Jamie
Wanting Cecilia right now is by far the most inconvenient thought possible.
"Jamie, we are at a football game," Katie mutters. "I know you want her, but this is worst place you could ever get hormonal at."
"I know," I sigh in distress. "I barely have control of my body anymore, though."
"I'll go get her," Katie tells me and I let out a deep breath that I hadn't known I was holding in.
I glance past the people in the crowd and notice Cecilia smiling and laughing with a guy that is ten times better looking than I am. My heart thuds in my chest and I'm terrified that she's not interested like she says she is. I don't know how I'd be able to take that since I've already fallen deeper than I should for her. The entire situation is going to enervate me and I'll end up getting suicidal again. I promised Katie I wouldn't bring myself down like this but Cecilia will either make me feel great or my own anger for myself can cause the demons inside to become hostile. They're so dang obnoxious sometimes-scratch that, most of the time.
Cecilia waves goodbye to the guy she was talking to and she and Katie make their way towards me. I swear to god, if I see her with that guy again I'll-
"You needed me?" Cecilia breaks me from my thoughts.
"I...uhm," I mumble, my heart pounding in my chest. I clear my throat and take my SnapBack off, bringing my hair back as I stare off into the distance. I put the hat back on my head and glance back down at Cecilia. Her eyebrows are raised and has a slight curve on her lips. "can you come with me?"
"Sure," she nods and tells Katie that we'll be right back.
She follows me over to a dark area where nobody is around and I stop in my tracks. Cecilia accidentally walks into my shoulder and blushes immediately. She mutters a quick 'sorry' before I pin her against the wall.
"J-Jamie," she whimpers.
"Who was he?" I growl into her ear.
"His name was Dun-wait why the hell would it even matter to you?" she glares. "we aren't dating."
"Has it ever occurred to you that I really don't want to lose you?"
Cecilia stares deeply into my eyes but the frown on her face doesn't leave. "no, it hasn't."
"I thought it was pretty obvious," I grip her hip and pull her body closer to mine. I know that she knows how obvious it is. But I also know that she doesn't want to believe it.
"Not the slightest bit," she swallows and blinks, excitement showing in her eyes. Yet she refuses to uncover it.
"C'mon, even I know how noticeable it is," I say, huskily. "stop trying to deny it. It's just going to stress you out." She stays silent and I once again speak. "now, Cecilia, who was he?"
"He helped one of my clients with getting her ex behind bars," she whispers. "his name is Duncan and I had wanted to thank him for helping out."
"You looked like you were flirting with him," I say in a deep voice, my teeth clenching together.
"Jamie..."
"What?" I snap. "is it too much to just say that I want you in more ways than one? Seeing you with someone that is obviously way better than me just kills me."
"Well I can't stand when someone tries to tell me that you hurt everything that gets in your way because I know it's not true but now I'm not sure because the way your voice is sounding is scaring me."
"Who told you that?" I get my face threateningly close to her's.
"I-I found their social media accounts..." she trails off, except I don't catch what she says.
"You what?" I furrow my eyebrows.
Cecilia
"You what?" Jamie questions, calmly but furiously at the same time.
"I found their social media," I repeat, unable to make eye contact with him.
"Why?"
"Because I already know who they are," I answer him, letting out a shaky breath.
"How?" Jamie's nose brushes up against mine, his hand still gripping my hip. I shake my head, not wanting him to know. "Cecilia...babe...please. I don't care if it was bad. I just want to know." When did he suddenly get the urge to call me 'babe' or 'baby'?
"It was when Katie and I went out into the city," I mutter. "they said terrible things. Said you used them for sex. I don't remember what else, I didn't want to hear it."
"They don't even know," Jamie groans, looking above me. "they don't know what it's like to live with a sixteen year old's hormones."
"Iris said something bad online too though," I say.
"What was it?"
"She said that you've f*cked all of your therapists."
"What the hell?" he tightens his grip even more. I wince at how strong his hold is on my hip. "that's just wrong."
"Is it?" I begin to feel terrible. God, Cecilia, the way Jamie effects you.
"I didn't mean it like that..." he trails off and I look down at my feet. He sighs and licks his lips, putting his left hand above my shoulder against the wall. "I'm sorry, that wasn't supposed to be taken the wrong way."
I say nothing.
"Please forgive me," he begs, bringing his thumb under my chin, causing me to look up into his eyes. "I'm so sorry. That was hurtful, and I didn't mean it."
