Cecilia
Jamie grabs the remote from my hand and I chuckle remembering my dad always doing that with my mom. Those were the good ole days. Everyone was happy. Everyone lived a better life back then. I dream to live in the past. But if I did, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't be living in a mini-sized 'house'-like the Painted Ladies in San Francisco-in downtown Detroit. I wouldn't be a therapist. Even more, I wouldn't have met Jamie.
"What do you want to watch?" he asks me, interrupting my thoughts.
"You're the guest, whatever you want."
"It's too hard to choose on my own," Jamie whines. It's too hard for you to do anything on your own.
"Poor baby Benn," I pout. "do you need some help choosing?"
Jamie nods. "Yes."
"You're outta luck," I give him an innocent smile. "can't help you here."
He sticks his tongue out at me and I roll my eyes, playfully. Put that tongue back in your mouth. "Fine, how does Nymphomaniac: Volume I sound?"
"You're kidding, right?" I raise my eyebrows at him.
"Nope," he shakes his head. "I honestly feel like that movie has to be about me."
"Jamie."
"Cecilia."
"That movie is literally a trap to make you horny," I tell him.
"Your point is?"
"You're not supposed to engage in any sexual activity until we know if you have anything," I sigh.
"The doctor never said dry sex wasn't allowed," Jamie mutters, huskily. I have to try really hard to not groan out loud and I continue gazing at Jamie.
"I'll have to think about it, okay?" I cross my arms over my chest. "Besides, let's just get this movie started."
I'm not one to watch movies that are basically porn but I also don't want to conserve myself. Once we get a little bit into the movie, I begin to realize how this girl really is the female version of Jamie. She didn't want to be a virgin anymore so she practically got addicted to sex; Just like Jamie.
Maybe this movie isn't so bad after all. Sure, half of it is the girl nearly begging for sex but it's interesting and it keeps you focused.
Throughout the movie, I embarrassingly find myself gazing at Jamie and concentrating on him more than the film. I hear the girl in the movie say 'he f*cked me in the ass' and Jamie's breathing changes. He glances over at me and the look in his eyes go from concentration to frustration. He pats the space next to him on the couch. I stand myself up and sit down next to him.
For a few moments, he and I sit beside each other, our thighs touching and the movie playing across from us. As soon as the last sex scene on the train plays Jamie turns the system off and curses under his breath.
"Screw it," I groan and turn myself over. I get my legs on either side of Jamie's hips and move my face so it's just centimeters away from his.
"Holy sh..." he trails off, biting his bottom lip. "why are you doing this?"
"I told you, I'd think about it," I breathe and shift my position on his lap causing him to whimper.
He opens his mouth to say something but I interrupt him by pressing my lips to his. His hands trail down my ribs and to my waist and hips. He then lifts the soft fabric of my shirt up and over my head. It's terrible how right this feels.
He hesitates to touch me again so I start unbuttoning his plaid flannel revealing his muscular chest. My hands bring it halfway down his arms to his elbows and he gets it off the rest of the way.
My mouth moves down to his collarbones and my fingers trace his abs while I press kisses down his chest. He runs his fingers through my hair and I flick my tongue between his pecs. God am I horny. I feel like I haven't done this in ages and it's true; I haven't.
"Oh my god, Cecilia," Jamie moans. His fingers grip the fabric on the sofa as my tongue trails lower down his torso. "why does the fabric of our clothes have to be there?"
"I don't want to risk anything," I come up to press light kisses to his jawline. He whines and I smirk, pulling down his sweats ever so slightly. He bucks his hips against mine allowing me to fully bring his sweatpants off of him. "let's just keep going." I breathe and Jamie glances down at my body before looking back up at me. I feel his cool fingertips trail down my sides again to my leggings and my heart begins to race. What if we both forget about the doctor's orders?
I erase the fear from my mind and position myself so he can take my leggings off of me. Jamie immediately moves his mouth to my chest and I grind my hips against his boner repeatedly while he nips at the skin of my boobs. He lets out muffled moans into my chest. "I want to f*ck you so bad, baby." His looks up at me, chin on my boobs, eyes pleading to rip my undergarments off.
"Jamie..." I trail off, his fingers rubbing in circles on the fabric of my underwear. "oh my god." I moan just as his phone starts ringing.
He glances at the screen and curses, answering the call, still keeping his hand touching my clit with just the thin fabric keeping him from actually touching me. "Hello?"
He furrows his eyebrows. "Yes, this is Jamie...wait, what?"
I look at him, getting worried.
"Okay, thank you for calling, goodbye," he sighs, running his free hand through his hair after tossing his phone onto the chair beside us.
