Listening
Chapter 2
“She's such a little whore.” Morgan Sleed's voice carries over the stall. I quickly but silently pull my legs up so no one knows I'm in here. I watch carefully as Nessa bends down and scans for feet, once she sees that no one is in the bathroom with them she starts in.
”You know, I bet shes slept with all of them.” her voice is snake like while she unzips her makeup bag and starts to reapply lip gloss. I watch through the crack between my stall and the mirror. I'm pretty sure they're talking about me.
“Probably.” Morgan comments. “And if not all of them, then definitely Nate. I mean they're like attached at the hip.” Now I know its me.
”God. What a slut. I bet her Daddy's just paying him to be her friend. And hes so desperate he'll take any thing. Even prison money.” Vanessa cackles and Morgan laughs so hard she snorts. I fight back tears.
This is the third time since the incident that I've been subject to eavesdropping in on their little conversations about me. The first time was the worst. I stayed out of school for almost a week, crying and eating ice cream, before Nate dragged me back. He convinced me I wasn't allowed to let them get to me. The second time wasn't any easier but JP, Nate, and Matt dragged me out of bed and brought me to Mario's so I felt better and didn't miss any school. Right now though? That was some of the harshest stuff. Recovering from this wont be easy.
My eyes are stinging and the lump in my throat is threatening to burst at any moment. I wait until theyre out of the bathroom and definitely down the hall before I leave. When I walk back into chemistry I can instantly feel the concern dripping off Nate as he watches me.
”Bean, you okay?” his eyes plead with me to tell him the truth.
”Yeah. I dont feel very good. I think I'm going to go home. Call me after school. Kay?” I lie. I know he sees through it but I can't run the risk of breaking down to him right here. Theres to many of Vanessa's little minions in this class.
”Okay...” he watches me. I raise my hand and ask to go to the nurse. The chem teacher, Mrs. Till eyes me and graciously tells me I look pretty shitty and to go ahead. ”Tessy,” Nate says when I stand. I turn and face him. ”Love you String Bean.” He says and it takes everything I have not to break down in complete tears.
Once the nurse calls my mom tells her that I'm not well, the burning in my eyes has gotten stronger. mom says she can't leave work to come get me and I don't have my car since I ride to school with Carson and Nate, but the nurse refuses to let me walk home.
the nurse is a big black woman with to much hair spray and not enough education. She sounds southern.
"it's too far sweetie. And you so pale you look like a ghost on one of them movies. I can't let you walk. You'll end up the side of one of them streets all knocked out." she claims.
"Please just let me walk." I beg "I'll be fine."
"Sorry sugar. No can do. You ride to school with someone?" I nod. "Think they'll bring you home?" I nod again. "Alright. Lemme pull some strings. Hate to see a skinny little thing like you get real sick from not the right recovery." she says then goes into my file. After some papers shuffle she says "Be right back honey." and walks out the door leaving me alone surrounded by tongue depressors and cotton balls.
I glance around. The room is small and white, it smells faintly like plastic mixed with sweat. There's a little mini fridge in one corner of the room, I'm guessing filled with ice packs for those gym class issues. On one counter she has a display of a range of medical supplies from sick masks to extra strength hand sanitizer. I notice a separate opening into a dark room, I'm guessing for head ache patients to rest and her desk, covered with files.
"GOOD NEWS BABY." she busts back into the office full force. "Mrs Council," Westwood High attendance lady, "said that whoever brought you to school could take ya home. She can call them right down right now. Wanna gimme a name?"
"Uh yeah" Im surprised "Nate Weber and Carson Storm. Just call Nate though." I tell her and she gives me a quick nod then informs Mrs Council through the walki talki strapped to her hip. I'm confused why she didn't use that to ask in the first place.
A second later Nate's name is called through the intercom. "Nate Weber to the attendance office, Nate Weber to attendance." and two minutes later he's waltzing into the nurses like he owns the place.
"hey Miss Marcaffy" he gives her one of those special Nate smiles. I'm confused. Why does he know her so well? "Everything okay?"