"I just..." I sigh. "I don't know why it hurt me. I can't tell if it's because I'm attracted to you or-"
"Wait what?" Jamie's eyes widen. "you're attracted to me?" I nod slowly. "Cecilia, you could lose your job!"
"I know, I know," I lift my hand up, accidentally bringing his shirt up with. His body tenses up and I blush, madly. I pull my hand away and let his shirt fall back down. "I just don't care anymore."
"Huh?" Jamie moves his body back closer to mine.
"It's hard to explain," I reply.
"We have time."
I close my eyes and turn my head to the left. "I want to fix you. I really do. And if I lose my job doing so, then I'll lose my job. You're more important than the others at this point."
"How am I more important?"
"Everyone else is practically fixed," I explain. "you're addiction can kill you. It's life threatening. Everyone else that has had problems like you haven't been as bad and they were tons easier to cure. But with you, I've been tweaking the rules."
"Why?" Jamie steps away from me, scratching the back of his neck while I stay with my back against the wall. "why am I so important?"
"That's what I'm trying to figure out," I mumble.
"Nobody would want to fix me and then you're doing this for me."
"Jamie, you're not the man that you see yourself as," I whisper, staring into his eyes. "all of them couldn't see it but I can. You're different. They thought you could take their threats. But I know what you're like. You're not the type of person that could care less about who they are. Those past therapists didn't notice how you wanted it to stop. How you wanted to be cured. But I can see it."
Jamie doesn't say anything. He just stares at me. I take a few deep breaths, waiting for him to speak but he doesn't. All he does is stride over to me quickly. My heartbeat becomes faster and his hands cup my cheeks. I gasp as he glances down at my lips eagerly. Jamie smirks, gazing into my eyes and rubs my cheekbone.
"Just kiss me already," I say, lust clear in my voice.
"Why do you want me to kiss you?" he tilts his head to the side. This is so messed up.
"I don't want it, I need it."
When I say this, Jamie brings his head to the skin right next to my ear and my cheek. He presses a light kiss to it and slowly moves towards my cheekbone. I whine at how long he's taking and he chuckles against my skin.
I bring my hands up to his wrists and I bring them down to my hips and he pulls away, confused. "I love it when you hold on tight to my hips." I whisper and he licks his lips.
Jamie, once again, gets his face extremely close to mine, teasing me. He seriously needs to stop doing things this. It throws me off the edge and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get back up. His lips brush against mine and I moan from frustration. "Jamie..."
"Cecilia..." he trails off before kissing my lips firmly. His hand massages my hip and I whine into the kiss. My body surrenders to him and I struggle to stay standing. Jamie cups my bum, not in a sexual way, and manages to keep me on my feet. "you're so weak right now." He says against my lips, his voice raspy.
"I know," I whimper. "you cause that." Jamie pecks my lips and presses his forehead against mine. We both hear Katie calling for us and I let out a breathy laugh and Jamie does the same but we don't move from the position we're in. I stare into his eyes and he blinks a few times. "Screw it." I grasp his shirt and pull his lips back to mine. His tongue slips into my mouth and my body becomes numb. How in hell will we get through our sessions together? Especially without ripping each other's clothes off?
"Cecilia," Jamie mumbles. "We should stop."
"I don't think so," I purr, nibbling on his lower lip.
"Do you now?" he smirks, his hand grabbing my thigh and lifting it up slightly. I gasp, giving his tongue full entrance to return back to my mouth. I moan, our lips not leaving the others. My hands trail up his hard abdomen to his chest. I have to try way too hard to keep myself together. I cannot have sex at a football stadium. Let alone, in public.
I very faintly hear someone turning on their heel and gasping. "Oh my god. What is this?"
Jamie jumps away from me and his face turns completely red and I stare at my feet. Neither of us can face each other. I can't tell if Jamie feels embarrassment or disappointment. All I want is to run over to him and give the man comfort.
"You weren't supposed to see this," I whisper, sheepishly. I take a deep breath. "Well, nobody was supposed to see this."
"I just did," Katie puts her hair up. "I can't say whether I'm happy or mad about it. I mean, I'm not mad but I'm definitely not happy with Jamie."
"Don't be angry at him," I sigh.
"Why not?"
"I'm the one that wanted it more than him," I admit, noticing Jamie shaking his head at me. "What? It's true. I'm just really good at hiding it."
"You're not that good at hiding it with him," she points out. I need to work on my acting skills.
