Acceptance can come from the strangest of places. But sometimes we get acceptance from those we wanted it from. It's not always about a kind act from a stranger. Sometimes, it's juat about standing up and being yourself.
Caden’s POV.
“Charlie, go and see if everything’s okay.”
“Abi, I can’t just-“
“Of course you can darling, all you have to do is see if they need help. The way Luca was it looks like they might need some help.” She stands, hands on hips with a look of steel. Mom’s well known for getting dad to do as he’s told, even if that means he blushes like a schoolgirl first.
“Okay, I’ll go and see,” he looks at me. “Stay here, Caden. Luca won’t be in the mood for friends if he’s not feeling well.” He looks back at us, rolls his eyes and closes the door. Mom laughs slightly, but her face doesn’t relax. I put my arm around her and squeeze gently. “It’ll be okay. Dad’s going to help if he can.”
She smiles. “I know sweetheart, I’m just worried. I worry about that boy sometimes. He seems so fragile.”
We watch from the living room as dad walks into the house. Mom’s tense beside me. She starts to shuffle around. I keep looking out the window. Watching. Dad doesn’t come out for a while. The minutes seem to drag. I see their front door open and he steps out. From where I’m sitting it looks as if he’s blushing. An older man follows him out. The man seems to be talking, but dad’s not answering much, instead he blushes deeper. I laugh. Mom coughs to get my attention, but dad and the man still have my attention. The door opens and both men walk through, the man’s laughter rumbles through the front door.
Dad keeps the door open and says. “Caden, Abi, this is Angelo, Luca’s grandfather.”
“Pleasure to meet you,” he says. His olive skin and brown eyes remind me of Luca’s. His hair is completely white and a lot shorter than Luca’s. Dad towers over him, but the man is taller than his daughter, but not by much. His smile is kind and his personality seems friendly enough.
Mom smiles and they shake hands. “Lovely to meet you, Mr. Capaletti, it’s wonderful to meet you.”
“No need for the nonsense, call me Angelo, and my wife is Eliana.” He smiles at mom, making her blush. The man has a natural charisma to him. Not only is he charming, but he’s a lively old geezer. Not many people could say they’re that active at his age. Whatever age that is. Then he turns to me with an equally big grin.
“How old do you imagine I am?” He asks with a smirk. There’s humour in his eyes, but I’m not sure if he’d have it there if I say the wrong thing. “Well, how old?”
My eyes widen. His gaze doesn’t leave mine. He’s asking me to answer him, but the eyes are demanding. “Eh… Not really sure, seventy I guess. You don’t look that old, but you still look old.”
He chuckles loudly, I blush. He starts clapping his hands and we all burst into laughter with him. “Ah, my grandson was right about you. I always knew that boy could read people.”
Mom and dad look at each other and their laughter makes the man continue. “He tells me you’re a smart ass. Would my grandson be right?” He takes my blush as a sign to continue. “No need to get embarrassed. Just making a statement.”
“I don’t know which grandson you’re talking about.”
He chuckles, “The one you that doesn’t know you that well.” I don’t answer and he laughs louder this time. “Dante the oldest grandson and the oldest grandchild I suppose.”
“I guess you could call me a smart ass…” I try to sound casual, but he’s embarrassing me, easily.
He smiles a teasing smile. “Ah yes, boys your age they don’t really know much about life, going around smart assing all the time. I bet you like a few things you’re too young for though.”
Heat rises up my neck. Of course deep down I know what those things are, but an old man wouldn’t talk like that. Right? “What things?”
“Sex, my boy, I’m talking about sex. So many young people have sex today. Back in my day we court our partners, not today though.” Dad and mom start snickering behind him. He knows this. The way he smiles at me, he knows. But there’s more. The teasing glint is in his eyes, but I see a threat. Does he know? An old man, could he really know about me? I try to smile, but it gets lost in the fear.
His chuckle dies down and he turns back to my parents. “May I say you have a lovely home? My Elda would love this house; she’s a very passionate woman when it comes to the home.” The man speaks very fondly of his wife; it’s kind of cool to see. Mom smiles at him, thinking the same thing I do. Dad looks at mom fondly.
“That’s lovely; does your wife look after the home?”
“My Eliana does a lot. She kept all our kids in line, not that we have many. She also ran our restaurant. Not a lot of women could do what my beautiful wife does on a daily basis,” he says to mom. “Actually, you remind me a bit of my wife. You keep your boys in check like she keeps our family, including me.”
He laughs and mom joins in. “I don’t know if I’m as impressive as your wife, but I do my best with my boys. Even when they are a bit of a handful,” she says with a bright smile.
