The Impulsive Soul-Mates

Chapter 22 - I Want to Hurt You

I rested my head on her lap while she stroked my hair gently with her fingers. I never thought that I would get this much solace in any one else's lap other than Mom.

"So kya socha hai tumne??" Neerja Aunty spoke after giving me enough time to think.

"Kis bare mein??", I pretended as if I didn't know what she was talking about.

"Nandini I know it is a big decision and an even bigger responsibility and I would understand completely if you...", she didn't finish her sentence but I knew she was talking about abortion.

Not that I had not thought of it. In fact it was the easiest way. I was in the first month of my pregnancy and it wouldn't be difficult. But did I really want to do it?

"Pata nahi aunty..main kuch soch hi pa rahi hun", I slowly lifted my head from her lap and sat straight beside her on the couch.

"Nandini please ye mat sochna ke aaise karke tum kuch galat karogi.. abhi jo situation hai usme tumhara disturbed hona natural hai... life mein sab kuch sirf sahi ya galat nahi hota..there are a lot of things that are in between.. ab mujhe hi dekhlo..I had always loved Farooq but family, society in sabke chalte I got married to Manik's dad. I really had a blissful life with them until I met him again after 17 years of my marriage..aur main apne aap ko rok hi payi..I knew I was wrong to leave them..mere ek decision ne Manik ki life hamesha ke liye badal di..par mujhe afsos nahi hai..haan tum mujhe selfish keh sakti ho, self centered keh sakti ho..but I really loved him and still do..aj agar main chahun to Manik aur uske Dad ki life mein wapas aa sakti hun aur Manik's dad would be more than happy to accept me but I don't want to..it would demean my love for Farooq which I would not want..haan you can see it otherwise as well, maine Manik ke saath Rishab ke saath galat kiya and maybe that's why aaj Farooq mere saath nahi hai.. but I won't defend what I did neither do I repent and that is a fact.", she said calmly pondering over her life so far.

I listened to her patiently. I was trying not to judge her and then realized I had almost done the same thing. I had left my family and loved ones for a stranger that too a day before my engagement. I knew what amount of embarrassment they would have to go through but still I did it because I didn't think that I was doing something wrong. I broke Mom's trust and would have lost Nanu also. I had hurt them equally and maybe I am punished for that. We all are flawed and have done our share mistakes at some point or the other and we have to learn to live with them. But this mistake did give the most precious thing on earth which was growing inside me.

"Tum jo bhi decide karogi.. I am with you"

I looked at her carefully; she had the same pair of eyes as Manik's. I had never observed her so keenly but Manik resembled his Mom. He had a similar jaw line and a mole on his left cheek. I hugged her tightly as if it would give me his warmth.

***

The next morning I again braced myself to face the monster. I was about to leave for AURA when the door bell rang. I got the door.

"Babyji dekhiyena saahab ko kya ho gaya hai..poore ghar mein sab tod diya hai..khana faila diya hai..aap zara baat kijiyena..aap ki baat zaroor sunenge", Manda Tai looked worried and blabbered the moment she saw me.

It was the first time that we were talking normally keeping aside our differences. I knew about the havoc from last night. I felt my foot moving forward to our apartment. After everything I still wanted to know if he was okay. I didn't enter but just had a cursory look from outside. It was a real mess. He had thrown everything on floor and broken the furniture, crockery, vases everything. The food was spilt on the floor. I didn't know what to say when he suddenly appeared in front of me. I looked at him straight in to his eyes.