This was the short story that inspired me to write A Girl's Guide to Fairy Tales. It's a Cinderella tale with a twist. It's amazing to see how my writing style changed over the course of a year. Enjoy x
I stared at Olivia in disbelief as I read the poster. ‘You said speed date, not impede date. I’ve spent most of my life in the dark about men...how will a blindfold help me?’
‘It’s not that bad I promise,’ she said at great speed. ‘Besides, it’s the latest thing and I know loads of people who’ve done it. You should face your fears Kate. You know it’s the only way to overcome them.’
All Olivia was missing was a white jacket and a clipboard. ‘Thanks Freud, but this is just too much for me. That,’ I said brandishing a claw like fist, ‘that is what my nightmares are made of!’
I forced myself to look at the poster again.
‘Come on Kate, love is nothing to be scared of?’
On hearing the unmentionable word, my chest sank. I swallowed hard. ‘But it’s a blind date,” I said tripping over my words as they fell from my dry mouth. ‘You don’t find love on a blind date.’
Olivia rubbed my arm encouragingly with the same vigour as you would a pet dog. ‘You won’t find love at all if you don’t stop closing yourself off to absolutely everyone you meet. You need a fresh attitude.’
‘The only fresh thing in my life at the moments is the lavender plug-in I bought two weeks ago and even that’s run out despite promising to last eighty days, so what chance do I have with romance?’
‘Oh you’re such a cynic. Besides forget the lavender as that only enhances sleep. We need something that awakens the woman in you.’
‘And a blind date at Romeo’s Restaurant promises to do just that does it?’ Although I longed for my very own Prince Charming, not even my personal Fairy Godmother could bibbydee bobbydee boo me a man who would want me just the way I was with my uncoordinated limbs, untameable hair and my obsessive need for tidiness and order. So if I didn’t look for him, I would never fail to find him.
My shoulders slumped forwards. ‘Why did I ever agree to come out with you?’
The corners of Olivia’s mouth exploded into a smile as she adjusted my posture like a marionette. ‘Because you couldn’t say no.’
Half an hour ago, as I had knocked on the door to Olivia’s palatial eight floor apartment, I had been blissfully unaware what she had in store for me. Tonight was the first night we both had free and we were in desperate need of a catch up, despite there being nothing new about my way of life.
‘You’re...late,” she enunciated carefully as I stood outside the door catching my breath.
‘Oh don’t pretend to be angry Liv, you know I’m always late,’ I said storming past her to adjust a crooked picture on her wall.
‘Perhaps, but your time would be better spent in Debenhams rather than in the office doing overtime.’ She tapped her perfectly manicured nails on the doorframe.
I ignored her and continued to focus my attention on the gilded frame which wasn’t behaving. When I finally turned around, she hadn’t moved and the door was still wide open.
‘What?”
‘Well, don’t hate me,’ she began and I knew in that instant I was about to. ‘But I’ve kinda arranged for us to go speed dating.’
My eyebrows crumpled, creating lines in my forehead sensible women tried to avoid. ‘What do you mean “kinda”?’
‘Well I have.’
‘You have?’
‘It’s fixed.’
I took a deep breath and repeated the mantra of ‘she’s my best friend’ a few times over. ‘But I’ve come straight from work and so I’m not exactly date material I think you’d agree?’ I tugged the lapel up on my dull grey jacket and pulled the matching skirt to emphasise my point.
‘Trust me, it won’t matter,’ she shouted as she tottered into her bedroom. Moments later Olivia returned cradling a teal shoe box with a pink bow on top. She thrust it into my arms. ‘Wear these and you’ll feel like a princess.’ I lifted the lid and breathed in the brand new shoe smell. ‘They’ll dress up even the most mundane of outfits,’ she added.
‘Hey!’
‘Oh don’t give me that!’ she snapped, taking back the empty box.
