"You don't realize it, do you? I'm in love with you, Vivian." He said it so calmly, so matter-of-factly, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, the most regular announcement he could ever make. I'm in love with you, Vivian. How many times have I dreamed about hearing those exact words? Not from him, though. Funny how a love declaration can have such a different effect depending on who makes it.
"That can't be." I blurted out without thinking, or rather thinking he was playing me again. This man lied to me throughout the whole 5 weeks we've been together, why would I believe he loves me?
"What do you mean?" Sebastian asked, his quizzical gaze fixed on my face, as if he truly couldn't understand why I didn't believe him. It's not like our entire relationship was a lie and he only used me for his alibi to kill Julia Woods, right?
Regardless, I preferred to be honest. I looked away and sighed softly. "You don't know me enough to love me, Sebastian." I should have probably started using his real name, but I couldn't make myself. Calling him Tyler felt like admitting that I was talking to his criminal self, while Sebastian was just the charming man that helped me through my heartbreak and made me truly believe that not all men are trash. The truth was, even though I had time to come terms with it, I still had troubles letting go of the man I thought he was.
Taking me off guard, he tilted my chin up with one finger, making me look into his eyes. "Maybe not but it doesn't take long for a heart to formulate an inescapable desire." He said simply. "I won't pretend you're my first love. And I will not deny that the first one didn't end well either."
That reminded me of his confession a while back, what he said about his ex-girlfriend dying in unfortunate circumstances. "She was killed, wasn't she?" I couldn't help but ask.
Sebastian remained quiet for a long moment, then eventually heaved a deep sigh, pulling back again. "Just because I wasn't able to save her, doesn't mean I won't save you, Vivian."
"Save me from what? You keep deflecting, Sebastian, never giving a full explanation as to who you really are." I finally blurted out, tired of his games. "Granted that I have been told who you are, but I wanted to hear it from you. I wanted to give you the benefit of doubt." I stood up so fast that he didn't catch me, but he didn't try to make me sit again either. I started pacing around. "They told me you're some kind of drug lord, Sebastian. That you're a highly dangerous man, that you were coming after me and ..." I left a hand on my belly, "him."
Sebastian looked up, surprised. "You know it's a boy?" He wondered, seemingly excited.
"Not yet, I will know in a week. But I kind of feel like it's a boy." Before he could say anything about it, I shook my head, resuming: "The point is, I was sent here because they said you would come after me, that you were dangerous and I was supposed to expect you to kill me or-"
"I wouldn't." He cut me off, standing up so abruptly that I unconsciously took a step back in fear. "I would never hurt you, Vivian." Sebastian repeated, pulling me into his arms. He may have meant well, but I couldn't relax in his embrace like I used to. "I've done many horrible things and yes, I lied to you in the beginning. But I would never hurt you. I never meant to, not even when I planned to use you as alibi."
"So, it is true," I pulled back, feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, "you tried to kill Mrs. Woods."
His jaw clenched at the sole mention of that woman. "She got what she deserved." He spat, his voice returning ... criminal, so to speak. "You really think a woman like that, so powerful, so rich, never once wronged anyone? Never once used her resources to stomp her shiny heels over some innocent soul that didn't know better than to cross her road?" He scoffed, going to sit on the bench again, yet stood up a second later. "She killed my mother! Julia Woods killed my mother even when she posed no threat to her!" He barked so loudly that I took a step back in fear and the birds in the trees flew away.
"I ... don't understand ..."
"My mother was ill, Vivian." The hurt in his voice broke my heart. "She was diagnosed with a brain tumor not long before my 10th birthday. That's why she decided I should meet my father. He, however, refused to see her, claimed she was just another lunatic that wanted a piece of the Woods fortune." I brought a hand to my mouth, shocked. I didn't know this side of the story. Sebastian laughed hysterically. "He could have used his money to find a cure for her, the tumor wasn't at such a late stage as to be untreatable beyond hope. He could have helped her. It wasn't a terminal illness, Vivian. He could have saved her, had he just ... listened." He shook his head. "Of course, she didn't want him to know. She was a proud woman, she didn't want his money. She only told him because she wanted him to take care of me while she battled with the tumor. But to him she was just another useless toy."
"I'm so sorry, Sebastian ..." I murmured, unsure what else to say.
"He got poisoned, you know." Sebastian scoffed, his voice chilly, even ... sadistic, to some extents, as if he were truly rejoicing of the fact that his father had been murdered. "But it wasn't my doing." He shook his head. "Oh, believe me, I'd have done worse, way worse. But his dear wife got to him before me."
Once again, my eyes widened in shock. "You're saying ..."
