HE WASN'T SPEAKING to her. He spared her a cold lingering glance full of irritation when she and Tabitha came back to the hospital, practically growled at Tabitha who’d simply rolled her eyes in response and without a word headed back into the hospital with stiff shoulders.
Machayla sighed as the stress of the day weighted down on her own shoulder blades. In one day she’d met a few interesting people, was held at gun point by Jason’s little hot headed ex fling, had to stop a man from bleeding to death and practically left her abusive fiancé who was surely out for hers and Jason’s blood.
No doubt she was a dead woman walking.
“Don’t worry about him. He’s just having a rough night.” Machayla looked over her shoulders to find Chico with a smile on his face though his eyes screamed exhaustion; the same exhaustion that was held in all of their eyes.
“We all are,” Carter piped in as he circled an arm around Sierra and rested her head on his shoulders.
“I think it’s time we head home. There isn’t anything we can do by hanging around this god forsaken place and waiting for good news.” Drake sounded off as he lit up what Machayla could only guess was marijuana.
Tabitha, who was only a foot away from Drake scowled at him and scoffed at his bad habit. “Pig.” She muttered loud enough for all who were present to hear.
Drake simply looked her up and down, switched his gaze, and smirked. “Too easy.”
Tabitha’s hazel eyes narrowed into slits as she shot daggers at him. “You know what? I think I’ve had enough of you and your brother disrespecting me for one night. I’m going home. If anything changes, let me know.” Turning towards Machayla she said, “let’s go.”
Confused Machayla frowned. “Go where?”
“You’re staying with me for the night. Where else would I take you at a time like this?”
“I don’t know. Back to where I live?” Machayla answered though she knew that that was the last place on earth that she’d want to be. Somewhere deep, deep inside she was happy that Tabitha took the initiative to not let her go into that house where Mason would have undoubtedly put her in the hospital next to Brandon. But on the surface, she was annoyed. Once again she was being told what to do and when to do it, she was being controlled.
“You know that’s not going to happen.” Tabitha answered seriously.
“Neither is letting her stay with you.” Everyone’s eyes switched to the main entrance of the hospital where Jason suddenly appeared.
Machayla took him in one fell swoop and her heart automatically lurched. He looked worn out as ever. His shirt was wrinkled and his hair was in a state of disarray, sticking up every which way. His green eyes no longer shown with that underlying mischief but instead were dull and practically lifeless. He needed some rest and soon… Right after she set him and his friends straight.
“So where exactly am I going?” She deliberately asked harshly. She was an adult but she’s never felt like such a child. They were arguing over where to take her like two divorced parents with a vendetta towards one another. This led her to believe that it was Jason who Tabitha was having a go with over the phone a while back in the car.
Jason weary eyes met her angry ones and he let out a ragged sigh. “You should pick who to go with BUT, if it’s back to that house where that son of a bitch is waiting for you, then you might as well follow me to the car.” He ended in a harsh tone that he’d never used with her before. It had her wondering where the guy that she first met at the park went. Was this Jason’s true colors?
The thought caused her to clenched her fist. Machayla realized that she didn’t necessarily appreciate the tone he was using with her and the obvious fact that he’d already made up his mind that she was going with him even if she’d decided to go with Tabitha put her in a worst mood. How dare he treat her like that knowing what she went through with Mason? Was he just the same?
Probably.
Though in all honesty she wanted to go with him, she didn’t want to give in so easily. With all eyes on her she didn’t want to appear as weak as she felt, especially not in front of two other women who rolled with the punches and could hold their own against these men. But, what choice did she have? She had nowhere to go for the night.
Closing her eyes she took a breath and tried to calm her sudden anger towards Jason down. “Well, let’s get going then,” she snapped as she started walking towards the parking lot. She just wanted a place to lay her head, a head that was beginning to throb something horribly.
“Don’t we get a goodnight?” She heard Chico yell out from behind her.
Feeling a bit of guilt for barely acknowledging the rest of Jason’s friends due to her annoyance with him she turned and gave them the best fictitious smile that she could muster at the time. “Goodnight.”
