t w e n t y
"you broke my heart, but i still love you with all the broken pieces."
**
News articles were everywhere. Literally fucking everywhere.
Despite me having stayed in my hotel room, since getting back last night, somehow I still felt as though I was surrounded by crowds of people; swarming me with questions.
Paranoia overrode my upset as I felt nerves and anxiety creep through my body at the thought of the live show tonight.
Luckily, no videos or photos had been posted of my panicked state yesterday but that didn't erase the images in my mind. And of course the numerous articles headlining:-
One Direction star Harry Styles and model Kendall Jenner spotted sharing a romantic meal in London last night!
-Made me feel sick. Some even mentioned me, stating that Harry might have 'two on the go' and if I'm honest, that sickened me more than the others.
Seeing him last night had confirmed ever doubt I'd ever had; about myself and about me and him ever working. Even though clearly I was delusional to even think anything could happen.
Oh and did I mention my sudden hatred for Kendall Jenner?
I was up until the early hours of today googling ever piece of crap I could find about her, feeling like some sort of Disney villain whilst doing so. I'm 99% sure that Rita heard me cackling from her room, in the middle of the night.
In the midst of my mental battle I had completely forgotten about the semi-finals so when my alarm went off at seven a.m., I quite literally screamed and after clicking snooze almost five times, I ran into the bathroom and got ready at lighting speed.
Well maybe not quite 'lightning speed'.
Maybe around twenty minutes.
Okay thirty.
Anyhow; even though I took a millennia to do my makeup about three times (as I managed to cry it all off) I still got to my taxi on time and arrived at rehearsals in one piece.
Once she saw me, Rita had wrapped me in a huge hug, reassuring me that everything was going to be fine; even though I believed none of it. I felt as if I was stuck in a loop and that this current feeling of self-doubt was just déjà vu from the last time I fucked up.
Well- this time, Harry had fucked up. Bad.
It had still taken me a solid hour to convince myself of that but thank god for Rita Ora, right?
"Right, let's hear it." Rita beamed at me, ushering me onto the stage in front of us.
"O-Of course," I slowly made my way up the stairs that led to the stage and turned around. My heart rate increasing rapidly as I took in the entirety of the arena.
"Oh my god-"
"Big innit," She laughed, stepping up beside me, "This is just the beginning."
"Alright, don't get ahead of yourself,"
"To be honest, I should be the one saying that to you, but-"
I simply rolled my eyes, "Whatever,"
"Okay enough procrastinating; it's time for you to absolutely slay Kelly Clarkson,"
"Well-" I paused, trying to hid my shaking voice, "I can try,"
In reality, the last thing I wanted to do right now was sing this song. As I mentally went through all of the lyrics, I managed to match them to the other thoughts swirling in my head.
Fuck it. Singing, for me, had always been try way in which I had channeled my emotions; whether good or bad. But this time I felt as thought the song hit too close to home.
"Chloe?"
"Y-Yeah?" I stuttered as I was drawn back into the present.
"It will help." She spoke, as if she had been reading all of my thoughts, "Trust me."
I quickly nodded to the pianist, Claire, who sat behind me; in signal for her to begin playing.
Each note reverberated through me and all too quickly I began to sing once again. The familiar comfort overwhelming me as I eased into the lyrics.
Then came the chorus:
"Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk," I took in a breathe that seemed to last all too long, "Because of you, I learnt to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt-" With just those few words I could feel my hands shaking together and my voice crack, "Because of you- I am afraid..."
Two seconds later I found myself in Rita's arms, tears pricking in my eyes.
"I'm so pathetic I'm sorry," Even my voice came out as a pathetic whine.
"Let it out," She sighed, "Better now than tonight,"
"God, I'm so-"
"Don't apologise Chloe."
"But, it's just I feel as though I'm constantly in a rut or moping around just because of some stupid fucking-"
"Watch it," She whispered almost in audibly.
"S-Sorry?" I apologised yet again, confused.
"No need to apologise," The familiar deep voice, cut straight through me; causing my feet to lose their balance.
"What are you doing here?" I choked out, not wanting to turn around.
"I think you know."
"Are you serious?" I couldn't stop myself as I turned on my heels only to freeze on the spot as I fully took him in.
His brown curls which stood up in the neatest yet bloody attractive manner, his green eyes which haunted my every thought of him, his pink lips of which I constantly reminisced over how they felt on mine, his-
"You're staring," Rita whispered in my ear, my immediately straightening up and looking back to Harry, who's eyes watched me intently.