“Are you in America for long?” Dad asks. “My wife and I will be here as long as we are needed. Luca needs us at the moment, so yes, we will be here a while. Gives me the chance to scope out the young men that will be chasing after him, which helps.”
He laughs at our startled expressions. “Yes, I know Luca is gay. I may be old, and trust me I am, but I am no fool. That boy stole my heart fifteen years ago; being gay makes no difference to me. He’s like my brother, and I loved my brother. Gay, no gay, he’s my grandson and that’s what matters to me.”
“Not many old guys your age would see it that way,” I tell him.
“True, most people would be ashamed or embarrassed. But I love my famiglia; they mean the world to me. My grandson, he’s special. I want him to embrace the person he is, if I can’t he can’t.” It’s completely logical to him; I can tell by the way he speaks.
Mom and dad smile at him, “it must be wonderful for him to have such a supportive family. You all seem so accepting.” He smiles, “I raised my children well. We don’t accept that kind of thing in our little famiglia.”
“How many children do you have exactly?” Dad’s nervous question just gets a smirk from Mr. Capaletti. “No really, I would love to know how many kids you see as small. It’s obviously not one.”
“No, it’s not none, as you say. But I am not talking about one hundred either.” He still doesn’t answer the question, much to dad’s obvious annoyance. “Well, I must leave you. I just come to meet the wonderful neighbours my daughter talks about on the phone.” He turns to me and smirks, “I expect we will be seeing a lot more of each other. Goodnight.”
“Night,” we echo after him.
Angelo, he tells me to call him that, is right, of course. We see a lot of each other. The first few weeks they spend almost every day at our house. Luca’s entire family seem to spend most of the days with mine. His grandparents dote on him, which makes me jealous that none of my grandparents give a shit about me. His grandfather plays pranks, placing whoopee cushions under people before they sit. Mom and Maria spend a lot of time talking about babies and stuff. Luca and I talk a bit more, but he’s more withdrawn than usual. No one can get much of a response out of him anymore. It pisses me off, especially when I see him getting attacked on a daily basis by someone. It’s not always physical, but it still pisses me off. No one should touch my angel.
September dissolves into October and the weeks continue to pass. I don’t know how we get to December, but we do. Luca’s even more withdrawn now. He doesn’t speak. The days he spends at my house are quiet and lonely for him. His grandfather sits with him but he still doesn’t speak. The man doesn’t try to push Luca, they just sit there. Eliana, Luca’s grandmother, makes food for them. He doesn’t eat. We all notice, but remain silent. Angelo doesn’t play pranks anymore. He just sits with him. The old man is not the same person either. Luca’s sadness is affecting everyone. In school it’s more obvious. Leah sits with us now and even she can’t get Luca to speak.
“So, what are you guys doing for Christmas this year?” She asks, taking a bite out of a bread roll and tossing it at Ty’s head. She smirks when he frowns at her.
Rubbing his head he answers, “I’m spending it with Caden’s parents, like we always do.”
She looks at Luca. “How are you spending Christmas this year?”
He shrugs, not saying anything. The sadness is obvious from his body. He’s hunched over the table with a frown. I smile. He doesn’t look up, much less smile. I love him so much and it’s killing me to watch him suffer. He slums forward more to avoid looking or talking. It’s sad to see, my heart aches in my chest. Our arms brush and he jumps. I mouth an apology that he doesn’t see. Nor does he say anything. It’s when I look again I realise he’s writing. I squint to see if I can see what he’s writing. But his hair and body are covering the piece of paper. A tap on my leg a few minutes later and I look down. He leaves a smaller piece of paper on my leg.
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
My grin is broad, but the confusion is there. Those lyrics have a double meaning to me and I wonder if he knows this. Leah watches from the side, carefully taking in what’s happening. She doesn’t seem to trust me. I notice her watching me sometimes, especially around Luca. It pisses me off that she thinks she knows him better than I do. Or maybe she wants him, either way he’s mine. Or at least he will be.
She walks over and crouches down beside him. I see her lean forward and whisper into his ear. He shakes his head fervently. She sighs and whispers something that sounds like “are you sure?” This time he nods and shrugs again. He lowers his head and looks sideways. Our eyes meet. The pain in his eyes causes my heart to stop beating. Fear gushes through me. I don’t like seeing the agonising pain in those beautiful brown eyes. The soul is still there, but it’s dwindling. Like a fire being extinguished. His is getting less bright every day. Most wouldn’t notice, but I do. My love for him allows me to notice every tiny exquisite detail of him.