"He accidentally took too much Digoxin, they said." Sebastian mentioned, turning back to me. "It's a medication commonly used for-"
"Arrhythmia, I know." I filled in. When he looked at me suspiciously, I explained: "My grandfather suffered from it, he refused to take the medicine unless it was me administering it."
He smiled faintly, seemingly calming down a bit, namely – in my head at least – chasing away Tyler and letting Sebastian return. I just couldn't stop marking a precise line between one and the other, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. "There isn't a single man in this world that would refuse you anything, Vivian."
I pretended to ignore his comment, because it might have been meant as sweet, but I couldn't let myself be carried away by his charms given the circumstances. "How do you know your-how do you know Mr. Woods was poisoned?"
The sole question wiped the smile off his face and I could clearly see the transition from the man I thought I knew to the criminal that was holding me hostage. "I have my sources." He replied laconically. "The point is, he was poisoned but, it may surprise you, it wasn't my doing."
"What about Julia?"
"She's a very lucky woman." He gritted through his teeth.
Feeling physically tired, I sat on the bench again. "So ... the day we met at her mansion, was it on purpose?" I felt like I was hyperventilating and I wasn't sure why – or rather, I was sure it wasn't about the stressful situation I was currently in.
"It wasn't." He came to stand in front of me, either to underline I was in his power or quite simply to get closer, I couldn't tell which. The clear distinction between sweet and charming Sebastian and cruel and vicious Tyler was giving me a headache, especially because he was making it so clear. As if to be sure I knew that to me he would always be Sebastian, while the rest of the world only deserved the heartless drug lord.
"No?"
"It wasn't by design, we met by chance." He claimed. "I was there to observe and learn about her habits." He smiled faintly. "But then this goddess came around, and I got sidetracked."
"Am I supposed to believe that?" I couldn't help but scoff, probably getting bolder just because I saw his efforts at making a clear distinction between the man he wanted to be with me and the man he really was.
"Believe what you will, Vivian, but the truth is, I was ... captivated by you." He seemed to read my mind, because before I could argue, he added: "But I also thought you could be useful, yes."
"How?"
He shrugged. "Either by distracting Julia or unknowingly administering her a poison for me. That was my first thought." He may have tried hard to bite it back, but the sadistic smirk as he said the next words did make an appearance: "Then I thought, poison is too easy." I felt goosebumps down my spine. "But ..." when he looked at me, his gaze was much gentler and his features much softer, "then I did what a man in my position should never do. I got involved."
"That didn't stop you, though."
He pressed his lips in a thin line, which made me realize that he may not be bipolar, but the Tyler Banks side of him is much stronger than he'd like me to know. He crouched before me, and despite my better instincts, I wasn't able to pull back before he grabbed my hands in his. "You're a wonderful woman, Vivian," Sebastian claimed heartfeltly, his blue eyes piercing through me, "but I swore I would avenge my mother, and I will. As deep and truthful my feelings for you are, not even those could stop me, you better know that."
"The accident," I mentioned, "our accident ... it was Mrs. Woods, wasn't it?" If we had to remain here, I preferred to learn as much truths I could, but more than that, I preferred to ignore his love declaration. As wonderful it is to feel loved, as genuine as his gaze was every time he mentioned his love for me, there is nothing in this world that could ever make me fall into his arms again. Not even carrying his child, no. I could have had an abortion, I didn't merely because I felt this child had the same rights as a baby born out of real love. I couldn't sacrifice him just because his father is who he is.
Sebastian clenched his jaw, tightening his grip on my hands for a moment, then pulled back, standing up. "If you come for the king, you best not miss." He quoted solemnly. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that a drug lord would quote a show like The Wire. "I did miss, so that was the consequence." He looked at me. "I'm only sorry you got involved."
I was about to say I was fine, despite the scare I got, but that sadistic smirk appeared on his face again. "Don't worry, though, Julia should also know that you never touch the Queen if you don't want to face the King's wrath." The sounded like psychotic talk. I guess any woman would feel flattered to be called that, but the sole idea that he deemed me his queen made me anxious as to whether he would ever let me go.
"What about Chris?" I changed subject, not wanting to delve deeper into his cruel intentions or the fact that he was showing signs of the obsession Dylan had warned me against.
Sebastian seemed confused. "Chris? Your Chris?"
"I know what you did to him." I lowered my glance. I didn't want to anger him, but I needed answers.
"I did nothing to him."
I looked up, arching an eyebrow at him. "He was hospitalized for two weeks."
"And it wasn't my doing." Sebastian smirked. "We never really know the people that are closest to us, Vivian. You should be aware of that by now."
"What do you mean?"
"I know everything about your Chris. Same as I know about Beth, Laura, Nick ... everyone."
