Max's POV-
By the time school ended I was back to my normal self, but everyone knew something was off about me, but thankfully left it alone. I wasn't going to get into the topi of Carly with them. We made it back to Logan's house and everyone was getting out of the car, but I didn't budge.
"Max? You okay?" Logan questioned from the seat besides mine.
"Yeah, I just need to go to my apartment so I thought right now would be a good time," I said looking over at him with a smile. I saw the worried look on his face causing me to say, "Untwist your balls, I'm not going anywhere, but I would like my stuff back."
He nodded and buckled back up and headed out again, just the two of us. It was a comfortable silence the entire way there as I stared out the window admiring all the dense forest area. Not long later, I saw my apartment building come into view and glared at the shitting place. It was far from nice, but it was the only thing I could afford.
When got the building itself we had to walk up about three flights of steps before stumbling upon my shithole. I never really had a key to begin with so I had to lock pick my way in.
"This is your apartment, right?" Logan asked unsure as he looked around.
"Yes, it is. I never had a key so this is my in and out," I replied as I concentrated.
Finally I felt a click and turned the doorknob to let us in. I smiled at the cluttered mess of stuff I called my home for about a week until I met Logan and almost died. Yeah, great memories.
I flicked on the lights, which wasn't much, but it was enough, and started to walk through my stuff picking it up and checking it out.
I looked over my shoulder and saw Logan still in the doorway inspecting things.
"Laugh at it. Go ahead. I know it's shitty," I laughed as I continued.
"It's not shitty," Logan says positively as he walked over to me.
"Stop lying to yourself. I know it's shitty, you know it's shitty. It's a circle of knowing a shitty apartment when you see one," I explain to him while his face going from amused to confusion.
"What?"
"Never mind. The point is: we all know this is a shitty place." I state.
"Okay, it's pretty shitty," Logan laughs.
I made my way to my room. What was great about any of this was I never really had a lot of stuff, so it wasn't going to take long to go through and pack everything back up. The bad thing was that it was everywhere. I somehow managed to destroy any organisation I had within a couple days of being here and all my stuff was spread out making it look like I owned a lot of things.
I saw a clean pair of clothes and I rushed over to them and quickly changed into them before Logan got in here. Just as Logan walked in I was pulling m shirt over my head.
I looked around and found my big duffel bag and started to shove all my clothes into it, soon filling it. Beginning to fill the other pockets of the bag with other things around my room is when I noticed Logan had walked out of the bedroom at one point.
Getting curious, I straightened up and went to find him. I walked out my door and saw him sitting in one of the chairs holding a piece of think paper in his hands. He looked confused.
"What's that?" I ask as i wiped my hands against my newly changed jeans as I walked over to him.
"Max... is your last name Jackson or Lark?" he questioned looking up to me.
I froze. My birth name, something I haven't heard since... Him. The part of the story I left out. The part I didn't tell him because I couldn't, now it could slowly becoming visible.
I was scared of that name.
It brought back everything I have been trying so hard to get rid of since I got them.
I sucked in a quick breath before spinning on my heal and sprinting to my puny bathroom and locking myself in there. I sat against the door and brought my knees up to my chest as I tried to push away the memories I so longed to disappear.
"I was disowned because of you!" my young mother said.
I took after her looks, which I wished I didn't. I had her eyes, hair, her everything. I literally was a miniature version of her. My mom was only 25. She had me was she was 18. I was blamed for everything she had done.
"My mate left because of you, because I made one mistake with that piece of shit! Now your brother doesn't have a father!" she screams and points to my drugged dude that was my father. But my mom wasn't done.
"My entire family left me to fend for myself! My father! My mother is dead because of my mate! And they blamed me for her death! He killed my mother, then found out I was pregnant with your brother and promised to stay! I made a mistake and ended up with you and he just left me! You are the reason I have no one! You! You did this to me! Everything! I will never love you! And no one else will ever love you! Not even you," she continue to scream at me.
I was only 7 years old. I believed her every word and didn't understand what she meant by half of it. What was I supposed to do? I was young and learning, and I thought you were supposed to love, care, and listen to each other. So that's what I did.
I did all that until I came to the age of realizing the truth. The cold, hard truth.
I snapped back to the horrible place called reality. Logan was banging on the door and yelling my name, but his voice only sounded like a whisper to the pounding in my ears.
This was just one of to many nightmares coming. I wish I wasn't broken... I wish I could be someone without having nightmares bringing me back into the darkness of my past. I wish Logan didn't have to put up with me. I wish he had a better person to love. There are so many better people in the world and Logan gets stuck with me. Everything is my fault.
"Max I swear to the Moon Goddess herself that I will knock down this door of you don't open it into he next 10 seconds," Logan's voice started to get louder from the original whisper I heard.
I got up slowly and unlocked the door. I come face to face with Logan's worried and confused eyes. His Golden eyes making me melt on the inside. I could get lost staring into them.
"Are you okay?" Logan asks after a minute while bring his hands up to the sides of my face.
"Yeah," I lied before pulling away and walking back into my room to continue packing like nothing happened.
"You're lying to me and I don't like it. There is something, or a lot of things you didn't tell me," Logan stated as he walked up besides me.
I nod my head. He was right. I didn't tell him everything. I didn't tell him my real name, or anything about what my mom told me, or me bringing taken...