“You need to talk to him. He’s not doing good, and let’s face it; you have an invested interest in his well-being.” Leah whispers in my ear as she passes by.
I raise an eyebrow, she mouths. “You don’t fool me Caden.”
She knows! Shit, shit, shity, shit. How did she figure it out? I know my eyes are wider than they should be, but I can’t tone it down. Ty’s attention turns to us, he scowls at me. Feeling uneasy I turn to him. “Do you have plans after school?”
Caught by surprise, he stills then shakes his head. “Good, I want to talk to you after school.”
“Yeah, whatever. Just don’t do anything that’ll get me into trouble. Dad still goes on about my hand.”
“Leave Uncle Tommy to me. You concentrate on not getting held back for anything after school,” I tell him. Luckily for me he nods and doesn’t press the issue. Leah watches me though, her eyes bore into me, but I focus on Luca who hasn’t looked up once in the last few minutes. Gently, I brush the side of his leg under the table. He’s so lost in thought he doesn’t look up. The small, gentle contact isn’t enough. I feel the need to touch him. To run my hands along his slender body and hold him in my arms, but I don’t. The promise I made to Dante is important. Luca’s important. He deserves someone to be as brave as he is. I’m not, yet. But I can be.
“Earth to Caden,” a voice shouts in my ear. I start looking at Ty who’s standing beside me. “Come on, the bell went. We need to get to class.”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m coming.”
Ty grabs my arm, hauling me out of the chair. I brush his hand off and bump our shoulders. He asks me about Luca, a silent question only I can hear. My answer is basic, I don’t know. Thinking about it, I realise I don’t know much about Luca. It’s a tough thing because I want to know him. Out of everyone in my life I want to know all there is to know about him. It’s frustrating and exciting all in the one mixed up emotion. I love the idea of getting to know him. But hate the fact people know him better than I do. Dante seems to know him the best. Maybe Angelo, but he’s harder to read. I can’t even ask him because he’s not serious enough with me yet. I’ve never seen him serious.
“Caden, don’t lose your head, but Jaxon looks like he about to start something with Luca,” Ty whispers in my ear. I look over to where Jaxon’s sitting and see him glaring at Luca. Luca can’t see though, he’s looking down at the books in front of him.
“Keep an eye on him for me,” I tell him. “Make sure he doesn’t hurt Luca.”
“Will do cuz. Just don’t go crazy or you’ll get suspended again, even if he does deserve it.”
Ms. Tayler walks in and smiles down at us. “Okay class, we’re going to start To Kill a Mocking Bird. Have any of you read it?”
She looks down at Luca who nods. It’s not an obvious yes unless you’re looking for it. She sighs and he stands. Everyone looks as he grabs his stuff and walks out. Ms. Tayler watches him walk down the corridor, she looks kind of worried. I look out at the corridor and she shakes her head. We settle back to the class and she passes out the books. Every few seconds I look at the clock. Ms. Tayler’s phone goes off and she looks down at me. I worry. Time drags by. The end of the class seems to come at a stage where I’m wondering if it will ever end. I pack my bag and she walks down to our table.
“Luca’s brother collected him after he left. He’s not feeling well.”
He left, that doesn’t shock me. “I’ll check on him after. I have to talk to my parents first.”
She smiles an adoring smile, almost like one you would give a small child. “Good, he needs good friends like you.”
“I’m going to be the best friend I can be. Do you want me to give him anything Ms?”
Ms. Tayler grabs something from her folder. “Yes please. Give him these and tell him I want to see them whenever he can. If he’s not speaking I need to find out what he’s already covered. It will help, tell him that please.”
“No problem Ms.” I look at Ty who’s motioning to the door. “I’ll let him know, see you Monday.”
“Bye boys, have a nice weekend.” She calls after us.
Ty races outside and I struggle to keep up with him. Before I can get to the exit door he’s opening my door and getting inside the car. I raise an eyebrow and he just shrugs. Rolling my eyes with a smirk I make my way to the car and open the door. He sits back and looks at me, then his watch. “What the hell is going on with you?”
“Just checking the time, is that okay?” He scrambles around in the seat. I look at him and he just grins.
“Whatever dude, just looked a bit weird is all.”
He grunts making me laugh. The smirk on his face doesn’t die. I drive home knowing he’s smirking at me. Why, I don’t know, but knowing Ty I’ll find out soon enough. His silence doesn’t bother me anymore. It’s getting to be a habit with him. One that I’m not sure about, especially after he almost revealed a secret to me. Then dad came in and it was ruined. I’ve tried bringing it up since, but it doesn’t work. He avoids the issue every time. I’m not even sure what it could be. Though if I had to guess I would say it’s something to do with Leah. That girl has changed him, even if he doesn’t realise it.
