Chapter 3
Finn's POV
I open my eyes and see an unfamiliar place in front of me. And I have only two questions in my mind right now.
What is this place? And how did I get here?
Clouds surround me everywhere and I wonder if I'm still dreaming or am I having hallucinations.
"Finn Harries?"
I jump when I look at my side. A middle-aged man looks at me and winks. Creepy.
He takes out a hand for me to shake,"Peter. St. Peter."
I furrow my eyebrows. Why the freaking hell is St. Peter beside me.
Maybe I am dreaming.
"No, you are not dreaming," St. Peter tells me and my eyes widen. He just laughs.
I reluctantly shake his hand, "I assume you know my name, since you can read my mind, I figured..well."
"As a matter of fact I do, Finnegan," he says withdrawing his hand from mine
I glare at him, "Please don't call me that. I assume you know that I hate that name."
"Yes, I do know you hate that name and I can call you whatever I want,"he tells me. "Finnegan," he adds, making his point.
He's really trying to hit a nerve, eh? Normally, I would give someone who annoys me a piece of my mind but he's St. Peter, I have to be polite.
Who knows, he might drop me off to eternal damnation in any second.
"That's actually a pretty good idea," he says, reading my mind again. Damn it. "But I obey orders, I don't make them so awww."
I ignore his irritating statement and ask the question I've been dying to know the minute I opened my eyes,"Where am I?"
He just looks at me then clears her throat,"You don't remember anything?"
I shook my head. The last thing that I remember is saying goodbye to Sydney... Sydney. Sweet, beautiful, iridescent Sydney.
St. Peter's words immediately interrupts me from my thoughts.
"Carcrash? Two trucks hitting your car? You dying? None of that?," he asks.
Suddenly images of the truck hitting me flash through my mind. The carcrash. So if St. Peter is beside me then...
"I'M DEAD?!," I yell. No, no, this cannot be happening. I can't be dead. I had my whole life planned out. I can't be dead.
His eyes widen at my sudden raise of voice but then he frowns and stays quiet.
"I'm sorry, Sir, I mean St. Peter. But please tell me I'm not dead. This is all just a dream...and then I'm going to wake up. This is all in my head-
He shakes his head and bitterly laughs,"Finnegan, if this-I'm just all in your head then so is that Sydney girl."
"How do you know about Sydney?,"I ask too quickly.
He raises his hand,"Of course I know about Sydney. He with a capital H tells me everything about almost everyone. I guard the gates of Heaven...
I gulp when images of Sydney appear in my mind. I'm not even listening to St. Peter anymore. All I could think about was Sydney. The way she smiles, laughs. The way her touch sends this adrenaline feeling through my veins but...I won't be able to feel that anymore. I'm dead. Numb, like a cold rock.
Lifeless.
And then I imagine Jack finding out I'm dead. Emmy, Mum, Dad. I can't be dead. I need to be not dead. I have to be there for them. I need to be alive again. I don't want them to cry, to suffer over my death.
But I have no choice but to be dead.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
Jack's POV
"His death was very instant so he didn't feel any pain."
We are all sat in a small room while Doctor Ross, Finn's "doctor", explains what happened to Finn.
"What do you mean instant? He's covered in blood. He looked like he swam in a pool of blood. He must've felt something," Emmy complains.
Doctor Ross shakes her head, "Considering that he's death was instant, he could have felt pain but not that much. Just a peck".
Emmy sighs while we all just stay quiet, not quite knowing what the right thing to say or do is.
Doctor Ross sighs,"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I know it's a lot to process. I wish I could've done something to save him but we- I was too late."
Too late. "You're not the only one," I think. We were all too late. I should've woken up earlier. If I had woken up earlier, I could've went to Starbucks with Finn. I could've stopped the car accident from even happening.
I never thought Finn would be the first to die. Even though he's two minutes older than me, I always thought I'd be the first. Even though we spent almost our whole lives together, our time is just not enough.
"He was holding something very deadly when he was driving,"Doctor Ross tells us.
Deadly?! "No! That's not Finn. He's-he's not like that. He called me that morning and he was alright. He isn't suicidal," I tell her, my voice rising every word.
Emmy puts her hand on my hand, "Calm down, Jack. Calm down."
I turn to her and remain silent, waiting for Dr. Ross to explain.
She sighs,"Well, maybe that's it. He was holding his phone when the trucks crashed his car."
"So you're saying I'm the reason why he's dead?," I ask her, furiously.
"N-no it's-
"No! That's exactly what you're saying!," I yell. "You're blaming me for his death. Just say it out loud!"
"Jack," my mom warns. "We can't afford this right now."
"So you're just going to let her blame me for Finn's death?," I ask her harshly, immediately regretting it.
My father stands up, "Jackson,come with me."
He takes my arm and leads me outside. We walk the hallway and stop at an isolated corner.
"Look, Dad, I'm sorry, it's just-
He holds up his hand, cutting me off. "Save it."
We stay quiet for a while and then finally my dad speaks.
"Everyone has to cope, Jack," he tells me. "It's not just you."
"I know," I mutter. "He's my twin brother, Dad."