Oh, God. My heart restarted palpitating at the thought that he had them all followed and that he could harm them at any given time. What if right this moment his goons were waiting for a call from him? What if me running away or having him arrested could seal my friends' fate? "Leave them out of this." I blurted out, feeling so anxious that I leaped to my feet, coming face to face with him. "They don't know who you really are, they know nothing, they-"
"Relax." Sebastian placed his hands on my shoulders, which made me shut up more because of how deeper into the ground that sole gesture seemed to sink me than because it was meant to be soothing. "They are your friends and you love them." He gave me a meaningful gaze. "I am not the cruel monster you think I am." He pulled back. "But ... a king always protects his queen."
"Is that why you almost killed Chris?" I couldn't retain myself. "Protection? Or jealousy?"
Sebastian gave out a short laugh. "I didn't even touch him. But I do know what happened to him."
"You really want me to believe it wasn't you?" I frowned. Adam wouldn't lie ... then again, I thought Chris wouldn't either, yet he did, for over 10 years.
Sebastian heaved a deep sigh. "I really didn't want to show you this ... it will hurt you." He pulled out his phone. Before I could grab it, he moved back. "Are you sure you want to see it with your eyes?"
I didn't reply, I merely took the phone from his hands, anxious to know what really happened. Because if Sebastian wasn't responsible for Chris' beating, then who was? What I saw left me confused. There were multiple pictures of Chris, in which he met up with Karen either at her place or his, or even in the streets. In a lot of them they kissed and hurriedly took off their clothes. I looked away almost immediately. "I already knew they got back together." I murmured.
"They didn't." Sebastian took his phone back, and scrolled past a few pics, to reach a video, but he didn't show me. "For full disclosure, this material isn't mine."
"What?"
"Karen's fiancé hired a private investigator because he suspected she was cheating." He shrugged. "Happens all the time."
"But ..."
"I figured I didn't need to do the work twice if somebody already did it for me." He almost chuckled, but seeing my grim look stopped him and he returned serious. "Look, Vivian," he put his phone back in his pocket, "I'm well aware that I am 20 years late to the party." He placed his hands on my shoulders. "Your feelings are deeply rooted and, believe me, I understand that. And I know you'd never believe me over him, but trust me on his, Christopher has lied to you in many more ways than you'd think."
"I don't understand." I frowned, but really, I wanted to cry. Why does every day bring a new revelation about Chris that makes me realize just how wrong I was about him? How can someone turned out to be two-faced like that? I spent 20 years living with and for this man, how could I not see the signs?
There's foolishly believing that a gorgeous man like Sebastian was just too good to be true after 5 weeks ... and there's completely ignoring that your best friend of 20 years has manipulated you, gaslighted you, bossed you around, controlled your life in ways that you could have never foreseen. It's a different kind of stupidity, one that burns way deeper that not seeing sooner that Sebastian couldn't possibly be that perfect.
All these months I almost hoped Chris would reappear out of nowhere, and every time I think about him I wonder whether I'm just overreacting, whether he wasn't right to accuse me of lying, since I kept the truth from him for over 10 years. How brainwashed do you have to be, to blame yourself for the hurt someone else caused you?
"Well, for starters," Sebastian said, pulling back, "yes, he did get beaten up, but like I said, it wasn't my doing." He turned back to me. "As jealous as I can be, I know the heart wants what it wants. I mean, sure, I may have tried to separate you, but to be perfectly honest, I really didn't have to do much, he did most of the work by himself."
"If you didn't, then ..."
"I suppose you don't know that Karen's fiancé is a top lawyer in New York. A really good one ... for people like me, that is."
"What ..."
"Oh, I've never hired him, but I do know that the list of his clients includes a lot of ... men like me, if you understand what I'm saying."
"Not ... really ..." My head was spinning so fast that, hadn't he grabbed my hand, I'd have probably fallen to the ground.
"Your Chris fell into the wrong bed, that's what I'm saying." Sebastian claimed. "He played with the wrong bride, and the groom has powerful friends."
"But ... why would he say it was you?"
"Why indeed ..." Sebastian sighed, guiding me back to the bench. "Why would a man that has kept you by his side for 20 years, try to chase away a potential rival?"
"He didn't see you as a rival." I shook my head. "Or he did, but even so, he didn't tell me that you had him beaten to a pulp. I haven't talked to him in months."
"Still, he lied." Sebastian mentioned, eyeing me cautiously. When he met my sarcastic look, he smiled. "I know, I know, you wanna say, look who's talking ..." He gave out a short laugh. "But my lies were meant to protect you. His lies ... they were meant to keep you. Subtle difference."
"Your lies were meant to use me." I corrected. "Let's not change the narrative here."
His smile got a bit wider, yet sadder. "You know, you remind me a lot of her." Before I could ask, he added: "Lola."
"Lola?"
"I did say you're not my first love, didn't I?"