I stop outside the house and get out of the car. He’s too busy smirking that I get out without him noticing. Once inside I see his face fall and he races after me. My laughter carries through the house, making Ty bristle.
“Mom, dad we’re home!” I call out. Molly and Tommy are sitting on chairs in the kitchen, dad’s kissing mom. I roll my eyes as dad sweeps mom off her feet to kiss her again before he turns to me.
“You were saying?” He asks with a smirk.
“That if you don’t get your hands off my mother I’ll break them.”
He chuckles. “You had something to tell us?”
For a second I look at him confused. Then it clicks with me; I have something I have to say to them. How, will be the issue?
“Yeah, I… eh… wanted to tell you guys something.”
Mom nods encouragingly. “You can tell us anything sweetheart. We don’t bite.”
I look at all their faces. The faces of my family, the ones who care enough to stay. The parents who lost their own parents for me, and the uncle who lost his parents to be in my life. All of them just sit there waiting for me to speak. A looks of anticipation in their eyes, but not one judgmental look between them. Ty’s smirk is gone and has been replaced by something else bordering on hurt. This is it. You’ve come this far and all you have to do is say those two little words and you’re out.
“I’m gay.” I say simply.
No one says anything. I look at their faces, none of which betray shock or disgust or anything I expected. In fact, they look at me like I’ve been missing out on something. Mom’s the first to react, wrapping me up in a bone crunching hug. She smiles into my hair and laughs lightly. She doesn’t say anything, rubbing the tense muscles of my back. I say nothing. Wallowing in the warm embrace. She pulls back and smiles at me.
“Did you really think we didn’t know?” She asks with a laugh that sounds both relieved and excited. “Sweetheart, we’ve always known,” she says. “But even if we didn’t after Luca and his family moved here we would have. You love that boy, and most people would know it from the way you look at him.”
“I guess… well… I kind of thought… I don’t know, I thought that I had kept it hidden well over the years.”
Dad pulls me into another hug. He ruffles my hair affectionately. “You would think that, but it’s not like you’ve shown any interest in girls. Not like Ty anyway.”
“Yeah, not like you’ve hidden it well cuz.” Ty smirks. The bastard.
“And we don’t love you any less for it. So get ideas like that out of your head. I gave birth to you, I know your gay, you can’t shock me that easily, sweetheart.”
I tell them I love them and then I’m hugged by both parents. My aunt and uncle follow suit with equally nice comments and a dirty joke from my Uncle Tommy. Ty’s makes several remarks, most of which would make the devil blush, that warm my heart. Even if he is the biggest bastard in the world, cousin or not, he’s a bastard. I sit through an hour’s discussion of Luca. When I first fell for him, and when I plan on telling him, are the popular ones. They all try to argue when I tell them I plan on waiting.
“Come on Caden, you know the boy is probably as crazy about you as you are him.” Dad argues, though he knows he’s lost.
“Luca… Luca’s special. He’s Luca, and he’s important to me,” I say firmly. “I don’t want to make him feel pressured or anything. I want him to see I can be there for him. He doesn’t know that yet, but I want to make sure he’s sure of it before anything happens.”
“As your dad and teacher I can tell you that you’ve gotten so much better,” dad tells me. “I know it’s not been plain sailing, but you’re already down on the number of fights and it’s only December. That boy has changed you for the better.”
“It doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve better, and I want to be the one to give it to him. So I’m staying away for a while.” As soon as the words leave my mouth I know it’s a lie. Being with Luca every day is wearing me down.
“We’ll always be proud of you son.” Dad says and I excuse myself from the house. I’m trying to sort things out in my head and it’s failing miserably. The fresh air doesn’t help like people say it does. To me it’s just an excuse to try and get people outside. Of course I’m different to normal, smart people, so it’s bound to be different. It’s during my walk I notice Angelo sitting on a park bench on the side of the road. He looks up and waves me over. The man looks worn down. His eyes have dark rings under them and his actions are slow and clumsy.
“Nice day for a walk, is it not?”
“Yeah, it’s a nice enough day for a walk,” I reply. “Everything okay? You look sorta down sitting here on your own.”
“I’m an old man who’s worried about his grandson because his grandson has not spoken in weeks. Plus I am old. What do you think?”
I smile. “I think you’ve done more than my grandparents would do for my cousin or me. I think you love Luca.”
