Moving
Chapter 7
Three days later and moms home when I get home from watching Nate and Eli practice. Mom is never home this early unless something is wrong. We've barely talked since our blow out last week but I don't think shes really mad at me anymore, or at least I hope she isn't.
She sits at the kitchen counter reading something on her ipad, wearing a shiny silver blouse and a black pencil skirt. It's sad how my mother has a better fashion sense than I do. When I walk into the kitchen she looks up from her reading glasses and hits the hold button on her ipad.
“So I was thinking..” she closes the cover to the device and pulls a glass of wine into her hands, fingering the bottom rim. “What are you doing tomorrow after school?” I glance at her nervously and search the gray industrial fridge for carrot sticks.
“I don't know yet. It's a Friday, I'll probably be out with Nate and the boys. Why?”
“Maybe you and I could take a little trip?” she plays with a pencil sitting on the counter and watches my reaction. I'm confused.
“Where?”
“I was thinking we could pay your dad a little visit?” she says. The world stops. Everything around me falls away and its like I'm standing in my very own flashback. A world surrounding black metal bars and striped jumpsuits pops into my head. I can't do it.
“Sorry mom.” I say once I finally find my voice. “I think I have plans.” lie. Nate and I never make plans before unless we're desperate. Most of the time we just randomly hang out.
“Well Tess this is kind of very important. You can't make time?” no. Not after what he did.
“Sorry. Another time.” unlikely.
“Fine. Then let me rephrase my original thought. Tess, tomorrow you need to cancel your plans, we are going to visit your father.” she grabs her wine glass and drinks the last sip and then looks at me. “and that's final.” my hands are shaking.
“I'm not going. You can't make me. In fact, I'm leaving right now. And until you can understand that nothing is ever going to be the same, no matter how hard you try, I won't be back.” I grab my phone off the counter and slam the bag of carrots down next to the cast-iron stove. She stares at me completely baffled, anger shooting daggers through me, as I slip on my coat and boots and slam the front door.
Nate picks up on the first ring. He sounds all out of breath. “whats up string bean?”
“What are you doing?” I ask and try to sound not upset as I start down my long driveway, the sun is starting to sink.
“Eli, JP, Cars and I are just playing a little ping pong. Why?” now that he says that I can hear the faint bounce of the ping pong ball in the background.
“Like guy time?” I ask, desperately hoping he says no because I have no where to go without him.
“Kinda but it would definitely be more fun if you were here. Hang on.” his voice gets faint. “You guys care if Tess comes over?” silence. “Okay. Are you home? Ill be there in five.”
“Wait! I'm not home. I'm near the playground at the end of our street.” I glance at the old metal merry go round and blue baby swings that have old chains attached, spreading up onto a rusted metal bar above.
“what? Why? Okay never mind ill talk to you in like two minutes then.” then he hangs up and I wait. I'm going to have to go home at some point to get clothes. Tomorrow for school I can just use some I have stashed at Nate's but that supply will dry out fast. I'm thinking of when the best time to break into my own house would be when Nate pulls up. He opens the passenger door from across the console and once I'm in he looks at me all expectantly.
“What?” I ask innocently. He shakes his head and looks out the window, putting the car in drive. “Do you think I could stay with you tonight?” I ask once were about a minute in to silence. “and maybe forever?” I whisper.
“Obviously. What the hell is going on though? What happened?” he pulls a hand through his hair, one hand on the wheel, and turns into his drive way.
“Nothing. Can we talk about it later? I just need distraction right now.” I say once we've parked in his spot in the driveway. He nods and gets out, coming around the car to open my side as always. He leads the way into his house and down the carpeted stairs to his man room down stairs. I'm greeted by the smell of pizza and boy smell. Eli is leaning upside down against the beige wall in hand stand position and JP is hitting ping pong balls against his exposed chest. I swallow at his abs, the abs I could lick up. Did I really just think that? He flips into normal standing position and smiles at me, green eyes flickering. My insides turn to mush.
“Tess! It's been so long since I saw you!” he jokes, I saw him like two hours ago.
“Tessy pie what brings you to our little boy party?” JP tosses a ping pong ball my way and I duck, it hits Nate. What am I supposed to say? Sorry I'm crashing your party, I just ran away from home. I look at Nate expectantly, hoping he catches my vibe and helps me out.
