It was early in the morning around 6.30
"Awww...", Manik shrieked in pain as my nails clawed on his bare chest, "What are you doing Nandu let me sleep na", he mumbled in his slumber.
My head rocked on his arm where I was sleeping peacefully until sometime back. Manik folded his arm to get me closer to him as my head slowly slid from his arm and coiled into his chest.
"Ma..Mani..ik..Manik..its pai..ning..Man..Manik..please..Ahhh..its ...pain..ing", I could barely form words in my mouth as one of my hands held by lower abdomen tight while the other tried to wake Manik up.
"Nandu what is it..not again okay..come on now..you don't need to make an issue out of this..", Manik was still in the drool with his eyes shut.
"Ahhh..Manik..", I let out a loud cry because of the unbearable pain and the known fear that was engulfing me from all corners. The pain was so much that my voice could hardly support it and helpless I began sobbing.
Manik raised his head a bit to have a look at my face but couldn't as it was shoved some where in between his chest and the bed. My body had coiled up like a ball under the blanket that had Manik too in it. I was wincing in pain and Manik still could not figure out what was wrong. He let me be the way I was and got off the bed and dressed up while I squealed and squeaked under the blanket.
"Nandu enough now..stop faking okay..I know you are fine..whatever happened last night just happened yaar...are we strangers or what that you need to behave like this..so you don't need to blow this up..come on get up now", He actually thought I was pretending like the other day.
Manik waited for me to respond but my voice was getting lower and movements restricted. With whatever energy that was left in my system I could just whimper in pain and fear. Manik got a little tensed now. He came closer and called me once again and when I didn't react he reached out for my hand under the blanket to pull me up. Manik dragged my hand out and his heartbeat stopped at the view he saw. My palm was smeared in blood. His eyes bulged in shock and concern. Manik immediately bent down on me and grabbed my arms to make me face him.
"Nandini..Nandini..are you okay..please Nandini open your eyes..please ..please talk to me", Manik cupped my face, patted my cheeks and called frantically.
I couldn't respond, the pain had almost killed me. My eyes were struggling to be open to see him. It was like life was slipping out of my body. Manik removed the blanket and saw blood patches on the bed. He couldn't breathe as he saw me lying like a lifeless object. Manik reached for the jug from the side table and sprinkled some on my face and head.
"Nandu please talk to me..I beg of you", he once patted my cheeks as he saw me react to the water droplets.
"Manik..Manik..my baby", I cried as soon as I could a little.
"Nandu kuch nahi hoga please hold on..main kuch nahi hone dunga tum dono ko I promise", he tried his best to console me.
I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, "Manik..please..I want my baby..please I want my baby", I was crying like hell and now more than pain it was fear. Fear of losing the most precious thing of my life. Fear of having to let it go.
Manik was petrified to see me in that state. He couldn't see me in pain and crying for our baby. He himself was shattered and must have hurled 100 curses to himself for being reckless. Manik was so scared that he didn't know what to do and whom to call. He quickly covered me with the blanket and traced his phone when he heard a sudden knock at the door. He didn't respond and just then the voice from the other side came.
"Nandu..open the door ..its me..see I came early as you had asked me too", Varsha screamed gleefully to wake me up (as she thought)
My hold on Manik shirt was so tight that he had to struggle to free himself so that he could rush and open the door. Manik pleaded me to leave him so that he could do something to help me but I didn't want to leave him, I needed him near me. Manik somehow coaxed me to leave him and he quickly reached the door. Varsha was not much surprised to find him in my room early in the morning. She was aware of our spending nights together. But she couldn't understand the tension on Manik's face. Manik pulled her in and closed the door. Varsha eyes fell on me on the bed. I was wincing in pain. She rushed to me by the bed.
"Varsha please... Nandu is bleeding.. she is in so much pain", Manik was on the verge of breaking down.
"What??? Did you guys...??? Shit shit shit..what is wrong with you Manik?? She is pregnant for heaven sake..", Varsha snapped at Manik for the first time.
"I know.. I know I am sorry please help me..I can't see her like this", Manik again came by my side and patted my cheeks to keep me conscious.
"Manik call the doctor fast.. we can't waste time", Varsha sat beside me and brushed my face with her palm.
"I will take her to the hospital", Manik was about to pick me up in his arms.
"Are you crazy?? how are you going to take her down stairs..every one is at home and will wake up any time.", she said stopping him.