"Why? What aren't you telling me?" Logan asks, I wasn't looking at him. I don't think I could take it. His voice sounded hurt, and that just made me feel even more guilty. Before I could say anything he continued.
"Max... You can trust me," he murmured. That's when something snapped and I completely lost any control I had.
"Logan, don't you think the reason I didn't tell you everything was because I couldn't? Because I couldn't bring back the entire dark past I have, bring back the memories of the unspeakable fucked up shit I've done in my life by force? You forget that my upbringing wasn't exactly perfect or great. It was far from it. I don't trust people because they always end up hurt in the end and it's my fault, everything is always my fault. I try, Logan. I'm trying, but I can't help it if I wake up scream and can't talk about it. It's just what happens with me. You truly don't understand exactly how hard I try to forget my past, but I never can because it literally is scared onto my skin!" I yell.
I stop and walk away from him, I needed space, I needed to breathe that wasn't near him because I can't think around him. I never have been able to and now isn't going to be any different.
I lock myself in the bathroom again. It wasn't the "space" I was looking for, but it put a wall between me and Logan. That's what I needed right now. I can't face him. I can't face him as the memories flooded back in as I remembered them.
"Come on, sweetheart, just tell us your name," the tall buff guy said sweetly, but I could see right through him.
"Never." I spit the blood that was in my mouth at his face.
He growls in anger and his hands start to shake. I smirk at his reaction and knowing fully what he is going to do next.
"Chain her up!" the guy yells.
Just then two more guys come in and untie my hands and legs from the chair I was in and dragged me over to a stone wall with think heavy chains hanging off it.
I would fight back I would always fight back, but I was to weak from the last time. The guys dragging me cuffed the chains to my wrists- to tight, like always.Then the first guy comes in holding a whip... again... like always.
"Are you going to do that again to me, sweetheart? Because if you are, we are both going to have an issue," he sneers.
"I make no promises." I smirk, the blood covering my teeth showing.
He didn't reply but instead he whips my back. Hard. I bite my lip just as hard to stop the scream the threatened to come out. My lips is now bleeding, filling my mouth with the disgusting metallic taste of blood again. I clench my fists, nails digging into my palms, probably making them bleed too.
Every time the guys whips my back the harder I clench my fists.
"Scream girl!" he yells at me.
"Never," I said in a low, strained voice that sounded unfamiliar even to myself.
He continues to whip my back until I black out from blood loss and pain. Little did I know, they already knew my name.
I scream out as tears stream down my face. I punched the wall then continue to bag my fist against it lighter, less painfully.
I sob to myself, knowing all too well that Logan is standing on the other side of the door trying to get in, but I can't hear any of it.
I rip my shirt off and began pulling off the bandages off my shoulder. I stood there in my bra, looking ashamed in the mirror. I found a pair of scissors in a draw and started to cut the stitches out of my shoulder and puling them out, making them to bleed slightly. More scars to add to the collection.
I turn around and inspect my back from over my should in the mirror. Tears spring back to my eyes as I see them again. At least they weren't the only things I say in the image of me. I had my tattoo.
My blue and black roses linked together by a chair of black and grey thorn filled vines taking up the entirety of my side. In the middle of it all, hidden in a cluster of vines was the name Maria. I go this done just for her, in her memory.
I start to sob again. My whole life is a complete failure. Nothing good has come of it. Nothing ever. Eighteen years of absolute hell, and I just put up with all of it building walls out of concrete around myself and making my soul into ice, but that wasn't who I was. I was just a fragile girl who put on a facade of being okay. I was slowly breaking down inside, everything that was at bay for years is finally catching up to me now, in this exact moment.
None of this was supposed to be known by anyone other than me, but then Logan came into my life. The ray of light filling the darkness of myself, slowly repairing my the cracks unknowingly. He was the good thing that happened in my life and he was stuck with me. Me. He deserves so much more.
I turn back around face the sink. With shaky hands I open up the cabinet and looked at the razor sitting there. I picked it up and held it at eye level before slowly bring it down onto my wrist.
I screamed out again and threw the blade into the sink, running over to the door and flinging it open and throwing myself in Logan's arms. I couldn't go back to that, I would be able to stop this time and I would end up dead in my own blood.
Logan's arms wrapped around my waist bringing me close to him. He buried his face in my neck as his arms tightened more around me. We stayed like that for god knows how long but we later pulled apart and I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands and slowly turned to get my shirt again.
Logan caught my wrist stopping my movement forward. I felt his hand run down my back, following a scar all the way down. I stiffened against his touch, forgotten in the moment that he didn't know about that part of the story.
"What happened?" Logan whispered in a raspy voice.
"You are just finding out everything today, aren't you Logan?" I smiled bitterly into the mirror in front of me.
"What happened?" he repeated.
"I got whipped."
"By who?"
"A person who kidnapped me."
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HULLO MY GIRAFFES!!!!!!
Here's chapter 13! Tell me how it was and if you liked it or not!
Again, sorry for the long periods of not updating, finals are coming up soon and my teachers are being dicks and whatnot so I don't get much time to write.
And I also recently found that I'm addicted to Riverdale and binged watched that instead of updating, sorry not sorry =]
Love ya all!
Bye For Now My Crazy Griaffes! Be Crazy! Stay Awesome! BELIEVE! LOVE YOUR STUFFED ANIMALS! COMMENT!!!!!!!