"I know," I sigh in distress. "I don't even want to hide it anymore." I pause. "This is so bad."
For what seems like centuries, the three of us continue to stay silent, staring at each other. We don't know what to say and eventually, it gets so quiet that one can hear our breathing. They could undoubtedly hear our thoughts by now if they listen hard enough - well, maybe if they were Sigmund Freud. The aspirations spinning through my head are almost too loud for me to stand and I plug my ears, trying to bring them to an end. But they refuse to stop. They continue to race and take over my brain, telling me to do things that I wouldn't normally do. At least not back then. Now, anything can happen.
"Come on guys," Katie thankfully speaks, getting rid of the screams in my head. "let's go, the game is ending soon." I nod and start walking towards her and Jamie follows close behind.
"Hey, I'm going to stop in the bathroom," I inform Katie and step inside the facilities. I take a deep breath and stop to look in the mirror. You are indeed a mess, Cecilia. All I can think about is Jamie. Thoughts of him will never leave my mind. He's the only one that has made me feel with way and I can't decide if I like it yet or not. Obviously, I do. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I don't, I always come back to the conclusion that I like it.
-
I straighten my dark red cocktail dress as the snow falls down on my nose. My coat hugs close to my body and I wave for a cap. To my luck, one comes right away. I give the driver the address to the expensive restaurant I'm going to so I can celebrate Tyler's, Katie's cousin, birthday with them.
I stare up at the dark pink sky from inside the taxi cab and smile. There's something about the winter skies that really gets to me. The beauty touches my heart and sets my emotions in flames. I can't help but feel happy. Winter just makes me happy in general. The children playing outside in the snow brings me back to the days when I was a little girl. I always had a big grin on my face back then. I guess it's because when you're that young, you don't really know the difference between happy and sad. Yes, there's still tears, but the smiles overlap the frowns.
Sometimes I wonder what Jamie was like when he was little. I wonder if he was just as happy as I was. Lord, I truly hope he was.
Once the taxi pulls up to the restaurant, I step out, tipping the driver and once again straightening my dress. My eyes glance down at my feet and then up to the door and I locate a large group of people and my heart skips as soon as I notice Jamie seated next to Katie. Sometimes I find myself praying to God that they aren't attracted to each other in some sort of way. And then I have to remind myself that what Jamie and I have is so powerful. So strong that I can tell it'd take a lot to break us apart even though we aren't even dating.
When I enter the restaurant, the entire group goes silent and Jamie swears under his breath. Katie stands up from her seat and brings me in for a hug. Then Tyler does the same. "Thanks for coming."
"It's my pleasure," I smile. "Happy Birthday, Tyler."
"Thank you, I'm feeling old already," he jokes and I laugh. I glance down at Jamie and notice him giving me a nervous look.
I take a seat next to Jamie and I observe the entire group and my eyes widen as I see Antoine sitting at the other side of the table. He looks up and coughs as soon as his eyes lay on me. He gives me an awkward wave and I do the same.
I lean over to ask Katie about it but Tyler speaks before me. "Cecilia, this is my good friend, Amy." Suddenly everything starts falling into place. So Tyler is the one Antoine is competing with.
"Hi Amy, I'm Cecilia," I give her a warm smile. "It's very nice to meet you."
"It's nice to meet you too," she grins and we shake hands. "how are you connected here?"
"Friend of Jamie's," I reply and I notice Jamie shifting his chair closer to mine. Definitely more than a friend.
"That's good, we were really starting to get worried about him," Amy informs me.
"I'm always worried about him," I admit and Jamie places his palm on my thigh. Does he have to do this at a damn restaurant? Katie quietly says 'awe' and I blush.
Amy motions for me to lean across the table so she can ask me something. "Do you have feelings for him?"
I nod. "they're so bad."
"I can tell," she replies. I furrow my eyebrows, wondering how it's that noticeable. "I mean, you did sit right next to him."
"Good point."
"Do you have any siblings?" Amy asks me, out of nowhere.
"Yes, I do," I reply. "An older brother, in fact."
"Really?" she smiles. "I have a younger brother! He admires Tyler. Sometimes they are nearly inseparable."
"That's adorable!" I bring my lips into a pout, wishing I had a younger sibling.
Jamie clears his throat, getting my attention.
I lean back into my seat and Jamie wraps his arm around my waist. I look at him and our faces were closer to each other than I had been intending but honestly, I can't complain.
