dan
The next morning, Dan has a headache - obviously.
Each time he gets drunk, every morning is the same; the pain never dulls or gets easier to handle. But Dan doesn't mind, in a way, the pain kind of helps.
"Morning sweetie, I'm just about to head out, see you later," his mother says when Dan arrives downstairs, kissing him on the forehead before rushing out the door.
Dan sighs. His father has already left for work so he is utterly alone. Dan wanders to the cupboard, tugging it open and wrapping his hand around a bottle of vodka and pouring a small shot, closing his eyes as he tips it down his throat feeling the burn, and then the alcohol enter his bloodstream.
The sun is too bright today, it's hurting Dan's eyes and despite downing two painkillers, his head is still throbbing like mad. But the vodka shot he had this morning dulls the pain a little. His whole world is slightly blurry and tilted, but that's okay, it's how he liked to live.
Dan crashes into something solid, losing his balance in his tipsy state and falling to the ground. Dan quickly jumps to his feet again, looking up to see a pair of slightly blurred, blue eyes.
"Look, I'm not going to bother you again," Dan mumbles, looking down at his shoes, "I don't need any crap today."
"Are you tipsy mummy's boy?" Phil asks mockingly, making Dan's heart skip a beat, "oh, bad boy. I can smell it on your breath."
"No, I- I'm not!" Dan lies horribly, but Phil just rolls his eyes.
"Don't worry mummy's boy, your secret is safe with me," Phil says, winking at Dan before turning and walking off down the street.
Dan sighs, shaking off his conversation with Phil - if it even counts as a conversation that is. Despite how mean and rude Phil is, Dan can't help but want to keep going back. Damn his beautiful, crystal clear eyes, damn his amazing, soft, pink lips; damn him and his perplexing, wonderful, impossible face.
Dan stops by a convenient store to purchase some breath mints and a bottle of water, just incase anyone else at school has a keen sense of smell. He downs a water bottle before popping in three breath mints, cringing at how the mints are so strong it almost burns.
"Dan, hey! You smell... Minty..." Pj says when Dan approaches him at school.
Dan recognizes him from his dark, curly hair and the enthusiasm in his voice. He is also wearing the same jeans and shoes as yesterday, but he has a different t-shirt on today. Dan also wonders what is it with this school and having an amazing sense of smell, like, are they all werewolves or something?
"Hey," Dan replies, smiling at Pj, and then to a couple of others he recognizes, "how are you?"
"I'm good, are you okay though? You look a little pale and... Wobbly," Pj says, giving Dan a concerned look - but Dan can't see that.
"Wobbly... Ha, that's a funny word!" Dan exclaims, giggling, "wobbly, wobbly, wobbly..."
"Dan are you sure you're okay?" Pj asks, grabbing onto Dan's shoulders and looking him in the eyes.
Dan stares back at Pj but all he sees is a blur where his face is supposed to be. Dan is not okay, but then again, he never is, so it doesn't really matter anyway.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Dan says, smiling at Pj, "I think I might be getting a bit of a cold though. I didn't sleep much and I have a slight headache, but it's okay."
"Well, I hope you're feeling okay, also, the group and I were going to go to the cinemas on Saturday night and we were wondering if you'd like to join?" Pj asks.
"Sure, I'd like that," Dan replies, smiling softly at Pj.
"Cool, we'll text about details later then," Pj says, patting Dan on the back, "hope you feel better."
"Thanks Pj," Dan says before turning around when someone taps his arm, "oh hey, uh, Louise right?"
"Yes, it is I," Louise says in a dramatic voice, flicking her hair over her shoulder, "anyway, we have double english today, you excited?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess so?" Dan says, pulling a confused smile, "I mean, what's not to love about english? I love essays and homework and stress and long lectures on the true definition of a metaphor."
"Too right," Louise says, "but at least Zoe and I are there with you."
"Yeah, I have another period of regular english with no one," Dan says, frowning, "yay for triple English today."
"Aw, I feel your pain Dan," Louise says, "oh well, at least it's only one class."
"Yeah, I guess so," Dan says softly, looking downwards - his head is throbbing and he is scared of he shuts his eyes he will just fall straight asleep.
When the bell sounds, Dan walks slowly to senior english, sitting again up the back by himself, where he sat yesterday. He sighs, resting his head on his books which are sitting on his desk. He feels his eyes slowly start to slide shut, and the noise of the classroom start to fade away.
"Again? I'm going to have to beat you here for that seat now," a voice growls, startling Dan out of his state of calmness, "not sleeping in class were we nerd?"
Dan looks to the side to see Phil slumped into the seat beside him, his face slightly blurred from Dan's headache, lack of sleep and slightly tipsy state. Dan groans softly, rubbing his aching eyes with his hands.
"Look, I'm tired and really not in the mood for this," Dan growls, narrowing his eyes at Phil tiredly, "think whatever you want of me, assume whatever, I'm really beyond giving a crap right now."
"Wow, sudden change of heart um, Dean?" Phil asks, using the wrong name, making Dan roll his eyes and shake his head.
"It's Dan Howell," Dan corrects.
"Dan? Short for what? Daniel, Danielle? Danny?" Phil asks, smirking at him.
"Daniel actually."
"I like Danny better."
"What's Phil shirt for? Phillip, Philadelphia, Philly?"
