When I woke up that morning, I didn't know where I was right away. But after I blinked a few times, and felt a familiar arm wrapped around my waist, I knew where I was.
I rolled over so that I was now facing Blake. With his arm still around me, I snuggled into his chest and closed my eyes once again. It was Saturday morning, he was still asleep, and I never wanted to leave his arms.
"Oh, Blake!" a new voice suddenly rang out through the apartment, and it nearly gave me a heart attack.
"Damn it!" I cursed under my breath, rolling right out of Blake's arms and onto the floor. Hoping that my collision with the floor hadn't been too loud, I grabbed my clothes that were hanging off the chair beside us and slid underneath the bed.
Blake, of course, slept through all of this.
The door to his bedroom now opened, and I saw Carrie's familiar high heels as she made her way inside. I bit my lip as hard as I could, telling myself that I needed to stop breathing so heavily or she'd know I was there.
"Are you really still asleep?" she asked, making her way closer to the bed and shaking my boyfriend. "Blake, it's twelve o'clock in the afternoon! It's time to wake up!"
I heard my boyfriend groan, and I knew he pushed himself up into a sitting position. "Leah...?" he mumbled, and it made my breath catch in my throat.
Normally, I loved his sleepy voice. It was probably the sexiest thing I had ever heard. But not when he was about to ruin our secret!
I could tell Carrie frowned. "Were you dreaming about Leah?"
Blake seemed to realize that Carrie was the one before him now, not me. He let out a loud cough, as if he had been choking. "Uh... yeah, I was."
Carrie let out a sigh. "Well, I guess that's not really your fault."
If I didn't have to be quiet, I'd be the one letting out a sigh now. If only she'd leave so I could get out from under this dusty bed, which was even worse than behind the couch.
"I thought I'd cook you breakfast, or lunch, I guess," Carrie suggested, and I was finding it harder and harder to breathe with all this dust around me. I had to clean this once she was gone so that, if I had to do this again, I wouldn't choke under here.
"Actually, Carrie," Blake began now, and I knew he was confused because he had no idea where I was. "I'm really not hungry. I actually feel kind of sick, and I really just want to be left alone."
"Are you sure you don't want to just go back to sleep and dream about Leah?" she asked him now, and she almost sounded like the old Carrie, the Carrie that I missed. She almost sounded giggly and teasing. Almost.
"Carrie, you always ask me about her every time you come over," Blake sighed now, and it made me feel bad. "And I tell you every time that I'm okay and that I'm over her. We're just friends now. Do you not believe me?"
I mean, I wouldn't blame her if she didn't believe him. It was a lie.
"But you two... just loved each other so much," Carrie whispered now, as if it was some huge secret.
Blake stayed quiet for only a moment. "Obviously we didn't really if we got over each other so easily."
I didn't know what to think about this. Blake and I obviously loved each other more than anything if we were still fighting to be together in secret, but it was weird to hear him say we didn't love each other to someone else. I had to do this all the time, to friends and family, and I didn't like it then either.
"Well, I just find it a little hard to believe, that's all," Carrie informed him, sounding very sad. It was too hard to not like her, and that's why I didn't hate her. I knew that Carrie only wanted us apart because she cared about not only Blake, but me as well. She just wanted us to be safe, and she thought us being apart would make us safe. I knew that she didn't want us to be apart, but she felt like we had to be. "I think it'll finally hit me once you get another girlfriend."
I didn't want to think about that. Not after everything Blake had said that night.
I could tell Blake shook his head. "That won't happen for a while, Carrie. I'm definitely not ready for that yet."
"I understand," was all his social worker said.
"I'm sorry, Carrie, but I really don't feel well," he muttered now, and I could tell he was upset because he was talking about me, not because of how he felt.
I was sure Carrie was concerned. She did love Blake as if he was her own son. "Aw, honey, are you sure you don't want me to stay here and take care of you? I can give you soup, and medicine, or whatever else you need."
Blake faked a cough. "No, really, I just want to be left alone."