"Well Nate, Miss Scott here isn't feeling to well and you're her only way home. Wouldn't want such a pretty little thing to waste away in here. you're excused to bring her home." she ruffles his hair a little.
"Sweet, I'll take real good care of her. She won't leave my sight." he eyes me sitting on the wax paper covered bed and winks. I just really want to go home and cry.
"Good boy. Hope I won't see you here again Tessa. Feel better darlin'." she says when we're on our way out the door. I give her a small wave and follow Nate.
Once we're in his car he starts it, drives two miles in silence to the old abandoned barn we come to in order to get away. When we reach the barn he parks the car but doesn't move.
"I don't believe you." he finally says. I nod. I didn't expect he would. "So. What happened?" he unbuckled his seat belt, then mine, and finds a way to twist both of our bodies so I have no choice but look at him. Then I completely lose it.
My breaths are little hiccups and the long grass and big wooden structure beyond me are complete blurs through my tears. "String Bean talk to me" he pleads, running his pointer finger over my knuckles. I keep crying. "Alright fine. We can play it this way." he proceeds to get out of the car, come to my side, take me out, and carry me bridal style towards the barn, all in one graceful swoop. I'm to upset to even scream.
Once we're near the barn, standing in the tall green grass, Nate takes his sweatshirt off and lays it on the carpet of grass. He motions for me to sit and I am blindly doing whatever I'm told. My head hurts from crying.
"Truth or dare." he says once he's sitting in the grass. I sigh. Usually this is how we pry stuff out of each other. a rousing game of truth or dare.
"Truth." I mutter, playing with a blade of the long green grass in my fingers. Believe it or not, picking truth is the easy way out. I could pick dare and he would probably dare me to make out with Jeremy Shumer, schools biggest nerd.
"Okay.." he starts, "Why are you so upset?" my tears have slowed a little and my chest hurts less, but my heads pounding with the words I overheard.
"I heard them again. Taking about me." I say it but it comes out in almost a whisper, "This time though they were talking about you too. I hate them so much Nate. So much. I'm so sorry you have to deal with me and everything I've caused you." tears threaten to spill over again and I glance at him to gauge his reaction. He takes a deep breath.
“You think that I want your silly apologies? You haven't even ever done anything wrong Tess. I love you and I will deal with whatever baggage you could ever come with. Is that why you're upset? Because you think you're causing me hurt?” I nod. He sighs then stands up, pulling me with him. He grabs his sweatshirt off the grass and leads me hand in hand towards his car without saying a word.
"Where are we going?" I wonder out loud. He's leading me by my hand, then opens the car door and waits till I'm safely in before shutting it.
"My house." he mutters when he gets in the driver side and then he just drives away.
*****
The chivalry didn't start until middle school. Believe it of not Nate and I spent most of elementary school beating the crap out of each other. Nessa always told me it wasn't ladylike to fight but I loved fighting with Nate. Especially since if anyone else tried to fight me Nate would get them back some how.
Sometime in the sixth grade is when things changed though. The first time Nate pulled one of those acts I was afraid.
"What if he likes me?" I asked Nessa. "What if he wants me but I don't want him?" oh middle school over-dramatics.
Vanessa snorted, "Like a boy ever would like you. Be real here Tess. He's probably carrying your books cause his mom and dad told him to." I never told her, but that one hurt. Nate was never one to take orders from his parents, especially when it came to me, so why start now?
I didn't ever talk to Nessa about it again. Now that I look back she was probably jealous that her best friend wasn't a well rounded, semi hot, polite boy and mine was.
Nate's gentlemenness started out with small things, he carried my books and picked up stuff if I dropped it but as we grew up so did his actions. he bought me lunches and dinners all the time, drove me when I needed it, he's even pretended to be my boyfriend so a creepy guy that was in love with me in eighth grade would leave me alone. Yeah. Nate's the perfect guy basically. He'd make a great husband for some girl later on but for now he just floats.
