Alex's POV.
"How do you even love me."
Those words hit me like a ton of bricks.
I wasn't sure how to respond. Did I love him? Or was I just blinded by the fact that we had a child?
"That's what I thought." He said shaking his head and bolting for the stairs.
"Kian, wait!" I yelled lunging after him.
When I finally caught up to him he was in a fit of tears.
"Kian, look at me." I sighed.
He wiped his eyes and looked down at me.
"Promise me this will stop." I pleaded with sad eyes.
"I can't." He whispered.
"Neither can I."
I walked into my room and threw some clothes into a bag and some for Ash along with diapers, a blanket, bottles and a thing of formula. I picked up Ashlyn and carried her down the stairs, Kian hot on my heels.
"What are you doing?!" He shouted angrily.
"I'm not exposing her to this yet. She doesn't deserve to see such a broken family. I love you too much to see you tear yourself apart. But if you can't promise me you'll stop, I can't promise you you'll see your daughter."
I grabbed my car keys and stormed out the door.
Tears started falling as I saw Kian run out the front door sobbing.
"I'm sorry." I mouthed shaking my head.
"I'm so sorry." I said again.
__
"Hi mom." I said softly.
"I brought Ashlyn here, you haven't seen her since she got sick. She doing a lot better now. But I'm not. I don't know what to do."
I cried, but stopped as Ashlyn began crying.
"Baby, say hi to Grammy" I smiled, sitting her up in my lap.
"She loves you just as much as mommy." I paused.
"And daddy. Daddy loves you very much."
___
"So will you please watch her for the night? I need to talk to Kian with out worrying about her for one night." I begged Sam.
"Of course Lex. She'll be fine."
I smiled and engulfed him in a hug.
"Can you make sure kians uh, okay? He's my best friend too. I don't want anything bad happening to him." He said awkwardly.
"Of course Sammy. Thank you. Love ya!"
I drove home In silence enjoying my short lived alone time.
When I got home, I opened the door quietly and shut it behind me. I heard a frustrated grunt come from upstairs and then a cry of pain followed by a loud thud.
"Kian!" I yelled, more worried than ever throwing my self up the stairs.
The door was wide open and I could see into the bathroom. Kian was slumped over the sink, his back falling and rising in fast, unsteady motions.
I walked in and placed my hand on his back. He jumped and looked up at me, his eyes red and face swollen from what looked like days of crying.
"I'm sorry!" He cried, tears falling even faster.
I looked into the sink to see a stream of crimson red flowing from his wrist into the sink creating a pool of red water in the bottom.
I ran into the closet grabbing a towel and wrapped it around his wrist applying as much pressure while being gentle.
He winced in pain when the towel came in contact, and again as I pushed down but his tears somehow stopped.
I kissed his pouty lip gently and he looked at me confused.
"I love you." I whispered.
"I love you more." He replied, using his thumb to brush away a tear that was resting on my cheek.
His facial expression quickly changed from relief to panic as he looked around frantically.
"Where's Ashlyn?!"
"She's fine." I said simply.
"Where is she?!" He demanded.
"You don't need to see her right now. You need to focus on you." I spoke calmly.
"Where the fuck is my daughter?!" He yelled again.
"Kian stop!" I screamed hitting his chest.
I just wanted him to realize how dangerous what he's doing is. I can't lose him!
"What are the o2l fans gonna think? What about the boys! What do you think Ashlyn's gonna think when she sees you in 10 years and you have these huge scars on your wrist? Baby stop. Please!" I cried, looking more weak than he did.
"You don't get it." He sighed.
"Cut me." I said shortly.
He looked at me with a shocked expression.
"You might as well cut me too. Because that's what you're doing every time you do it to yourself! Maybe then ill understand." I yelled, picking up the blade.
He ripped the blade from my hands and chucked it into the toilet, flushing it in a swift motion.
"It's over baby." He said looking into my eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"Me too."