Michael couldn't sleep and neither could Luke. Lying on their backs with their hands over their own chests while breathing in slowly, they had spent the last three hours in complete silence with their eyes glued to the ceiling. The room was still dark, not even hints of colour coming up in the sky indicating it was still far from dawn. The only sound that filled the room was that of their breaths and the rustling of leaves coming from outside. Luke wanted to ask what had happened exactly, but he didn't want to push Michael into talking about it. Michael wanted to tell Luke what had happened, but he didn't know how to. He knew it would make Luke upset and that was the last thing he wanted.
"Does it hurt?" Luke forced himself to break the silence, rolling his head to the side so he could see Michael's profile. It was barely a silhouette, but Luke admired it nonetheless.
"What? My face, heart or pride?" Even though Michael was merely a shadow at that point, Luke could still see the hint of a smile on the older man's lips and Luke couldn't help but bite his lower lip to suppress a smile.
"Anything." Luke shrugged, turning on his side completely now. Michael stayed in the same position, eyes still fixed to the ceiling. He knew that if he looked at Luke, he wouldn't be able to go through with telling him what happened and he would crack. Again. "Is there anything I can do for you? Is there anything you need?"
Michael remained silent for a few seconds, the sound of the leaves outside seeming to become louder due to the lack of voices in the room. He closed his eyes.
"Well, my face could use an ice pack," He opened his eyes again, feeling Luke's intense stare. He knew Luke would get up and get him an ice pack once Michael finished his sentence. "My pride just needs time."
"And your heart?" Luke murmured, causing Michael to turn his head to the side so he could look into Luke's eyes. It was dark, but he could still slightly make out the bright irises of the blond man.
"Would it be extremely cheesy if I said my heart just needs you?"
"Yes, it would." Luke laughed, feeling his heart getting lighter as the mood seemed to change. He liked having Michael looking at him again and he liked seeing the man smile. He only hoped that smile would not be short lived. "But I'd like to hear that, anyways."
"I'll say it once you bring me an ice pack." Michael smirked, enjoying the way Luke rolled his eyes at him jokingly before sitting up. He crawled out of bed, Michael watching him closely as he strut out of the room, now dressed only in a long sweater. Michael knew he wore nothing underneath it and the thought made his mind wander off. He wanted to feel the blond again, he wanted to kiss Luke again, he wanted to go back to that time that the only thing in his universe was Luke.
The blond's feet padded into the kitchen, opening the freezer and squinting at the light that came from inside. Taking the gel ice pack Calum had put in there in case he ever needed one, Luke found himself wondering if he'd ever get the chance to wake up next to Michael on a normal day. If they'd get up for work and have breakfast together, if they'd drive in one car everyday and then come home together and hang out. He wanted that; Luke was tired of the sneaking around, seeing each other when Michael's wife was busy or getting off in the middle of the night over the phone. He wanted to feel Michael, to touch him, to wake up in the middle of the night and know that Michael was lying next to him.
He didn't want a relationship he saw in movies; he didn't want roses and expensive dates or quirky surprises or for Michael to tell him everyday that he was the centre of Michael's universe and that no one would ever take his place. That meant nothing to Luke. He wanted to sit with Michael in front of the TV on a Thursday night in only his underwear, eating pizza and seeing who could burp the loudest. He wanted to wake up and see Michael sleeping with drool on his chin and snoring so loudly Luke could barely sleep at night. He wanted to get home expecting to be pranked at any second and prank Michael when he least expected it. He wanted Michael to show Luke how much he meant to him in the little things: telling him to put on his seatbelt, reminding him to take a jacket because he might be cold, telling him he looked like shit when waking up with a cold and making sure to take care of him until Luke felt better. He wanted a best friend, he wanted Michael to be his best friend.
"Here you go, baby." Luke whispered as he got back in the room, handing Michael the ice pack before sitting on the bed. This time, he faced Michael, watching as the black haired man winced at the contact of the ice pack with his skin.
There was silence for a few seconds, being broken by the sound of Michael's loud sigh. He had to tell Luke. "I told her I want a divorce."
Luke tried not to squeal in excitement. He tried not to clap and thank Jesus and hug Michael. He tried his hardest to seem unfazed, or even slightly bummed, but the truth was that he was relieved. He was upset Michael was loosing something that meant a lot to him in the past, but at that point, Luke only saw it as his chance to give Michael something new. Something new that could mean even more to him now. "Oh." Was all Luke said.
"Yeah." Michael nodded with a small laugh.
"And what did she say?" Luke asked hesitantly. He knew by the way Michael was avoiding his gaze that there was something more. Something was wrong and Luke couldn't help but feel restless. Surely, she wouldn't have hit him for wanting a divorce. Luke was scared he knew what it was. And he did.