"Then what do I do ..she..she cant take the pain", Manik looked at me as I cried hysterically, "hang on I will call the Doctor who checked Nandini yesterday."
Out of the blue Manik's brain started functioning and he called up the doctor. Manik pleaded her to come asap with my condition getting worse. Varsha quickly took a gown from my wardrobe and made me wear it and cleaned the blood on my palm.
"Manik you be near Nandu and I will go down stairs..I will get the doctor as soon as she reaches", Varsha hurried out asking Manik to lock the door behind her.
Manik did exactly the same and hurried back to me.
"Nandu please hold on..the doctor is on her way..everything is going to be fine"
"Manik I want my baby..I cant lose it please..Manik this is our first baby..please Manik..I want our baby please..main mar jaungi", I was literally begging him as if he only could save our baby. Probably because he was only person who wanted the baby as much as I did. He knew its value and why not it was his baby after all.
"Main bol raha hun na kuch nahi hoga..please just a little while more", Manik's patience was losing its limit with every passing second.
The Doctor arrived in the next 10 minutes. Varsha stealthily managed to sneak her to my room.. It was early in the morning only Nani had got up by now but she was busy with her chores. With the wedding nearing, our relatives had started pouring in especially the long distance ones, even though there were not many of them as most of them would have come on the wedding day. They who had come were accommodated in the guest house so they were not an issue. The only fear was Mom and Varsha well knew it. She carefully got the Doctor to my room.
I had more or less lost all my energy. I was completely drained out and laid like a dead corpse murmuring Manik's name as if he was my only support.
"Can you people step out, I need to examine her", the Doctor instructed Manik and Varsha. Manik didn't want me to be out of his sight even for a second. Varsha literally yanked him out of the room and they waited outside.
"Tum log yahan kar kar rahe ho subah subah", Varsha yelled at two of my young cousins who were playing outside my room. "Bhago yahan se aur khabardar yahan khela toh..jao yahan se", She drove the poor kids out of the vicinity of my room.
"Manik listen I will go downstairs..I have to keep an eye if anyone comes to this side..you be with her"
Manik hung his head down and just nodded to her in reply.. Manik's eyes were moist. He had not imagined the beautiful night would see such an ugly morning. The flashes of my blood stained palm haunted him. He felt the same pain. Every tear that escaped my eyes, every cry that I let out in pain, and every word that I struggled to blurt, killed him. He was once again on the verge of losing his baby. He knew what it meant to him and more importantly what the baby meant to me.
"Manik please..get a grip over yourself..you have to be strong to take care of her", Varsha slightly dabbed his shoulder to render support.
"I shouldn't have done this Varsha... its all my fault..I should have stopped...mujhe Nandini ki baat nahi sunni chahiye thi", Manik covered his face with his palm and sobbed.
"You mean she...This is not a time to play blame game..Manik please be strong and just be with her", Varsha nodded and trailed downstairs carefully watching out around her.
After sometime the Doctor opened the door and called Manik inside. His eyes searched for me the moment he stepped in and saw me lying life less on the bed.
"What is wrong Doctor?? Why is she lying like that?? Is she okay??", he looked at me but didn't have the courage to come near. What if I was dead?
"She is sleeping, Mr. Malhotra..don't worry, I wanted to ask you something ..Did you guys have an intercourse??"
"I am sorry Doctor I swear I wont touch her.. please save her and my baby?? Please..please"
"Mr. Malhotra calm down..its okay.. your wife is fine and so is the baby"
Manik felt his heart beating again at those words.
"Yes they both are fine Mr. Malhotra..well at times bleeding happens and these pains are also common but it aggravated because of the intercourse. Nandini is still in her first trimester..her body still needs time to cope with these changes...it differs from patients to patients ..and right now she is weak..give it some time and she will be fine."
For a moment Manik closed his eyes and just breathed. He registered every word that the Doctor spoke, Nandini is safe...my baby is safe, he repeated in his mind again and again till he had the courage to open his eyes.
"Thank you Doctor..I can never thank you enough", Manik held great gratitude for her.
"Its okay Mr. Malhotra..I have injected her with sedatives..she would be sleeping for the next few hours..make sure nobody disturbs her."
The doctor left and Manik took a while to reach me as his tired legs, exhausted body, stressed mind and guilt conscience had given up on him completely and he almost dragged himself to me with the last bit of energy left in him. It was probably the most difficult morning of his life. He took his place beside me and looked at my peacefully sleeping face. He had always adored me like that. He marked the striking difference between the mornings that we once had in Mumbai to today that horrified him to death.