I was the one that needed to cough now, feeling like the dust was just completely choking me out now. I couldn't stay under here for much longer.
"Alright." Carrie sounded unsure, but decided to do what Blake wanted. "I guess I'll leave, then. But get better, okay?"
I was pretty sure that Blake nodded. "Yeah, okay."
I saw Carrie's feet turn, and her heels went clacking out of the room and down the hallway. Blake and I both did nothing until we knew that she was really gone.
"Are you still in here, Leah?" he called out once he heard the door shut and lock behind Carrie.
"Yeah," I grumbled, very unhappy with the fact that I was now covered in dust.
Blake said nothing, and I was sure it was because he was waiting for me to pop out from wherever I was hiding. I grunted as I pulled myself out from under his bed and pushing myself up onto my feet.
"Why is your apartment so dusty?" I had to ask, groaning as I tried my best to dust myself off.
Blake laughed at me, reaching for his headphones and placing them over his ears before blasting the music. I couldn't wait until he didn't have to have them on all the time anymore.
"You should go take a shower," Blake chuckled now, reaching over and pulling dust from my hair. "You're all dirty now."
I made a face, but did as I was told and turned away from him and toward the bathroom. I purposely left my clothes outside so I could freak Blake out a little by walking around in only a towel.
After I was finished, I wrapped a towel around my body and made my way outside and down the hallway. I knew he was out in the living room, and I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he saw that I was practically naked.
But when I saw that Blake wasn't the only one there, I let out a squeak.
Thomas looked at me and laughed in the chair he was sitting in. "Well, aren't all my dreams coming true?"
Blake hit his brother on the back of his head. "Shut up."
Thomas snickered, but then stopped when he looked at me, then to Blake, and then to me again. His eyes squinted in suspicion. Oh, no. He knew something was up.
"You two are still together, aren't you," Thomas now said, and it didn't sound like a question.
Blake and I looked at each other for a moment before blurting out, "No!"
"Uh-huh," Thomas drawled now. "So you just let your female friends take showers in your apartment and walk around in just a towel? Especially the female friends you used to have sex with?"
"He didn't know I was going to walk out here in just a towel."
"If I did, I would have made sure you were as far away as possible, Thomas."
Blake's face was crimson, and I was sure mine was the exact same. I couldn't believe that out of all people, Thomas had been the one that caught us. Well, at least that was better than Carrie...
"Listen, I'm not going to tell anybody," Thomas shrugged, leaning back in his seat and looking me up and down. But for some reason, it didn't make me feel uncomfortable like it would have before. Now, I knew he didn't really mean it. "Obviously, you guys are dating in secret because everyone thinks it would be better if you guys don't see each other anymore. So why would I ruin true love and all that crap?"
I smirked at him, because I knew that even though he was trying to be all tough about it, he really did care about Blake and me, and go we felt.
"But!" Thomas cried out now, as if it was an afterthought. It almost made me jump and drop my towel. Blake noticed this and pulled it up a little. "If I keep this secret for you, you both have to do something for me!"
I scowled at him. "I'm not having sex with you."
"And I'm not letting you have sex with her," Blake snapped at his twin.
Thomas rolled his eyes at us. "It's not that. Wow, you guys really think low of me, don't you? I'm not the same Thomas I used to be."
I pursed my lips at him. "What do we have to do?"
"You..." Thomas started, a grin forming in his face when he saw the worried looks on Blake and my faces. "You guys have to help me get a date with Jane."
Blake and I just stared at his brother for a moment, completely forgetting that I was still in just a towel.
"Earth to the star crossed lovers?" Thomas called out to us now.
"You like Jane?" I nearly squawked.
He shrugged, suddenly growing shy even though he refused to really show it. "Maybe."
I squealed, and I would have jumped up and down if Blake didn't have a firm grip on my towel to stop it from going anywhere.
"We'll definitely help you," I agreed with a large smile on my face.
