dan
Dan can hear voices murmuring, but his eyes remain shut.
The voices are muffled, as if Dan is submerged underwater and the sound is partially blocked. He can't make out what anyone is saying. Moments pass and Dan still cannot find it in him to so much as move, but the voices are growing clearer by the minute.
"I had no idea."
That was Dan's mother.
"Why would he have done this?"
That was Dan's father.
What was going on to make them both be here at the same time? And as soon as Dan realised what had happened, he suddenly never wanted to wake up from whatever state he was in.
They have found out about his alcohol addiction - he'd finally had just too much and must've passed out somewhere. Great, Dan thinks, what's going to happen now?
"I recommend therapy, his condition may be effecting him even more than you originally thought," a gentle, female voice says, probably the doctor, "he has obviously been drinking a while, but his health is still stable."
"I see, thank you," Dan's father says, "can we please have a moment alone?"
"Of course, call me if anything happens, or if he wakes," the doctor says and then Dan hears the door click shut and he knows that he is alone with his parents.
"What do we do now?" Dan's father asks with a sigh.
"I'm not sure. Therapy I guess," his mother replies.
"I just- I can't believe we never realised."
"We must've left him alone for too long."
"Yes, well you'll have to take some time off work so you can watch him."
"Me? Why don't you take time off work?"
"Because you should! It's your fault!"
"How's it my fault?"
The arguing continues until Dan is well and truly forgotten. The argument ends with a 'fine.' followed by a final 'fine!'. And then they walk out, Dan knows because he hears the slamming doors. He sighs, finally cracking his eyes open to a blinding light, and after his eyes adjust, an empty hospital room.
There are tubes sticking out of him and an ache in his stomach and head. They must've pumped the alcohol out of him. Dan doesn't even try to sit up, he just lies there, staring at the ceiling until he hears the hospital door open again and he shuts his eyes and steadies his breathing.
"Can't believe the parents just walked out."
It's the doctor again.
"I think they're both pretty caught up with work," another familiar voice says - Phil - much to Dan's shock.
"Yes well that is still no excuse," The doctor says, "I hate work orientated parents. If they chose to have a child they should at least look after them!"
"Yeah," Phil says quietly, "they should."
"Who are you again?"
"I'm Phil, I'm Dan's friend," Phil says, making Dan want to snort.
"Ah yes, you're the one who told us about the alcohol. Thank you, knowing that it was much easier to find out what was wrong. An ongoing alcohol issue is something to be taken seriously, even if his parents hardly seem to care," the doctor says, making Dan overcome with shock and anger.
Phil told them? How dare he? He has now put Dan in this mess that he will have to wake up to. If it wasn't for Phil he could've lied, saying it was a one time thing, or something along those lines. But Phil went and told them he does it all the time. Phil of all people, who Dan knows also drinks, pops pills, smokes and gets high in his spare time.
"I'll leave you with him for a while," the doctor says after possibly checking over Dan's condition, and the he one again hears the door shut.
"Dan, please wake up," Phil says, "I want to talk. I'm sorry for telling then but I had to, you understand that, right?"
But Dan doesn't understand that, he just sees a person who's betrayed his trust, who's made his life a mess even though it already was one.
Phil continues to talk to Dan, but he doesn't open his eyes. Dan has realised something now; he's in this world alone. He can't trust anyone. But the thing is, blurry faces are easy to lie to, but when he has to look Phil in the eyes, lying is virtually impossible.
And once again, Dan is cursing Phil and his stupid, visible face.
***
Dan finally decides to 'wake up' some five hours later, due to the rumble in his stomach and the pure boredom of sitting in a room by himself.
"Dan, how are you feeling?" a woman asks gently, standing over him, it's the same voice from before so it's the doctor.
"I'm fine," Dan replies, looking at the ground rather than the blur of her face, "honestly, can I just go home now?"
"Sorry, no can do. You collapsed, you at least have to stay overnight. Plus you took in too much alcohol," the doctor says, "we don't take these things lightly."
And those were the words Dan really didn't want hear.
"Why? It was just a one time thing I swear," Dan begs, struggling to sit up, "please."
"Your friend said otherwise. Besides, you need to rest, your stomach was pumped," She says, her voice stern, "and you need help with your alcohol."
Dan outwardly groans and lets out a huff of annoyance as he rolls his eyes. Dan knows that there is no getting out of this one. He has really fucked up and there's no escape out.
"Please! I don't need help," Dan begs once again, pleading desperately.
"I'm sorry Dan, but it's final," she says, "you need help."
***
And that is how, one week later Dan ends up sitting in a plain room with a small shelf, a large window and an oversized desk.
He is sitting on a chair in front of the large desk. There's a woman opposite him, his so called 'therapist'. With a typically blurred face, all Dan can see is that her oily, brown hair is pulled back into a bun so tight it looks painful. Dan assumes that she probably has a sympathetic look on her face, but Dan can't see it anyway, which is probably a good thing.