"What's wrong?" I ask him, cupping my hands to his cheek.
"It was the doctor," Jamie mutters, looking to the side into my kitchen.
"And?" I question.
"I tested positive for Syphilis," he replies, looking back into my eyes and I notice his tearing up.
"Did he say if he knows how long you've had it?"
"He said I'm lucky that he caught it when it was just starting to show," Jamie says. "he told me I've probably had it for around a week."
"How'd you not notice it before?" I ask. "there'd be sores on your penis."
"I'm not the type of guy that stares at his dick whenever he takes his clothes off," Jamie tells me and I let out a breathy laugh.
"Are you sure about that?" I ask, remembering him masturbating in my office.
"Are you sure you want to go there?" he licks his lips. I still straddle his hips and run my fingers through his hair.
"Maybe."
"Are you crazy?"
"Nope," I pop the 'p'.
"We just found out that I have Syphilis and you're horny again," Jamie brings a piece of my hair behind my ear.
"You're the one that has it and you still have an erection," I purr into Jamie's ear and he whines. I once again shift my position on his lap and he grumbles out a deep moan.
"It doesn't help that you are right on me," he grips my hips and digs his fingers into my skin. "goddammit, Cecilia, I want you so bad."
"I could say the same about you," I whimper while Jamie hooks his fingers under my panties.
Moments later it finally dawns on me; Jamie has Syphilis.
"Oh my god."
"What's wrong?" Jamie asks me, pressing his lips to my neck.
"We need to get you medication," I breathe as Jamie sucks on my skin.
"Yes we do," he flicks his tongue against my jaw.
"Like now."
"But I can tell how good this is making you feel," he murmurs, lips pressed against my skin. "Don't deny it, baby."
"I know, but your health is my main priority now," I tell him, lifting myself off of him.
"Before we go, you might want to change your underwear," Jamie informs, smirking. "or else it'll look like you went into labor."
I bring my leggings in front of my body to cover the fact that he got me freaking wet. "shut up."
"Just making sure you know," he tells me and then he mutters 'how good I make you feel' under his breath but I pretend I don't hear it. I jokingly roll my eyes at him and walk myself to my bedroom, making sure he doesn't follow me in there.
If he did, my situation might've gotten worse.
While grabbing a new pair of underwear, I begin to notice how electrified I feel. I guess this is what Jamie is always talking about. It gives me the sense that I just got hit by lightning. Except instead of pain there's pleasure. A buzz. Maybe that's why Jamie thought I was drunk. It makes me do things that I wouldn't normally do. The sensation gets one horny. But not even 'horny' can explain how it's got me feeling.
"You almost finished?" Jamie asks me, knocking on the door.
"Yeah, sorry, I barely have any clean underwear," I lie. Just kidding, I've just been thinking about how you make me feel.
I finally bring the underwear up my legs and grab a pair of jeans and do the same with those.
Once I step out of the room, Jamie's leaning against the wall and I clear my throat. "Yeah right." He crosses his arms over his chest.
"What?"
"You just did your laundry yesterday," he reminds me and I mentally slap myself.
"Well...I forgot to wash my underwear," I mutter, my voice wavering.
"Cecilia," Jamie says.
"Jamie," I raise an eyebrow.
"I helped you do your laundry."
"Okay, okay," I lift my arms up, surrendering. "you caught me. Let's get going."
While putting my coat on, I glance over to see Jamie checking his phone. His face distorts into a frown and I try to see what he's looking at but the words on his screen are so small.
"What's wrong?" I question.
"Stephanie," he grumbles.
"What'd she do now?" I zip up my coat and step over towards him so I can see what's going on. When I read what Stephanie posted on Instagram, I snatch Jamie's phone out of his hand. I check out her profile and see random photos of her with many different guys. Every single pose is the same too; her boobs pressed against their side and leg practically wrapped around their waist. "She makes me want to shove a flaming knife up my ass. Jamie, don't let them get to you, okay?"
"I thought you were going to get them to stop," he whispers.
"I know, I'm still trying, but social media is a trap," I tell him. "It's virtually impossible to stop them."
"Why?" he puts his coat on and opens the back door. I can't risk another encounter with my boss.
"You may be able to delete someone's account but they can still come back."
It's sickening how the online world works. You can create however many accounts you'd like without the website's staff suspecting a thing. They don't care what you say about others. The makers of the media are only there for the amount of money they're getting and the popularity. Not the safeness of it.
"I just want them to get bored and move on to someone else," Jamie says to me.