“That boy,” he says softly, “has been my heart and soul since he was born. I can’t describe why I connected with him the way I did. But when he was put in my arms for the first time I fell in love. It is a bond that has never broken over the years. He is still a big part of my heart. That boy has been through so, so much.”
“I kind of guessed…” Will he tell you what’s going on? Maybe if you just sit there and listen to him, isn’t that how it normally happens?
Angelo bows his head and sighs. “My grandson has seen more than anyone knows about. He’s very good at keeping his secrets.” He turns to look me directly in the eye. “Has he said anything to you? Did he tell you things?”
“No, he didn’t. I don’t think he would either. I’m more or less new in his life, but maybe one day.”
“You are more important to him than you think. He does seem to have grown quite fond of you. Trust an old man, I know my grandson well enough to know you are special to him,” he examines me carefully. “I feel though, that it could be reciprocated. Might I be right?”
I consider denying it. The man sitting beside me does not have to know, he’s not my grandfather. But the man by my side is someone who loves the person I love. He’s someone who wants the best for him, and that’s what I want too. I want to be important to him, to love him and this man already has his in. I don’t. I might never have a way in to his heart, but I never will if I don’t get to know his family better. I answer simply, “yes.”
“Was that so hard to say? Do you think it changes your family’s opinion of you? I think you know deep down you are the same smart ass.”
I laugh, “Yeah, I know I’m the same. Not everyone will though, but I had to do it for me I guess.”
“No ‘you guess’ you did it for you, that’s a very good thing.”
The old man thinks you did a good thing. That’s something, right? Go with him. He knows your angel. “Thanks… I still have some things to think on. But I guess we’re going in the right direction.”
Just as he opens his mouth to speak, Beth appears across the street. Her father follows behind her, they both look at us. Angelo leans back against the bench and smiles at the ground. Neither of them pays much attention to him until they close in on us. Beth smiles and races over to hug me. I put my arm out to stop her. She deflates slightly before turning to her father and he speaks. “So Caden, Beth tells me your family isn’t coming to our church on Sundays. Think I could try and convince you all to come? I think it would be good for you to experience a real mass.”
Stifling a laugh I shake my head. “Sorry, but I don’t think you can sell it to us that easily.”
“Well, I’m sure we could have a nice talk,” he looks at Beth. “Maybe Beth and you could talk about it some evening. She has been a very active member and she always makes it fun for the kids, you could help out some evening. The kids would love it.” He sounds like he actually believes I’ll agree. The man’s bat shit crazy.
I say nothing but Angelo’s loud bark of laughter saves me from having to say anything. They turn their attention to him. “And who are you, sir?”
“I am Maria’s father; she is the new nurse in the hospital. I believe you met her a couple of months back.” There’s a sneer in his words. Reverend Mitchell blushes and looks away from him.
“Ah yes, I remember now. Your daughter is a lovely woman.” Reverend Mitchell says quite easily. Although, there’s an undertone of worry in his voice.
“I’m thinking you do son. You liked meeting her the last time, no? If my daughter speaks correctly, you really enjoyed meeting her the last time. So why do you try and deny it now?”
The good old reverend looks like a deer caught in headlights. Beth looks between the men, her face a picture of anger. I give Angelo credit, I’ve never seen anyone make old Mitchell blush the way he is. I have no doubt he’s good at what he does. The last few weeks have shown me just how smart the man can be. Even if he doesn’t understand ‘the way of the American’ he sure knows how to make them stop and blush. His smug smile and the way he moves uneasily on his feet is good enough for me. “Look Mr. Capaletti, I made a mistake and it was not my intention…”
“I know what you intended son. I’m old, not senile. You don’t have to worry because you won’t be seeing my daughter again. Understand?”
The reverends face falls into a cold hard line when he answers. “Yes sir, I understand perfectly.” He turns to drag Beth off but she takes matters into her own hands. With a look of disgust on her face she snarls at Angelo. “That stupid little faggot of yours will rot in hell. You’ll be joining him for this.”
He smiles at her, but it’s not friendly. Not friendly at all. “I have been around a lot longer than you. And let me tell you something, the day I stand before someone and condemn my grandson for being who he is will be the day hell freezes over.”
They walk away leaving Angelo with a frown on his face. “Those people are nothing but trouble.”
“There’s a lot of religious freaks around here. I know you guys are more like our family, but it doesn’t mean everyone is as laid back as my family.”
He laughs bitterly. “You’ll get those people everywhere. And you’ll see a lot of them in your life time. They don’t just stay in one place; we have them in Italy too. They are everywhere my boy. Trust me, I know these things.”
“I believe you old man, I believe you.”