He claims that he just hasn't found the right girl and that's why he's all over the place when it comes to that kind of thing. But I think he has commitment issues. I haven't ever seen a guy out flirt Nate. He's constantly trying to get girls into bed that its just second nature now. I think it's funny how he refuses to flirt with Nessa or Morgan just because he knows what they did to me and doesn't approve. It makes them very angry and I love it.
Nate's only had one steady girlfriend, Lily Black. They dated all through our sophomore year and half way through junior year and from what I could gauge, it was a pretty serious relationship. She was one of the popular girls who wore short skirts every day even in January and was constantly hanging on to Nate. To be honest I never liked her, too clingy, but she made Nate happy so I dealt with her. But then the incident happened. Lily and Nate broke up. I wasn't lying when I said the incident changed everything.
*****
“Nate? What are you doing home so early?!” Nates step-mom, Terry, shouts over the roar of the vacuum. Terry is your typical house wife. Shes been married to Nate's dad, Jon, since we were in middle school. Terry is obsessed with keeping their little cottage clean.
Unlike my house, Nate's is small. He hates it but I think its cozy. There's only 3 bed rooms and one bathroom but I love the feel of his house. Its like a little rustic old cabin that's been lived in for centuries. His house feels like its filled with love. My house? More like filled with silver and modern day appliances.
”Rough day.” is all Nate says to Terry. She shuts the vacuum off and straightens out her pink ruffled blouse.
”Everything okay?” her blue eyes fill with concern. He nods then takes my hand and pulls me away. ”If you need anything don't hesitate!” she calls after us. Terry knows about the incident. She knows what shit my family has gone through, but the difference between her and everyone else? Terry's still there for me. Terry still loves me.
I glide, numb, through the corridors of the Weber house to Nate's room. I'm so heart broken, so emotionally drained, that none of this even feels real anymore.
Once we get into his room I plop down on the gray carpet. The walls around me are light blue and the bed spread a navy blue color. There's a dark cherry colored wooden desk in one corner and a matching dresser next to a window. On one wall there is a bulletin board that I covered in pictures of people that he loves and his friend. There's one of us where I'm on his back, we're at the Pennsylvania state fair last summer. Hes holding a cotton candy stick in each hand and I have two multicolored snow cones. The Ferris wheel is spinning in the background and the sun is burning bright. That's my favorite picture ever.
”Remember how later that day JP flipped one of the bumper cars?” he says, watching me eye the picture. I smile at the memory.
“That guy got so confused. Remember how he was yelling at us but we couldn't understand his accent?” I giggle. Relieved that I'm no longer crying anymore Nate plops onto the bed behind me and looks at the white ceiling.
”I don't understand.” he says “What good does it do for them to tell lies and talk shit about you? What're they gaining?”
”When you find out, let me know.” I mumble. He runs his hand through his hair.
”Shit. I forgot to tell Carson and JP I cant bring them home.”
“Call them.” I raise my eyebrows at him.
”Shit. I forgot I can do that.” he says taking out his new phone and dialing JP. “Yo.” he says. I can hear JP's rough growl on the other end of the phone.
”What?” he asks.
”I cant get you after school.” Nate says.
”What the hell. Why not?”
”Something came up.” he eyes me and I roll my eyes and nod, indicating he can tell the boys.
”What is more important than me and Carson?”
”Tess?” Nate questions. I laugh.
”Shit. What happened? Is she okay?” all of a sudden JP's concerned.
”Getting there. Just get Carson and meet us at Mario's after school. I'll explain then.” then he snaps his phone shut before JP can question anymore.
*****
Mario's sounds like an Italian restaurant, and it kind of is. But not really. More like a pizza joint with added french fries. It's only a block away from school so a lot of kids go after school to get pizza and hang out and do homework. Mario's is like the teenage hangout of Westwood. However, JP, Matt, Carson, Nate, and I get special treatment since Nate's grand father owns the joint. We have our own little table tucked into the corner where barely anyone can ever see us. Nate and I basically spend fifty percent of our time here, whether its at our table or behind the counter rolling dough and having shredded cheese fights.