The car ride to Jason’s place was… silent to say the least. They were sat but inches apart but at that moment, there might as well had been miles separating them. Machayla was silently fuming due to Jason’s sudden cold shoulder towards her. She wracked her brain as she tried to figure out what she did that could’ve put him off but the only thing that she could think of was her leaving the hospital in his time of need.
So maybe she was wrong for sneaking away without a word to him but in all honesty, she didn’t get where that could’ve made him angry. After all, he had his friends there for support, what use could she have been if she stayed where she clearly didn’t belong.
Those people cared nothing about her. The only reason why she was remotely recognized was because she did her medical duty by helping their friend and not letting the poor guy bleed to death when she knew that she could do something to prevent it. After this was all over, none of them would give her a second thought if she got out of it alive.
With a dejected sigh, she turned to the window and watched as the late night/early morning scenery of Miami passed by. There were lights everywhere you looked but if one was to look up, they’d see nothing but a dark sky filled with dark clouds and scarce lighting. There weren’t any twinkling stars to wish upon like there use to be when she was a child. When everything was simple and her life was filled with love and happiness. When she wasn’t so alone and when her father was alive.
Those times were gone now. Her father was gone and she was simply lonely, depressed and an advocate for negativity. Mason had succeeded in breaking her down to the mere shell that she was now. Oh how she wished that she could shed a tear for the confident and strong girl that she used to be but she couldn’t. Her tear ducts could no longer produce the tears she needed to cry; instead she wallowed in self pity and lived her days in fear of the one person who is suppose to love her with all his might.
She lived everyday in fear, in caution. Her trust in people was gone and if she had it her way, it would never come back. She didn’t want it to. She didn’t want to trust again only to get betrayed. It happened to her father and then it happened to her. But not this time. This time around she wasn’t going to be so naïve.
Not with Jason. Not with anybody!
Jason stole a glance at Machayla’s profile and switched his gaze back to the road. Her brows were contorted into a deep frown and her lips were set in a thin and harsh line. Was she annoyed, angry at him? Probably both. But so was he with her.
If he was honest with himself, he was hurt when he’d realized that she’d left the hospital without a word to him and he was pissed off that she tried to run back to Mason; the same person who was causing her harm. He felt rejected, again. He’d thought that tonight they’d broke down a certain barrier between them but obviously he was wrong. She couldn’t wait to get away from him; “the pushy white boy” was what she called him.
And regardless of her trying her best to put distance in between them, he still wanted to protect her from Mason; even thought she was constantly going back to him. He’ll admit that he cared about her well being more than he should but that by no means meant that he was going to let her or any other women for that matter dog him out. Not like Tabitha did five years ago.
“We’re here.” Jason announced as he drove into the parking garage of his apartment building. She didn’t reply. Instead she nodded to show that she acknowledged him though her eyes never met his. With a hand through his disheveled hair, he shut off the car, stepped out and waited for her to do the same. With one more glance her way, he nodded and started towards the elevators with her and his frustrations in tow.
As they made their way up to his apartment, Jason finally started to feel the strain of the day on his shoulders. It was like a dead weight was dropped there and he’d no idea how he was going to get it off until his friend, his brother woke up. There was a great possibility that Brandon won’t ever wake up of course but he’d refuse to even consider that idea.
Because God forbids that he didn’t wake up, Jason was going to be out for blood.
Without realizing it, they’d made it to his apartment and he pulled out his key ready to open the door but stopped mid-way and looked over his shoulders where Machayla stood with worry etched on her delicate features. “You ok?” He asked, finally deciding to drop the cold shoulder he’d been giving her. His concern for her was obviously greater than his hurt feelings.
Looking up at him with her big brown eyes, she nodded. “Just tired.”
‘Just tired?’ His eyes narrowed as he forgot about unlocking the door and turned to her. She was lying. Of course she was tired and so was he but there was more to that look she had on her face just seconds ago. She was clueless on how to hide her expressions so in turn he was able to read her perfectly. “You’re lying,” He stated flatly.
She frowned. “I’m not.”
“You are.”
“Could you just open the door?”
“Not until you tell me what’s bugging you.”
“Why are you so pushy?” She snapped.
