For the next three weeks I was a wreck. I made myself completely numb. I stopped doing all work at school. I talk to no one. My headphones never leave my ears. I don't talk to teachers, Beth, Tiffany or Thomas, doctors, no one. I just gave up. I just gave in. I lost.
Tiffany yells at me so much. I just ignore her and leave the room. I may sound like a bitch, but I can't do it anymore. I'm too broken and I don't want them to try and fix me. They don't deserve that. They never deserved someone as broken as me.
February Fourth. Friday. I'm getting ready for school. I'm wearing a long sleeve black v-neck shirt, a short gray skirt, black boots that stop at my knees and a sky blue scarf. I put my headphones in and let Bring Me The Horizon's song Chelsea Smile flood my ears. I grab my backpack and walk out. "Have a great day Lucy." Tiffany tells me as I walk out the door
I just ignore her. It's better this way. I'm better alone. I will always be alone. No matter what. "Lucinda! Hey! Lucinda!" I hear someone call my name
I look around to see that Zane guy. He's driving a beautiful red ferrari. I pull out my headphones and say "Hey."
"Want a ride?" He asks me
"Uh, no thanks."
"Oh, come on. It's freezing. I can't let a beautiful girl like you walk to school. Especially not alone."
"That's sweet, but I kinda like walking."
He parks his ferrari and gets out with his backpack. "I guess I'm walking then." He says
"You really don't have to do that." I tell him
"I always drive to school. Besides I'd be a complete idiot to pass up a way to talk to the prettiest girl in school."
"Um, thank you?" I blush. Which is something I haven't done in a while.
"So uh, Lucinda why aren't you talking? Like at all?" He asks me out of curiousity
"I'm having trouble finding myself. As crazy as that sounds."
"I get it. You've been through alot."
"Yeah..."
We walk to school in silence. Once I get there I tell Zane bye and I walk to class. I sit down by myself and just listen to the thoughts around me. I close my eyes and let myself just drown in them. 'I can't believe Valentine's Day is almost here!', 'The dance! Oh, my gosh! I can't believe I forgot! What am I going to wear?', 'I really wanna asks Breanna to the dance...but what if she says no?'. All their pathetic little thoughts run through my head. It's disgusting. Pathetic! And yet I'm jealous of them. Jealous of their normality. I can never be normal like them. I was never normal like them. Without or without mind reading I'd still be abnormal.
I open my eyes finally to see the other students leaving. I grab my stuff and start to leave when someone pulls out my left headphone. I look to see my teacher. "When exactly do you plan on doing something in my class Ms. Sykes?" My teacher asks me
"Excuse me?" I ask him
"For the last month or so i have watched you do nothing, but day dream in my class."
"Your point being?"
"You were one of my best students. And as time passes your grade gets lower and lower. Yes I understand you were in an accident, but you still have a future to look foward to."
One that I don't even want! I let out a aggravated sigh. "I'll try harder." I lie to him
"That's all I ask for Lucinda." He tells me
"Do you think I could have a late slip to my next class? The bell already rang."
"Of course." He hands me my slip and I leave his class. I put my headphone back into my ear and walk to class. But I take my time. It's not like I have to rush. No reason to be in a hurry right?
once I do get to class I sit dowwn in the back by myslef. I focus on my ipod. The Thespian by Alesana floods my ears. That's when I hear "Lucinda!"
What's with everyone wanting to talk to me today? I turn to see Cole looking at me. "What do you want Cole?" I ask him
"You need to help Mika." He tells me
"Why should I? He doesn't love me remember?"
"You know that isn't tru."
"No I don't."
"Please! He's my brother. Help him."
"No. I can't."
"But you love him."
"No I don't."
"Please Lucinda! He can't die. Emmett, Mika, Stephen and Duncan are all that I have."
"What are you even talking about Cole? Dying? Who-who's dying?"
Before he could answer Zane interupts. "Is this guy bothering you?" Zane asks me
"Uh, no it's fine." I assure Zane
"Who's this? Your new boyfriend?" Cole asks me
"No." I tell him annoyed
"Sure. Whatever. I can't believe you'd do this to Mika."
"You have no right to tell me that Cole! He has put me through so much shit."
"And you could have left at any time. No one was stopping you."
"You should leave. Now." Zane threatens Cole
I look as Zane loses all his color. His eyes grew black and kinda scary. "Whoa dude. Calm down." Cole warns Zane
Zane looks down at his shaking hands and runs out of the room. That was.....weird.....Cole dropped the subject after that and left me alone.
***
Zane sat with me at lunch. He's apologizing for how he acted. "I really am sorry for freaking out during class." He apologizes
"What was all that even about?" I ask him
"I uh, I have an anger problem. It's way better than it was a couple years ago, but every once and a while I slip. Like I did today."
"Well thank you for telling me that. It means alot."
"I really am sorry."
"You're forgiven."
He smiles at me, showing off his dazaling perfect smile. He leans in and kisses me. I back up. "Whoa what do you think you're doing?" I ask him
"I was-I was going to kiss you? I thought you liked me?" He says confused
"I-I just got out of a relationship...."
"Who? Mika? He has no idea what he missed out on."
"Doesn't mean I'm over him."
"Please Lucinda. I won't hurt you. I would never hurt you."
He kisses me again. This time I don't back away. It felt odd. Mika's lips were always warm, gentle and sweet, but Zane's were cold, hard and strong. Speaking of cold. He's freezing. When I finally do pull away he smiles at me. His smile is nothing like Mika's. Mika's smile is always sarcastic. Zane's just kreeps me out. He stares past me. I turn to see Mika. He glares at me. At the both of us. "Oh, god." I whisper
Mika turns and starts to walk away. I get up and prepare to run after him when Zane grabs my wrist. "Don't." He tells me
"I have to." I whisper
"No you don't."
"But-"
"He dumped you Lucinda. Obviously he doesn't love you anymore."
"You're....you're right..."
"Of course I am."
He cups my face and pulls me closer to kiss him. Our lips meet. It was nice. To feel his cold breath in my mouth, his hands around my waist, it felt right. Then I realize something. I-I can't hear his thoughts. At all. Nothing. Zip.
Our kiss ends and he takes my hand. He leads me to my next class. Then I smiled. I actually smiled. It wasn't a smirk or anything like that. It was a genuine 100% not fake smile. It was nice to feel something. To feel something other than pain. Maybe I am moving on. Zane's right. Mika doesn't love me anymore.....right?
So who do u think iz better? Zane or Mika? Well I hope u like this:)