“Her mom and sister were fighting so she left and wanted to hang out so I just invited her here.” he supplies, that could be true, if char came out of her room long enough to get mad at mom. He also fails to mention that I'm not leaving.
“Why are you guys hanging out on a Thursday night anyways?” I ask trying to change the subject. JP throws a paper plate at Carson who catches it between his knees. Some kind of new game I guess? Strange.
“We figure have an innocent little gathering tonight, get blistered tomorrow night.” JP explains. Carson nods and Eli smiles at me again. The mention of tomorrow night makes me shiver. I decide that I don't really feel in the mood to be around the boys. I want to curl up and go to sleep. I turn around to face Nate again.
“I think I'm gonna go upstairs.” I tell him and make a beeline for the stairs. I follow familiar corridors and pass well-known doors until I reach Nate's room with the blue walls and memory filled bulletin board. I flop down onto his big fluffy navy blue bedspread and curl into a little ball in the center. There's no sounds in the house, the boys down stairs are being abnormally quiet and apparently Terry and Jon are out. The silence eventually gets to me and little tears start rolling down my cheeks. I can't visit dad. I can't even bare to think of him after what he did.
After about half an hour of wallowing in my own self pity the door to Nate's room creaks open. I glance up, expecting to see Weber, but instead Eli stands grinning in front of me. It take approximately two seconds for his grin to vanish and a look of concern to cross his green eyes.
“Tess.” he walks over and sits on the bed next to me. I struggle to hold back tears again, ive cried too much already tonight, and hope to god that he doesnt notice the tear stains on my cheeks. Maybe he'll be oblivious. Neither of us says anything for a second. He's watching my unchanging expression from across the blue sea of blankets. I can feel his eyes on me. “What's wrong?” he finally breaks the silence.
“No-nothing.” I stutter. What a complete and utter lie. He raises his eyebrows and looks at me with a small smirk playing on his lips.
“You are the worst liar I have ever met.”
I groan and attempt to throw Nate's comforter over my head but Eli is sitting on one end so it back fires and I end up in a tangled struggle. He laughs. And his laugh is by far the most infectious laugh ever, so I end up laughing too. There's no trace of the ugly tears threatening me anymore. I'm laughing so hard I'm sputtering and coughing. He leaves the room for a second.
“But seriously,” Eli tosses me a bottle of water after we've both calmed our hysterics enough. “what's up?” the way he says it so casual makes me want to spill my whole guts to him. It's terrifying and reinvigorating all at once.
“Just family trouble.” I'm extremely vague on purpose and I think it might be torturing him. He waits. It's quiet except for the slight thump coming from down stairs of the ping pong ball hitting the table. Eli stares at me for a good two minutes, sending crazy unreadable vibes through me. I finally give in. “I just...my dad isn't around and my mom and I got in a fight tonight and my sister's got issues. I just needed..to be away.” hes sitting next to me, both of us against the headboard to Nate's bed. His arm is so close to mine and his knee resting slightly against mine. It's almost scary how close we are right now and how badly I want to close the smallest gap.
“Understandable. Where's your dad? Mines somewhere overseas. Japan I think.” hes being so straight up and open with me. Why can't I be like that with him?
The thought occurs to me that Eli probably knows. I mean, everyone in the whole school does, and I'm pretty sure Vanessa would do anything to keep him away from me. “Don't pretend like you haven't heard. I'm sure that Vanessa and Morgan were just itching to tell you where my father is.” he probably thinks I'm deranged.
“What are you talking about?”
“Everyone knows where my dad is. Why do you think no one at school likes me?” I'm struggling. If he really doesn't know then I'll have to tell him now and then hes going to leave just like everyone else.
“Tess. What the hell are you talking about?” his eye brows are lowered and he looks majorly confused. I don't even know anymore.
“I—I—N--Never mind.” I stutter again. Maybe I stutter when I'm nervous, I guess I never really noticed it before. He gives me a strange look and then stands up off the bed, pulling on my hand as he goes.
“Okay...Well obviously you don't want to talk about it so I'll drop it.” he flips the covers back onto Nate's bed as perfect as they were before I invaded. That's a thing about Nate, he constantly has his room perfectly neat. “But just know that if you ever need a place, and Weber isn't around, I don't think my mom would mind another kid. As long as you don't call me your brother.” He winks, igniting butterflies in my gut and confusing the hell out of me at the same time. “now c'mon. Let's go have some good innocent fun.” he smirks and reaches out his hand, slipping it around mine and pulling me through Nate's bedroom door. I am way to upset when he lets go.