"Now Dan, tell me why you're here," she says, her voice soft but forceful.
Still, Dan is completely reluctant to be here and he's decided to show it. He has no problem giving sass out to people, especially to people like her who pretend to understand him when they're just trying to get inside your mind and meddle with your thoughts.
"You should already know that," Dan snaps, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest, "I mean, it's what my parents are paying you for right?"
"I know you are troubled Dan, and this behavior is only natural but I'm here to help you," She says softly, "you can't do this alone."
"Why not?" Dan asks, raising an eyebrow at her challengingly.
"I-uh. Being alone is not good for you. This battle is one to be fought together."
"What battle?"
"The battle against alcohol."
"I'm not battling alcohol."
"Dan, deep down-"
"Deep down you're really annoying. This is a waste of my time, I'm not battling anything except my urge to get out if here right now," Dan sasses her, standing up, "and oh, it looks like my urge has won."
And before she can protest with her stupid voice and sympathetic eyes hidden under the blur, Dan stands and walks straight out, slamming the door behind him. He stomps out onto the street and starts towards his home.,
His house is a good five kilometers away, but he's okay with walking because he needs the time to himself. His parents are back to work and fights, only this time they have something new to fight about; Dan himself. And Dan doesn't have alcohol to escape to, his parents stashed it all away.
His escape has been ripped away from him and now he has nowhere to run when his life turns to hell, and he can't escape his blurry face. They don't understand how it helps him, they don't understand.
He needs something, anything. He's broken into a run now without even realising it. Soon enough, red faced and sweating horribly, he's arrived back home. But his parents aren't home so he runs around the back, and spies Phil in his own backyard, smoking a cigarette.
"Hey! Life ruiner!" Dan yells, jumping the small fence and running over to Phil, "yeah, you."
"No Dan I was helping you," Phil argues, standing up, the lit cigarette between his fingers.
"What? Like you're helping yourself by smoking? You're a fucking hypocrite and you ruined everything!" Dan yells, pushing Phil, "I hate you!"
"Well wake up, it's reality. I already did it," Phil snaps, turning angry, "fine, hate me. It won't make a difference, everyone else already does."
"Well they have a good reason to," Dan snarls, "you're just unpleasant."
"I don't care what you think blurry face," Phil snaps, making Dan freeze, "you're weird and a freak. You can't even see faces. How sad."
"I can see yours," Dan snaps, "but I wish I couldn't."
"Why?"
"Because out of everyone in this entire world, you're the worst person I've met so far," Dan snaps, "and I wish your face was the same, I wish you were the same as everyone else!"
"Well I'm not," Phil snaps back, "so tough."
"Well just stay out of my business Phil Lester," Dan snaps, turning and jumping back over the fence, "and stay out of my life."
"Believe me, I'll try my best," Phil yells back as Dan is unlocking his back door.
Dan steps inside and slams the door shut behind him before letting out a large sigh, his eyes pricking with tears. He needs something, he needs a release. He runs upstairs, pulling open his third draw and digging through the clothes, snagging the vodka bottle he his in there and taking a sip.
He sinks down into a corner, nursing the bottle as he lets the alcohol flow through his bloodstream and calm him down, take away his emotions. He stares at the half empty bottle and sighs deeply. He just has to make this bottle last until he can get his hands on a new one.
After a while, the alcohol has numbed him, but the pain is still there. That's when the tears come, pouring down his face and his body racks with sobs until his tears have mixed with the alcohol, and his body has been entirely drained of any light he has left within him.
He's stuck in a miserable cycle, and he's wondering what the point of all this pain is.
***
phil
Phil remains on his deck for a while.
His cigarette is wasted and long burnt out, much like how Phil himself feels. Phil used to have no emotions except anger until Dan came along. And now he has pain inside of him, and most of it is seeing Dan ripping himself apart.
He can't stand watching Dan ruin himself. He may not be able to stop, but at least Dan would be able to. He's stuck in a spiral but if he could manage to push Dan out if it, he would count that as a win.
He's ahead of Dan in that path, and he knows it only goes down from there. For now, Dan only drinks, but Phil knows that won't last. He himself started out like that, and how he has obtained many other bad habits.
Phil sighs abandoning the cigarette on the deck - his parents know he smokes, they just turn a blind eye - before walking back inside. He wishes he could go back to just not caring, that was a hell of a lot easier.
Life is easier when you don't have a conscience, when you don't have worry, pain, hurt. When you're just a mass of anger, you can't get hurt, you only inflict pain. But that's changed for Phil.
He's now feeling pain, and the main cause of it is Dan freaking Howell.
*******
an// heyo hope you enjoyed! phan fight, sorry haha. Thoughts on them fighting? On Dan still drinking? On Phil's new emotions?
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