Thomas was giving him a look, and I wanted more than anything to tell him that Elias had told us that Jane had a crush on him only a few months before. But I didn't want to tell him and get his hopes up only to find out that Jane didn't really like him that way anymore.
"Alright, I'll leave you guys alone now," Thomas sighed, getting up from his spot now before making his way toward the front door. "Now don't have too much fun, kids."
Blake and I said nothing to him as he made his way out of the apartment, mostly because we were both too embarrassed to do so. I couldn't believe I had just been talking to Thomas in just a towel. The only person that would have been worse to talk to while I was just in a towel was Sean, but I didn't want to think about that...
"So... Hah," I laughed, turning toward my boyfriend and smiling awkwardly at him. "That was kind of awkward."
Blake ran a hand over his face and through his hair. "Kind of?"
I shrugged. "Okay, that was really awkward..."
At least Thomas didn't see anything; I was a lot more covered up then than I would have been at the beach or the pool in a swimsuit or something...
Now that Thomas was gone, I turned toward Blake with a teasing smile on my face. I might have as well continued to do what I had come out there to do in the first place.
"You... Towel... No clothes..." he stammered, looking anywhere but at me.
I couldn't help but laugh at him. "You're so cute, Blake."
He was staring at the floor, a look that I couldn't read on his face. My smile immediately faded, and I couldn't help but feel a little worried. What was he thinking about?
"What's wrong?" I asked, feeling my stomach turn.
"Uh..." was all he said to me at first, obviously not knowing how to tell me something, so I just gave him a look.
"Blake."
He didn't look at me when he said, "I got a call while you were in the shower, before Thomas showed up. Mona needs my help. She's having dinner with her dad, her step-mom, and her grandparents. She really wanted me to be there with her."
I just stared at him for a moment, unsure of what I was supposed to do or say,
"I'm so sorry," he apologized to me now. "I know how you feel about this, and I really wanted to turn her down, but she has a really bad relationship with her step-mom and her grandparents, and they seem to like me, so she really wanted me to be there, and—"
"Blake," I interrupted, laughing at how flustered he looked. I took a step toward him. "It's fine. Really. I understand, and I'm not upset. She needs you, and you're just being a good friend. You're such an amazing person, Blake."
I wasn't going to let myself worry about this any longer. Blake loved me, not Mona, so there was no point in freaking out about something. Mona was his good friend, and that was it. He had known her longer, and he was obviously liked by her family. At least someone's parents liked him...
His face suddenly turned red. He obviously did not expect me to say something like this about him, and this only made my smile widen. How I got lucky enough to have a boyfriend like him, I'd never know.
His face got even redder when I wrapped my arms around his neck. "You're still in just a towel..."
I smirked at him, my head cocking to the side. "But you like it."
He finally looked back at me, still very embarrassed. "I do."
I smiled at him, stretching up onto my toes and kissing him. He immediately kissed me back, his arms encircling my waist and holding onto me as if he never wanted to let go. And I felt the same exact way.
But we both knew that this had to end. He had to go help Mona, and I had to go put some clothes on. But after he got back, we were going to spend the rest of the weekend together and no one was going to stop us.
When he finally left to go see Mona, I decided that it was time to get dressed. Instead of putting on the clothes I had worn the day before, I decided to wear something of Blake's instead. They were always so much more comfortable than my own clothes were.
I was only in the apartment by myself for about a half an hour before my phone rang. I answered without even checking who it was.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hey!" the familiar voice of Christian greeted back. "I was just wondering if you wanted to come hang out with Jaz and me for a couple of hours. We were going to go get something to eat."
I thought about it for a moment. I could either go out with my friends, or wait for Blake for who knows how long, all alone in his apartment. I'd definitely rather be with my friends.
"That sounds like a lot of fun," I informed him honestly. "I'd love to come along!"
After changing into my old clothes, I wrote Blake a note telling him where I was going and drove back to my house so I could change into a fresh pair of clothes. After only being back at my house for ten minutes, Christian parked in front of my house and both him and Jaz got out and made their way to my front door.