"Jack." He looks at me then, his eyes were weary and tired. "He's my son."
I bite my lip, "I know he's your son, it's just, Dad, I shared everything with him. Ever since I was born, hell, ever since I was still in mum's womb."
He remains silent, willing to listen to whatever I have to say. And I appreciate it.
I blink away tears that were threatening to spill. Man up, Jack. "It's scaring me because I have to be alone in this now. I was so used to having him by my side but now he's...
I try to swallow the lump forming in my throat, "A-and the fact that I'm possibly the reason why he's dead. I ruined his plans. He had his life planned out and I ruined it.
"Most of all, he wouldn't be able to see you, his family, again. He won't be able to see you and mum grow old. He won't see Emmy graduate. We had this plan wherein, when we get married, he'd be my best man and I'll be his. But I guess that won't happen now. We had it all planned but now it's ruined. His death caused us pain. Now we won't be able to hear his voice or his laugh or his annoying attempt of humuor.
"And I have no one to blame but myself," I mutter.
My dad hugs me unexpectedly, "It's not your fault. And you're not alone." He breaks the hug, looking at me, "You have mum, Emmy and me. And I assure you we'll get through this together."
"I sure hope so," I mumble.
All I can think about is Finn, when we went to Sri Lanka, how he was so touched by the stories he heard, when he agreed to be part of my blog, everything we did together appears in my head like flashes. Every memory comes back to me, our fights, our hugs, our smiles, everything. But it doesn't do me any good, it just makes me cry harder. I want Finn back, but I have to accept that he's gone and he's never coming back.
"We just have to be strong, Jack," he tells me. "For us, for mum, for Emmy...for Finn."
**********
The drive back home was awkward and quiet. No one didn't know what to right thing to say was.
Back in my room, I left the door open, Finn's door visible.
I don't know if I should go in or not. It may help or not. I might end up crying like an idiot. And I didn't want that. I had to be strong. But it was so tempting and as if my body has a mind of its own, I stand up and walk to the closed door, twist the know and open Finn's room, at least...it used to be.
I suddenly see Emmy, lying around Finn's bed, when she sees me, she fixes herself and sits up. I can tell she was on the verge of crying before I came in. She rubs her eyes before smiling at me, "Hello Fi-I mean, Jack."
I smile a little. I reminded her of Finn. Well, obviously, because of the fact that I am his identical twin brother. I don't know if I should find it comforting or not.
"What are you doing here?," I ask her. She just shrugs.
"Guess what?,"she asks, trying her best to smile.
"Don't force yourself, Emmy," I tell her.
She bites her lip and sighs,"I have to be strong for all of you. I have to force it. Otherwise, we're dead."
I sit next to her and hug her,"That's a lot to put on a 12 year old's shoulders."
She sniffles," You almost lost it at the hospital. So figured I have to be the anchor now."
I shook my head and rub her back. I feel so angry and guilty for placing her on a place like that. She's so young to feel this amount of pain. Here, is my little sister, absorbing everything, the pain, the tears, from us. I was suppose to be that but I failed after that little stunt I made at the hospital.
"I'll be the anchor and you'll be the rope, okay? We'll get through this together, I promise."
She nods, "That's fine by me."
I look down at her and she was already crying. I wipe her tears,"We have to work together...for Finn."
She sniffles and slightly smiles,"For Finn."
She raised her pinky, making me promise. I smile and "pinky-promised" her.
"Doctor Ross gave me Finn's phone before we went home," she tells me, standing up and walking over to the desk. She unplugs a charger off a socket. She then unplugs the phone from the charger and hands it to me.
I look at the phone disbelievingly. Not a scratch.
"It's still not broken?"
"I guess so. Weird, I know. Doctor Ross said he was holding it while driving so I guess his hands protected it," she explains. "There's a passcode. I don't know how to open it so..."
"I know his passcode but I'm not sure if it's still the same though," I tell her.
I open the phone and enter the passcode. I nearly squeal when it turns out to be correct.
Everything was still there. Photos, Games...Messages.
There was a new text message from a girl named Sydney.
Sydney? I don't remember Finn telling me about a girl named Sydney. She must be verry important. Finn never texts while driving,unless it's important.
Anger boils inside me because maybe, just maybe this Sydney might be the reason my brother's dead. Maybe it wasn't me after all.
"Emmy?"
"Yeah?"
"Did Doctor Ross mentioned anything about the exact time the carcrash happened?,"I ask her.
"She said it was around 10:15,"she tells me. "Why?,"she adds with a confused look.
It made sense. Finn and I had the phone call at around eight. I wasn't the reason then. One burden off my shoulder then.
I ignore the look Emmy was giving me and turn back to Finn's phone. I open Sydney's message.
At home...technically, my cousin's place- Sydney x
Finn didn't reply...maybe the truck already hit his car by that time.
I look at Finn's previous message to Sydney and check the time it was sent.
10:14
What are the chances.
____________
Sorry it took me asdfghjkl months to update. School just started in our country and I was kind of busy. Did you cry? I did.
Anyways, love ya all.
-Jane*
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(Edited)