*above picture is one of Frank's photos of Gerard*
Gerard collapsed onto Frank's abnormally comfortable mattress with a loud sight, his muscles finally relaxing after a long day of practicing for their rapidly approaching performance; Frank had convinced him to come to the club at the ungodly hour that was six in the morning, Gerard only agreeing once Frank explained that this meant he could practice on stage without any patrons filling the large room, a halfhearted smile tugging Gerard's lips upward when he spied Frank waiting for him at the backdoor with two steaming cups of coffee clutched in his tattooed hands.
And even though Gerard had been terrified once the wooden platform that he would be showcasing himself on in less than a week came into view, despite the fact that no one was watching him, once Frank began singing, Gerard's vision had narrowed down to nothing else except for his boyfriend, his voice joining Frank's instantly as they glided across the polished wood floor smoothly, any mistakes that occurred were quickly laughed off, leaving Gerard no time to dwell on the negative emotions that were still lurking underneath his happy veneer.
Once Gerard had gotten over the initial shock of what he had agreed to do, he dedicated all of his free time to preparing, because if Gerard was going to make a fool out of himself, he was going to try and minimize the damage as much as he possibly could, startling himself, as well as Frank with his sudden rush of enthusiasm.
They hit a snag straight off the bat though in the unexpected obstacle which was a song choice; Gerard had been dead set on performing one of Frank's original pieces, that's what they usually sang together, so he was flabbergasted when Frank stubbornly refused, stating that participating in a duet was already a strange enough anomaly for him, and he wasn't ready to expose his personal compositions to anyone that wasn't Gerard quite so soon.
And Gerard understood in a way, because Frank's lyrics were a window into his soul, they were gritty, and raw, evoking so many emotions that Gerard found himself on the verge of tears multiple times when listening to them, but even though Frank's reasoning made sense, Gerard still sulked when he found out that he wouldn't be by Frank's side when his music took its first stage appearance.
Frank quickly mollified Gerard with his suggestion for a different piece, because Gerard was a sucker for Queen, and when Frank mentioned performing Somebody To Love, Gerard's eyes lit up like fireworks, the fact that Frank had picked that particular song giving him a staggering rush of hope that almost brought him to his knees, because maybe Frank meant something more by what appeared to be nothing but a casual selection, and maybe Frank was trying to say with lyrics the three words that Gerard secretly ached would fall from his boyfriend's lips one day.
The song seemed to be perfect for their contrasting voices, and Gerard found himself belting it out as soon as Frank brought it up, Frank somehow instantly melding into the impromptu performance, both of them knowing instinctually when to switch off, and when to let the other take the lead.
Gerard had a much harder time with the choreography though, because dancing was not his forte, eventually forcing Frank to cater the routine much more heavily on his side, leaving Gerard to simply look pretty and maybe shake his hips every now and then, and despite Gerard's constant apologies and offers to try to add a bit more to his embarrassingly unembellished moves, Frank simply smiled broadly when Gerard voiced his worries aloud, assuring Gerard that what he was doing was more than he ever expected, and he could stand there like a statue for all that Frank cared as long as he was willing to partake in this show with him.
But no matter how much Gerard was enjoying himself once he began to loosen up, nothing would ever compare to the feeling of being wrapped up in the sheets that smelled like Frank, his boyfriend pressed against his side affectionately, both of them exhausted by their early awakening on a weekend, which were typically spent wasting the morning hours away in bed instead of being actively busy.
It had been worth it in the end though, because Gerard was finally starting to feel competent, like he could actually pull off his side of the performance, and Frank's ecstatic grin when Gerard had eventually forced himself to mount the rickety stairs which led to the stage had pushed the internal grumbles reminding him that he could still be slumbering peacefully to the back of his mind, not to mention the emotional hardships that came along with dragging himself outside of his comfort zone in such an extreme manner.
"Have I told you how fucking amazing you are today?" Frank mumbled sleepily, his nose tickling Gerard's sensitive underarm as he burrowed deeper under the covers.
"Probably, but one more time doesn't hurt," Gerard chuckled smugly, his joints popping as he stretched his arms high above his head, wrapping himself around Frank once he had finished his lackadaisical motions.