He eyed for a while and then simply nodded. “Fine. Don’t tell me.” He turned his back to her and unlocked the door. With all thought of being a gentlemen and mannerism out the window, he swung the door open, walked into the apartment and left her to her own accord. If she wanted to come in, she could. He’d had enough of the drama for one night and he just wanted to get some rest.
If she didn’t want to let him in and insisted on pushing him away then fine, he would play it her way and stay the hell away.
“Asshole.” His ears barely caught her soft voice after she walked into the apartment and slam the door shut, almost knocking it off its hinges but nonetheless, he stopped in mid stride and faced her. The heavy weights that were on his shoulders only became heavier as nothing but guilt descended upon his chest the second he took a good look at her.
He’d never noticed it up until now that everything had calmed down but this young woman that stood in front of him with the most forlorn expression was but a few inches away from her breaking point. Her eyes held nothing but loneliness, an underlying anger and distrust. He was perplexed about her loneliness because she had him. Her anger, he understood but the untrustworthy look that he saw in her brown eyes was what really got him.
‘She doesn’t trust you.’ He thought as realization set in. That was it! He was so busy trying to play hero, trying to get her away from Mason that he’d forgotten to give her any reason to trust him, another man who was no better than the monster that has practically dragged her into a life of hell.
“Machayla,” he whispered as he once again put a hand through his upturn hair, “I’m sorry.” She did not say and nor did she do anything but stare back at him, her face completely void of all emotion. After some seconds passed, he became nervous. He wasn’t stupid. When a woman was quiet for too long, it never ended well. By now all his anger towards her, towards tonight had magically disappeared into thin air. He’d deal with it later. His priority at the moment was focused solely on her.
“Did you hear me?” He tried again as he took a step towards her. “I said that I’m sorry.”
She scoffed, but her eyes which were focused on his face, never wavered. “I heard you.”
Jason frowned. Was that the wrong thing to say? “Um… I-” He started to rephrase what he meant but she cut him off.
“If I had a damn dollar for every time someone has told me ‘I’m sorry’…” She said bitterly. “Do you even know what you’re sorry for?” He must’ve taken too long to answer because she turned on her heels and headed towards the door right after uttering “I thought so”.
Jason acted quickly as he caught up to her and latched onto her wrist to stop her from opening the door and turned her around to face him. “I’m sorry about the way I treated you tonight. I fucked up but you have to understand that I’m having a hard time dealing with the idea of having someone so close to me, die again.” He pleaded.
Her brows furrowed. “Again?”
Jason closed his eyes, took a breath and reopened them to stare into her now worried ones. “Just like you, my father died a few years back. Different circumstances of course but the same results nonetheless.” He confessed.
It was laughable that after everything that he’d been through with her the last couple of weeks since he’s met her, it was the first personal information that he shared with her. He was practically a stranger to her. No wonder she still had that wall up between them. She didn’t know him or his friends. He understood why she left the hospital now. She felt out of place, hence the loneliness in her eyes. At least he had his family and friends. She literally had no one.
“Oh…,” she whispered “I’m sorry.”
He gave her a wry smile. “Yeah, me too.” After a moment of silence, he cupped the side of her face, “I really am sorry Machayla. I didn’t realize it before but, you’re afraid aren’t you?”
He must’ve said something wrong again because her frown returned as she stepped out of his touch. “Afraid of what? Mason finding me?”
“No.” He snapped in turned. “You’re afraid that I’ll leave you out to dry after this is all over or worst, you’re afraid that I’ll turn out like that son of a bitch fiancé of yours. You don’t trust me do you?” He didn’t know why he even bothered to ask because he already discovered the answer himself.
“Don’t act like you know me Mills, because you don’t.” She bit out irritably.
“But I know enough.” He shot back. “You’re hurt, you’re lonely and you’re scared. You have nobody to turn to and I get it but I’m trying to change that and you won’t let me because you don’t trust me to.” He tried to reason.
“Who says that I want to change that? Maybe I like being lonely. Because when you’re lonely, you don’t have to worry about trusting or depending on anybody for them to just turn around and hurt you! You just barged into my life without permission and you expect me to just let you do whatever you want.” She gritted out. “You’re right on one thing though, I don’t trust you but I refuse to be this weak girl that you’re trying to dress me as!”