"She's pregnant."
The words tumbled out of Michael's lips before he could stop them and at that point, it was the best thing he could do. It was like ripping off a Band-Aid, and now that it was out there, Michael felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders. He had tried for weeks to come up with a way to tell Luke about that one drunken night in which things just seemed to get a little out of control and in his desperate need for Luke, Michael's only escape was Jane. He knew Luke didn't want to hear his apologies, he knew Luke didn't want to hear that Michael thought of him throughout the whole thing. Luke just wanted him to prove that, at that moment, it was Luke and just Luke.
"Oh." Luke repeated, mouth suddenly becoming dry as he licked his lips. "So that means..."
"It was one time, weeks ago. It was before Chittering and nothing happened since, before you start asking yourself. I don't want to get into detail because it really does not matter anymore. I know what you want and what you don't want to hear, so I'll just leave it at that."
"Thank you." Luke said softly, looking down at his hands as he played with his fingers. "But it does matter, Michael. You're about to be a father and I don't know how I feel about this. I want to be happy for you, but I don't think I can."
"I told her I don't want the child." Michael sighed.
Luke looked up at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. Michael had his lips pressed into a thin line, head shaking slowly. There was no judgement in Luke's eyes, but Michael knew he was shocked by his attitude. He knew what Luke was thinking, he knew that Luke was now questioning everything that had ever happened between them and anything that could ever happen between them in the future. He knew Luke was asking himself if Michael would really stick with him through everything life threw their way if they were to be together.
"I can't have children, Luke."
"Michael." Luke frowned, sitting on the balls of his feet as his hands rested on his knees. "This is your child and they deserve a Dad. It doesn't matter if you're with Jane or not, it-"
"No, Luke." Michael sighed, eyes shyly meeting Luke's as he bit the inside of his cheek. "I physically cannot have children."
"So, you're sterile." Luke spoke, sounding a bit unsure of what he was saying. That was a lot for the blond to take in in one night.
"I am sterile." Michael covered his eyes with his hand, removing the ice pack from his face before he turned to look at Luke again. "And my wife is using some other person's child inside of her to force me into staying with her. And hit me when I said I didn't want it. She doesn't know I can't have children because honestly, we never even talked about it. I know it was unfair of me not to tell her, but we didn't want kids, anyway. I'm pretty sure the father of the child doesn't even know and she's manipulating me so that I can support the child she has no condition to support on her own."
"That's it." Luke said harshly, standing up from the bed and grabbing Michael's phone.
"What are you doing?" Michael asked hesitantly. He had never seen Luke with such hatred in his eyes as he typed in the passcode of Michael's phone.
"What do you think I'm doing? I'm telling your wife you're not coming home and that divorce papers will be at her door by tomorrow."
"Luke, it doesn't work like-"
"Yes, it does work like that. Okay?" Luke snapped, looking at Michael for a second too long before shaking his head. "Did you hit her back?"
"What? Of course not." Michael furrowed his eyebrows. "I would never hit anyone unless extremely justified. And never a woman."
"You've got the moral high ground. I am not going to sit here and let you go back to someone who abused you, Michael. Someone who lied to you, cheated on you, manipulated you and took advantage of you. I am not letting you step foot inside of that house again and she better not come into the office ever or I am giving her a piece of my mind. And if she ever, ever, lays another finger on you when I'm not around, she's going to have to sort herself out with me. No one messes with someone I care about and gets away with it."
Luke hit send, eyes snapping up to look at Michael as the black haired man stared back blankly. "I don't have anywhere to stay."
"You're staying here." Luke shrugged. "I wouldn't have you anywhere else."
Michael stared at him, smiling softly as he saw Luke put his phone back down on the nightstand before crawling into bed and between Michael's legs. He was shaking with anger, but the second Michael's fingertips came in contact with his skin, he could feel himself start to calm down. It didn't matter that Jane was a horrible person, it didn't matter that Jane abused him, used him, tricked him and lied to him. It didn't matter because Michael was there, with him, and Luke would prove to him that he was not Jane. He'd be the only thing Michael could need and he'd do it by being himself. He'd be true to himself and he'd be true to Michael. He'd make Michael happy. And Michael would make him happy, too.
"Thank you. My heart just needs you, Princess."
~~~
currently lying in bed in my underwear, eating liquorice with a fan at full force hitting my face.
welcome to australia, i guess.
i'm in such a good mood today, i got 23/26 on my religion essay and i managed to finish my lit essay on phaedra only to be assigned a close reading for monday, dear lord
yO FIVE CHAPTERS LEFT MY PEOPLE HOW Y'ALL FEELING ABOUT THIS
double update, anyone??