The car screeched loudly as it came to a halt. I was brought back to the present with a sickening jolt. My stomach churned unpleasantly as I realized that we had reached the corner of our street. I had been so lost in my story that I didn’t realize that the hour long drive had already passed.
In that second of realization, I was numbed. I had a sudden rush of feelings that made me want to gnaw myself, pull at my hair, cry bitterly, scream out loud or may be just hug someone and sob. I could feel Jess trembling on my right. We both hadn’t moved at all. Peter quietly detached himself from my side and swung the cab door open. He stepped out and waited for me to follow him. However, my limbs failed to obey any such order.
The driver clucked impatiently. Peter hurried to hand him his fare and then moved over to Jess’s side to let her out. She obeyed wordlessly, her face stained with fresh tears. A pair of gentle hands held my shoulder. Jess was so strong, I thought. Despite everything I had done to her, she was still there for me. I was filled with guilt and my vision blurred as I succumbed to tears. I dragged myself out of the car and the driver whizzed past speedily as if scared of my presence. Wise one, I thought, I have ruined enough lives already. Jess didn’t remove her hand from my shoulder and steered me towards the middle of the street, where Hannah would get to hear the terrible, terrible news.
A street lamp flickered somewhere above us. The path lying before us was empty. There was no sign of any alive vehicle or human anywhere. The houses lining the street seemed much too quieter. Any sudden movement from any of the windows made the vein in my temple throb.
We walked past the fencing and reached the small picket wood fence door. Peter swung it open and we stepped on the pebbled walkway which led to the main door of the old house. The large cedar front door barricaded our entrance into the house. Peter rang the doorbell and we waited in a hushed silence. I could hear my heart pounding against my chest. Hurried footsteps broke the storming silence and the double doors parted to reveal Hannah’s smiling face, anticipating guests.
As soon as she saw us, her smile faltered. Jess ran forward to hug her while I stayed rooted to the stone beneath my feet. I could hear nothing. My vision was faltering behind the blur of my guilt and grief.
I didn’t know how long it had been since I stood in the doorway. Peter tried to pull me inside the living room but I remained adamant. People were now flooding the house. Moving in and out. People I hadn’t ever seen before, people I knew really well. Even dogs were there though my mind was too numb to think of the reason of their presence.
Finally, as the night sky grew deeper and deeper, someone approached me and collected my limp less self into a hug. Hannah. Why didn’t she hate me now? ‘I won’t let him hurt you too’, she whispered.
I was taken aback. I wanted to tell her to get away from me. To hate me. But I didn’t have the strength to do so. I was a coward.
She walked me inside and I complied. We sat on the sofa near the fireplace, and Hannah pulled me closer to her. My head was resting in her lap. I could hear her sobbing. Did she know about May? Then, why didn’t she hate me?
The little clock on the wall ticked loudly as each second passed. May often said that the clock always became louder whenever she waited for something impatiently. It did. I could hear it’s nagging ‘tick tock’ thrumming against my eardrum even though I knew what I was waiting for would never come.
…
It had been two months since we came back from our camping trip. The longest months I had possibly ever lived. Grief, loss, funeral … it was something I never wanted to re-live again. I rocked back and forth slowly, soaking the early morning sun. Sleep hadn’t been very friendly towards me in the past eight weeks. I fingered the panels of the wooden swing, imagining Clove seated beside me. This is how it used to be. We both were the early birds of the house. Clove and I came onto this swing in our front porch, both holding steaming mugs of coffee or chocolate every morning. And then we used to talk to our hearts content till Hannah used to call us in for breakfast.
The swing suddenly stopped and I felt somebody sag into the empty space beside me. Startled, I snapped out of my day-dreaming, aware of the intruder. It was Peter. ‘Hey, mind if I join you?’ I shrugged in reply. ‘I just got up and saw you here alone so I thought of coming over. Here, I brought us some coffee’, he shoved a mug into my hand.