She thought that he saw her as a weakling? She couldn’t be any more wrong. Yes, she could be submissive when it comes to Mason but that was simply out of fear. He saw the strength in her. She was just afraid to let it out in case it back fired. He saw the fire in her eyes when she was irritated with him and that fire couldn’t blaze inside of a weak soul.
He was going to have to find a way to let that fiery spirit that he knew she had out. He needed to help her find her inner strength and realize that the empty shell that she was forced to become could be filled again. He wasn’t trying to make her seem weak but in all honesty she needed to become stronger, mentally. Knowing what Mason was now capable of, Jason knew that things were only going to get worst and he wanted her to be ready to face whatever was coming.
She was going to have to be pushed into it and he knew just the right way to do it.
“At least I don’t sit on my ass and take the shit that life has to offer! I do something about it. I’m starting to think that you liked getting beat to a fucking pulp because if you didn’t, you’d find a way out of Mason’s grasp a long time ago.”
A look of disgust crossed her face. “Fuck you Mills!”
Inwardly, he was smiling. He was going to push her over that edge that she was standing on to see what she would do. “The truth hurts doesn’t it Daniels?” He took a steady step towards her and her eyes narrowed at him as she took a step back.
‘Come on,’ he thought ‘let it loose. Show me that you’re not as weak as Mason made you.’ He continued to push. “You’re so busy feeling sorry for yourself that you fail to realize how pathetic your life has become. You must secretly be a masochist. You like pain don’t you?” He grabbed hold of her wrist in a tight grip and proceeded to put just the right amount of pressure on that spot. “You are-”
SLAP! The sound of a palm connecting with skin echoed throughout the apartment and Jason slowly smirked. The left side of his face stung but still, he smirked. ‘Good. Let your anger out Machayla.’
“Don’t touch me!” She bit out.
He continued. “Why not?! You’re not going to do shit about it anyways. You can’t do anything about it!” She tried to rip her wrist out of his grip but he held on tight. “You’re weak!”
“I’m not!” She growled.
“Then show me! Show me that you’re not as pathetic as you seem. Fight me off!” One again she tried to get out of his hold but he refused to relent. “You’re too scared to do so aren’t you? You’re a spineless little broad who needs her daddy to protect her from the big bad wolves in the world right? Well he can’t help you Machayla. You know why? Because he’s dead! He’s dead and he won’t ever come back!” Jason quickly let go of her wrist as her left fist came towards his face and he caught in before it could hit its target.
“Shut up!” She screeched. “Just shut the fuck up!”
Jason took a deep breath for finally pushing her to the brink but it was a short lived one as another fist was sent flying and he could only step back in order to dodge it. Just as he did so, a third, fourth and fifth fist came his way. Soon he found himself pinned against the wall as he tried to hold her off.
“You don’t know anything!” She shouted and slammed him onto the wall. “You bastard!” She finished off in a sob as she fell onto her knees and wailed.
Jason gave her a few seconds to cry on her own but soon enough he crouched down and wrapped his arms around her shaking body. “Shhh,” he consoled “just let it out.”
“Do you really think that I’m weak?” She asked a feeble voice.
“No! Of course not Kayla. I just wanted you to let your anger out. None of what I said were true.”
“But they are!” She answered stubbornly. She pulled out of his embrace and rose to her feet whipping her tears away. “I have no backbone and without somebody there for me to lean on, I can’t stand up for myself.”
“That is not true!” He snapped. “You’ve been taking Mason’s shit for years by yourself and you’ve survived without help from anybody. You’re stronger than you think Machayla. Don’t let what that fucker says get to you. He wanted to break you and if you believe that then you’ve given him the satisfaction, you’ve let him win.” Jason urged.
She looked into his green and determined eyes and a shaky smile made its way onto her face. “Thank you.” She whispered.
“Anytime.” He answered with a smile of his own. No sooner did he find himself locked into her embrace and he sighed and returned her affection with a kiss to her forehead.
“I still don’t trust you.” She said hoarsely as she tightened her arms around him.