Holding them up to the light, I began to survey the contours of the pink satin sling back shoes like a renaissance artist examining the curves of a voluptuous model. They had plush bows on the back and diamonds down the heel. They had to be more expensive than my entire white and grey ensemble put together, but as soon as the shoes slipped comfortably onto my worn out feet, I yielded. I felt a sudden confidence about my exterior. Then, rather hesitantly, I followed Olivia out the door lecturing myself on how confidence came from within and not from a pair of clichéd feminine pink shoes which raised my buttocks ever so slightly.
‘So are you game?’ Olivia asked back in the now as we stood outside the restaurant of doom. The pleading intensity of her eyes seared my conscience and I felt sick.
‘I hate things like this Liv. They’re so degrading and besides, I’m doing really well at work at the moment and am honestly happy to be single,’ I said desperately grabbing the first lie that came to mind. ‘I’m not ready to start looking for someone yet.’ Olivia continued staring at me like a child with no presents on Christmas morning. ‘Oh,’ I moaned, ‘but an actual blindfolded date Liv?
She clapped frantically knowing she’d won. ‘Participants make their judgement on personality and not appearance. Then tomorrow you come back here and introduce yourself properly to the people you got on with most.’
There was a truth I instantly recognised behind the concept. Most, if not all, first impressions were based on appearance. I myself regularly judged the men in the gym who appeared to be all muscle and no brain, men in the library who appeared to be all brain and no muscle and then men in bars and clubs who only ever engaged the brain in their trousers.
I had to stop believing men were only ever Mr Arseys and never Mr Darcys and take a walk in someone else’s more positive shoes...pink satin shoes to be more precise.
Reluctantly, I gave my names to the beautiful woman on the door, who was sophisticatedly dressed in a ruby red wrap-over with her hair tied back in a neat chignon. Relieved to see the glistening band of gold on her finger I leant in towards Olivia and commented how at least our dates wouldn’t regret leaving her to come and talk to us. The woman looked up sharply from her register. I coughed to hide my embarrassment.
‘I met my husband on a blind date three years ago. I was a non-believer too but,’ she wiggled her left hand, ‘never say never.’
‘Oh she’s a believer,’ said Olivia, jabbing me in the ribs. I would have kicked her back if it weren’t for the fear of damaging those beautiful shoes.
Eventually the woman slapped the black blindfolds embroidered with pink love hearts into our hands. ‘Through those doors and into the garden. You’re the last to arrive.’
Olivia turned to me, her eyes sparkling. ‘You see, you shall go to the ball.’
The small courtyard was brimming with pink and red paraphernalia including a multitude of heart shaped metallic balloons, rose petals and cherub shaped bunting. ‘Can I put the blindfold on now please to save the contents of my stomach decorating the floor,’ I said pulling the elastic over my head.
‘Behave yourself Kate,’ Olivia said, unfolding my arms and putting my hands to my side. ‘We’re here now, don’t ruin it.’
Her reproach was enough to silence me and I looked to the other ten women who shared her view that the loves of their lives could literally be just around the corner.
‘So how long does this thing last?’ I asked delicately in an attempt to lift the mood.
‘This “thing” lasts an hour.’
I huffed in agitation. ‘I was just asking.’
As soon as everyone had settled themselves on the splinter infested benches, we were instructed to put on our blindfolds. My body tensed as I was plunged into darkness, becoming even more vulnerable than I already felt. My body instantly began to sway as my senses accustomed themselves and as I gently felt for the table edge to rest my arms, I misjudged it and elbowed my thigh as a result.
My breath was getting heavier as the pace of my heart quickened. My hands were clammy and one of the pink satin shoes tapped the floor rapidly as if it had a mind of its own. However, I managed to force myself into a state of serenity just as the door clicked open and I heard the herd.
Twelve pairs of feet drummed the floorboards as they were guided to their places while we awaited our execution, I mean our introduction. My first Lothario clumsily bashed my knees with his, so I quickly swung my legs to the side, grateful I’d sat on the end. A truly great start.
The buzzer sounded and the frenzy of chatter made my chest flutter as I realised my own voice had to contribute to the mix. Fortunately Simon was happy to do all the talking and only allowed me to say my name before taking the floor, using smooth tones to deliver classic lines such as, ‘I’ve had my fun and now I’m looking for a serious relationship,’ translated as I’ve exhausted other resources so I thought I’d try my luck here and ‘I want someone I can have a real conversation with.’ I could feel the hilarity of his statement taking hold of my insides, which wanted to burst as I envisaged Simon having a deep and meaningful with his shadow - the only thing ever to have been in-sync with him.
