It’s been months, months of hanging out and watching, months of waiting and during that time coming to terms with one simple fact. I am passionately and irrevocably in love with Luca Capaletti. I don’t know why I denied it, but I do, I love him. But I can’t get him to admit he loves me though. He won’t even look at me most of the time even though he knows I look at him. When he does look at me though, he sees me, the real me. Not the bad boy with an attitude, the boy who wants to love someone. I am not ashamed of the person I am, and it’s because of him. He has helped me become a better person and I want him to know that.
He’s standing in his bedroom. I have asked to go in there many times. He won’t allow me in though, he doesn’t let anyone in. Not really, his family knows him more. They have a secret, that’s obvious to anyone who owns a brain. No one talks about the father and I know he’s the reason Luca is so shy and timid. I can tell from the way he looks at himself. He hates himself and it kills me to see. The scar on his face does not mar his beauty; in fact I believe it enhances his beauty.
The scar is not a simple line. It’s long and ragged and reaches from his eyes all the way down to his neck. The skin around the scar is burnt; I’ve noticed it several times. Where the scar begins it also reddens and looks angry. Some of the skin around the area is very thin, not like the rest of his beautiful angelic face. The pink, puckered flesh looks angry and sore. I have wondered if that’s why he doesn’t smile because it would hurt, but it’s more than that. He doesn’t like the way he looks.
He tries to hide it, but it’s there. Who could do that to him? I want to touch the injury whenever I see him. Maybe if I did that he would understand how beautiful he is. Luca touches it. The scowl on his face does not suit him. He’s someone who should smile and be happy. But, he’s not and I don’t know when he was last happy. I get a sinking feeling like the first time I met him that it’s been a long time. I close my eyes and imagine him moving closer to me and kissing me. That will take a lot more time.
Watching Luca look at himself with utter disgust it kills me inside. His eyes close and I can see his silky black hair fall over his shoulders. The length is perfect for hiding the scar. I will admit that, but he uses it to hide himself. Not just the scar, but everything about him is hidden. The real tragedy is the fact he hides those beautiful brown eyes, even when they’re sad they manage to look beautiful. It’s a shame. They are beautiful eyes for a beautiful person, both alike when hidden. It looks like he pulls his hair. I can’t stop myself wincing. The pain he must feel from that has to be excruciating. Hatred radiates from his posture and all I can do is wonder why. Why does he look like someone who despises his very being? Why does he stand like someone who would rather not be here?
Luca turns away from the mirror. I bend and see Dante, his brother, standing there. He looks at Luca with sadness. I notice Aria looking at him like that all the time. It makes me wonder what happened to Luca. The brothers smile at each other. Luca covering up his entire body with a baggy sweatshirt, he never shows off much skin and it kills me. His beautiful olive skin should be shown off. Dante never covers his arms, Luca always jokes about Dante’s apparent allergy to sleeves.
I wonder how Luca would feel if he knew how I felt about him. He knows I’m gay and everyone knows about him. It could be easy if I came out, but it won’t be. He won’t let me anywhere near him. I asked him about a kiss once and his answer was a simple no. It broke my heart to know he didn’t want me to kiss him. Time will tell if he can fall in love with me like I have fallen in love with him. It’s nothing like I felt before, never had the breath been knocked out of my lungs or did my heart beat faster from looking at a person. It’s new and exciting and I want it all. To love and cherish him like he deserves. He’s a beautiful soul and I want to be the one who carries him when he’s weak and love him when he needs it.
Looking at Luca and Dante brings joy to my heart. As unhappy as Luca looks most of the time, I can feel how calm he is with Dante. His shoulders are more relaxed and his eyes are less haunted. The obvious lack of sleep shows around his eyes. No matter how many times I ask him about sleep he won’t answer me. I joke about him dreaming of me and he tenses. I need to gain his trust. If he doesn’t trust me he can’t love me. The brothers walk out of sight and I hear a door slam.
Turning around and walking to my computer I make my decision. I am going to love Luca and make him fall in love with me. It will hurt if he doesn’t fall for me. But I have to try or I will never know. My knowledge on him is limited. I need to learn a lot more, mostly about his past and why he is so afraid. There are ways of figuring that out though and I am determined to figure that out. My love might not be enough to reach his heat, but his love will and that’s how I’m going to get him.
Luca Capaletti will be mine and nothing will stop me, not even Luca Capaletti. So I know how I must go forward with this and I hope that it works out. I can’t break the beautiful boy; I can’t shatter his soul any more than it has been. It would kill both of us and then he will never know how much I love him. I have to help the beautiful boy see how beautiful he really is and that is easier said than done.
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Ending Innocence (boyxboy)Romance
Luca hides his secrets on his body. Caden just wants to be accepted. What happens when these two meet? One, has to learn to accept his past. The other, has to figure out his feelings. Both have to face their demons. Some will stand in their way. Oth...