"I know you do," I kiss his cheek and rub patterns on his jaw. Suddenly, an idea pops up in my head. I open my Instagram on my phone and search up his rude exes. In the process I also block my boss. "Jamie, let's take a picture together." I'd rather feel his pain instead of him feeling it. Those girls can talk as much smack as they want.
I might need my own therapist after this. I open the camera in the app and glance up at Jamie, not knowing what pose to do. He wraps his arms around my waist and just as I'm about to take the photo, he cups my cheeks with his palms and presses his lips firmly to mine. The click of the camera sounds and he and I both pull back. Our faces stay close and his warm breath lightly blows against my face.
"God, you're perfect," Jamie whispers and sneakily grabs my phone out of my hand.
He begins typing something in and then furrows his eyebrows. He clears his throat and gives my phone back to me, showing me my notifications.
"Why?"
"Why what?" I notice that the girls had followed me back; perfect.
"Why'd you follow them?" he asks me.
"So they can attack me instead," I reply and notice how Jamie tagged himself in the photo. I begin tearing up when I read the caption he put in: Whipped.
"Why would they attack you?" Jamie questions me.
"Why does it matter?" I sigh.
"Because I care about you, Cecilia," he replies and I look down at my UGGs.
My phone buzzes in my back pocket and I see a comment on the photo. I roll my eyes at it, seeing how it's Iris calling me a whore.
"Let me see," he puts his hand out for me to give him my phone again. I sigh and place it in his palm and he begins typing.
"Jamie."
"Hmm?"
"You don't have to do this," I tell him.
"You don't have to do this either," he says, referring to the photo.
"I'll be fine, okay?" I reassure him. God, I sure hope so. "you already have an addiction hanging on your shoulders. I can't put any more stress on you."
"Cecilia-"
"No, Jamie, I don't want to hear that it's too much for me," I press my index finger to his lips.
Jamie
"No, Jamie, I don't want to hear that it's too much for me," Cecilia presses her index finger to my lips. I sigh and comment what I was going to say to Iris on the photo and close Cecilia's phone and hand it to her. "I can take care of myself, I promise."
"Okay, just remember that I warned you," I mutter. "they nearly drove me to damn suicide." I whisper this under my breath and sit in the driver's seat of her car.
It's so disgusting how someone can go from saying that you have the body of a pornstar to having the body of a drunkard. I rarely ever drink and I go to the gym about every week.
My phone ringing interrupts my thoughts and I ask Cecilia to answer it and put the call on speaker.
"Hello?" she says.
"Hi, this is Doctor Bender," Cecilia furrows her eyebrows. "I have your full test results and we found the DNA of another person in the testing samples."
My face heats up and I find it hard to talk. "What do we need to do?"
"Stop by the offices, I'll have a nurse explain this to you," the doctor tells us.
I bang my hand against the steering wheel when we come up to a red light.
"Jamie, calm down," Cecilia murmurs, rubbing her palm over my hand. "it's okay, let's just go get the information and get your medication."
As we start driving, I get angrier at myself for hooking up with that blonde girl two and a half weeks ago.
"Jamie, what's bothering you?" Cecilia asks me.
"I'll explain after we get my information," I tell her. She puts her palm in mine at a stoplight and I calm down slightly. She nods and gives my hand a small squeeze and I give her a stressed out grin. It's people like this that you don't have to fake a smile for when you're freaking out. You can still smile even when you're dying inside.
"Do you know who Judo Versace is?" the doctor questions me and Cecilia perks up.
"I recognize the name," she mutters.
"Related to the fashion designer, Gianni Versace," he nods before turning back to me. "and you hooked up with Judo who unfortunately has syphilis."
I glance back at Cecilia who raises her eyebrows at me and I push my hair back. "Have you prescribed me any medication?"
"We have Zithromax written down for you but we just need your approval on the antibiotic and you'll be on your way."
I glance at Cecilia and she nods, telling me that it's okay to take Zithromax.
"Alright, doc, is that all?" I ask him.
"That is all," he shakes my hand. "I hope you have a speedy recovery, Jamie. And remember, no sexual activity until all symptoms are gone."
Cecilia
After the doctor's office, he and I make our way to Walgreens and I immediately roll my eyes once I see who's there; Antoine.
"Jamie!" he calls over.
"Hey man," Jamie says awkwardly, but I pretend to not notice it. "what're you doing here?"
"Just buying some condoms-"
"And jelly beans," a girl with short brown hair interrupts him, giggling. "sorry, hi, I'm Lauren."
She puts her hand out and smiles and I shake her hand, introducing myself. "my name's Cecilia."