I could have just lost you, the thought crossed his mind and just shook his entire existence.
He slightly took my hand into his and entwined our fingers together. My fingers were lifeless and he rendered support to them and kissed my knuckles.
"Don't you ever do that to me again Nandini..you know I can't live without you", Manik confessed in a weak tone.
He bent down and kissed me on the head and then moved to my tummy. He kissed it with utmost care
"Don't worry baby Daddy is there to take care of you n Mommy, I won't lose you both at any cost", Manik caressed my tummy with moist eyes.
Meanwhile Varsha was seeing off the doctor after inquiring about my present state and to all our ill fate Mom spotted them. The Doctor left and Mom appeared in front of Varsha from nowhere, Varsha's heart started throbbing in her mouth as she gulped air in nervousness.
"Why was a Doctor here Varsha??", Mom was straight and to the point.
"Aamm... Aunty... actually...the thing is..that", a girl as confident like Varsha couldn't put together words to make a meaningfully safe sentence.
And Mom was more than waiting for that particular hint, "Is Nandini okay??", her forehead cringed in suspicion and worry and before Varsha could attempt to stop her, she turned back hurried to my room and Varsha ran after her.
Manik had held my palm in his securely and looked at me like a love deprived child. The wait was killing him. He wanted me to wake up and throw myself in his arms to never separate again. He wanted to kiss me and assure that our baby was fine. He wanted to listen to my not so melodious voice which was the sweetest tune to his ears. He wanted me to respond to his touches and react to his actions. But I just laid there enjoying my beauty sleep with no worries, absolutely clueless about the happenings around, the tension built and the danger on its way.
The door of my room swung open and Mom invited herself without bothering anything. The moment she had stepped in she saw Manik really close to me; he had bent down to peck on my lips. Mom's fury was building as she neared us but it hit the edge when she spotted the love bites on my neck and the blood stains on the bed sheet and she knew what could have happened.
Varsha stood behind her; she didn't have the guts to stop her. If there was something on earth that Varsha was scared of was Mom's temper and today it had just hit the sky so she didn't dare to cross her path. She was rummaging her brains as to how to calm her down. But before she could figure anything out, she heard the sound of a loud and impactful THWACK. Varsha's eyes located the source almost immediately as she saw Manik holding his cheek with his left hand while his right hand held my hand safely.
Mom had just slapped him right through his face. Varsha jumped in between without caring for the consequences and held her hand that she had raised for another slap.
"Aunty.. please..please calm down"
"Get out!! right now..I don't want you in the nearest vicinity of my daughter", Mom gritted her teeth in fury and spat out loudly at Manik.
"Aunty please...keep it low..there are guests downstairs..please", Varsha tried her best to pacify her.
Varsha gestured Manik to leave my hand but her pleas went unheard. Manik was in no mood to let go off me even after that slap. He gave a mortified look and stood like a mountain in between Mom and me lying on the bed.
"Just leave her I said..you have no right to touch my daughter..just leave her hand", she said trying to separate us.
"I won't", Manik looked straight into her eyes with a rebellious look, "I am not going anywhere leaving her alone..you can do whatever you want to but I will stay here with her until she wakes up.", he had the guts to declare it loudly holding my hand tighter.
Mom was losing it like literally. She as such didn't like him and his adamant behavior made things worse. Varsha figured with the look in Manik's eyes that it was impossible get Manik out of their so she didn't even think of trying instead tried to hit the right cord with Mom.
"Aunty please...the Doctor has said Nandini needs complete rest and this stress around her would only get things worse..please let's just let her rest.. and we don't want the guests to know about this mess right ..please aunty you need to be downstairs before anyone else comes here ..please Aunty chaliye yahan se", Varsha tried to be convincing and sensible and when she saw Mom shrug lightly, she dared to hold her hand take her along with him.
"I want this guy out of my daughter's life", were the only words that Mom muttered while walking out of the room unwillingly.
Manik calmly sat beside me on the bed. He looked at our hands that were firmly affixed to each other even during Mom's tornado. He heaved a sigh and arched his back on the head rest and closed his eyes waiting for me get up.
