edited march 2nd 2O22
I don't think anybody had the right words to say at this very moment. We had just lost Lori during childbirth. Carl had just lost his mother and Rick had just lost his wife. Collectively, we kept the air silent.
Rick finally stood up from the floor and grabbed his axe. "Rick!" I shouted and clearly he was too upset to listen to anything. I didn't expect me calling out to him to do anything, but it was just instinctual.
"Where are T-Dog and Carol?" Glenn questioned and it sparked the remembrance. I looked away and shook my head. Glenn was feeling what I felt as well, I didn't have to say anything. We all went back to our block and my daddy broke the silence.
"The baby is going to need formula."
"I'll go out and try to find some nearby." Maggie said and Daryl immediately volunteered to accompany her. That made me feel a little better, and I know it made my dad feel at ease as well. Glenn and Maggie said their goodbyes for now, and just like that, they were off into the dangers of the outside world again.
Carl walked back up to his cell and I stayed put, I assumed he wanted to be alone. "Ella?" he called out and I followed to him.
I didn't say anything. I think 'sorry' would just be an understatement. I didn't know what I could say that would make him feel any better. He tossed his hat to floor and I followed after to pick it up. I set it on his counter.
I kept my back against the wall as he lowered his head. He didn't try not to show emotion, and nobody blamed him. He had just lost his mom, I think any reaction was acceptable at this given moment.
"This really doesn't feel real."
He managed to choke out. I went to accompany him on his bed. I set my head on his shoulder and intertwined our fingers together. I just wanted him to know I was here for him and allow him to grief however he needed to .
He let go of my hand and put both his hands on each side of my face. "I can't lose you too."
My heart broke for him, this poor guy. I wanted to do what I could to make him feel just a little better than what he was feeling right now. I kissed his forehead and he brought his lips to mine once I retreated.
I wanted him, but I also didn't want to take advantage of his vulnerable state.
"You know how I feel for you, but this wouldn't be right."
"I want it if you do."
I guess Carl and I were doing this.
Once everything was said and done, we made this experience together. It was a first for both of us. It wasn't necessarily an awkward experience. It was a little shocking and we'd never talked about doing that before.
I thought a lot that maybe we were too young for an experience like this, but it felt right for the both of us. I was only fourteen and Carl was fifteen, but I guess in a world like this there really aren't guidelines to follow for 'normal'