Not only is Mario's great to meet up at but its an awesome party place. Once, before the incident Nate and Nessa teamed up and threw me a giant surprise party at Mario's. There were streamers and balloons everywhere and all of my friends and even a bunch of people I didn't know showed up. Nate's grandpa, Mr. Weber, cooked tons of white pizzas since I hate the sauce and fried up a bunch of french fries. It was the best birthday ever.
Everything was so perfect before the incident.
*****
Watching Carson and JP get upset is scary. I'm used to them always being happy, cracking jokes and stuff. But when Nate tells them about what Vanessa and Morgan said, they both get visibly upset. Carson runs his hands through his dirty blonde hair a couple times.
”If they weren't girls, I'd beat the shit out of them.” He rubs his temples. JP puts his head in his hands, elbows propped on the table.
”I'd put em on a boat and set em out to sea with no sail.” JP mutters. I laugh which makes all three of them give me a weird look. They're probably used to me crying. However, I'm all cried out. Mr. Weber comes around the corner and sets a giant white pizza on our table. He ruffles up Carson's hair and winks at me.
”Miss Tessy, you look marvelous today darling.” he says with a fake Italian accent. I have no idea how I can look good. I just spend a large portion of the day crying.
”Thanks sir,” I smile at him and he crinkles his already wrinkled forehead up.
”Tessy, you've known me since the diaper days yet still call me sir. Youre a stubborn little one.” he winks at me again then turns to JP and Nate's side of the booth. ”Now boys. How in the world did you three end up finding such a good girl to keep you in line?”
”Actually Pop, I have no idea who your talking about. Tess is a girl... but not a good one.” JP cracks up at his own joke, his two hundred pound complexion bouncing and I roll my eyes at him.
”You wont be saying that when she leaves you.” Mr. Weber jokes. I love this guy. ”Anyways. I got word of something.” he looks at each of us then stops on Nate, who groans. Mr. Weber is the town gossip. He gets word of something and theres only fifty percent chance its true. Once he told me that old Mrs. Lexing from down the street was having a baby. It would have been a good thing to know and believe, if Mrs. Lexing wasn't 75 years old at the time.
”What's this word on grandpa?” Nate says, humoring the old guy. I love the way he treats his and my families, with so much respect.
”Rumor has it theres a new family movin' in down the street from Tessy's place. You know that house thats been for sale for ages?” I nod. ”Well apparently theres a little family movin in. With a kid just your age.”
”Our age? Pop why would they pull a kid out of school half way through senior year. That makes no sense.” Carson pulls out the logic, impressive.
Mr. Weber shrugs his shoulders. ”Dunno but theres a reason for everything kids.”
*****
When we were little, Dad took Char and I to a water park. Since Westwood is basically the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania, he decided to make it an over night trip. He packed my sister and I into a car, loaded down with bathing suits, shampoos, and our little blankies. We climbed into the car early Saturday morning and prepared for the two hour drive. When you're in first and third grade two hours is a really long car ride. Mom kissed us both on the forehead while we swung our short legs back and forth with excitement.
”Be good for daddy, girls. He's not used to being alone with the two of you. Love you both bunches.” she said as she closed the car door then kissed dad on the cheek and had a little chat with him.
”You know what that means Tessy?” Char asked. The car remained quiet as she waited for my answer. I didn't know. I actually had no clue. I just stared at her. ”You stupid! That means we can torture Daddy and he wont even know what to do! We can get anything we want out of him!” she exclaims. I still dont know what shes talking about so I just clap along with her and pretend I do so she doesn't get mad. I'll figure it out sooner or later.
Both Charlotte and I slept probably the whole two hour ride but the fun really started when we got there. We convinced Dad to ride every single ride we wanted and we got him to buy us all sorts of junk food that Mom would never allow. It was like being on vacation from carrots and cucumbers. it was great.
The thing is, after Saturday night Char and I stared to miss mom. We missed having both parents to keep us in line. When dad found out why we were upset he packed up the sedan and drove us home right away. I miss it now too, only dad isn't coming back. There is no sedan. No excitement of getting home to both my parents again. It's all gone.