*****
I'm screaming, pounding on horizontal metal bars, thrashing around. My mind flickers with pictures of my father, memories. His infectious happiness and belly laughter. They surround me, swallow me whole.
"Love you now and forever girls." he would always say.
But then the slide show of my memories is falling through a crack in the cement jail cell I'm stuck in. It's like every waking moment of my life is being sucked away, pulled from me, held at a distance.
"Tess!!!" Nate shakes me awake. I'm engulfed in his blue bed spread. "It's just a dream String Bean, wake up. I'm right here. I'm not leaving." He's towering over my sleeping body and whispering things I can barely understand. "Come on Tessa wake up." he pushes a hand through my hair, over and over again. I carefully slide my eyes open to reveal his concerned expression close to my face in the darkness.
My mind rattles and I can't speak so I grab his hand, the one that's tangled up in my hair. He immediately sighs and interlocks his fingers around mine. "It was just a dream. I'm not leaving. I'll never leave."
*****
Terry isn't even surprised to see me in the morning, she doesn't hesitate when I walk into the kitchen with my crazy hair and jeans and sweatshirt, just pulls up an extra chair and puts out a new place. She's made blueberry pancakes, they're my favorite.
The sun streaming through the big window is too bright. It's too happy. I don't really know what happened last night in the middle of the night but I woke up with my hand locked in Nate's and curled closer to his side than I ever thought possible. When he had turned off his alarm he made a point to tell me that he loved me and he'd always always always be there. I didn't understand.
Now he's sitting next to me at his dinning room table, shoveling the rest of the third pancake I couldn't finish into his mouth. We have ten minutes to get to school and be on time. I doubt we'll make it. Nate apparently doubts too. He shoots a text to Carson, telling him to drive himself, and then grabs my empty plate from the table.
“Hey Dad?” Nate asks from the sink where he's politely washing the dishes. He's such a sweetie. “Do you think it would be okay if Tessy and I skip today?” He asks, shocking not only me but Terry and Jon also. “I mean, I know skipping is bad and I haven't really done it... lately... and Tess had a rough night last night so I think she could use a break...” now it makes sense to me when he's washing dishes and cleared the table and was being extra polite this morning.
“Well I suppose since your grades are fine..” Jon peers at Nate from over his reading glasses and the newspaper.
“Awesome. Thanks.” Nate finishes the plate he was washing and then takes my hand and leads me back to his room. “We are going to the mall today.” He explains, pulling off his shirt and rummaging through his closet for a clean one.
“What do you mean?” I watch as he slips on a blue hollister brand teeshirt, backwards, and then struggles. I stand off the bed and start to pull his arms, turning around the shirt.
“What I mean is me and you are going out to lunch, and shopping, and whatever the hell else we want to do because I'm sick of everything and everyone else.” Now he pulls a Westwood High Swim Team sweatshirt over his head and starts pulling money out of his walet, counting it on his bed. I decide to change my shirt into a cute little vneck long sleeve with a scarf.
Twenty minutes later I'm in the passenger seat of Nate's Honda. He's fiddling with the radio and stops on Billie Joel. Without a word I flick the station to The Pulse, which plays actual good music instead of old people crap. Five minutes later the station is back on Billie Joel.
“Fuck you Weber.” I mutter. He smirks but doesn't take his eyes off the highway. It
s going to be a long 45 minute drive to the mall. Westwood is so tiny that the closest mall is a few towns over in Albertson. And even then it seems like it's the smallest mall known to Earth.
“My car, my music Scott.” he turns up the volume and starts bobing his head along to the beat of Goodnight Saigon, a song about the Vietnam war. I don't understand why he enjoys old songs. Nate's a strange little boy.
“Wait a second.” He takes a sharp turn onto the highway leading the Allenstown. “If we're skipping because I had a bad night, doesn't that mean I should get to pick the music?” he gives me a death glare from the drivers seat, molten brown eyes spewing their sassy lava. I giggle.
“Fine.” he flicks the station to The Pulse and groans when a Train song comes through the speakers. Maybe this day won't be so awful after all.