"Well you are, and I -" Frank paused suddenly, his cheeks tinting red as he squirmed awkwardly, causing Gerard to loosen his hold so Frank could find a more comfortable position, "I'm really excited for the show."
"I think I am too, I just wish no one had to be there besides you," Gerard giggled weakly, trying to coat a gloss of humor over his one remaining fear, because yes - he was doing okay so far, but who knows how he would react when he was faced with a crowd, when he had a thousand eager eyes staring up at him - fuck - Gerard was sweating just thinking about it.
"It will be fine honey - I promise, you won't even be able to see anyone, the stage lights blind you, so everything becomes a big blur, and you can't pick out individual faces unless they are right up front."
"Oh - well that doesn't sound so bad," Gerard smiled, stopping his teeth from gnawing on his bottom lip as Frank's hands curled around his neck slowly.
"You are going to do great, I just know it," Frank whispered softly, his eyes fluttering shut as he pressed his lips against Gerard's chapped ones gently.
Gerard hummed happily into Frank's mouth, his stomach tingling slightly as Frank shifted to the right, blanketing Gerard's body with his own as their tongues began a lazy dance together, the lack of urgency to their movements somehow emphasizing every minute detail of the moment, allowing Gerard to experience the brush of Frank's hand against his cheek in what appeared to be slow motion, every sensation becoming amplified and even more intense in Gerard's pleasure filled mind.
That same overwhelming feeling of some deeper emotion underlying Frank's affectionate actions rose up in Gerard's mind once again, which had been happening much more often lately, even though Gerard still didn't have the courage to ask if Frank was detecting the same thing he was, but still - there was something special there, something more than two people swapping spit; it was heart stopping, electrifying even, and Gerard had decided to translate it as a silent 'I love you', even if that wasn't what Frank was trying to convey.
Gerard would have been more than pleased with spending the rest of his day kissing Frank, but something caught his attention on the opposite wall when his lids opened for a brief second, and even though it didn't register at first, once Gerard realized what he was viewing, his eyes snapped wide as saucers, his mouth disconnecting from Frank's with a soft pop as he sat up suddenly, startling Frank with his unexpected withdrawal.
"How long has this been here?" Gerard pointed to what had captured his interest, scooting forward on his knees until he had reached the edge of the bed so he could get a closer look at the new photos adorning Frank's walls where a band poster had once hung; Gerard couldn't remember which one exactly, but he didn't spend much time pondering what was missing - it was so unimportant in comparison to the prints that had taken its place.
Gerard's heart began racing in his chest as his eyes danced over the pyramid shaped collage, because it was composed of pictures of him, some that he remembered Frank taking, but many of them were candid shots that Gerard had been completely unaware that Frank possessed, showcasing Gerard in numerous states, from him grinning up at something, to him fast asleep on his couch, to him painting, and everything in-between.
Gerard had never been a fan of being caught on camera, but he had always acquiesced when Frank asked to take a few photos featuring Gerard in them, because it made Frank happy, and Gerard hadn't bothered to inquire about the fate of the film containing his face, so he had no idea what Frank had done with them, until just now that is, and Gerard was in awe over how Frank had captured him.
Gerard looked, for lack of a better word - amazing, so much better than he viewed himself, as if Frank had managed to filter him through his own eyes, instead of just a lens, and Gerard finally began to understand what Frank saw in him for the first time since they had gotten together, the physical evidence sinking in like a stone, while Frank's explanations of why he had been drawn to Gerard still floated somewhere on the surface of his brain.
But even with this newfound acceptance of his image, the best pictures by far in Gerard's opinion were the few that contained both him and Frank; most of those shots were blurry, caused by the fact that Frank had been holding the camera out at arm's length to encompass the two of them, but it added a strange sense of beauty to the prints, reminding Gerard of the fuzzy sensation that traveled throughout his bloodstream every time Frank kissed him.
"Oh...uh for a few days, maybe a week," Frank chuckled, his cheeks tinting bright red as he joined Gerard at the foot of the mattress. "It doesn't freak you out...does it, I mean - it's sort of embarrassing, but I like having a reminder of you when you aren't here."