"How've you been since yesterday?" I question him, lowering my voice. He glances down at his hand which rests firmly on my hip. He opens his mouth to speak and for a couple seconds, no words come out. Before he's able to say something, though, Tyler speaks.
"Cecilia, have you met everyone else yet?" he asks. I shake my head, no. "my god, you assholes, introduce yourselves."
"Hi, I'm Cody," a guy with ginger hair gives me a grin.
"John."
"Jason."
"Antoine," I shift awkwardly in my seat.
"Patrick Sharp."
"Patrick Eaves," another guy says.
"Jordie," a guy with a beard smiles at me. "Jamie's brother."
"And I'm Vernon," the last guy tells me and flashes me a smile causing Jamie to kiss the top of my head.
"It's very nice to meet you all," I reply. "I'm Cecilia."
"Ahh, you must be Jamie's new girlfriend," Sharp beams. "he talks about you a lot."
I look back at Jamie and his face is almost as red as a tomato. I blink and look back at Patrick and talk. "what does he say?"
"He says that you're perfect in every single way," he replies and my lips curve into a small grin. "but the thing he seems to talk about the most is your eyes. He says he tends to get lost in them a lot since they look like a 'photograph of a hurricane forming taken from outer space'. With touches of green, blue and grayish-white."
My eyes start to tear up and I can't find the words to say.
"Cecilia," Jamie whispers in my ear. I turn my body back to face him. "he's telling the truth."
I blink away the tears in my eyes. "nobody has ever said that about me before."
"Maybe that's why I'm here," Jamie mutters, the multiple conversations around the table going mute and all I can hear is him. "to point out all of the things that nobody else has. To make sure you feel like a queen. To show you what it's like to know the right between the wrong way to touch someone."
"J-Jamie," my breath catches in my throat, unable to put my feelings for him into words.
"I know, it's crazy," he tells me, gazing into my eyes. "but even if I wanted to, I would never be able to lie to you. I have nothing to hide. I'm like an open book with every single emotion and word written down on to a thousand pages."
"Everyone has something to hide, though," I remember what Connor told me a few days ago.
"I don't have shame in the fact that I'm just friends with my therapist," Jamie emphasizes 'just friends' in a playful and sarcastic tone. He makes sure to whisper the part about me being his therapist in my ear so the other guys don't hear it.
My heart thuds in my chest and I thank god that a waitress comes to the table to take our orders. To my disadvantage, Tyler orders us all a large pizza. I'm not complaining but I didn't have enough time to think of a way to answer Jamie.
"I like the sound of that," I smirk and Jamie does the same.
"Good," he breathes. "because I love it." Goddam. Holy crap. Oh my god. The thoughts swirling around my head are terrible for this occasion. I can't believe my hormones are acting up at Tyler's damn birthday dinner.
Jamie gives me a confused look. "Cecilia, are you doing okay? You're looking pretty intense."
"I," I look around the table to make sure nobody is eavesdropping. "I'm - you're making me want you. And not in the cute and cuddly way."
"Holy fu-crap," he almost curses.
While waiting for the food, Jamie and I manage to stare at each other without losing any articles of clothing and the waitress finally comes to the table with the pizza that Tyler had ordered.
I grab a single slice of pizza and place it on my plate and I notice Amy and Antoine eyeing each other. Tyler sits in his seat, not realizing anything about the two and I feel a pang of guilt for him. I can tell exactly how he feels for Amy. But then I feel the emotions radiating off of her aren't as strong but they're still there. I know she isn't committed to anyone at this point. Yet I can also tell that her sentiments towards Tyler are almost as powerful as mine are for Jamie.
Amy gives Antoine looks of lust and intense sensual thoughts; for Tyler, it's affection and deep emotion straight from the bottom of her heart.
I sense that my body might panic at any moment. That's what I get for being an observer. Sounds pretty creepy, I know, but it's part of the way my brain works. One could conclude that I'm a deranged Gypsy sitting next to a glass ball all day long. But the thing is, just from someone's everyday actions, I'm able to see through the shield they put around their true self.
"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Vernon asks me.
"Oh, I don't know," I reply. "I just have a lot on my mind."
"I can tell, you looked pretty deep in thought there."
I shrug. "what can I say? I'm a busy girl."
"Really?" he raises his eyebrows. "what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a Therapist," I tell him. Vernon nods impressed.
"That must keep you pretty busy," he points out. "isn't it a bit stressful though?"