By this time, something was really tickling my nose but I couldn’t quite place the source. Ignoring it, I continued to use the special filter, that was exclusive to people with two x chromosomes, and sifted out the rest of Simon’s bullshit.
If my eyes hadn’t been closed, Simon’s spiel about believing in ‘love at first sight’ and thinking there was ‘someone in this world for everyone’, would have worked just as well as a general anaesthetic. I stifled a yawn but immediately the tickling in my nose turned into a sharp pain that wedged itself behind my eyes. It was only when the buzzer sounded that I realised I’d overdosed on his aftershave. I hurriedly bid Simon farewell, albeit in a choked and teary manner, which unfortunately made me sound love struck.
The next few dates had an air of Groundhog Day about them as Ben announced he always cried at the Green Mile, Jack who said I had a sexy voice and Tony who invited me out for another drink straight after the blind date, despite saying the same thing to Olivia five minutes earlier.
Mark spent the entire time talking loudly to his accountant on the phone, Gary talked over me, even when I was answering a question he’d just asked, and Phil proceeded to tell me it was a miracle he was even out of bed seeing as the divorce had only just come through.
The numb feeling, which had begun in my arms and legs, now pervaded my brain transforming words into a series of drones. And now I began to count the seconds until I met the next man who would threaten my sanity.
I could almost hear the ‘I told you so’ I would sing to Olivia as I dragged her home. I longed to bolt for the door right then but there was one man left to go and I was determined to finish. I took a deep breath and didn’t even wait for the buzzer.
‘Right, well my name is Kate, I don’t like sentimental rubbish, I don’t swoon, flowers should be kept in the garden, I’m not perfect which no woman is by the way and the only way I’ll ever be swept off my feet is if you physically take a sweeping brush and hit me with it.’
I clapped my hand to my mouth before I gave myself a hernia and took a desperately needed breath. My cheeks flushed with heat as I registered the tirade of abuse I’d hurled at the innocent man sitting opposite me. His silence spoke volumes and I cupped my head in my hands to mourn the loss of my dignity. But then a low-toned, resonant voice spoke calmly back at me.
‘My name is Joseph, sentimentality can be a good thing if it’s not rubbish, swooning was left behind in the 17th Century, I’m allergic to flowers and four types of tree pollen to be precise, perfect is boring, violence against women is unacceptable and your honesty is refreshing Kate.’
I sat bolt upright and laughed so hard, my abdominals felt like they’d done a thirty-minute work-out. ‘I really am so sorry, I honestly don’t know what came over me,’ I said catching my breath.
‘Don’t worry Kate, it’s blind date fever and very common in these parts.’
I laughed again, enjoying the way he lengthened my monosyllabic name.
‘You haven’t been having fun here tonight have you?’ he said with confidence.
‘Am I that transparent?’
‘I wouldn’t really know as I can’t see you but that’s certainly the first time I’ve heard your laugh all evening and it’s infectious,’ he said adding his own gently chuckle to the mix.
My mouth peeked at each corner into a wide smile. ‘Well I hope it’s not infectious as date fever.’
‘I’ll be honest, I had thought I was coming down with something, but I’m in recovery now.’
I knew he was smiling at me and instinctively I wanted to be nearer. I pulled myself forwards and felt his hand brush against mine. An electric butterfly flapped haphazardly across the top of my neck. I’d never felt anything quite like it.
Holding on to the sensation, we chatted a lot about nothing, a very easy enjoyable nothing and it wasn’t long before I was itching to whip my blindfold off to see the face of the man whose voice and manner was melting away my scepticism. But before I could break the rules, the buzzer sounded. ‘No way, that wasn’t five minutes,’ I protested.
Laughing gently once again, Joseph found my hand, clasped it in his and shook it softly. ‘Until tomorrow then Kate.’