“That’s okay. We’ll get there but for now, let’s get some rest.” He relinquished his hold on her, grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together. “I don’t know about you but, I’m too tired to worry about a shower right now.”
She chuckled. “Yeah, me too.”
He led her into his bedroom and released her hand. “You can have the bed. I’ll just crash on the couch.”
“But it’s your bed.” She argued.
“And you’re my guess.” He shot back.
“I’d feel horrible to put you out of your own room.”
“It’s alright. I’m not going to be paralyzed by sleeping on the couch.” He went to his closet, grabbed a blanket and extra pillow that he usually gives to Drake when he ends up sleeping over and started to head for the bedroom door when a hand grabbed onto his shirt. He turned to Machayla with a cocked brow.
“Maybe we can… share?” Her eyes switched from his face to random objects in the room. She was nervous.
“Are you sure?” He asked apprehensively.
“Y-yeah. I don’t want to be alone and I know that you don’t want to be either.”
After a few seconds of deliberating her reasons, he nodded. She was right, he didn’t want to be alone and it’d be nice to sleep next to her. It’s been a while since he’s slept in the same bed with a woman that he cared about.
“Thank you.” She muttered under her breath.
“I’m the one who should be thanking you.” Jason went back to the closet and replaced the blanket and pillow then he headed to his dresser where he picked out a white t-shirt and boxers for her to sleep in. He turned to face her only to get a surprise of a lifetime when he found her slipping her jeans off of legs while sitting on the bed. “Uh, what are you doing?” He asked as his libido was suddenly awakened.
She looked up and smiled. “I can’t sleep in these.” She pointed to her soiled clothes.
Jason gulped. “I thought so, which is why I was going to give you something to sleep in.”
“Oh… Thank you.”
She was obviously embarrassed but Jason couldn’t help but to laugh at her discomfort. “I thought you didn’t trust me.”
“I don’t.” She answered while trying to hide a smile.
“Then why are you undressing with me less than five feet away?” He asked teasingly.
Rolling her eyes she walked up to him and ripped the clothes out of his grasp. “Shut up Mills.”
Jason chuckled and left her to get dressed and he went into the bathroom to take care of his needs. When he returned to the room she was dress in his clothes and sitting on the bed, waiting for him. He couldn’t help but feel a surge of male pride flow through him at the sight of seeing her clad in his boxers and t-shirt. “You wear them better than I do.” He stated with a smirk.
She smiled and got up. “Do you have a certain side that you sleep on?” Her eyes were glued to his bare chest where the one and only tattoo he had was drawn out.
He shook his head. “Find something interesting?”
“What does it say?” She asked curiously.
Jason looked down on the tattoo that was permanently marked on his skin. “It says ‘Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings’ got it in college.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “Something my old man used to tell Drake and I. Got it when he fell sick with lung cancer. He was avid smoker.”
“You loved him very much.” It was more of a statement than a question.
Jason nodded. “Very.”
Machayla smiled and returned to the bed. “Let’s get some shut eyes.” She got into the bed, slipped under the sheets and patted the empty space beside her. “Come.” He complied and got into the bed with her. A few minutes later, he and Machayla laid in bed silently while facing one another. He studied the contours of her face as he waited for her to fall asleep. A while passed before her eyes started to droop then finally closed. He was getting ready to let his own eyes close so could rest his worn out body but she started to speak.
“Jason.” She whispered. Sleep evident in her voice.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
His brows furrowed. “For what?”
“For leaving you at the hospital. I was-”
He placed a finger on her lips and shushed her. “It’s ok Kayla. Just get some sleep.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.” He answered as he stroked her hair. Curious about how it would feel between his fingers, he pulled the band that always held her hair in a ponytail and her dark hair spilled over her shoulders and feathered her face.
He smiled. Never have he been with a black girl before but he’s heard certain things about them that would send a man running. Good thing he was never one to believe anything without seeing it with his owns eyes or else he wouldn’t have her in his arms right now.
Jason let out a breath as he closed his eyes to let sleep take over. Hopefully the sun will rise and present a better day for them all. He whispered a little prayer for God to watch over Brandon as he fell into a dreamless sleep.