“There you both are, what are you doing out here at this hour?” Eliana’s voice is closing in on us. She looks worried. “For heaven’s sake Angelo, you have not taken your medicine today, you could get sick.”
Angelo stands and kisses her, deeply and passionately. I blush and clear my throat causing Eliana to smack her husband’s head. “Sorry sweetheart, we were talking about men’s problems.”
“Yeah, sorry Eliana,” I say sheepishly.
She sighs and hugs her husband. “Ah yes, man business is very serious business. Did you boys get everything sorted?”
“Yes ma’am, we did.”
Eliana kisses the top of my head and smiles lovingly at me. “How’s Luca?” The smile falls off her face and I regret asking now. She ages in a matter of seconds and I wonder how bad things could be getting. Can they get any worse? I don’t see how someone who’s not talking can deteriorate. But from the expression on Eliana’s face that is exactly what is happening. To see the sadness in her eyes is like seeing it in his. His family and his grandparents especially, have been so wonderful to me. Although, I’m not so sure his sister and brother are my biggest fan. They’ll have to see I’m going nowhere. I’ll show them I’m going nowhere.
She finally speaks, her voice breaking in a few places. “He… I think you know he is not doing well.” She sighs a shaky breath. “I do not think he is doing good at all. He worries us so much, I… I just do not know what to say.”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” I lie. I don’t think he’ll be fine that easily. He’s not been fine for weeks now, but these people are worrying about him. So it’s the right thing to do.
Angelo makes a disgusted sound. “It’s all their fault. They should have been kept away from him, fucking bastards. People like that ruin lives and…”
“Who’s they?”
A guilty look passes between them. It doesn’t slip by as easily as they might like. “It is not that important now, just people in general. Luca’s been bullied before and here too, you know some of these people so… You understand my husband is very protective of our grandson.”
“Yeah, that’s cool. I understand. Eh… Will Luca be coming into school again? I… he kinda walked out earlier and I was just wondering if school would be the best place for him and stuff.”
“Yes, we will talk to him. I think I should be getting Angelo home now. We shall see you tomorrow.”
I say goodbye to them and sit in the silence for a few minutes. The silence is a welcome relief to everything. I sit and watch the world pass me by. The realisation of my earlier actions comes to the front. I smile. I’m officially out to my family. They accept and love me for who I am and none of them seem to care that I’m gay. Things are right, so why don’t I feel it? I still feel like there is something happening and it’s not fixing itself. My heart and head aren’t on the same page with a lot of things. Something. Something I’m not sure of, is keeping me back.
Once I get home I head straight for bed. My eyes are already starting to close when I see Ty appear at the door. He looks around, staying silent. His eyes roam over my bedroom. The blue walls, the wooden floorboards and the simple bed linen, everything is taken in. He walks over to my dresser and gentle picks up the photo on it. I frown at him. He turns, smiles and sits on the bed. His eyes lock on mine. I don’t say anything. I want him to what he has to say. He doesn’t though. Not until he has my full attention. He flips the photo around and chuckles. The sound is humorous.
“We were six when this was taken. Remember?”
I do. We had been on a field trip with our school. It was taken the same day. Ty had his arms around my shoulders; we were both smiling at the camera. “Yeah, it was our first field trip. I can’t forget it.”
“I knew back then cuz,” he says with a laughable ease. “You weren’t obvious, but I knew. You never gave it away or anything but… I knew because we’re brothers. Not blood ones, but we’ve been brothers all our lives, even if it’s not through blood.”
I laugh. All those lies over the years, they were all pointless. “I guess I should have known you knew. You’ve always known me pretty well.”
“Yep.” The smugness is back. “I also love you, which is why I’m not gonna go all ape shit on you. But you should have told me before today. Now, I can’t really tease you about being hot for Luca, especially because of how he is. But I’m definitely gonna make sure I get in some very cool gay jokes. Maybe I’ll even ask you to pick out my clothes.”
I punch him in the arm and shiver, clothes. “You do that and make sure you tell everyone how good your gaydar is. That’ll help you get girls.” Yeah, but it might help him get the girl.
Ty’s face doesn’t change, disappointed, I crawl back under the covers. “Some girls dig a guy who’s down with the gay stuff, so I say I’m good. Besides dumb ass, you’re always gonna come before any girl. Got that?”
“Yeah, got it,” I reply. “Just don’t tell the girls that. You won’t get laid that way. Even if they do think you’re God’s gift.”
“Hardy har, har.”
I yawn. Tired is an understatement. I feel drained. Ty smiles at me; he rolls his eyes and kisses my forehead. “You sleep. I’m going to… whatever. Have a nice night.” With a smirk he closes the door and I fall asleep.