‘Until tomorrow,’ I repeated automatically. I forced myself to unclasp my fingers from around his and soon all the men had been marched off as if they’d been here on a prison visit. But I was the one left feeling robbed.
The next twenty-four hours were like trundling through treacle. As always time played her fickle self and held back the moment I couldn’t wait for. But she couldn’t hold it forever and soon I was leaving for Romeo’s Restaurant to meet Joseph properly.
But within half an hour my smile had vanished. Not being able to bear the embarrassment, I’d left the restaurant and dialled Olivia’s number as soon as I got home. It was bad enough that Joseph hadn’t turned up but what made things worse was I was crying about it. I hardly ever cried and I certainly never cried over men.
‘You know I heard on the news about an accident on the edge of town. He could be caught in the traffic,’ she reassured me.
I ignored her. ‘I really let my guard down but Joseph was all words like the rest of them.’
‘Why don’t you come over?’
I shook my head frantically – an empty gesture as she couldn’t see it. ‘Thanks but I think I’ll just stay in tonight and mope if that’s okay?’
‘Sure sweetie. I’ll speak to you soon.’
‘Thanks.’ With that I hung up. I would see Olivia tomorrow and everything would be as it had been before I met Joseph. I wouldn’t allow myself the memory of this evening. Wait, copious amounts of alcohol wouldn’t allow me the memory of this evening. However, before the wine, there had to be the intrinsic tub of Ben and Jerry’s.
‘Crap,’ I spat, slamming the freezer door. It was only now that I recalled consuming the last of the ice cream during the last bout of Olivia’s male related anguish.
I changed into a more comfortable ensemble of jeans and a t-shirt, forgetting the woman I’d tried to be in the little black dress and became the woman I usually was. I pulled the pins from my hair and let it fall wildly about my shoulders. Armed with my purse, I began looking frantically for a pair of shoes. Olivia’s pink satin sling backs were the first I found. They would do.
I stormed to the corner shop looking slightly bizarre in my attire but as always, I didn’t really care. I went straight to the frozen section and pressed my hands to the glass as I scanned the various brands of ice cream before finding the Strawberry Cheesecake I longed for.
As I closed the freezer door I noticed the reflection of the man standing beside me. He looked at me and then at my feet with a puzzled expression. Ignoring him, I quickly made for the checkout but when I looked back he was staring longingly at my shoes. Although moderately good looking, even I wouldn’t date someone with a shoe fetish.
Then he spoke. ‘Kate?’ the stranger asked.
The tone was low and my name miraculously longer than it should be. The electric butterfly flapped its familiar wings and soon my brain soon caught up with my body.
‘It’s me Joseph,’ he said with his lips widening into a huge smile. My heart began to dance and my face mirroring his as he walked towards me. ‘I can’t believe my luck – perhaps it’s fate,’ he continued urgently. ‘I was delayed in this huge pile up at the edge of town for about an hour and when I got to Romeo’s they said you’d just left. Thought I’d pop in here to find a takeaway for one,’ he said, brandishing a frozen pizza.
I shook my head, trying desperately to form some words of my own. ‘But...but how did you know it was me? You never saw what I looked like.’
Joseph lowered his head to stare at my feet once more. ‘Last night I tried to cheat by removing my blindfold but all I could see was your pink shoe sticking out at the side of the table and –’
Before he could finish his sentence I stood on the tips of my toes in those glorious shoes and kissed him. His lips were soft but his kiss was firm. I pulled him in closer feeling the weight of his chest against my own before forcing myself to release him.
His eyes smiled as he brushed my hair out of my face, holding my cheeks in his hands. ‘You look exactly as I pictured you,’ he sighed.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’re beautiful.’
I grinned bashfully at the comment, my chin tucking itself into my chest.
Placing his forefinger to my lips, he guided my eyes back in line with his. ‘My name is Joseph Wilkes officially.’
‘Kate Gardner,’ I whispered. ‘A pleasure to meet you.’
‘Oh no, the pleasure is all mine.’
His lips found mine for the second time, the sensation even more wondrous than the first time. And that is how we kissed and met – and kissed again.