He became quiet as he took a sip from his mug. I don’t know why, but I had been avoiding Peter. Actually, I had been avoiding everyone. I couldn’t meet Hannah’s eyes as the grief in them tightened my insides in a painful knot. I couldn’t bring myself to be like Jess, who smiled like everything will be fine one day even though I knew she was torn beyond repair inside.
And Peter, well, I avoided him because he always made me feel as if it wasn’t my fault. He was too caring and nice to me and I didn’t deserve that.
Like right now, I didn’t deserve his company, or the coffee he gave me. Yet, I took a sip of the frothy brown liquid and instantly felt better.
‘Thanks Peter.’
He smiled genuinely. ‘No probs Ale.’ There was a moment of silence and then he spoke again. ‘Are you okay? Look, Hannah is worried for you. She says you have been avoiding them too’
I noticed how he had emphasized on the ‘too’. So they had all noticed that I was avoiding them. ‘I’m not avoiding anyone.’ I knew my response was sheepish as I saw Peter raise an eyebrow.
‘You need to stop this! Hannah just lost half of the family she had gathered for herself and she doesn’t want to lose you too! You are hurting her more. Why are you doing this? Stop taking all the blame for whatever happened.’ His words were harsh and his eyes were ablaze with concern.
I hadn’t noticed the tears brimming in my eyes as he spoke. Was I really hurting Hannah? The thought alone, made my insides ache. I couldn’t do that to her right after she bid farewell to her three children. Even though Kevin was only a tenant, she never considered him anything less than her own.
It had been heart-racking enough to see her apologizing to his father for being responsible for his loss at the funeral. I felt terrible. I didn’t bother to stem the flow of tears like I had been doing so all along.
‘I … I am sorry. I didn’t mean to be harsh. But I really wish that you would let us help you. And we need you to help Hannah get over her grief. She has been trying so hard. May was her own child; imagine how horrid it would have been for Hannah to be at her funeral and to know how she died.’
Peter kept murmuring slowly and for once, I paid heed to what he had to say.
‘I’ll help.’ I wiped my tears with my sleeve and turned to face Peter. ‘I have been horrible to you all. I’m sorry. But I can’t help feeling guilty for how you all are still concerned about me. You should hate me! All of this happened because of me! Ben wants me dead or alive, and he’d go to any lengths to get what he wants’
Peter’s face hardened as I mentioned Ben. ‘This is NOT your fault. You are not to blame yourself again. Ben can’t harm you now, or any of us. We’ll make sure of that.’
Another bout of silence fell over the two of us. I could hear the scrapping of pots and pans from the kitchen window. Hannah must have woken up while we sat talking.
I smiled. ‘Would you like to stay for breakfast?’ With saying this, I left a startled Peter rocking on the swing while I got up to help Hannah in the kitchen. This was something I hadn’t done in a long time.
As I whipped the batter for pancakes, Jess woke up too. She stood in shock in the frame of the kitchen door watching me talk to Hannah. I smiled at her. She walked over and took the bowl and spatula from my hand, placing it on the shelf. I looked at her, surprised and she wrapped her arms around me hugging me firmly.
It had been days since we had had breakfast together. Like old times. Even though there was a gaping hole because of our missing loved ones, I knew I had people I could rely on. Ben wouldn’t be able to even lay a finger on Hannah again, I swore to myself. He had been playing around with my life for years and now it was pay-back time.
I smiled to myself; the small beacon of hope enlightened my mood. My new found determination to bring Ben down was at its zenith. I will seek revenge. So what if the police didn’t help us, it would only be a matter of time till everyone saw his true colors.
I felt at peace, after days and days of agony, as the four of us sat around the dining table chatting casually and munching on pancakes and scrambled eggs.
AN: Hey guys... I'm dreadfully sorry for such a late update! I promise the next chapter is just round the corner :D and the next... and hopefully the next... and the next :P LOL ..
Anyways you guys are awesome for all the support you give!! So what do you Alene will do next? Who will be with her in her revenge plan?
The image on the right is of the ones Alene, Hannah and Jess lost :(
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