"Phillip, if you call me Philly then I will not hesitate to punch you in the face," Phil snarls angrily.
Dan shrugs, turning away as the lesson starts. "That's rude Philly."
Phil glares at Dan, punching him on the arm - not too hard, but hard enough for it to hurt. Dan scowls, rubbing his sore arm before looking down at the desk.
Dan's head is throbbing and sore, and all he wants to do right now is just disappear - he feels so miserable right now he just wants to die.
***
When Dan gets home, he is greeted by the sound of yelling.
"All you do is work! You're never home with me," Dan's mother yells from what sounds to be the kitchen.
"Says you! You are constantly working as well! We both knew this project would be big!" Dan's father argues, his voice loud and sharp, lacking emotion.
"Yes, I didn't realise how big though! Why do you even have to constantly work all the time?" Dan's mother asks angrily, "we have enough! Stop working overtime!"
"Why? So I can sit home by myself while you're at work late?" He counters.
"We have a son, remember?"
"Yeah, and every few months we pack up and move our whole lives for him, and don't bring Dan into this!"
"I will if you forget about him!"
"I didn't forget about him! Stop twisting everything I say. You're just as busy for work and you cannot put all the blame onto me."
"You know what? I don't care, just leave, go to your work which is more important than your family."
"My work is more important? You're ready to leave in another half hour!"
"Well I'm needed at work, not doing overtime just for the hell of it!"
"I'm not doing overtime just because! This project has to be finished by a deadline or else we loose money!"
"Money, everything is about money!"
"Well you work just as many shifts as I do, so don't bring this onto me. We both have demanding jobs, you know that and accepted that when we married."
"Well I'm partially regretting that now!"
"Are you? I have always supported you with everything and given you all you wanted!"
"Have you really?"
"Yes, I have!"
"You know what? Never mind, just skip off to work."
"I will then, and you'll skip of twenty minutes later, so it won't even matter."
Dan panics, sensing the end of the argument. He slowly back out, turning and running up the driveway and walking slowly back down, making it look like he just arrived home. He is reaching for the front door when his dad pulls it open, pausing when he sees Dan.
"Dan, nice to see you son," he says, pulling Dan into a quick hug before ruffling his hair, "I'll see you later okay? Love you."
He then quickly jogs to his car, throwing his briefcase in and driving off down the road, leaving Dan standing at the door. Dan walks inside, fixing his fringe as he heads towards the kitchen, dumping his back at the base of the staircase on the way. He finds his mother racing around the kitchen, dressed in her work clothes and searching for something.
"Oh hi Dan," she says, looking up at him, not noticing her son's red eyes, pale skin and bags under his eyes, "how was school? Have a nice day?"
"Yeah, school was okay. I just saw dad..." Dan starts, trailing off hoping his mother would fill in the rest.
"Oh right, he's gone off to work - as usual. I'm around him so little I forget what he's like," she mutters under her breath before picking up her keys, fining them underneath a piece of paper.
"Oh."
"Look sweetie, I have to work a night shift, dinner is in the fridge, you just have to heat it. I'll be asleep when you get up for school, but I'll see you again that afternoon okay?" she says quickly, hugging him and giving him a quick kiss on the forehead, "okay bye Dan! Love you sweetie!"
Dan stands still in the kitchen, long after her car has driven off. He sighs, 'I'll see you again that afternoon', ha. Like that two second visit filled with rushed words counted as 'seeing' someone. Dan is sick of being tossed around by his parent's work and constant bickering on the rare occasion that they are home together instead of working.
Dan has always been out second, and he's okay with that. His parents still love him - he can see that - they're just not great at showing it in forms other than shiny, new gifts. Dan also can't remember the last time his parents weren't arguing or pretending they were happy together.
Dan runs a hand through his hair - he feels so alone now. The house is so empty, so bleached of life and colour, much like Dan himself. Dan opens the cupboard, despite feeling like shit, his body won't listen to his rationality. He reaches in and grabs the bottle of tequila, and instead of pouring a shot, he drinks straight from the bottle, the liquid burning his throat until he has drunk at least a glass full.
Dan places the bottle back, feeling delusional, but as the alcohol slips into his bloodstream, he feels the pain fade away, his mind start to fog up, blocking out all thoughts about his parents and his blurry face.
Dan is now in a blurry world, inside a broken home, and he drinks away the problems. He stumbles upstairs, falling four times in his completely drunken state. He can't focus on anything. He practically falls into his room, dumping his bag on the floor before collapsing onto his bed, staring at the ceiling through his glassy eyes.
His head is spinning, but his eyes are struggling to stay open. Dan lets his eyes slip shut, and before he knows it, he falls fast asleep, fully clothed but his mind finally at peace. He may be sad, broken, a mess, full of alcohol, an outcast, a reject, troubled, falling apart and overtired, but in his temporary state of sleep, he is momentarily blissful.
His only real escape is sleep, alcohol is just a substitute for when he is conscious and unable to escape to the state of darkness and peace.
***********
an// hey hope you enjoyed! Thanks so much for reading so far! Didn't quite get the comment goals but oh well, here's an update anyway.
15 votes and 10 comments for a new chapter.
Thanks so much for reading! Please let me know what you think so far. Thoughts on Dan's drinking problem? On Phil knowing but being rude anyway?
Anyway, update when the goal is reached (whenever that may be) :D