I spend the weekend the same way as the others since Angelo and Eliana arrived. We all get together and hang out. It’s like one big happy family, but something changes. I can’t describe what it is, but I know there is something wrong. Luca doesn’t make an appearance at all. Angelo goes to his room several times, but comes back alone. I try, but the door is locked every time.
He lays his head on my shoulder and sighs contentedly. Smiling, I press a kiss to the top of his head. Our bodies tangled together like this is one of the greatest things. The softness of his hair makes me smile. My fingers thread through the silky, long locks.
“I love days like this,” he whispers. “I just love spending all my time with you.”
I sigh with a huge grin on my face. “Me too, trust me when I say that. I love having you in my arms like this. It feels too good to be true.”
Instead of saying something else he leans forward and kisses me. Our tongues tangle and twist together. Moans fill the bedroom, I’m not sure who’s are the loudest, but they are both audible. I grab his hair and pull him towards me. The taste of him… it drives me insane. I want to crawl into him and make sure he stays mine forever.
“God, you’re amazing Luca. Absolutely amazing.”
“You’re pretty amazing yourself Caden. Just don’t forget that.” He kisses me again. “I love you Caden. I really do.”
I wake with a raging hard on that needs to be taken care of. It goes down, but only because thoughts of school come to mind. With a little time left for school I’ll have to get used to having these. More time with Luca equals more hard on’s. The thought is both exciting and terrifying. Accepting this shit is harder than I imagined. My family were the easy ones; the rest of the city has to find out now. And I’m not sure how they’ll take the local bad boy coming out. But it’s what Luca deserves, a man to stand beside him and tell the world that he is the person they love.
The morning passes slowly. Without Luca around it feels like things are different. Beth and Jaxon both try and get a rise out of me. That’s what it feels like anyway. Beth even tries to drag me into the boy’s room and let her suck me off. She stands there twirling her stupid hair around her stupid fingers. A stupid grin on her face that’s supposed to be seductive, instead she looks like a whore.
“Come on babe, we can have a lot of fun.” She pushes up against me. The smell of her perfume makes me gag. “I just want a go at this bad boy.”
“Fuck off Beth; I’m sick of being nice to you.”
Just as the words leave my mouth all four Bailey’s appear in front of me. The younger three look scared, but Jaxon, Jaxon’s looking straight at me. There’s a snarl on his face, but I’m not sure who it’s aimed at. He doesn’t look at us directly. Beth walks away. Her face looks like glass, but she doesn’t say anything. From the look on Jaxon’s face, he’s not happy. The fucking bastard would try the patience of a saint, as Luca would say. I open my mouth to speak but he walks away.
“That was fucking crazy!” Hell the whole world’s gone crazy, you know that and I know that. So what are you going to do about it?
Agitated, I walk around the school. My head is buzzing and it feels like I’m on a fucking high. Jaxon acting strange is nothing new, but the way he acted? I’ve never seen it from him before. Other people act the way he did, not Jaxon. Not the idiot who makes me want to punch him. I spot Luca and he looks up at me. The look in his eyes breaks my heart. It’s like he doesn’t want me there. I’m used to him ignoring me or not speaking, but he’s always wanted me around. But then I turn and see Beth. I get closer and there is that glimmer there, a glimmer of happiness. No matter how small it is, I am happy to see it.
“You’ve been MIA a while. Everything okay?”
No answer, but he shakes his head. That’s a lot better than saying nothing. I scoot closer to him. But he directs his eyes away from me.
“Don’t mind Beth, she’s a bitch. You don’t have to be afraid of her, not while I’m here to look out for you.”
“Come on, please smile for me.”
His eyes meet mine. It’s not the smile I want, but it will do for now. I turn so we are standing closer together. As we head to class I make sure I glare at Beth on our way. She doesn’t exactly deflate like I want her to. Instead she seems to bristle even more. Her eyes shoot daggers at Luca. It’s not fair. He’s getting the blame for me not liking her, even though she doesn’t know I’m gay. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I feel Luca’s tension beside me and I want to calm him down, but I don’t. Instead I keep walking beside him. Our arms brush and he reacts like I’ve burned him. Our eyes meet again, there’s a moment shared. My breath catches, my heart pounds in my chest. The shock of the look in his eyes isn’t sinking in. Love. Such a shocking amount of love.
“You okay, Caden?” Ty’s voice sounds bemused.
I smile and nod. “Yeah, I’m fine, juts tired.”