"Well, the main thing you have to be able to manage in order to keep the job is your stress," I inform him. "in my personal opinion, the occupation is more of an organizational job. Meaning, staying organized plays a huge part. If one thing goes missing, you're practically screwed."
"Damn, sounds pretty serious, I guess."
"Yeah, a few of my clients cause the job to get a bit consequential," I groan and Jamie pinches my thigh rather hardly and I wince, smacking his hand away.
"Have you ever shared any of your cases with anybody?"
"Nope," I reply. "I keep most of my files stored away and confidential. I feel like if I were to allocate any information I'd lose a lot of trust." Vernon nods and he then gets back to a different conversation. I shift my body back to look at Jamie and I give him a glare.
"So I make your job 'consequential'?" he growls under his breath.
"You're quite honestly a pain in the ass," I whisper, my lips brushing against his ear, breathing hot air on his skin. "sometimes I lay there just wondering why I still deal with you but then I wonder how I couldn't not deal with you."
Jamie whines and practically lays on my chest. "I'm not that bad."
"Oh, please, babe," I mutter. What's with the pet names lately?
"'Babe' eh?" he raises an eyebrow.
"I'm pretty used to you calling me that," I inform him. Jamie blushes and the waitress comes back and grabs the tray that held the pizza to take it away from us.
Jamie
Outside the restaurant is when my jealousy and hormones start to kick in. Practically this entire time Cecilia's been talking to Sharpy and Vernon; can't forget to mention the constant glances at Antoine.
Standing out here in the cold, I can't locate where she could have gone. I know she didn't leave the area entirely since she hasn't said goodbye to anyone yet.
I stare down at my dress shoes and put my hands into the pockets in my coat. My feet guide me over to the back of the building and I see two figures but I can't make out who they are or what they're saying.
As I get myself closer, I start to hear random words like "Jesus", "why" and "sexy". Eventually, I'm able to listen in on a few sentences.
"...you didn't think to tell me who he really was?" I overhear Cecilia say, frustrated. "you could've given me a last name at least like 'oh yeah, Amy's friend is Tyler Seguin'. Maybe then, I would've known what to expect."
"I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you," Antoine says this time. "I didn't know you all were buddy-buddy with each other."
"Well, I had to sit through dinner watching you and Amy give each other googly eyes," Cecilia hisses. "I honestly don't understand this...you get with her when she's basically with Tyler."
"She's the one that grants me permission."
"I get it but you're initializing it," Cecilia tells Antoine and my eyes widen. What the hell is Antoine thinking? I've heard enough of this. This is just...just plain-ugh I don't know. I just don't like it.
"Cecilia?" I call out, pretending I didn't hear anything.
"I'll talk to you later," she tells Antoine and looks over his shoulder. "Jamie?"
"I'm over here," I say. "sorry, I thought you left so I came to find you just in case you were still here." I glance back at Antoine as Cecilia shuffles back towards me.
"I can't leave without seeing you first," she mumbles in my ear. A wave of heat rushes through my body. The pale complexion on her face gets me so in awe. A lot of times, I catch myself staring at her. But I know it's okay because sometimes I catch her staring at me. When I do, she always looks down and blushes which I honestly hate. I just want to see her beautiful eyes to gaze straight into mine every single time.
"I could say the same about you."
This catches her off guard and she stops walking. Cecilia glances up at me but doesn't look away. She steps towards me and stands up on her tiptoes. "Why the hell do you have to make me feel this way?" she whispers before pressing a light kiss to my lips. She tries to step away from me but I grab her hips before she can.
"What's with us hiding our attraction from people that don't even know?" I mutter then I kiss her. She pulls away, tightening my tie and staring into my eyes.
"We're just not the same as usual couples and that's okay," Cecilia licks her lips, then straightens out my suit jacket. Lord, if she starts trying to fix my belt... "it's good to be different from everyone else. Maybe this is just what we're comfortable with."
"Is it because there's somebody else?" I ask, swallowing the lump forming in my throat.
"I was thinking the same about you," she whispers. I raise an eyebrow. "I don't know...I just always find myself worrying that you like Katie or something..."
"Never ever," I grab her face in mine. "will I ever be interested in her. She's been trying to catch the same guy for three years. I can't ruin that even if I wanted to - which I don't. I'm too busy trying to catch you."
She's too perfect to lose. Too fragile to let go of. Cecilia's too dangerous to leave.