Phil asks, surprised to see him even though it's his own backyard.
"More like what are you doing in my backyard," Dan complains, scowling at Phil and rubbing his sore hand, "being in my backyard doesn't seem like staying out if my life."
"Well... I just wanted to check up on you," Phil says, crossing his arms over his chest while a scowl settles onto his features, "sorry for trying to be a decent human."
"Decent humans don't call others freaks and weirdos because of things they can't help," Dan retorts, standing so Phil isn't looking down at him anymore.
Phil visually pales, his blue eyes flashing with guilt and regret, but Dan just stares at him angrily, waiting for a pathetic excuse; which surprisingly doesn't come.
"I know, and I'm sorry," Phil says, sighing deeply and looking down, "I was angry and lost control of my words."
"You're angry all the time anyway," Dan points out.
"Yeah, but not like that. Sometimes I get so worked up I just... Loose control of myself and it scares me Dan," Phil says quietly, finally daring to look up at Dan, "everyone has given up on me."
"I haven't," Dan says, looking back into Phil's sad eyes, "I never gave up on you Phil."
"Why?" Phil asks, frowning in confusion at Dan, "all I am is an asshole to you."
"Yeah, but despite that, I feel like there's some reason as to why I can see your face," Dan admits, "there's just something that draws me to you."
"I feel the same," Phil admits, "I don't know why. I've never felt close to anyone until you came along."
"Maybe we belong with each other," Dan says, "like in romance novels. Maybe you're my soulmate."
"Yeah, that's bullshit," Phil snaps, rolling his eyes.
"And we're back to regular Phil," Dan says, laughing lightly, "but... Can we be friends again Phil?"
"Yeah, we can," Phil replies without hesitation, "but remember, I have a reputation that I want to keep."
"Yeah I know," Dan says, trying to hide the hint of sadness inside him, "I understand."
But Dan lied. He doesn't understand. he finally friends with Phil, but he's too ashamed of Dan to be real friends with him. But Dan doesn't blame him for that - he's ashamed of himself too.
He's just a sad loser who can't see faces and has a drinking problem.
***
"You said you'd take the day off today!" Dan's mother screams, jolting Dan awake on Monday morning.
"Yeah, well you did too but you're also in your work clothes!" His father counters, making Dan groan loudly and roll over.
"They called me in!"
"They called me in too!"
"Well you could've said no!"
"You could've as well! Stop making me the enemy here!"
"I'll make you whatever I bloody want!"
"Fine! I'm going anyway."
"Fine!"
The front door slams shut, and Dan hears a car start before violently backing out of the driveway, the tires screeching as the car takes off down the street, as if it couldn't get out if there fast enough.
Dan waits an extra five minutes, before hearing his mother follow suit, leaving in a flurry of slammed doors, revved engines and tire squeals.
Dan sighs, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes. He needs to start getting ready for school now if he wants to make it on time, but part of him just doesn't even care anymore. Because, what's the point?
What's the point of anything?, Dan thinks, all I'm going to do is die anyway. The truth is, Dan thinks that he's insignificant to this world. He thinks that no one would care if he died.
Dan sighs deeply yet again, pushing his thoughts aside. He should just get ready for school now, because he can't afford to miss another day - not that it matters to him anyway.
After getting ready for school, Dan starts slowly walking down the street, earphones in his ears. He nods his head to the music as he walks, but is unaware of the person behind him, just watching him.
Phil trials behind Dan, wanting to talk to Dan, but not wanting to disturb him. Dan keeps walking, oblivious to Phil, who's having a mental argument behind him as to whether or not he would talk to Dan.
The yes side wins out, and Phil jogs to tap Dan on the shoulder. Dan spins around, tugging out one earphone.
"You'd better take a step away," Dan says somewhat bitterly to Phil, "wouldn't want to be seen with me."
Phil sighs, knowing that he was really mean saying that. It's just what he's used to though - pushing people away. He hasn't made a friend since Chris, and that was a long time ago.
"Look, I'm sorry Dan, I don't care about that," Phil says quietly, "I was just scared. I-I really like you Dan and I don't want to ruin that."
"You like me?" Dan asks, blinking at Phil in surprise.
"Yeah, well we're friends aren't we?" Phil asks, smiling hopefully at Dan.
"Friends... Yeah," Dan agrees, smiling at Phil as they continue towards school together.
But part of Dan can't help but be disappointed. He doesn't know why. Did part of him want to be more than friends with Phil?
Dan shakes his head before sneaking a glance beside him and staring at Phil with his beautiful face. He sighs, what is Phil Lester doing to him?
***
phil
Phil can see Dan at a table with his other friends.
Part of him can't help but feel a sting of jealousy. He wants to be with Dan right now, he knows the most about him, but his so called 'reputation' is more important to him, so he's over here with Chris, having to watch from afar.
Phil doesn't know what he feels for Dan. He'd never felt so strongly drawn to someone before - not even Chris. He is always itching to get closer to Dan, to comfort him when he's sad. As soon as he met Dan, he'd felt like part of him wanted to get to know him more.
It was as if from day one, the universe wanted them to be friends. Phil doesn't get why. Why him? Why the boy with a floppy brown fringe, much like Phil's own, why the boy with deep, warm, chocolate eyes, why the boy with hidden problems and a witty personality?
Why Dan?
If it was anyone else, Phil could just ignore them and go back to his old life, where he didn't care about anything. But because it's Dan, there's just something about him that won't let Phil ignore him.
"What are you thinking so intensely about?" Chris asks, raising his eyebrows at Phil, "you've been staring into the back of that grade elevener for the past ten minutes straight. Dude, I don't think you even blinked..."
"Oh I was uh, he's my neighbor," Phil stammers, feeling his cheeks tint slightly pink.
"Aw, does Philly finally have a crush?" Chris teases.
"No, shut up," Phil snaps, flustered.
But does he have a crush on Dan?
Phil sighs, he wishes that he'd never heard of Dan Howell. All he's done is waltz into Phil's life and had no idea of the effect he's had on him, on how much he's complicated his life. Everything is changing for Phil and that scares him.
Part of him wishes he'd never met Dan, but part of him wants to never have to live without him.
So what could that mean?
***********
an// hey hope you enjoyed! Sorry if it's a but shorter than usual, and a little late... I was focusing on updating my other stories! Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter!
50 votes and 28 comments for a new chapter?
Thanks so much for reading! I really appreciate all the support, and I hope you're enjoying the book so far :D
p.s: anyone want to be Internet friends? I'm a v lonely person lol.