My mother was the one that answered, and it worried me just a little. My mother was very judgmental toward almost everyone, so I didn't know how she would act toward Christian or Jaz. I was sure she wouldn't want me around Jaz if she knew about her schizophrenia.
I finished changing into new clothes and quickly made my way down the stairs so my mother wouldn't say anything rude or embarrassing to them. Me being there wouldn't really stop her from doing that, but at least I could cut her off if she tried.
"Hello," she greeted them with a smile, and I knew she was surprised because she hadn't ever seen them before. "Are you friends of Leah's?"
Well, they looked kind of young to be Morgan's friends...
"Yes," Jaz answered, a wide smile on her face. "You must be Leah's mother! It's really nice to meet you!"
If only she knew it really wasn't all that nice.
"Mom, this is Jaz," I introduced, gesturing to the dark haired girl before turning toward the boy. "And this is Christian. The one who I was telling you got Danny in the play."
The look on my mother's face changed when she found out who he was, and I didn't like it. I knew what this look was. It was the look that she always gave Sean whenever they were together.
This was not good.
"Okay, Mom, we've got to go," I waved to her, practically pushing my two friends out the door so my mother could not speak to them any longer. "I'll be back later!"
My mother didn't stop us, and I was glad for this. I did not Christian to become my new Sean, but I felt like it was already too late. The only different between them in my mother's mind was that she knew Sean longer and better.
"Your mom is really nice," Jaz told me after a few minutes of silent driving. I couldn't help but disagree with her. "We didn't get to talk for too long, but she just seems... really nice."
I didn't want to be rude, so all I said was, "Yeah, she is."
I didn't like explaining the kind of relationship I had with my mother. It was too embarrassing and it made me feel kind of bad. Most girls that I knew had great relationships with their mothers, while I just... didn't.
When we finally got to our place of destination, I was surprised to see that it wasn't the diner or any other place that I had ever been to before. I was so used to the same old places that it was weird to actually be somewhere I didn't know.
"I've never been here before," I informed them as we hopped out of the car. "It looks fun."
"It is!" Jaz giggled, sounding very excited. "It's a place where you can eat and dance. I came here once with my old friends before I was diagnosed. I had a hallucination that everyone fell through the glass windows and died. There was blood everywhere."
Christian and I looked at each other. "That doesn't make me lose my appetite at all," he informed me, and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Are we going to be the only ones here, or are more people going to be coming?" I asked as we made our way inside. Loud music filled my ears, and I couldn't help but be reminded of Blake.
"I invited Cassie," Christian told me now. "And she said she's going to bring her boyfriend. You don't mind, do you?"
Christian obviously didn't know about the past Sean and I had, but it honestly didn't bother me at all that he was going to be there. I knew he wasn't going to hit on me anymore, so I was fine with him being around.
"That's totally fine," was all I said, since I really didn't have a problem with it any longer.
Cassie and Sean were already there when we got inside, and she quickly waved us over to them excitedly. I guess she was just happy that Sean and I were actually going to be able to hang out without him hitting one me and me getting pissed about it.
"Are Blake and Mona coming?" was the first thing Cassie asked me, and it annoyed me just a little that she assumed that I would know.
"No," I answered as I sat down, since I did know the answer. "He went to have dinner with her grandparents."
Cassie had a smile that I didn't like. It was a smile that made me worry, just a little. But I quickly shook it off, knowing that there was no point in worrying about it.
We ordered, and I was surprised that the food was actually really good. I didn't expect it to be bad or anything, but just... not this good. I didn't think anything would ever be able to beat the diner I would always go to.
When a guy we'd never seen before came up and asked Cassie to dance, she looked over at her boyfriend for his approval. Sean waved her away. She smiled at him before moving to the dance floor with the other guy.
"You're okay with Cassie dancing with other guys?" I couldn't help but ask him, knowing that Blake would never be okay with me dancing with another guy.
