Nineteen
--am I being selfish--
ALEXIS POV
I know na bibisitahin niya si mommy, mas okay na yun para naman hindi na niiya mamalayan na hindi ako makakuwi ng maaga. Napagusapan kasi naming ni sheena na magkikita kami ngayon para magusap. This is the time to end this. Ayoko nang saktan si annika, at ayoko naman na nagtatago kami ni sheena para lang magkita. Tutal naman 2 years lang ang contract naming, which means pagkagraduate naming ng college mawawala na yung bias ng kasal, pwede ko ng balikan si sheena. I just want to do everything in the right way.
Pinark ko na yung kotse at heto na ko ngayon, nakupo at inaabangan ang babaeng mahal ko. Well, atleast I still think I do.
“hi baby” then she kissed me on the cheeks.
“hi, nagdinner ka na?"
"yeah, nagyaya kasi yung mga friends ko eh. Sorry ah."
"nah,its okay." i smiled at her reassuringly.
She sat infront of me, and she is really happy right now. She told that she got high class standings and cant wait dor the upcoming final exam, she said she's going to hit the highest score in their block.While sheena was telling her stories, i just looked at her, seeing her happy is not helping me right now. I think it will crush her and might not be able to pass her exams if she hears what im about to say. It will do no good for her....but how about annika? Will i consider sheena's happiness first over annika's?
Well, i love sheena.. I think its best if ill just tell her after her exams, so that she wont get distracted. That's a good a plan right?
"baby, your forehead is creasing. Is something bothering you?" she touched my forehead and massaged it.
"no baby, just tired with school stuffs."i took her hand which was massaging my forehead and held it tight.
"well, you told me to meet you here, i kept babbling and babbling now its your turn. What is it you want to tell me? I feel that its something bad and that you dont want me to misunderstood. What is it?" she looked straight into my eyes. I feel like i murdered someone and being interogated by a policeman. Darn.
I squeezed her hand lightly."its just that i missed you. Nothings wrong."
is it good to lie for her own sake? Am i being unfair?
"oh, then good to hear that. I thought its something about you and that clumsy girl who have a huge debt to the hospital. If i were you,i would just pay her bills so that you wouldnt have to marry her." then she laughed wickedly. well, why didnt i thought if that?
Maybe because i was guilty to what i did to her.
*sigh*
Twenty
--surprise--
annika's POV
"ANO KA BA NAMAN! Bakit mo pa kasi binrought up yun???" nakakainis siya sobra! badtrip siya sobra.. Grrrrrr!
Kung nagtataka kayo kung bakit ako galit na galit sakanya ganito kasi yan
*3 hours ago,flashback*
bakit kaya hindi padin niya ako pinapansin, ano ba dahilan bakit siya nagkakaganyan. 3 subjects na niya ako iniisnab, dati naman mangungulit yan sakin okaya aasarin ako.
at heto ako ngayon, nagiisa. Uy kanta yun ah. Nauna na kasi siya lumabas ng room namin, as always. Ganun kasi rule nya, sabay kami uuwi pero dun na siya maghihintay sa kotse para daw hindi pagkamalan na kami. Talk about being maarte diba.
"hay, bakit kaba ganyan alexis." i sighed.
Panigurado hindi ako isasabay nun ngaun. Hay nako talaga. Napabuntong hininga na naman ako.
Uuwi nalang siguro ako,o kaya sasabay nalang ako kay eevie.
tumayo ako at lumabas ng room.
I cant believe na tinotopak siya. Pati tuloy ako tinotopak na.
"akin na yang bitbit mo" huh? Napahinto ako.
"a-alexis?"
"bakit may iba ka bang hinihintay?" sabay naglakad na siya.
"hoy,teka!" napatakbo ako ng di oras, ambilis kasi niya maglakad. Ang haba kasi ng binti eh, eh hindi naman ako nabiyayaan ng ganun.
"bakit ba kasi nagkakaganyan ka?'no ba problema mo?"
"wala. Lika na, hatid na kita sa bahay."
natahimik nalang ako at sumunod sa kanya.
Mahigit 20 minutes din kaming hindi nagkikibuan. Nabibingi na naman ako.
"ahm, may pupuntahan ka ba? "
"oo."
Ay oo nga pala, magkikita sila ng... Girlfriend niya. Ouch. What? Nasasaktan ako? Eew ha. erase erase.
"ah. Cge magingat ka ha. Kahit dito mo nalang ako ibaba." ang masunuring bata,hininto nga ang kotse.
lalabas na sana ako ng bigla siyang nagsalita.
"after neto," napatingin ako sakanya "magiging maayos na lahat." then nagsmile siya.
Nag smile nalang din ako at lumabas na ng kotse. tatalikod na sana ako pero bigla niyang binaba yung bintana.
"oo nga pala, sabi sakin ni mama wag ka daw magssummer classes ha."
"ha? Eh gusto ko sana magadvance para--"
"hindi pwede, maghhoneymoon daw tayo."
"ahh..HA!!!? HONEYMOON!?" then nagsmile sya at umalis na.
I cant take this. Anong honeymoon na pinagsasabi, kailangan kong makausap si mommy.
**fastforward.
"mommy, bakit po kailangan namin maghoney moon ni alexis, masyado pa po kaming mga bata."
andito ako ngaun sa bahay nila. Wala si dr. Ventorino or should i say daddy, nasaa hospital siya. I cant stand that they are planning to held our honeymoon, hindi ba pwedeng wag nalan because honeymoon are only for lovers, actually marriage are only for those who are inlove. Sa case namin ni alexis, hindi applicable ang honeymoon. Kalokohan lang yun.