The environment around the four of us changes drastically. My mouth goes dry looking from Lauren to Antoine. Why don't I remember that name? Ah, yes, because Antoine can't seem to talk about anyone other than Amy. Which I cannot misunderstand since she is a bombshell. But for how damn long he has been coming, I'm sure Lauren had to be a part of his life during some of our sessions.
"It's nice to meet you!" she exclaims.
"You too," I grin. I nod at Antoine and slip past them. Motioning for Jamie to follow, he gives me a thankful look.
"What in the ass?" Jamie mutters.
"Huh?"
"Last time I checked, Antoine was head over heels for Amy," he sighs.
"How did you know that?" I furrow my eyebrows. Jamie says a vulgar word under his breath.
"I-Uh, it's nothing."
"Jamie."
"I just heard you two talking on Tyler's birthday," Jamie tells me. "When I was looking for you. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop."
"Oh my God," I look away from him and turn my focus to the pharmacy.
"I'm sorry," he whispers.
I stay silent, unable to figure out a way to react to this information.
"Cecilia," he rests his index finger under my chin, bringing my eyes back to his. "Look at me. I'm sorry, I know none of that was supposed to get out to me. I'll just pretend it never happened."
"That's the thing," I sigh. "You can't just brainwash yourself in order to not know that private information."
"What the hell?"
"Look, it's a whole mess," I say through gritted teeth. "Never bring it up. Ever."
"And why the heck not?" Jamie glares at me. "It's not like it's old news. What is so damn important about it?"
"It's business that is strictly between him and me," I answer him.
"I literally told you it was a freakin' accident," he seethes. "I was deadass looking for you. For Christ's sake, you two could have had your tongues down each other's throats."
"What is wrong with you?"
"I could ask the same about you," Jamie crosses his arms over his chest. "I get that it is private information but you can't blame the guy that likes you for trying to find where you wandered off to. I was genuinely worried about you because Lord knows what could've happened. You know damn well I do not tolerate any person trying to hurt you. It's just a mistake that I happened to hear the fact that Antoine is screwing Tyler's girl."
"What pisses me off is the part where Lauren steps in," I groan. "Almost feels like his dick is careless."
"That's Antoine for you."
"What?"
"He reeks of trouble," Jamie shrugs. "I've known him for years. He's nice and all but he is also a really shitty guy. But Antoine has been a friend to me for some time now."
"Why do you still stay cool with him?" I ask. "Like, since he's a shitty guy and all."
"The group of us are all brothers," he tells me. "Klinger could snort codeine and we'd still love the goof. Maybe try to check him in somewhere. You get the point, right?"
I nod at him. I really do not get the point. I cannot have that negativity in my life.
"Cecilia," he adds. "I know it makes no sense. I also know you are lying about getting it."
"I am."
"It's okay," Jamie whispers. "It probably seems almost pointless to stay in contact with someone who does all of that stuff. But believe me, us guys stick together. If I found out if you were a stripper, I would not think of you any differently."
"Why not?"
"Because you will always be the person I knew when we met."
-
"How come I've never been told about Lauren?" I question Antoine.
"She and I just got back together," he replies.
"Still."
"I was so focused on Amy that I forgot about the real people in my life."
"Why'd you choose Amy?"
"She's so different...almost manipulative," he tells me. "but I know she just wants to be loved by someone yet she doesn't know how to love someone the right way. Don't get me wrong, she's caring and all. But she's lost."
"Does this mean you're done with her then?" I ask Antoine.
"Pretty much," he nods.
"That must feel better."
"It does," Antoine tells me. "I feel like crap for not being there for Lauren when I should've been."
I nod, glancing at the clock and seeing how adding Lauren to his appointment caused our the time to go a bit longer than intended. I shake his hand and he steps out of the office leaving me one last client; Connor.
I mentally swear and kindly tell him it's time for his appointment. He takes a seat and stares at me, intensely.
"So, Connor," I bite my pen. "you wanted to have your appointment earlier...why's that?"
"Well, I've had something to tell you about and it was killing me to wait any longer," Connor replies.
"And?"
"I-I'm gay," he mutters. "That's why I've been so messed up lately." I write that down on the notepad seated on my lap.
"Go on."
"I've always been sexually confused and now I suddenly find myself wanting men and no women."
"I'm glad you've come to peace with that," I give him a warm smile. "I've gone through the same thing. I had even experienced with both sexes. It's extremely stressful and it feels great to know that you've finally figured it out."
"It does and I'm a lot happier now with my new boyfriend," he blushes. "his name's Dylan."
He says this with a smile and I glance at my notepad, noticing the difference from last weeks appointment to now.
I must be doing something right.
{ dedicated to kingmalkin }