Before he can say much else I walk into the classroom. Ty sits on Luca’s other side and starts nattering away. The whole days seems to be Ty talking Luca’s ear off. In more ways than one I get the feeling that he’s trying to get through to Luca. I see him and hear him. It’s a constant thing that must annoy Luca, but he says nothing. At one point he even looks at Ty. The contact is quick, but it happens. I think it makes Ty happy because his smile broadens. It shows how much Ty likes Luca. For some reason the thought makes me happy. Very happy in fact.
Everything goes okay until Jaxon corners him in the corridor. One minute he’s walking behind us and the next I hear a loud bang and Luca’s against the wall looking terrified.
“You’re gonna get it faggot,” Jaxon spits in his face.
“Bailey, get your fucking hands off him!” Dad shouts down the corridor. He doesn’t get to him first though, I do. He doesn’t look as cocky when I body slam him to the ground. Luca grabs my jeans leg and the look in his eyes stops me. They plead silently. I smile down at him and move away from Jaxon who’s shouting at Luca.
“I’ll make sure you pay.”
“Don’t think they can stop me. I’ll murder you in your sleep you fucking queer.”
Dad drags him off the floor. “Bailey, you’re coming with me and we’ll have a nice chat with Mr. Lennox. I’m sure he’ll love to hear about this.”
I help Luca off the floor. When I say help I mean he pulls himself up and crowd my arms around him. His body trembles slightly. His scent assaults my nostrils and I have to stop myself from inhaling. He faces me and looks down at his feet. Ty mutters something to him, but my thoughts drift off to something else. I wonder why he stopped me. It’s not something he had to do. Yet he did. And it was unexpected, but he’s not looking at me now. I feel like something bad is going to happen, I’m almost sure of it now.
“Come on guys, we’ll wait out on the steps for a while. Charlie will tell everyone where we are.”
On the steps Ty starts his one sided conversation again. I see Luca politely paying attention to him, but he doesn’t have a clue what Ty’s talking about. I laugh at some of the stories, but mostly I think about why I feel the way I do. I’m not a touchy feely guy, so it doesn’t make sense. I shouldn’t be able to feel something bad will happen. Even those guys who like talking about their feelings don’t normally sense bad things. You’re losing your fucking marbles!
“Caden,” Ty shouts. I look over at him, scowling at the huge ass smirk on his face.
“Hey Caden, do you remember old witch Michaels?” He says it slowly, like I’m slow or something.
I think for a second. “Our old English lit teacher?”
He nods. “Yeah, why?”
“She’s coming back for a while after Christmas break. I heard a few of the teachers saying she was going to be taking us and the seniors.”
I grunt. “That’s made my fucking day. Thank you very much for that.”
Luca looks at me with a caring look. The simple look is brief and Ty takes his attention again, but I feel an almost smile forming on my face. His beauty is more than I can describe in simple words. He is the epitome of what beauty is. The scar doesn’t change that for me. His eyes and lips and that gorgeous skin, it’s all too much for me. I have never described a guy as beautiful before, but Luca is. He doesn’t even realise how beautiful he is and that’s one of the things that attracts me to him.
I think of the piece of paper he gave me before. I carry it around with me now. Those words, the lyrics they say something. I’ve come out and looking at him I realise I didn’t do it for me. Not the way people say you should do it. I did it so I could be with him. The beautiful boy has no idea how much he has changed me. Ty slaps me on the back of the head and I glare at him. There’s a smile on his face and something in his eyes. I want to ask him why he’s looking at me like that, but I don’t.
I rub the back of my head. Muttering under my breath I glare at him. “What do you want Ty. And it better be good if you’re gonna hit me like that again.”
Luca’s looking away now, so Ty leans closer and whispers. “You should know I saved you from having to come out again, right here, because the way you were looking at him was enough to do it for you. And I know you don’t want to do it here, but keep undressing him with your eyes and you’ll have to admit it.”
I grunt, “thank you. I guess. But don’t hit me again. It fucking hurts.”
“Yeah,” he whispers. “It was supposed to hurt. A lot.”
We both start laughing about what just happened. I take a quick look at Luca and see him sitting there looking all broody and concentrated. Ty whacks me on the back of the head again and I slap him. He laughs and shrugs. The cocky smile on his face makes me laugh. You don’t know me that well cuz. I don’t say it, but I think it well enough. It’s true too. He doesn’t know my deepest thoughts, just like I don’t know his. We don’t have to know these things to be as close as we are. We both laugh when Luca accidentally slaps Ty with his notebook. None of us hear the footsteps until a voice speaks.
“Luca, I’ve been looking for you.”