"well, hindi na kayo minors diba and para naman maging close kayo.” Sabi ni mommy habang nagaayos ng flowers sa vase.
“eh kasi naman mommy, close napo kami ni alexis so theres no need for that kind of stuff.” I said habang nakayuko.
“you know dear, I also know na hindi niyo na kailangan yun. But alexis brought it up, and we said yes, tutal naman he is officially your husband, I guess there’s nothing wrong experiencing that thing. Besides, as what I have said, youre no longer a minor.”
“pero mommy, I think im not ready for that yet.” Oo! Hindi pa talaga ako ready, physically and emotionally. DUH! Nagaaral pa ko, baka maging… mommy ako ng maaga. Hindi pa pwede madami pa kong pangarap sa buhay.
“Annika, hindi naman porket sinabing honeymoon, papasok na agad yung sex, kung hindi pa kayo ready then don’t do it. Sex is something done by two people who are inlove, and of course hindi dapat sex ang tawag dun, making love dapat.” Hala ano ba tong pinaguusapan namin ni mommy. Napatingin ako sa family picture namin. It was taken after a few days nung nagkita kita kami sa restaurant, which was not really successful meeting.
Ready na ba kami madagdagan ng isa pa sa family? Isang family na I know mawawala din sakin. Since una, kontrata lang ang nagdidikit samin ni alexis, pangalawa, I just agreed to this marriage because of our debt to their family and pangatlo hindi naman kami nagmamahalan ni alexis. Ampanget naman tignan ng nagkaanak kami ni alexis dahil gusto lang ng parents niya. Its already bad that we were married because they want to, sana naman kahit sa panahon na to bigyan nila ako ng choice magdecision.
Bakit ba kasi hindi nalang si sheena ang pinakasal nila sa anak nila, since she was what he wants.
Binaba ko yung picture frame at tumingin kay mommy. She was looking at me then lumapit siya para I hug ako.
“Annika, I know na labag sa kalooban mo ang ikasal sa anak ko, but you still married him and for that I could not ask for more. If you don’t want to do it then don’t. ang gusto ko lang is sana matutunan mong mahalin si alexis. And vice versa. I know hindi ka mahirap mahalin pero hindi natin alam ang takbo ng puso ni alexis.”
Tama si mommy dun, kassi sa puso ni alexis may sheena parin, nagkita nga sila ngaun eh. How sweet diba. Ewan ko ba kung bakit nagkakaganito ako. Maybe its because.. I don’t even want to think about it. It’s making me want to throw up.
“just give it a shot annika, magbonding lang kayo. Its only for three days, and matagal pa naman yun, sa april pa! so don’t be pressured. Ang dapat mong isipin ngayon ay ang pagaaral mo.” Then she kissed me in the forehead.
"and besides, he begged me to say yes." then she walked out.
Alexis asked for this?
Give it a shot? Hmmm..
Pero patay sakin si alexis for bringing this up.
Babalatan ko siya ng buhay.
*end of flashback*
kakapasok lang ni alexis ng pinto ng apartment namin at niraratrat ko na sya kaagad. Feel the wrath!!
"hello to you too wifey." ano daw wifey? kelan nya pa ko tinawag nun.
"wifey wifey ka jan. Corny mo ah."
he walked towards the couch and slump himself there. He looks so tired. Siguro may hidden agenda sa gabi, baka hosto!! Eew. Di ko ma imagine.
"ano mas gusto mo,biik? Well its fine with me." then he chuckled.
"san ka ba galing bakit ka ginabi?"shocks.why am i asking him this if alam ko na kung saan. Sinasaktan ko lang sarili ko eh. Bobo ko talaga.
napatingin siya sakin. He stared at me for almost a minute, i think he's debating whether to tell me the truth or if he's going to lie.
"hay nako! As if naman i care diba. Anyways" its better to change the topic "bakit mo pa kasi sinabi un kay mommy, ayan tuloy" i sat beside him sa couch,mejo malayo ako ng konti sakanya. It gives me chills na magkatabi kami noH.
"i just want to have a good vacation,para na din makapag pahinga ako." napatingin sya sakin "well, i dont know if makakapagpahinga ako ng maayos kung nandun ka." then he grinned.
"kapal naman, kung gusto mo hindi kita kakausapin ng buong trip eh,okay lang sakin." then sinandal ko yung ulo ko sa couch then closed my eyes. Medyo pagod din kasi ako dahil sa mga assignments ko."So you just suggested to have this honeymoon trip just to get a vacation? Dont you think its kinda lame?"
"no....i also want to take a break" his voice faltered. Parang may laman.
My eyes snapped open, at napatingin ako sa kanya. He had his eyes closed. His face looked..pained? I dont know. And suddenly he started snoring.
I gently laid him down sa couch, nako sana hindi sumakit yung katawan nya. Buti nalang malambot at mejo mahaba ung couch. Kumuha ako ng blanket sa room nya and tucked him.
Napahinto ako nung bigla niyang hinawakan yung kamay ko. I thought nagising na siya and ihuhulog ko sana sya, but his eyes were still closed. then He murmured something.
"im so tired.."
silence,still not letting go of my hand
"Im so confused.."
silence..still not letting go
"What should i do ...
Sheena"
then i took my hand and walked to my bedroom.