Gerard wracked his brain furiously, trying to recall if he had been in Frank's room within that amount of time, because he was positive that he would have noticed the artistic smattering of photos before if he had, but he really couldn't remember, and even if he had, he was usually asleep during the hours he spent in Frank's bed, either that, or he was too busy being occupied by Frank's hands and mouth to waste time staring at the walls; it didn't matter though, because Gerard had seen them now, and fuck - he couldn't seem to stop looking.
A soft hand coming to rest on his thigh jolted Gerard out of his statue-like state, and that was when Gerard realized that Frank was still talking, his frantic murmurs finally piercing his eardrums as he shook his head slowly, forcing himself to return to reality so he could answer Frank's earlier query.
"Frank..." Gerard whispered, the one word drawing out longer than usual as Gerard continued to stare, his eyes widening as he examined each individual shot, his grin growing each time he located one with Frank in it, his favorite involving a scene that he must have been asleep for, showcasing Frank cuddled up by his side with a soft smile on his face as he looked up into the camera.
"I was going to show it to you earlier, but I sort of forget with the excitement of our performance, and I can totally take them down if it makes you uncomfortable -"
"I love it," Gerard cut Frank off quickly, recognizing the signs that Frank was actually getting anxious for once instead of Gerard, breaking the tension of the moment by tackling Frank gently, his body tangling around Frank's as they collapsed onto the mattress. "It's amazing - seriously Frank, it's perfect, and you are perfect - okay?" Gerard punctuated each word with a soft kiss to various parts of Frank's face, lingering on his lips until he felt Frank relax underneath him.
Frank separated from Gerard slowly, that grin that Gerard would never get tired of gracing Gerard's vision before Frank buried his face in Gerard's neck, mumbling something incoherent against Gerard's skin as he clutched to him tightly.
And even though Gerard couldn't be sure, it had sounded like Frank said something along the lines of 'I love you', but no - Gerard was just projecting his hidden desires onto this situation, because there was no feasible way that Frank had said that - was there?
Gerard let Frank stay where he was for a few seconds before curiosity overwhelmed him, his body titling to the left slightly so Frank was now lying on top of Gerard, freeing his mouth from the mess of blankets underneath them so his voice would be more audible.
"What was that Frank?" Gerard asked, a hysterical giggle laced with nerves escaping his mouth when Frank dug his fingers into Gerard's shoulders so he wouldn't lose his balance and go toppling back onto the bed, his head slowly lifting up from its current hiding place so he could look Gerard directly in the eyes before immediately glancing away.
"I - I said," Frank stammered softly, his eyes darting back and forth frantically as he tried to avoid Gerard's stare, and Gerard was struck once again by the realization that Frank was afraid - terrified even, but that didn't make sense, unless what he had whispered into Gerard's skin had been something bad, something that Frank hadn't meant to let slip past his lips while Gerard was present.
"W-what's wrong...did I do something?" Gerard asked warily, his emotions feeding off of Frank's, his hands becoming clammy as he waited for Frank to answer him.
"No honey...not at all," Frank inhaled deeply, his irises becoming unfocused as Frank apparently sunk deep into his thoughts. "I said...I think I love you," Frank heaved out all at once, his words emerging jumbled and mashed together, but Gerard still understood him, even though his brain had yet to process the fact that Frank had just said the one sentence that Gerard had been biting back for the past few weeks, his earlier hopes that Frank had in fact uttered that exact same thing doing nothing at all to prepare him for actually hearing the sentiment voiced aloud.
"You...you think - or..." Gerard pressed softly, even though all he wanted to do was say it back, the words practically burning the inside of his mouth as he did his best to keep them contained, but he had to make sure that this was real before he opened his heart up to Frank completely.
"I do - fuck Gerard...I love you so fucking much, and I know it's way too soon to be saying this, but I can't help it, because I do, I know I do, so please don't freak out. It's okay if you don't feel the same way, it won't bother me, I - fuck Gerard...say something - anything." Frank's ramblings stuttered to a halt as he finally met Gerard's eyes; fear, and honesty, and what could only be labeled as love swirling together in his hazel irises.