Sean merely shrugged. "I know it means nothing to her, so why not? I hate dancing anyway, and she likes to do it, so why not let her?"
It was nice, that Cassie and Sean had such a good relationship where they trusted each other like this. Blake and I did trust each other, but we got jealous as hell whenever we saw each other with someone of the opposite sex.
"Hey, Leah, do you want to dance?" Christian suddenly asked me, and it caught me off guard for a moment.
"Um..." was all I could say at first, remembering what I had just been thinking about. Blake wouldn't have liked me dancing with Christian, but it wasn't like it meant anything... And he was with Mona right then. "Sure."
So we left Sean and Jaz at our table, but they didn't seem to mind because they were in the middle of a deep conversation about something that I didn't hear. I couldn't see Cassie on the dance floor because there were so many people on it, but that didn't really matter to me all that much. As long as I kept track of Christian, that would be fine.
There were fast dances at first, but that didn't bother me because that was a lot less uncomfortable than a slow dance would have been. But right after I thought that, the music changed and turned into a slow one.
I didn't want to be rude to Christian, who placed his hands on my hips once the music changed. So I placed my hands on his shoulders and continued to sway to the music with him.
I could see out of the corner of my eye that Cassie was no longer dancing with the stranger and was now back at the table with Sean and Jaz. I definitely did not like the look that she was giving us. It was the same look she gave me when I told her about Blake being with Mona.
After the song was over, I grabbed Christian's hand and lead him back toward the table. I did not want to have to dance any longer, have it be a slow song or a fast one.
Cassie was still grinning at us when we finally took our seats, and she was making me feel really uncomfortable. She always managed to do that.
"I didn't know you two were on a date," Cassie giggled to us now.
I almost went rigid. "What?"
Before Christian or I could explain to her that we were really on a date, the music got even louder around us so that we could no longer hear what anyone at our table was saying. Luckily, we were finished eating, so we quickly paid and got out of there.
I was about to tell Cassie that Christian and I weren't on a date, but she caught me off and said that she and Sean had to leave. So I kept my mouth shut and didn't tell her the truth, because I was pretty sure that she wouldn't even listen to me if I did tell her.
So we parted ways, and I told myself not to even worry about it. Cassie was going to think whatever she wanted to think no matter what I said to her.
Christian dropped Jaz off first, since her house was closer. We spent the rest of the ride back to my house talking about how excited we were to really start rehearsing the play.
When he parked in front of my house, he got out of the car with me and walked me to my front door. I smiled up at him as I said, "I really had a lot of fun! Thanks so much for asking me to come. I'm glad I did."
Christian smiled. "It wouldn't have been as much fun without you."
I now turned toward my front door. "I'll see you on Monday, okay?"
"Leah..." he called out, causing me to turn back toward him and look at him. I expected him to say more, but instead, I felt his lips press against mine.
I didn't react, right away. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I knew that this was wrong, but Christian didn't know this. He didn't know that Blake and I were still dating. No one knew, because no one would accept it.
And I really hated that.
"No, Christian," I gasped, pulling away from him after only a few seconds. "D... Don't."
He frowned at me, his eyes looking sad. "I'm sorry. I thought... I thought it would be okay."
I gulped, shaking my head. "I just... I'm not over Blake yet."
He gave me a look that told me understood, but I knew that he would. Christian always understood me, and he always knew how to cheer me up. He was the first person I smiled at after Blake was in a coma; he was my one friend that understood that I was still in love with Blake. But... he still kissed me.
"Well, if you ever do get over him..." he started gently now, and I didn't think that was even possible. "Then I'll be here for you. Because I really like you, Leah."
I felt his lips on my forehead, and it caused me to freeze in my spot. After pulling away, he gave me a soft smile before turning away from me and heading back toward his car.
What... just... happened?
I quickly scrambled into my house, not wanting to be outside in the cold any longer. I also felt like I needed to sleep for the next couple of years.
