We got up and got dressed the next morning. Today is the day Johnson is coming to talk to us. We have to get ready there is no telling when he is going to come, what his requirements will be and when they start? We have to be ready for any thing.
It was late in the afternoon before we heard a knock at the door. We went to answer it but when we opened the door it was not Johnson. It was a stranger with a gun.
"Hello there. You are coming with me." and he grabbed my arm and was pulling me out the door.
"Wait! Wait! Please don't take her. Take me instead."
"What?!? No! You can't Josh please don't."
"Beth. Please. I don't want any thing else to happen to you." the guy was let me go and started pulling on him. Johnson came up "What is going on?"
"Johnson I want you to take care of Beth. Please treat her right. You are the father of the child inside her. Don't let any thing happen to her. Beth I love you."
"Please don't take him!" I screamed. Johnson grabbed me and held me close. I was crying and begging as they walked away.
"Beth stop! There is no other way for either of you. It's safer that he goes and not you." There was a long silence that filled the house.
"Beth I'm sorry. I didn't want it this way at all."
"Please just leave me alone." I went to the first bedroom and locked myself in it. I sat in the corner and cried.
I just got married only to have him taken by those people that were on the news. I always though it would never happen to me and now... Now it has. I will never be happy. Every one I love gets taken from me.
I heard a knock at the door.
"Hey Beth I fixed some thing for you to eat. You really need to eat... Beth please open the door. I just want to help you." I got up and opened the door. I could not trust him because of what happened but I would at least let him try to help if he wants to.
He sat next to me on the floor.
"You know Beth I know what you are going through. I loved a woman dearly. Her name was Heather. She looked a lot like you."
"What happened?"
"We got married and a week later some men came and said if I didn't give them all I had they would kill me. Heather walked out of the kitchen to see what was going on. Two of them grabbed her before I could get to her two others held me down. I watched as they raped her. I could do nothing. It went on for hours. One of our neighbors came by and called for help. They shot him and 30 minutes later the police came. On the way out the one guy shot at me. Heather jumped infront of me and took the bullet.
I watched as she died in my arms. There was nothing I could do about it."
"Why did you rape me then?"
"Beth I really am sorry for that. I saw you and I have never saw any one look like her as you do. I never had children with her. We never even had our honeymoon." I was heart broken for him.
"I watched as they took Josh from you and I relived every second of it as they took him. I felt so bad for you. You had to live what I lived thorugh. I just wanted you to love me the way you love Josh. I thought that I could have a second chance. I don't expect you to love me after all I've done to you but I do want you to at least trust me."
"I could learn to trust you."
"I know you won't trust me all at once but I'll be fine with just knowing that there is hope."
"You can stay in the middle bed room if you want."
"Thank you. I promise I will never mess with you again." With that he went into the room. I went to mine and shut the door.
My head was spinning. I could not love Johnson but I could trust him He knows what I've been through and I believe he could turn out to be a great friend later on but what do I know. My life is going up and down like a roller coaster. At any moment I'm going to explode. Josh wants me to find love again. Not go looking for it. By the way he acted when they took him he wants Johnson to be the one I spend the rest of my life with. I can't move on like we talked about. I'm not strong enough.
"If you're not back soon I will..."
I could not say the rest without crying. "I will go back to my old ways. I'm sorry I just can't live without you and be happy."
The next morning Johnson woke me up. "Good morning Beth. I made you some breakfast. Come on and eat."
"Thanks Coach Johnson but no thanks. I'm not hungry."
"Please call me Peter. Since I'm living with you now." I headed out the door and to the lake where I could think in peace. Where no one can hear me.
Being at the lake knowing Josh is not coming broke my heart. I went into my bag and pulled out a bottle of liquor, a cigarret, and a knife. I took a deep breath as I looked at it all. Knowing what was going to happen next.
"Josh I know I promised not to cut or do anything bad but that was when I was with you. You are gone and I'm alone." I'm crying ashamed of what I am about to do. "I would not be as torn if you would have died years later because we would at least have had spent a while together. I'm sorry please forgive me. I love you."
I opened the liquor and lit the cig. I looked at the lake knowing that this was the place I had my first date with Josh. Now I'm stuck with Peter. I knew if I ever drank I would be a depressed drunk and I was right. After all the liquor was gone I started to cut. I don't care anymore if anyone sees my cuts. I don't care if they see the real me anymore. I just want Josh back.
I staggered back to the house. I'm not drunk to where I would do any stupid stuff. Just enough to where I have a little trouble walking.
"There you are. Beth I was..." he looked at me and when I got close enough he could smell the liquor and smoke on me. "You have been drinking and smoking."
"So what is the big deal. Josh is gone and I have nothing left." I went to grab another bottle when he stopped me.
"You are pregnate! Or have you forgotten that?!? You could kill my child and I'm not going to let that happen." He could feel the blood when he grabbed my arm. He looked down.
"What is this? Have you completely lost it?!? Josh is gone and you go off and get drunk and smoke and cut. Of all things cutting!!"
"I cut before I was ever with Josh!"
"Great so I has sex with an emo, goth, or what ever you want to be called! You people who cut and are suicidal are stupid. Ya'll can't see that people care about you!"
"Josh cut! Was he stupid? You hear bout actors killing them selves are they stupid too!?!" by now I was very angey "See that's the thing you are just like my brother. You call us stupid because you don't understand us. You call every one like that stupid, cowards, and whatever ya'll feel like. But when some one you love or look up to does it you don't know what to say or do! That crap gets on my nerves!" I slung the bottle to the floor. "You want me to not drink fine. But let's get one thing straight. I don't love you at all This is not for you but the baby." I stormed off to my bed room where I stayed most of the day now coming out to use the bathroom, eat, and drink. That is all. After that argument we haven't talked much. It doesn't bother me.
He is right we are cowards but if you don't cut or ever have it's not polite or taken to kindly for you to say any thing about it. I can say it all I want because I'm talking about me as well as the others.
Peter had no right to judge me like that. He doesn't know what I've been through. Other then loosing Josh he really doesn't. I don't see how Josh wanted me to stay with him. He's the one I got the liquor from. He's the one that got me pregnate, even though he said sorry.
When I went back to school I started showing that I'm expecting. It doesn't help that I'm not eating at all. Word spread quick that Josh got kidnapped. Zoey ran up to me hugging me. "I'm so sorry that they took Josh." Not too long after Kayla came up to me.
"Is it true that you are with Johnson now?"
"Yea. It was what Josh wanted." she seemed a little upset at the thought.
"What? Why would he want such a thing?"
"Because the baby is his and it's going to need a father so why not it's real one?" Just as I said it I looked over to see Susan walking by. I'm not sure if she heard it or not. I really hope not because it's not every one's business who the real father is.