Gerard snapped his mouth closed with a soft click, the fact that his jaw had been hanging open failing to register until just now, because Gerard had been too caught up in Frank's expulsion of emotions to pay any attention to himself, or to respond even, but now he could, now he could finally release the secret that he had been holding inside his chest for far too long.
"I love you too, fuck - I have for a while, I thought...fuck it - I love you Frank," Gerard cut himself off with an obnoxious high pitched laugh, joy fizzing inside of his bloodstream as he let the three words that he wasn't certain Frank would ever be ready to hear sound out loud and clear, but now it was happening, and even better, Frank had said it first, which was not something that Gerard had ever allowed himself to imagine. The shock of this whole situation was slow to wear off, adding a surreal edge to the proceedings that made everything appear like an ending from the fairy tales Gerard had adored so much as a child.
"Oh thank god," Frank whispered, more to himself than to Gerard before pinning Gerard to the bed with his weight, kissing him fiercely as all of the previous tension drained out of both of their bodies.
Gerard gasped loudly into Frank's mouth, every nerve ending in his body setting off all at once as Frank blanketed him with his skin, the pressure causing hot spikes of desire to awaken in Gerard's stomach, the sensation overflowing rapidly, leaving Gerard breathless and aching, every muscles in his body craving Frank as close to him as it was humanly possible to get.
"Frank," Gerard whined when Frank pulled away, his heart beating erratically as Frank tore off his shirt before latching onto Gerard's neck eagerly. "I - can I...I need you." Gerard's hips shifted forward, allowing Frank to feel how hard he had become in the last minute.
"Okay - yeah, fucking hell...I love you," Frank grinned as he spoke, almost a smirk actually as Gerard groaned softly in pleasure caused by the way Frank couldn't seem to stop proclaiming his newfound affection.
"I love you too, please -" Gerard cut himself off with a choked moan when Frank's hand slipped into his pants, his large palm wrapping around his already leaking cock firmly.
"Say it again," Frank begged, his lower half pressing against Gerard's leg that was currently in-between his thighs.
"I love you," Gerard whimpered, his eyes going wide as he watched Frank's body visibly shudder, an expression of pure bliss washing over his face as he started to stroke Gerard slowly.
"Can I show you how much I love you...can I -" Frank seemed to run out of words just then, gesturing instead to Gerard's jeans, which were already unzipped, his erection pushing up against the straining fabric insistently.
"Yes - oh god Frank, I want to be yours," Gerard pleaded, a searing wave of lust spiking in his belly when he realized that Frank wanted this too, that Frank was ready to fuck him - finally, but this would be different, just like their kisses were different now that another emotion had been added to the heady cocktail which was composed of the way they already felt for one another, and the thought had Gerard panting heavily, his skin heating up as Frank's fingers traced random patterns over his exposed stomach.
"I will, just - let me," Frank gasped as Gerard leaned up suddenly, capturing Frank's mouth in a fierce kiss, showing him with his actions how much he wanted this, how much he needed this, and the pressure of his lips seemed to erase the last of Frank's doubts, if he was even still harboring any by this point.
Frank melted against Gerard readily, their bodies fitting together better than they ever had before, and as much as Gerard ached to feel Frank inside him right now, he wanted to take this slow, he wanted to remember every single second of his first time with someone who loved him, his first time with Frank.
Gerard knew this experience would render all of his other sexual encounters paltry and insubstantial, Frank was erasing everyone that had come before him, transforming Gerard into a blank slate that only Frank would ever be allowed to leave his mark on.
After a day of being extremely unproductive, I finally managed to knock this out, and even though I'm not in love with it, I think it turned out okay.
Also, my earlier estimation of how many chapter this book had left was off, because there is two more after this, one of smut, one of their performance, and then an epilogue.
I am going to try and finish this story as soon as I can, but my laptop is shot apparently. My dad is going to try and fix it tomorrow, but if that doesn't happen, I have no idea when I will be able to update next.
I know that I could write directly from my phone onto Wattpad, but I hate doing that, I have heard too many horror stories about entire chapters getting deleted, so I will keep writing, I just might not be able to upload anything until I find a functioning computer.
As always, votes and comments are pretty much the best things ever ^_^
((((loving vibes))))
<3 starr