I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, letting out a stressful sigh. Was I supposed to tell Blake about this? I was sure he'd be very angry about it, and I didn't want him to be mad at Christian because he didn't know that we were still dating. But I would have felt guilty if I kept it a secret from him...
Morgan blinked up at me from the couch. "Why is your face all red?"
"No reason," I excused, not wanting to talk about it. "Where's Kyle?"
"He's out with some of our old friends," she informed me now, but I knew she wasn't going to forget about my red face. "I decided I didn't want to go out tonight. Really, Leah, why are you blushing so much?"
Why was I blushing? It wasn't like I liked Christian like that... I felt nothing toward him like I felt toward Blake. It was just that... It felt nice, to be wanted. To be noticed. Even if it wasn't by my boyfriend...
I took a seat next to her, knowing that my older sister was really the only person I could talk to about this. I felt like no one else would really listen or be able to give me good advice, and good advice was what I really needed. Morgan had always been able to help me, so I really hoped that she'd be able to now.
"So..." I breathed, wondering how I was supposed to tell her. "A friend of mine just kissed me."
Her eyes widened at me. "Your friend kissed you? Someone who isn't Blake?"
I gulped, and then nodded. Even though she thought that we had broken up, I knew that she could tell that I was still really conflicted and confused about everything that had been happening.
"Well, you still like Blake," Morgan observed, and I knew she wasn't saying love because she didn't want to make me even more uncomfortable than I already was. "And you don't like this friend of yours, right?"
"Not like that," I muttered.
Morgan let out a sigh. Even she didn't know what to do, but I didn't really blame her. She didn't know I was still with Blake; she just thought that I wasn't over him yet. So maybe she couldn't give me the best advice...
The only person that knew that Blake and I were still together was Thomas, but he was the last person I could tell. I almost knew for a fact that he would go tell Blake right away.
"Well, maybe you should just sleep on it, Leah," my older sister suggested now, and I would have agreed with her if I didn't suddenly remember I was supposed to be somewhere else.
Crap. I was supposed to stay over at Blake's that night! How was I supposed to leave the house without making my family suspicious?
Morgan blinked at me again now, as if she knew that something was up. "Are you okay, Leah?"
"I... uh..." I swallowed, pushing myself up off the couch and straightening out my clothes, even though there was no need to. "I just remembered that I have a project to work on with Leslie! I was supposed to be at her house twenty minutes ago... I'm supposed to spend the night there!"
Morgan gave me a look as if she thought I was crazy, but it didn't look like she didn't believe me. I only waved goodbye to my sister before practically running all the way outside and to my car.
The drive to Blake's apartment was silent. Usually, I'd turn the radio on, but I didn't this time. I had too much to think about right then to listen to music.
Was I going to tell Blake what Christian had done? I felt like I had to, but I really didn't want to. It would just get him angry and jealous for no reason, and I didn't want that. He already didn't like Christian and I didn't want to make it worse.
Ugh. Why did this have to happen?
When I go to Blake's apartment, I took my time making my way up the stairs and to the door. I still hadn't decided what I was going to do and it was making my head hurt.
I knocked on the door, since I didn't have a key anymore, and Blake answered it within ten seconds, just like he usually did.
"Hey," I greeted, forcing a smile so he wouldn't think anything was up. "How was dinner?"
He shrugged. "Fine," he answered uncaringly. "It was as awkward as I thought that it would be."
I couldn't help but laugh, even though I was sure I shouldn't have. Blake rolled his eyes at me, but laughed as well. And I don't know why, but we just kept on laughing for what felt like forever. And before I knew it, we were both on the couch tangled in each other's arms.
"I missed you today," he muttered into my hair, and it made me feel even worse about what had happened with Christian. "I've been missing you a lot lately."
I snuggled even closer to him. "I've missed you, too."
And it was true. I loved Blake more than anything, and I was the luckiest girl on the planet to have him. If only everyone else could see that.
I looked up and pressed my lips to his, happy with the familiar feel of his lips on mine.
This was the kiss I wanted, and needed. Not Christian's.
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This chapter is long... o.o
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