***
I slowly struggled to open my eyes; the tears had formed layers around my eyes which made it even more difficult. I tried to remember what had happened, the sleep was pretty strong and it took me a moment to recollect before I leapt and sat up on the bed.
"Manik!!!", I called out his name loudly not realizing he was just beside me.
Manik immediately woke up, even he had slept off waiting for me and held me sideways wrapping his arm around me.
"I am here Nandu, I am here with you don't worry", he rubbed my arms to calm me down.
"My baby..Manik..my baby", tears had already set themselves to flow as I dreaded my worst fear had come true.
"Our baby is fine..everything is under control..don't worry..you are okay and our baby too..I swear", he pulled me to his chest and dabbed my back in assurance.
I hid my face in him, it took me a while to make myself believe that I still had our baby and said countless thank you's to the almighty for being kind while feeling my tummy. I really didn't know what I would have done if I lost my baby because of my stupid mistake. But how could I let it happen. Why was I so weak and helpless that I could not control and risked the most priceless possession of my life? I knew the answer and apparently I was clinging to the answer at the moment. A sudden tinge of loath and hatred struck me and I pushed him away from me.
"Get out!!", I darted at him without thinking twice.
"Nandu..what's wrong..it's me", Manik was shocked, he thought I mistook him for someone else.
"I know..its you and it is all because of you..I could have lost my baby forever because of you"
"Because of me", he repeated in disbelief.
"Yes it is because of you..you make me hate myself..how could I lose it to the extent of risking my baby's life...you make me weak and vulnerable..Why have you come back Manik?? So that you can crush the last bit of my existence, Why is it so difficult for you to understand that I don't want you in my life?"
"What are you saying Nandini??", Manik was losing it now as he left the bed to stand straight.
"You don't know right..you purposely came near me last night so that you could hurt our.."
"So it was all my fault..you didn't want it"
I didn't want to answer him on that. He had made me feel weak last night and I could not let that repeat. I had to blame him to vent my frustration and make him feel guilty. Not that it would have given me any sort of satisfaction or victory but I just did it. I saw Manik' s face change its color, he was red and fuming. Whatever it could be he could not take the allegation that he did not care about our baby.
"If you remember I was trying to stop but it was you who needed it more..you were literally like..please Manik..dont stop", he mimicked my tone from last night in the most ridiculous manner and defended himself.
I picked the cushion and threw it in his direction but he ducked. It was so irritating to see him taunt and embarrass me. Manik was annoyed at my allegations and I was not being able to digest his taunts.
"You are the worst mistake of my life that I will repent even after death..you are so obsessed with my body that you see nothing beyond it", I made sure that I said it with vile repulsive hatred right into his eyes. I knew I was unreasonably harsh and had struck below the belt and I quite intended to.
"What did you say?? I am obsessed...with..with your body", he had a hard time gulping those words. He was disgusted at my remarks.
"Yes you heard it right..you always wanted only one thing from me...just go away.. don't come to me even if I am dying... I don't want to see your face ever again.."
I saw Manik fist tighten, he would have punched the next thing on his way. Thankfully I was still glued to the bed. Had I been standing he would have probably rolled me and threw me to some corner but I couldn't care more. I was not scared of his temper and he well knew that. I was waiting for him to blast the entire room with his rage. I knew I had instigated him very badly and was more than ready for the consequences. What does he think he can intimidate me by his anger?
But he flapped his hands in the air helplessly while trying to counter my verbal attacks and then just managed to utter one word.
"Fine"
He didn't look back at me just walked out closing the door behind him. I looked awestruck as he made his exit.
I threw another cushion towards the door when he had left. "Fine" Is that the only word you say to a girl who you screwed last night, the girl you find excuses to be glued with, the girl who is going to be the mother of your child. I was irritated damn irritated but I didn't know the reason. I held back the up surging tears that somewhere pinched me and I was trying to fight a lost battle with them.
I tried to justify my actions to myself. How could he just walk off without looking at me?? There were lots I had to say I had to blame him for but he just left. I am mad that I am trying to look for excuses to forgive him. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve a girl like me in his life. I will never let him touch our no my baby. I don't need him. I can handle things by myself. I don't know who was I trying to console, How could he just leave like that?? What does he think I will come running after him?? I have better things to do in my life than nurturing trouble. I punched the mattress as if it was his guts and squeezed the blanket as if it was his neck.
I don't know what was I thinking and who was I talking to but there was someone outside who was observing my eccentric and over the top behavior of mine.