"I believe you were in the middle of speaking," Harry remarked, almost cockily, yet no smirk was plastered upon his tan face, "I thought it would be rude to interrupt."
"I-I lost my trail of thought," I mumbled; never had I felt this amount of unease talking to someone, ever.
"I see,"
"Y-Yeah," My eyes suddenly sparked a fond interest in the floor.
"Have you been crying?" The curiosity in his voice luring me to lock eye contact with him. My mouth opened but my brain couldn't process any words to come out- leaving me almost gaping at him.
"No," I spoke finally, with the last burst of confidence that I had.
"Harry," Rita spoke up, "I really think you should go." Now it was his turn to gape, as he stood there with shock apparent on his ever soft features.
"P-Please Ri," He practically begged, making me feel weak at my knees.
Cliché I know.
"No, Harry." Her tone was harsh, "Can't you see what you've already done?" She questioned and it took a second for her words to sink in, in him.
"I know." He stuttered, "I just want a chance-"
"You've already had one."
"Oh yeah, I forgot, I wasted that one when I was accused for something I didn't do." He raised his voice, diminishing his sarcasm.
"Harry, you know more than anyone that she doesn't deserve this!" This time Rita was yelling, "She doesn't deserve to be put through anymore shit."
"That's why I'm trying to fix this!" He yelled. The severity of his tone frightening me.
"Oh, by fucking a supermodel behind her back?!" She screamed, gauging Harry's reaction as she herself realised what she had said, "H-Harry, I'm,"
"Seriously? You of all people Rita." He muttered, "Don't you think I've already received enough shit from the media making up rumours? I especially don't need my own friend -"
"This isn't about you Harry, for god's sake!"
"Really?! Because every fucking time I turn around more accusations are being thrown at me without me being given the bloody opportunity to explain anything!"
"Okay, I get that with the club incident, but this? What bullshit are you going to feed her this time? Oh so I maybe got drunk and me and Kendall kind of hooked up, but obviously it's nothing because it's not as if I took her out for dinner or anything, please forgive my sorry ass-"
"Stop it!" He cried, "Please for the love of God, stop it!" His voice cracked at the end as he rubbed his eyes.
"Fine," Rita gave in, "But I think we deserve an explanation-"
"We? Rita are you fucking serious because-"
"Ok, Ok! Chloe deserves an explanation, and it better be a fucking good one at that."
Despite the situation, I still noted the way in which Harry's eyes softened at the mention of my name and if the circumstances were better; maybe the churning in my stomach would have become butterflies instead.
"Yes, I know," He ran his long fingers through his hair- pulling slightly at the roots.
Nervous habit, I guessed.
I finally plucked up the courage to speak, "Here, or..?" Harry's eyes whipped up to meet mine and a small smile crossed his face.
"Up to you."
I involuntarily began picking at my nails, "Maybe not somewhere public-"
"We could just stay in here," Rita added, "Jack isn't coming for rehearsals for another half an hour or so,"
"Okay," I sighed, "Here it is,"
**
"Right, so where do you want me to begin," He questioned softly.
Currently the three of us were sat on the stages' stairs, Harry sitting between Rita and I.
Although my subconscious was telling me that this wasn't a good idea; the rest of me, the part of me that couldn't help but want to be near Harry, wanted to give him a chance.
"Maybe the part about Kendall," I whispered, hiding my face by looking around anywhere but Harry.
"U-Uh yeah," He muttered before re-collecting himself, "Nothing and I mean nothing is happening between us-"
Okay what.
"Oh so you normally take random supermodels out to dinner and drape your arms around them?" I questioned sarcastically, hearing him mutter something under his breath.
"For fu-" He cut himself off, "No. This is bloody hard to explain so please, please, just listen to me and try to understand what this is like for me as well,"
"Harry-," Rita began, glaring at him.
"Okay, so you've heard of Modest! Management, right?" He asked, me nodding my head in response, "So you know that they are the management team that artists who come from SING UK sign onto." I nodded again, "Well, all they fucking care about is money and PR - meaning that the lads and I have to constantly do stunts. And this time; I happen to be the bait. They are essentially paying me to 'date' or be seen in public with her,"
"So you're telling me that the whole Kendall Jenner situation is for PR?" I asked, sounding clueless.
I wanted to believe him.
But I couldn't.
"Y-Yeah," He answered, his voice quavering. "Chloe?"
"Yes," My eyes met his.
"Do-" He hesitated, "Do you have feelings for me?"
**
yeah so that just happened , also don't say it's rushed because this is just the beginning as i have so much more planned for this book xx
sorry this chapter was crap and took forever but ily